Chasing Forever (5 page)

Wow.
He had even managed to say those things to me as if he was reciting a cooking recipe—with a complete lack of emotion. Was my mouth parted? Yep. Was I in shock? You bet.

So he was on a mission of building friendships. Good on him. Truly. But could I come up with the courage to see him as such? I had no idea. If this
was his way of extending an olive branch, then I would gladly take it. I had wronged him over and over again; it was the least I could do.

“I would like that very much.”

He smiled wanly at me. “Goodnight, Lucy.”

I barely gave him a nod before I watched him disappear, walking towards the dimly lit street without looking back.

Could I really be friends with a man who unknowingly had my heart? How long could I carry on pretending that I was in love with Troy when it was Toby I was so madly in love with?

I ha
dn’t a clue, but I was going to give it a try. Who knew? Maybe this was the answer I needed after all these months in order to start over again.

Chapter 7

Toby

She hadn’t been lying. She truly was in love with him. I had waited outside for an hour after I had found out that she wasn’t in her flat. Her locks hadn’t changed, and I used the key I had been given before she and I had broken it off. She’d never asked for it back, and I had no intentions of returning it.

I had patiently waited
for her as I recalled what had happened in my place hours before. When she had said she was sorry, it had taken everything in me not to lash out at her because, when she’d said those words, it had felt like she regretted everything about us. It was as if she had been saying sorry for what had transpired in Rome, and I couldn’t fathom that. I had been so consumed with my suffering that it was hard to let it go. My suffering had been my constant companion. If there was no suffering, then there would be no Lucy. I wasn’t ready for that.

They said a desperate man would do anything
—he would lick the crumbs off the floor if it could only keep the hunger at bay.
I was the desperate man
. If friendship with her was the crumbs I had to keep back my hunger, then I would gladly get on my knees and suffer some more.

I wasn’t willing to let her go.
Even if she was with another man. Even if her heart no longer wanted me. None of that mattered. At the end of the day, all that truly mattered was having her in my life.

+++

“You look like you haven’t slept at all.”

I glanced at Chad as I prepared my coffee. “Maybe because I didn’t.” I captured the fleeting look of sadness—pity—in his face before he resumed to
being his chirpy self again.

“Oh
, Toby, she’ll come around.” He gave my arm a tight squeeze before moving towards the cupboard to get himself a cup for his own coffee.

I doubted that Lucy was ever coming around
; it had been over a year now. Though who was counting? Since I had nothing better to say, I remained silent.

“Anyhoo, I want you to be the first to know that Luke and I are trying to adopt a baby
,” he announced the second he slid on the stool before me.

His news shocked me. The couple
had given no indication that they were baby hunting. Besides, the word
baby
alone already made me feel guilty about the one Amelia was carrying.

“That’s exciting news. I’m truly glad for you, Chad. You’ve come along way
. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

His dark eyes misted a tad. “I’m not sure I tell you enough, but I’m fucking happy to call you my friend. You don’t judge me; you just accept my craziness as if you
approve of the likes of me. You don’t care that I’m gay, or that I’m black, or that I have a wacky sense of style and a wackier train of thought. Thank you for making me a part of your family.”

Oh
, man, I hadn’t been trying to make him cry, but his eyes sure had misted a bit. Chad… when I first met him, I thought him obnoxious. However, the more I got to know him, the more I saw the true person inside. And after I heard all the horrors that had happened to him, I was the one who felt honored to be his friend. He was right, though. He was my family, more than the ones I was blood related to.

“I didn’t know you were quite so hormonal
, too, my friend.” Throwing a light joke, my spirits lifted a little when I saw him smile.

“We’re trying to adopt a baby girl. It’s been a month
, and I’m trying to not lose hope, you know?”

“If it’s meant to be, you’re going to have your baby girl. Don’t stress on it.”

He nodded, sipping his coffee as he regarded me. “What’s going on with your own baby? I know you don’t talk about it much, but I’m curious as to where your head is at, at the moment.”

The baby
. My heart constricted as I pictured a tiny baby girl with blue eyes and wisps of blonde hair. A tiny version of Lucille Connelly. I was never going to have that with her. Best to let the dream go amongst everything else.

“I won’t shy away from my fatherly duties if the child is truly mine. I just hope that Amelia w
ill not give me a hard time when the time comes.”

He made a sour face at the mention of her name. “I’ll support you all the way
.” He made a long, dragging sigh. “I just wished, you know, you did things differently… instead of agreeing to everything she and your mother orchestrated.”

How did I explain the dark cloud that hovered above me? There were no words to exactly explain the ceaseless numbness I was going through... “I
’ve regretted it more than anyone would know, but as much as I would like to dwell on this enormous mishap, I’d rather focus on moving forward.”

There were moments w
here I wanted to keep berating myself and ponder about all the “what ifs”, but I had realized that doing that wouldn’t achieve anything. I could at least be thankful for having enough sense to get out of it as early as possible, and before things got even more complicated.

Chad looked thoughtful a moment. “You’re right
, boo. You’re a good man. As much as you would do the right thing, it’s killing you inside. If it were another woman, I wouldn’t agree to this, but since we’re talking about that Spanish tramp, I’d even go as far as serving those papers to her just so I could bask in her discomfort,” he said with no ounce of jest in him. He meant each word, of that there was no doubt.

I smiled at his serious face. “I appreciate the offer
, but my lawyers have it handled.” Chad was a passionate man, and when someone crossed him or anyone he cared about, he launched with all of his claws out.

“Good
.” He sipped his coffee before he slammed it back down on the counter. “Now, Mighty Knightly mentioned something about you starting a Hedge Fund firm. Let’s get to that, shall we?”

I smirked, grateful for this bugger in my life. “Yes, sir.”

He gave me a scathing look. “
Madam
, Toby. Duh.”

Of course, how dare I forg
et about that teeny bit. “Apologies, kind, bitchy Madam.”

He simply rolled his eyes at me before I saw him gather his laptop from the nearby sofa.

My friends, they were an awesome breed for sure.

After hours locked in the study, Chad somehow became my assistant, willing to call, email and fax whoever was needed. It was surprising to know that Blake
had made sure that this chap was here to help out since the very man himself wasn’t available to give his intellectual insight. I supposed it was an amazing thing I had gotten a financial whiz as my best friend. He certainly came in handy when I needed answers to my trivial questions.

Though my life was shit
and my love life in the gutter, my friends were always there to count on. The small blessings in life were the kind of positivity I could focus on.

I was just in the process of shutting my laptop off when I heard a loud thud coming from outside. Chad and I gave each other a knowing look before we abruptly stood up to check what the commotion was about.

Striding next to me, Chad was giving a less subtle grunt as we reached the foyer. The loud banging kept on as I yanked the door open. When I did, why wasn’t I a bit surprised that it was Amelia?

Sighing at the sight of her small
, protruding belly, I gave her a tired look. “Need you bang my door as if you’re calling on death?”

I
had known this was coming, but I hadn’t expected it quite so soon.

She sucked in her breath before spitting a nasty look towards Chad then at me. “I am not signing those damn papers!” she screeched before she brushed past me and strode inside my home, uninvited.

Shutting the door, I barely heard the click before I spun around and felt the heavy slap of her palm smacking against my unprepared cheek. I riled from the sharp pain. Though I knew she was going overboard, I had to consider that she was hormonal and irrational. Touching the hot, tender spot of my cheek, I gently rubbed it as my temper started to build nicely.

“Aw
, hell to the motherfucking no! Don’t you fucking dare touch him, you stupid, little shit!” Chad growled behind me. I gave him a pleading look to step back.

Amelia’s dark eyes looked possessed as she shook with fury. “
What?
You left me to be with a man?
Are you gay now?
Is that why you left?” she screamed into my face. “I don’t fucking care! No man is leaving me again, you understand?
I won’t fucking let you!
”

Oh, she really was taking it there. “Amelia
, you must control yourself,” I gritted out as I mentally coached myself to remain calm.

She gave me a scathing snort. “Fuck you. Fuck all you British
, cold men! I made one fucking mistake, and now I have to deal with all this bullshit!”

I was almost sure she was referring to Blake Knightly. “Hence the divorce.”

She went berserk with that comment. “There will be no divorce! I’d rather die than make that happen. You won’t leave me—
i won’t let you
!”

Some said that
the Spanish temper was something to admire. That at times, women deemed to be sexy, like how Penelope Cruz had been in Vicky Christina Barcelona. That might be true for some, but I assure you, there was nothing sexy about a raving banshee that was going out of control.

It took every ounce in me to sound calm and patient since I was raving mad within,
however I knew lashing out wouldn’t solve anything. “Well then, I suppose we should let the courts decide that, won’t we?” I gave her a stern, undeterred look. “Can I get you some water? You look like you’re about to faint.”

She fumed
silently, sending iced daggers at me.

We were in for a long battle, I supposed.

+++

“Dude
, that bitch is crazy!” Chad could hardly contain himself as he took short breaths, shaking his head.

I couldn’t agree more
. Her visit had only served to seal my fear that she wasn’t going to give up without a fight. Amelia would rather drag it out, maybe out in public to seek sympathy, thus making my family pressure me further. It was what she had done in the beginning. And since my mother was all for fame and fortune due to Amelia’s family connections and common aspirations as my family, the two had gotten along more than well. They had become best buds, even to the point where my mother had called her the daughter she’d never had.

Slumping on the nearest sofa, I slung my head back
with my eyes closed as I felt the heavy throb of my pulse on my temples. My blood pressure was skyrocketing because I was beyond mad, yet I couldn’t do much about that. As Knightly’s close friend, I had learned to keep my temper after I had witnessed the bastard get in trouble with that fiery Italian blood running through his veins. I had only ever witnessed him lose it completely with Sienna—it was like a champagne bottle being shaken before the cork popped, blasting all the contents out in one big explosion. He and I were so much alike, but the only difference with me was that I sort of knew how to pull back and control my temper when need be.

Had I been like Knightly earlier with Amelia, even though I
wouldn’t dare to lay a hand on a female, she could’ve gotten hurt through words. You see, I had a lot of resentment, so considering that, I had a let go of a lot of aggression, but I would attempt to hold it back until she gave birth.

E
ven though I had a lot of colorful things to say to Amelia, I couldn’t hide behind the fact that I, too, was a reckless moron who had succumbed to a scathing woman with different intentions. Though at that time, I’d had no idea she had been involved with Knightly months before. She was in love with him, but the moment Sienna became more than a friend, Knightly didn’t have eyes for anyone else. Amelia, distraught and broken from losing the man she was in love with, had thought it would be the ultimate revenge to spite Knightly by dating me. And dear, old, idiotic me hadn’t had a clue that she used to shag my best friend until that eventful Christmas week in France.

It
had been an absolute shock. I had not dated anyone that was Knightly’s before; the same went with him towards me. It was a respect thing—a code between brothers that shouldn’t be crossed. Not only had I been ashamed to have Lucy see me with another woman, I’d also had to come to terms with the fact that Amelia had used me to get to him.

I
had apologized profusely to Knightly about my mishap, however he hadn’t been worried about that. In fact, he had been more worried about her conniving behavior. He’d warned me about her, and I had paid heed… for a while anyway. Nevertheless, after weeks on end, I had become lonely again. So, when she’d spotted me drunk and belligerent, she had immediately come on to me. At the time, I had been drunk, lonely and hadn’t been thinking with the right brain. That one night was all it had taken to bring me all these nightmares—one fucking night.

I
had made tons of mistakes, but I was trying to fix it all. I just hoped that it wasn’t too late.

One could only hope.