Chasing Forever (8 page)

“Tonight’s your lucky night,” I said as I finished my whiskey and slammed the glass back down, cocking my head towards the opposite side of the room where my heart remained. Beating.
Flirting
. And having a bloody mother-fucking ball of a good time.

Chapter 11

Lucy

“You came!” Chad exclaimed the second he spotted Toby, beaming sexily as he introduced the woman next to him. Toby seemed to be familiar with her from the way he looked at her and how she reacted with him. It didn’t leave warm fuzzy feelings in the pit of my stomach when I witnessed Chad giving her a warm embrace.

I sat ramrod straight, tensed and observant at how they were together. Well, I was keener on his pretty companion, also wondering when and how she
had come into the picture. She was cute.
Okay, maybe more than cute
. A little too pretty perhaps? Rubbish. Who was I fooling? I sure couldn’t fool myself into thinking that I wasn’t feeling any jealousy towards his date tonight because, as much as I hated to admit it, I was furious that he had brought someone, knowing I was going to be here. Or maybe Chad hadn’t mentioned that I was joining him tonight? It didn’t matter. Even if he had or hadn’t known, he should’ve at least considered it.

When he
had come by that night, telling me that he wanted us to be friends, I had thought that he couldn’t have meant it. After all, he’d been trying to mend things with me for over a year now, so I had barely taken his words seriously.
But,
now that I saw how freely he had moved along, it made me feel nauseous.

Moving on towards a better and brighter future was the objective
, however apparently my heart had a hard time following directions. I loved him, yet the breach between us couldn’t be fixed. I wanted him, but my hurt was too profoundly pained to even consider anything remotely close to having him in my life. Even as a friend or as a lover with no strings attached.

And yes,
I had considered that route… several times over. Why had I thought of it? Easy, because I was going out of my mind.

Was it wrong that I even contemplated being his mistress for a blazing second?
Sure, b
ut that was all it was, thoughts… and nothing sprouted out of it. It was selfish thinking, and I didn’t deny that for a second. I wished I could easily say that I wanted him to be genuinely happy without me, but I couldn’t. Even after Rome, when I had decided to free him to finally make Amelia his wife in all sense of the word, in the back of my mind, I had wretchedly wished that he’d pine for me. It was true what Chad said about me—that I was a selfish bitch, only protecting myself first and foremost.

On the outside, my intentions looked honorable…
reasonable, but on the inside, I could conjure all the evilness without rhyme or reason. I was a walking contradiction, and I would be the first to admit that being so wasn’t an easy feat.

I knew that my love—though this was the grandest I had ever felt with anyone—had stipulations.
Even with this said love I had for him, I supposed it wasn’t enough for me to throw caution to the wind and not care about anything else other than him.

My love had a limit.
Sadly.

Toby Watson could be the greatest regret of my life.
However, even after acknowledging that fact, I still wasn’t going to do anything to change it.

Back in my present dilemma, I pretended to look about me, ears
tuned to their conversation, but the loud natter made it impossible to eavesdrop. When my body started to prickle like there was some sort of force field vying and demanding my attention, I knew with everything in me that his eyes were on me. For the love of everything that was holy, though, I couldn’t fathom matching his gaze. With my heart and body battling against my mind, I felt like I was being pulled in three directions.

My stubbornness put
to a halt all my inner commotion as I gradually bit the side of my left cheek, focusing on the pain of my teeth sinking into the soft, sensitive skin. That was how I coped. How I fought my need for him until I became unyielding. From digging my nail into my skin to biting my tongue—anything to divert myself from the actual searing pain my heart was going through.

Fighting with
your own heart could be the worst thing anyone could ever go through—apart from dying, I supposed. Sometimes, I caught myself becoming this rigid, bitter person. I would hide away from the world, shutting myself in my home, trying to regroup and find the woman that used to be me—before things had gotten out of hand. Most of the time, I found her. And the times I didn’t, I prolonged my wallowing, slowly hating myself for being the way I was.

Seconds ticked
by as I held my breath, hoping he’d direct his gaze somewhere else. It took him about a minute to do it. Closing my eyes for a moment, I let out a sigh of relief, praying that tonight was going to be fine, that I wasn’t going to go home at the end of the night and cry myself to sleep. I hadn’t done that in a few days…

“Lucy, get your ass in here!” Chad waved at me.

Caught in the middle, I begrudgingly stood up and made my way towards them. My mood only drifted further south when the woman up close became even more captivating. Were her eyes blue or purple? I scowled, fighting the need to hurl words at Toby.

“This is Ava, Toby’s cousin.” Chad gave me that look—raised brow and all—as if he already knew what I’d been thinking.

.
His bloody cousin?
Well, that was… unexpected. I knew Ava from his stories or when he would mention their conversations once in awhile. I had never met her. Now that I had, her angelic, almost too perfect face perplexed me. It left me with an impression that she might be the most gorgeous woman I had ever met—Sienna came close.

“This is Lucy, your cousin’s
former
other half.”
Way to go with the blasted parade, Chad.

Masking my annoyance, I greeted Ava. “I used to hear great things about you.”

She smiled, warm and welcoming. “As did I. Toby endlessly speaks of you.”

My, I wondered what else she knew…

Brushing Toby a quick glance, he politely addressed me with a warm but distant kind of smile. “Good to see you again, Lucy.”

“Toby.” I made an effort to
smile, yet it somehow turned out to look pained.

Chad with all his mighty brillian
ce as well as his other, less brilliant qualities—like pushing my buttons—knew when to dive in and save me from what might have been an awkward moment of epic proportions. Animated, he directed all attention on him as he made a joke, including everyone around him.

An hour passed and Ava turned out to be such a nice woman.
A rarity at best. She also seemed eager to be friends, so when she requested my number before leaving, I didn’t even hesitate to give it to her.

Everyone seemed to be in
such good spirits that most of them decided to stay awhile and opted out of heading over to a new club opening. The bar’s house and current pop music suited them quite fine.

Finishing my sixth champagne glass, I was licking
my bottom lip before biting it when Toby reappeared before me.

“Dance with me
?”

I looked him in the eye then to his outstretched hand before declining his offer. “I don’t think that’s a great idea, Toby.” Bitchy wasn’t the tone I was aiming for
, however it came out that way anyway.

Unabashed, he kept on testing my limit. “Come on, Lucy. Just this once, that’s all I ask. I won’t ask you for anything
else from now on…” His words were soft, but his eyes told me a different story. There was something about him that was different. I couldn’t particularly pinpoint what it was, though.

Licking my lips
again, I tried to reason with him. “It won’t feel right.” Or maybe it would feel
so
right that it would be wrong in an inordinate amount of ways. Apart from him, I could brave it out and fight him with all my might, but with him close—dancing tremendously close—I wouldn’t have much power to battle him along with my body at the same time. Always, I inevitably turned into a wavering mess.

Still not convinced, he stood his ground, knowing the precise words to use to trigger
a reaction from me. “I beg of you, for the last time, dance with me?”

There was something about the way he said those words, especially the way
for the last time
sounded. It was as if he was telling me that this was it. That
this
dance would be the last time he’d come for me. That he, too, was moving on. I supposed I could give in to his request and dance with him… for the last time.

Clearing the lump in my throat, I stood up and lightly covered his hand with mine. “Fine, lead the way.” The first brush
of contact against his skin set a fevered alarm all over me, making me clench the muscles of my sex-hungered channel.

His warm hand didn’t put much pressure around mine. It didn’t feel secure as he held it loosely, guiding us a few feet away from where we were sitting in a corner that had white
, leather-tufted walls.

Smoothly, he spun me with my back facing him before I felt him behind me
, his hand touching the side of my hip. My body was a heated, quivering mess of explosion. No matter how hard I tried to stare at the stylish walls before me to make the feeling go away, it only intensified it.

What bothered me m
ore was the fact that he wasn’t all over me. Why was that? The guy in Rome hadn’t even given me five minutes until he had ravished my lips. Seven minutes to get me writhing underneath him. Nine minutes to get me moaning and panting his name. So again, why wasn’t he taking advantage of this opportunity?

“Stop. Thinking.” He gripped the side of my hip
, fingertips gently digging into my skin as I felt him pull me back against the hardness of his chest.

My fuck…
the ice around me was thinning. The longer he held me like this, the less effective my shield became. Was he going to be this close until the music changed? Because maybe by then I would be soaked with wetness… and heaven forbid if that ever happened. I didn’t think I could forgive myself if the night became a repeat of how thoughtless I had been that night in Rome.

Biting my lip, I moved my head sideways, needing to speak to him
, but I stopped short when I felt his hot breath mere inches away from my mouth. For the love of Christ… I inwardly groaned at my overexcited hormones. “I don’t feel comfortable…
too close
,” I breathed out just enough for him to hear me.

“That’s a problem
, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Yes
, it is.”

“Let’s fix that
, shall we?” His arm roughly tugged me, pressing me harder against him while his limb held me hostage. “There. Doesn’t that feel much better, darling?”

Blasted. Arrogant. Self-serving prick. “Are you purposely trying to provoke me?” I fumed as I tried to wrench his hand away
, however he was too strong. It didn’t even budge, only furthering my frustration.

“Rest assured, I won’t try anything that will make you run the opposite way,” he whispered against my ear
. “I promise.”

Unknowingly releasing a sigh, I nodded, trusting his words as I closed my eyes and basked in his warmth, the exquisite feel of his body against mine, and the sensation of just being
this
close to him…

This was it. I felt it with every fiber in me
—with every rampant beat of my heart—that he was letting me go. It was daunting—scary even—to know that I wouldn’t have him always hovering in the background and trying to win me back. It broke my heart all over again. Then again, my heart had never truly stopped breaking, had it?

Well
, as questions went, I had never expected what came out of his mouth next.

“How have you been, Lucy? We haven’t really spoken after things fell through.” He spoke into my ear, making sure that I could fully hear him. The deep timber of his voice sound
ed like a caress, placing me in a state of severe sensual awareness. Damn. Him.

It was hard to consider his question when the only thing my mind could process was illicit thoughts. “I’m…” I trailed off, not sure what to say next. I was what?
Fine? Devastated? Scared? Shaken with despair, and yet, beyond inconceivably horny? “Never been better,” I finished, blushing profusely. Thank heavens he couldn’t see though my lies.

“I like your new look. The make-up, the dress,
the stylish hair…
” He insinuated with a compliment. “Troy approves?”

Troy.
And my endless trail of lies…
“Indeed, he loves it,” I confidently said, not hesitating for a second. Hell, I was in too deep in my own web of deceit. I was sure Troy would understand if the situation arose and I needed to fully explain and justify myself.

“Lovely. I’m sure he does
,” he breathed out, sending hot tingles around my neck… and everywhere else.

My lips parted to say a snide reply when he roughly thrust my arse against his over excited sex. A loud moan escaped from my lips upon impact of his body. My fuck
, was he trying to kill me with sexual frustration? It didn’t help that I was imaging how it would feel to have him drive into me, inching slowly in until his shaft was fully situated inside…
filling my slicked walls…