Chasing Forever (6 page)

Chapter 8

Toby

“You ought to celebrate your impending freedom
, mate,” Clive Barrington said as he handed me a glass of cognac.

Impending freedom…
was still just impending. God only knew how long this could take now that she was out for blood.

Taking the glass, I
drank a couple of gulps, finishing it like it was water before I studied the reflection of the lighting on the glass. There I sat, thinking that I could be very much fucked from here on out if she were to go public with this information. All the while, Clive was somewhat rambling about marriage and so forth when I heard him say, “My cousin should’ve stopped that rubbish from coming. You weren’t fucking thinking—all you cared about was the good shagging.”

Yeah, this man was surely related to Knightly
, although they were opposites. One liked the media while the other stayed out of it. One was light, the other dark. Both contrasted in so many things, and most of the time, they bickered like old ladies; but I knew, deep down, even with the competitive streak these two had going, they cared deeply for one another.

Clive was a couple years older than us,
however the age sure didn’t stop everyone from comparing him to his magnetic cousin. He was living in the shadow of his kin, and deep down, I knew he resented Knightly for being so perfect all the time.

Knightly sure as fuck wasn’t a saint—
more like a devil incarnate if you were opposed to him. Apart from that, he did come close to the word perfect. The man excelled in everything. Surely one couldn’t hate on a man like that, could they? Unfortunately, yes; there were quite a few who hated him for just that reason. I wasn’t one of them, but sometimes I worried that he might just make the wrong kinds of enemies—ones that would inflict not only financial pain but personal as well. I prayed that it wouldn’t come to that because I would not even think twice about putting my life on the line to save his. He had been there for me through thick and thin, and would I gladly pay that back with gratuity.

“…
hate this rubbish…” Clive trailed off, looking depleted.

“What’s rubbish?” I managed to ask, though I was far from interested. The man
had called me earlier to catch up and drink at a private club somewhere in Chelsea, and since Knightly had been gone awhile, I’d missed having a chat with someone. Sure Chad was there, but he was more of a girl than a man—though a man couldn’t look man enough as Chad went. So, yeah, he would connect more with Lucy or Sienna when it came to gushy bits and all those talks about clothes, male models, his thrilling sex life, and the lot. I hadn’t a clue about that, which forced me to accept Clive’s invitation because I needed some sanity back.

“You know, when you’re ready to be in a committed relationship and it never happens? I think the universe has some twisted conspiracy to fuck me good in the arse,” he muttered, completely ticked off.

“Universe. Right.” I shook my head, thinking that this bloke had finally lost it. It was safe to think that this man might probably have been in worse mental shape than I was.

Nodding towards the oncoming waitress for another glass, I muttered under my breath
, “Maybe you’re bound for twosomes for the rest of your life. Don’t count yourself unlucky, you bastard.” He had gone on for years with two women by his side, so why was he being so whiny?

He snorted before grabbing the nearest bottle of champagne that was chilling in the silver bucket and
taking a quick swig at it. “I liked her too much, yeah.” He paused, deep in thought, brows furrowing. “Too fucking much.”

“Who?” I had no idea th
e bastard had been interested in one particular woman. I mean, he sure was with women all the goddamn time, but to be so gutted by
one
woman? It was unheard of.

“Stella…” he said the name as if it was hurting him to say it. “Stella von Berg.”

Stella…
oh, right. “The lonesome heiress.” I met her once a couple of years back in one of those social gatherings. She was gorgeous, but she was somewhat of a shy type. I’d had no idea that Clive liked the shy types. “She declined your ravishing advances? She must be nuts,” I mused. His forlorn face made me feel for the damn prick. Fuck. He sure was truly gutted.

“No point really. She was married to Callum Kensington. Had no idea then—stupid bastard. Why the fuck was he so fucking lucky? Not like he wasn’t a blasted horny fucker like the rest of us! I doubt he even likes her that much. Bet he kept her to spite me all these years. Stupid cunt.”

Callum Kensington was the man he was up against?
Yeah…
“Good luck with that, mate. Kensington is a tough opponent.” It was best to let go of that dream.

He raked a hand
through his hair, tugging it. He looked like he was at war with himself. “She’s a good girl. She deserves to be happy, and that cunt makes her happy, I guess.”

It was g
ood that he was coming to his senses. The last thing we needed was to save him from his rotten unrequited love. Knightly didn’t need to have to go and protect his cousin by having a go at it with Kensington. If that day ever came, I was sure the stocks would probably plummet a tad, and we didn’t want people losing money. Especially not since I had just started my firm. That would be quite the bad luck.

+++

The next day, I was surprised when Chad announced that we were having lunch with Lucy.

I had missed her
tremendously, however I wasn’t sure if I could face her at the moment. Lucy was the only person in the world I was scared of, and with good reason. She had the capability of breaking me in two with her mean words alone. I needed a couple of more weeks until I could face her without having a problem with my pretend mask slipping off. I needed to learn how to fight this hunger I had for her. It didn’t help that, each time I saw her, I wanted to ravish her on the spot. I was sure she wouldn’t welcome that.

“I’m quite busy at the moment. You guys go right along without me.” I focused my attention back on the screen before me, but when I heard Chad clear his throat with his fingers tapping on my desk, I looked up and gave him a patient expression. “Yes?”

“You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.”

Right on. “Good to know. Anything else, Chad?”

He pouted like a petulant child with great persistence. “You’ve been cranky for the entire day. She might lighten your mood.”

“Well, didn’t it ever occur to you that
she
might be the cause of why I’m cranky right now?” Let’s face it. I was a miserable fool. The whole divorce battle with Amelia was not progressing as I would’ve liked, and knowing Lucy was in love with another man… neither was a sure recipe for pure bliss.

He blew out a breath. “God—you need to go jackoff or something!”

“Still ineffective.”

“Seriously?”

I shrugged. “So will you leave me alone now?”

“Fuck that
. Maybe I could convince her to sleep with you. Would you like that?” he teased, winking.

Chad was a b
it mad, but still… just the thought of having her for a night had already gotten my blood roaring. The tightening of my pants sure didn’t help, either.

“I’ll see you later
, mate.”

Chad sighed, knowing that I wasn’t going to be convinced. “Fine. But I’m inviting her out to party with me tonight
. Up to you if you want to tag along, beeotch.”

Last year, I used to find it amusing that Chad used these sorts of tactics
on Blake to get Sienna back. Now that he was doing the same thing with me, I wasn’t quite sure if I liked it at all.

Chapter 9

Lucy

“I think I need to go on a mission to get Toby laid.”

The melon and prosciutto were halfway
to my mouth when I froze after he’d dropped that bomb. Had I heard him right? “I beg your pardon?”

He smiled brightly at me. “He’s been so moody. I think the poor baby needs some good lovin’.”

Clearing my throat, I reached out for the chilled water and took a lengthy sip. “And you know this because…?”

“Hey, it’s been a while for him. He told me so—sort of.”

“Huh.” They were that close? Good on them… but his sex life? I wasn’t aware that Toby was forthcoming about his sexual endeavors.

I was about to take another bite of my antipasto when I noticed that he was silent, not eating at all
. He just kept staring at me. “What? Is something the matter?”

“It is a
matter
of pleasure.” He cleared his throat. “I think you guys need to hook-up. Even just for one last fuck. You know, release all that anger and tension in quick thrusts and orgasms.”

“Have you gone bloody mad?”

“Nah.” He thought a moment before shaking his head entirely. “I don’t think so. Why?” he blinked those dark, sooty lashes at me.

What? Gah, this bugger was about to give my heart convulsions. “Why? You know bloody why! He might think that we’d get back together again
. Besides, things are quite complicated as it is. Add sex in it, and it just doesn’t make sense.”

“Lucy
, I love you. I fucking do. But I also remember hearing your screams in the bedroom. When was the last time someone rocked you that well?”

Not since Rome
. “You’re crazy.” Like I would consider it. Chad was being silly. “Did he put you up to this?”

“Yeah
, right. I think he’d more likely bang someone random, anyway,” he said thoughtfully, making me slightly aggravated. “Not like you care about that.”

I sure did, but I wasn’t going to admit it. While Chad was now jumping subjects to Sienna and Blake’s return tomorrow, I was left with my damning thoughts…
Toby with another woman. Surely after his divorce, he wouldn’t be single for long.

Toby was sinfully gorgeous
with a lean, sculpted physique that held grace and elegance. He was eloquent and had impeccable manners to a T. He was also not only brilliant in finance, he was an amazing lover. Add the fact that he had the filthiest mouth during sex only drove me crazier about him.

Yeah, he wouldn’t be single for long.

After my lunch with Chad, and since I didn’t have any classes for the rest of the day, I randomly took a chance at spontaneity when I walked past a salon. Since I was bent on starting over, the stylist didn’t have to convince me that hard to chop some of my locks off. Since Toby used to like my hair so much, I thought it best to let go of him—his memories—one at a time.

That night, I met up with Chad and a few of his artsy buddies in South Kensington for drinks then later on dancing somewhere close by. The bar lounge was medium sized compared to most places I was accustomed to, but I suppose
d with all the eclectic paintings on the wall, it made sense to have a cozier feel to the place. The red, leather sofas that were scattered about in different angles gave it an edge. Add the corset-wearing waitresses with winged black eyeliner on their eyes, and it certainly made quite the impression for folks that were plain and boring like I was. The air was lively, the chatters were loud and people were having a nice evening.

After dipping my nose from one book to the other, it was nice to be out and feed off other people
s’ energies. Even if I felt like death inside, it was an amazing feeling to be surrounded by laughter and positivity.

Well, it was
all positive up until I saw one of Chad’s gay friends start to get touchy with his arm. After being introduced to his friends, I tugged him to the side, whispering into his ear, “You’re married; you shouldn’t act like you’re still single and available.”

He grinned at me, looking tipsy as he pinched my cheek. “Baby, you got nothin’ to worry about
with me. I’m good,” he said before he squinted his eyes, frowning. “Something’s different with you…”

If he hadn’t noticed my hair, yeah, he sure was drunk. “New hair,” I said
self-consciously as I touched the ends of my perfectly bouncy, blow-dried do.

His eyes bulged out, shocked. “Oh
, fuck, you chopped it off! Well, most of it—
wow
.” He licked his bottom lip while his eyes roamed my new style; more awake compared to a minute ago. “You look fantastic,” he gushed then took hold of my hand and made me do a small twirl.

I was pleased that I
had finally had the guts to give myself a new look. I felt different—like I had been reborn and I could be whoever I wanted to be—and not the broken woman who was failing to see that there was a future beyond heartache.

Four champagne flutes later, I was more comfortable in my own skin as I joined in the
sexual jokes with Chad and his friends. The things that gay men talked about made women and their sex talk over lunch seem pretty tame.

“I don’t think tea-bagging’s disgusting,” said Braun, the trendy editor
at one of the infamous gossip rags in England. “I’m sure it’s like suckling boobs—soft and smooth, deliciously warm and comes in different sizes.”

“Like you’d know anything about tits,” Chad chirped in. “What
ya think, babe? Since you have breasts and all?”

I blanched
, almost choking on my fifth champagne serving. “Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I haven’t done the whole girl on girl thing, or tea-bagging.” I smiled cheerfully, shrugging before taking another sip.

After the
hows
and
whys
, each and every one of them put in their two cents and gave me graphic descriptions of how to make your man happy and sated. Arguing with them that I didn’t have a man to tea-bag with was a moot point, so I listened and took a mental note of everything they told me.

Before Toby, I
had only had one sexual partner, a guy from high school who I dated for six months. His name was Oliver and he had no idea how to roam about a woman’s body. His lovemaking had been nothing spectacular, although he’d made up for it by being an amazing kisser and he had never forgotten to bring me coffee every morning. Even though there were perks of having him as my boyfriend, I couldn’t go on being with him and having to deal with restraining myself from screaming my boredom during intercourse.

So after Oliver, I hadn’t considered myself a sexual woman. I mean, everyone
had been raving over how great and amazing it was, but I had been left unconvinced. Unsatisfied.

I became one of those women who thought sex was overrated. I
had thought about nuns and how they’d joined the convent, probably after they’d encountered the same problems as I had. If one had an uneventful experience such as that, they would’ve been just as convinced as I that they didn’t need it as a part of their lifestyle. It was not that I’d hated sex, but it had only amplified how bored I was with everything related to Oliver. So when Toby had come along and brought about all of my mega crushing on him, I had never thought sex with him would be anything other than exciting. He had proved me wrong—for five days straight.

Thinking back on how he and I
had begun brought a sad smile to my face. Even drunk, there was no means of escaping him. My heart ached as I recalled how things had blossomed and unfolded between us.

Dinner in Chinatown had never been that memorable, until now. Toby sat across from me, looking relaxed as he leaned against his chair, noticing everything I did. His heavy scrutiny had put me at the edge of my seat. Though there were other people around us, it was only him I could see and focus on. The man seemed to possess the power to enchant me, inducing all of my senses to only heighten my awareness of him—and the penetrating way he was studying at me…

It didn’t feel intrusive. It wasn’t the kind of look that seemed
like he was undressing me; it was more than that. Though we weren’t touching, through his eyes, I felt our palpable connection. Even from across the table, one sweep of his gaze completely electrified me. I felt the electricity enter my bones, shooting sparks of fire all over my body.

For a while, we vaguely discussed school and how tough it
had been this semester. Although a couple times I asked him about his parents, he always shifted to a different subject. He’d answer my questions, but he wouldn’t go into detail about them. So I was left even more interested in him.

He was blatant and yet he had his way of being shy
, like when he caught me staring at him. He didn’t blush, however he was well aware of what I was doing, so he kept clearing his throat. I wasn’t sure if he was uncomfortable that I was ogling him. Maybe he didn’t like how interested I was with him. Either way, I couldn’t help myself. It was his fault that I found him mesmerizing, like how his lips would curl into a smile or how his eyes would crinkle when he thought something was funny. I took it all in like a lovesick puppy.

I remembered thinking that
, if this was the one and only time I had—this chance with him—I’d rather savor every second of it. I wasn’t going to hold back. So when our food arrived, I had to force myself to eat, hoping this minor distraction would help me focus on getting to know him better instead of gawking at him.

At first, we
just quietly started eating. Though, when he opened the subject about movies, it got the ball rolling, so to speak. I found out that he was a fan of
Godfather,
and yet, he also appreciated movies like
Schindler’s List
and
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
. We obviously had tons in common. Therefore, during the course of another hour, we chatted about anything and everything.

I was saddened when we had to leave the restaurant and dr
ive back to my apartment in Covent Garden. We were both silent the entire way, left with our own thoughts, reflecting on how dinner had gone. The journey back left me uneasy. I was bombarded with my insecurities, thinking that since he hadn’t said a thing that he regretted taking me out.

Dark with my own thoughts, I consoled myself, saying things in my head
such as I probably wasn’t popular enough, not gorgeous enough to fit the bill of being welcomed in his circle, or maybe it wasn’t about me or my physical attributes, and he had taken me out because he’d simply felt sorry for me.

Naturally, I was a feisty kind of woman.
However, for the first time, I thought it better to keep my mouth shut and not question him about anything in case he wanted to leave immediately and didn’t want to waste another pathetic breath on me. I wasn’t angry, per se… maybe frustrated that I simply didn’t have the gall to ask him to date me. I was a woman of pride, and if he rejected me, my ego would forever be broken.

Looking outside through the window, I knew my flat was going to come up soon and he’d leave. I told myself that I was going to be gracious when I sa
id my goodbyes. So when he parked right outside the building, I was surprised that he came out of the car and strode over to my side to open the door for me.

My heart felt like it was stuck in my throat. I was tense, nervous and sensitive to everything around me. My senses went erratic when our eyes connected for a mere second as I slid off the seat. Fumbling with my tote for my keys, I took hold of it and let my thumb chip on the hard
, cold ridges as I contemplated what to do next.

Since he wasn’t talking still, I thought it obvious that there was nothing to come out of this. It was naïve of me to think that he might look at me differently—see me as I saw
him, stripped from any artifice right down to the real person within. Power, money and heart-stopping good looks were enticing to anyone with eyesight. What person wouldn’t want those? I saw past that, though. Past his disarming smiles was a man with a pure heart and good intentions, and as hard as I yearned for him, my willpower alone couldn’t get him to be attracted to me.

So with my brave face on, I smiled even though his silent rejection was hurting me inside. “It was very kind of you to take me out tonight. I guess I’ll be seeing you in school.” I made another super-thrilled-even-though-it-hurts kind of smile. “Thank you, Toby.”

He frowned for a second before I made a goodbye nod and spun around, slowly walking towards the building entrance with shaky legs. Again, much to my surprise, I felt him follow me.

My dampened mood instantly took a different turn. My pathetic
, internal wallowing vanished. They were instantly replaced with provoking thoughts of him and I having sex in a bed, and there was no stopping it. I didn’t want to come off as an easy lay, but I was going out of my mind for this guy.

For a long time
, I had secretly wanted him, and now that this might be the opportunity to further that need, I just might push my luck tonight. I mean, desperate women always used sex as a weapon. I wasn’t a fan of Anne Boleyn, yet I sure wouldn’t judge women who desired a man more than life itself. Because I was at the tipping point, and if sex was the only way to finally have him notice me, then why the hell not?