Chasing Forever (7 page)

Carnal thoughts
had never invaded my mind, but tonight I was proven that they could. As I pictured Toby on top of me, pleasuring himself with what my body was offering, it took every ounce in me not to moan my frustration.

I was a woman on a mission, so I better toughen up and offer him something most men couldn’t refuse.

When I turned around to face him, he was close behind me. I looked him in the eye and asked him something I hadn’t offered a man before. “Do you want to come up?”

His eyes searched mine, possibly wondering what the real meaning behind it. “Lucy…” he whispered with a strained voice
, “I don’t know if that’s a great idea.”

Was that a rejection? I wasn’t sure…
but I felt worse than I had before. Somehow, I felt like a joke, wishing and hoping for something unfathomable. “Oh.” I masked the hurt in my tone, hoping he wouldn’t detect it. “Okay, well, never mind then.”

“No—I do mind. Never think that I don’t want to follow you upstairs.” He reached out to me, slightly gripping my forearm. His fingers on my skin sent tingling shivers all over my body.
For the first time, I knew what people meant when they spoke about heart-stopping physical chemistry with another person.

“I don’t know. I guess
… all I’m saying is that I want to take this slow,” he continued, his eyes dropping to my body with heated intention, as if he was undressing me and imagining what I’d look like naked. “I respect you—you’re a…” he trailed off, moving in close to my body, “stunning, intellectual woman. Brilliant. Perfect—” He hesitated, staring wildly into my eyes, sucking me deeper into those bottomless depths. “I look at you… and I see my future. It terrifies me.”

Oh
, my fuck, had he just uttered the words future and me in one sentence? Overwhelming emotions bombarded me.

Seeking his eyes, I opened a piece of me. “I’m not.” I breathed out. “I’m not the
least terrified because I haven’t felt anything like this with anyone. My grandmother once said that, if I ever find this—this odd, indescribable, mystifying-like connection with anyone—I shouldn’t hold back.” I licked the bottom of my suddenly dry lips. “And I don’t want you to, either.”

I burned from his lustful gaze.

“If I go in, I’m not going to be able to restrain myself, Lucy.”

“I don’t expect you to.”

He stepped closer, and our lips almost brushed against each other while his eyes trained exclusively on me, smoldering my body into a scorching fever. “I’m going to undress you… slowly… then you’ll step out of your clothes and you’ll show me your beauty. You will then give me all authority. In the bedroom. In and out of your body. I will want you at all hours of the day. And when I say all, I’m demanding your absolute surrender.”

Cue in the hard swallowing of my saliva while I suffered an intense tingling on my pussy
. I had clenched it as hard as I could when I felt a pool of wetness soak my underwear as I stared at him, speechless. He wasn’t even touching me sensually, and yet, his words and those tantalizing eyes alone had undone me.

“I’m all for unconditional rights,” he said, caressing me with words. “Your body will know my touch even before I
caress you.” His heated gaze dropped to my lips before he reached my eyes, throwing me a dare. “Will you be capable for that kind of challenge, Lucy?”

There was no question that I wanted him more than words could express, but when someone challenge
d me in anything, my feistiness surfaced, willing to come out and play. “I am not a meek woman, and I don’t submit.” I paused for effect. “To anyone.” He remained still, taking my words in before I continued. “But I would love to see you try. Will you be ready for my kind of challenge, Toby Watson?”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Lucy.”
His eyes sparked with wickedness as he eyed me like a cat that had eaten the canary.

He had warned me, hadn’t he? I had just been too confident then to let it sway me. My crazed obsession with him had blinded me from everything. He was the only thing I had seen. The only thing that had mattered, and I had wanted to keep him for as long as I could. However, the more I hung on to him—to our relationship—the more it had become complicated.

From one complication to the other,
each one became harder to tackle. My shield started to chip away and poisonous words got through to me. In the end, I thought I had done the right thing by saving us both. I had been convinced then, and I was about to tell myself again, why it had been better for the both of us when my hungry, betraying eyes spotted him strolling towards us.

He was wearing d
ark jeans and a powder blue dress shirt with the sleeves pushed above his elbows. The color of the shirt made his eyes lighter than usual, and it was unbuttoned at top in such a way that it hinted at the sculpted body underneath it. He was magnificent, and I thought the woman with him believed so too because she couldn’t look away, not even for a second as they chatted and walked towards our table.

How could I ever move on when I was my very own
worst enemy?

Chapter 10

Toby

Deciding to come out tonight wasn’t an easy decision.
My mind resisted, however my heart battled fiercely, winning readily because, let’s face it, I was dying to see her even though it had only been a mere twenty-four hours since I had seen her last.

Ava, my cousin,
had called me when I was getting ready to leave. Wanting to hit two birds with one stone, I invited her to come out and meet me at the bar Chad had mentioned. I hadn’t seen her since the wedding, and I didn’t doubt the random call was about my pending divorce from Amelia. Not for a second did I doubt that my parents had notified everyone about what I was planning to do. Nor did I doubt that they were doing this on purpose so they could rally everyone in my family to go against me so that I wouldn’t stand a chance amongst all of them. They fully hoped, I’m sure, that I would eventually yield to their demands and cancel any thoughts and notions about leaving Amelia,
but
that was never going to happen. My mother should have known better than to push me around like I was some kind of puppet she could use for her own benefit. She had successfully done it for a few years, however I was no longer in the mood to give in to her demands.

I was done living for them. For years, I had shoved my needs aside so I could help and cater to their notorious lifestyle. Saving them from bankruptcy several times, paying off gambling debts, putting my brother through his private education, and working alongside my father in his business
. I’d had enough of my family’s never ending drama and making countless excuses for their failed parenting skills.

It was high time to live my life. The way I wanted it.

In their eyes, they deemed it selfish that I couldn’t put my life on hold for them since we were family and all. What good was a family if all they ever did was take advantage of me and demand consistently until I ran out of resources? One other thing that my parents were after—my mother most especially—was the inheritance I was going to get when my aunt passed away. That fact wouldn’t be important had she not been diagnosed with a terminal illness last year. The same year things had fallen apart with Lucy.

Lucy hadn’t had a clue about any of th
at, though. I had planned to tell her, but she never gave me the chance to explain. How could I when she ignored every attempt at reconciliation with her?

Back to my ever living present
. I was parking my car right outside the bar when I saw Ava standing immediately outside the entrance, engrossed in her phone. Ava and I had once been close, before she’d gotten engaged and eventually married her childhood sweetheart, Ashton Westwood, and moved to New York right after they tied the knot. She constantly visited England, but most of the time I would be out of the country or busy with work, therefore we never really got the chance to see each other often.

Coming out of the car
, I shoved the keys in my pocket as I strode towards her. “Ava! I hope I didn’t make you wait long,” I greeted her, kissing both cheeks as I surveyed her face. She still looked the same—beautiful with an animated, angelic smile—but something in her eyes told me that everything wasn’t all fine. Before I could ask her about it, she immediately wrapped her arms around me, laughing.

“Goodness, it’s great to see you
, cousin.”

“It’s good to see you
, too. Is Ashton not with you?” We pulled away from each other and I stared right into her eyes, worried. “Is everything all right, love?”

She shrugged, playing it off with one of those smiles. “Nothing to worry about
. Ashton is back in New York. It’s just me this time… just—yeah.” She pressed her lips together before giving me a wan smile. “Why don’t we get some drinks before we start catching up?” She was blatantly avoiding the question.

“Sure.
Of course. Let’s head inside,” I replied, nodding, hoping that maybe she’d tell me what was bothering her. We weren’t as close as we once had been, but she was my baby cousin, and I was still protective of her, even if she had grown into a lovely woman.

Inside, the lounge had dimmed lighting all around. The bar had LED lighting, making it easier to navigate around the crowd and know
exactly where we were heading.

There was a vacant stool that had just been vacated in the middle of the bar,
so I instantly guided Ava towards it. Standing next to her, the bartender greeted us and got our order.

“Whiskey on the rocks. Give me the best one you have,” I said
, half-yelling towards the stocky bloke before his attention diverted to Ava.

“Berry champagne, please.”

The man nodded before saying, “Right on,” leaving us a moment as he prepped our drinks.

Both our gazes followed him, watching the ice clink into the glass as he poured the rich, golden, amber liquid into it. He then strode back towards us, handing me my drink before he pulled a flute from behind him. He dropped a few blackberries and raspberries into it then took out a small wooden pestle and squashed the contents inside. He followed that by pouring champagne into the flute and quickly stirring the concoction before handing it to Ava.

After paying and tipping the barman, we sipped our drinks
as I looked back and scouted the area, spotting the woman I had been yearning for. She was laughing next to Chad. It was impossible to hear her laughter due to the music in the background, but I could still remember how it sounded—throaty, sexy—and just that recollection made my cock throb in an instant. Since I was with Ava, however, I had to push my erotic thoughts aside and focus on her, for now.

Knowing Ava, she probably had to gather her thoughts and see how she would bring up the subject of what was bothering her.
That gave me at least a few additional moments to stamp down my lustful thoughts.

Cautiously sipping my drink, I cocked my head to the side and aimed my scrutiny towards one particular person…
with a brand-new hairstyle. I paused, pondering over the fact I hadn’t noticed that when I had glanced at her earlier. Frowning, I concentrated harder, noticing everything about her—
the new look
, and how she seemed to be loving it.

Lucy remained beautiful
, nothing could ever change that. Even if she was old and wrinkly, I’d still think she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen… but her hair… her hair was one of the things I liked about her. Fair enough. I supposed the new style was part of her new life. Her life without me in it. The thought saddened me, dampening my mood as I wondered how time had flown by so rapidly between us. It had been over a year after all.

“I think Reiss is alive.”

My nostalgic memories of Lucy were shoved back in my memory bank as I stared at my cousin. I took a glimpse at her half-filled flute then back at her, hoping that she hadn’t gotten drunk by that miniscule amount of alcohol in her system. “I beg your pardon?”

“Reiss Chambers.” Ava stared ahead
without really seeing. She had that look that foretold her thoughts were faraway and distant. “I think he’s alive.”

She hadn’t mentioned his name for so long
that I felt odd hearing it again. Something must have triggered the past. She wouldn’t call me for nothing. If this was the reason why she had called on me, I didn’t know what to think of it. “Ava, I’m not sure what’s been going on with you, but I guarantee you, Reiss Chambers has been proclaimed dead for a decade now.” I wasn’t trying to be an insensitive prick; I just knew I had to tell her like it was. It was for her own good. I didn’t want to risk her getting her hopes up.

“I thought so
, too, but last night…” She trailed off as if she was having a hard time getting the words out. It was like she was in shock. That she simply couldn’t grasp the idea of it before revealing the real reason behind her impromptu visit. “Last night, I met a man that looked similar to him.”

Poor Ava
, I thought sadly.

Extending my arm to wrap around her shoulder, my hand cupped her shoulder blade and gave it a tight squeeze. “There’s always that probability, Ava. Hell
, I do it all the fucking time, but it’s not something you should dwell on.”

The idea of her chasing after th
e man that looked like the guy she had fallen in love with when she was seventeen didn’t sit well with me. In fact, that would be truly devastating. She was a married woman after all. She had a loving husband who gave her the world and a supportive family that thought everything of her. What good would it be chasing after memories? I should take my own advice and move on. Start anew. Well, it wasn’t because of lack of trying. I had done that and epically failed. My life had become a joke and I was going to straighten out everything else around me before I pursued what my heart longed for. I deserved it. As did she.

I glanced back at Ava when I saw her t
ake a careful sip, still deep in thought, before glancing sideways, looking devastatingly dejected. “He’s name is Craig Chambers. Do you know of him? My friend said he’s quite famous.”

That name was
prominent in the finance industry, but the man was equally well-known for keeping to himself. Some had nicknamed him an anti-social. A recluse who only wanted to be surrounded by people he trusted, and that circle of people, I’d heard, was made up of only a handful. Apart from his being elusive, I highly doubted Reiss Chambers and Craig Chambers were one and the same. I mean, how could someone have survived a head-on collision with a car that had immediately been engulfed in flames right after the impact as the police report had stated?

“Ava
,” I started, eyeing her with concern, “I know you blame yourself for a lot of things, but worrying yourself sick that
this
Craig Chambers
is
Reiss will get you nowhere. Who knows? Maybe they were distant relatives. I mean, how many in the UK with Chambers as their last name might have one or two similarity with Reiss? It could be hundreds. Maybe thousands.”

Ava blamed herself for the cause of the accident, but the only person that could be blamed were the people behind the wheel. She
’d told me that she and Reiss had fought the day before the accident. It was just unfortunate that he was too young when he was taken away from the world, leaving a lot of people mourning for him.

“He’s gone. Been gone for ten years now
, love.”

She looked stricken. Torn from wanting to believe me and from
what she had witnessed when meeting this man named Craig Chambers. A large part of me understood Ava because I was aware of what it felt like wanting to rewind things and undo what you had lost along the way. However, there was nothing to go back to for her except memories of him. The guilt. The blame. How often had she tortured herself over the years? Even after she had married Ashton, she quietly mourned the loss of Reiss.

“You’re right.” She nodded, using her fingers to curl a strand of her locks behind her ear. “I’m being silly.”

With a big embrace, I gave her the tightest hug before kissing the top of her head.
Poor Ava…
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” She shook her head, glancing away before I saw her eyes had become glassy.

A forced laugh bubbled out of her. “I mean, what the fuck am I thinking? He’s been dead for years
, and here I am, in the middle of a
bar
, convincing myself that he isn’t.” she snorted, appalled at herself for sprouting hope for the impossible. “He’s dead… and nothing is going to ever change that, Toby. He’s gone…
forever.
”

“It happens. Try not to be too hard on yourself.”

She took ahold of her flute, tilting her chin as she drained the rest of her drink. She then placed it back on the bar before directing me a straight look. “Is it true? Are you really divorcing Amelia?”

Welcome back, Ava
.
I had wondered where you’d been off to
, I quietly mused as I replied to her question. “I certainly am.”

She flagged the barman to make us the same drinks before addressing me again. “I never told you
, but I never really warmed to her anyway.”

Most people
hadn’t. She was an acquired taste,
that one
. It was hard to describe her.

“Everyone is speculating, you know
?”

It wouldn’t be family had they not been speculating. It was their favorite pastime. “Glad that nothing’s changed then,” I remarked bitingly as I took
ahold of my second serving.

“They think you’re leaving her because of your ex. Is there any truth in that?”

Shrugging, I paused, brooding her question a little bit more. “Even if that would’ve been my intention, it’s useless. She’s moved on. Rightfully so.” I couldn’t blame Lucy because, had I been a woman, I’d have to think long and hard over whether I wanted to take part being with a crazed family as well as with a wife that was soon to be an ex-wife. Not to mention the baby with unquestionable paternity. Top that with all the other issues that needed to be worked on; it was the ultimate recipe for disaster. Yeah, I wouldn’t date me, either. So why should Lucy?

“Mom said she was quite lovely. I wished I had met her,” she murmured, giving me a sympathetic smile.