Coming Undone (21 page)

“
Okay,” Kathryn said with no edge to the word. “We just wanted to make sure before we made the call.”

“
Y-yeah.” Ben looked back and forth between them. “Yeah. Make the call. What? Did you think I would say no?”

“
No.” How she stayed so calm on the outside when her insides were about to explode, Kathryn would never know. It had to be the Holy Spirit. “No, but we just wanted to check.”

“
Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Will they like, come over or something?” He tried to hide it, but the agitation screamed through his every shifting and fidgety movement.

“
Yes. I’m sure Father Patrick will want to come and give your dad Last Rites.”

Ben looked up to Jason who was getting that terrified look again. The prayer to the Holy Spirit was a breath as Kathryn realized this was going to take more guidance than she had initially thought.

“
Last Rites or Anointing of the Sick is something the Catholic Church does when a person is either sick or dying. Father Patrick will bring the Holy Oil and say some prayers for your father. It is really a very peaceful prayerful time. Then I’m sure you can talk with him about anything you like—the services or what comes next or whatever. He really is a wonderful priest.” Although she did her best to sound convincing, neither of them looked even a tiny bit more at ease. “Don’t worry. I’ll explain everything to him when I call.”

Ben was the first to nod, followed by Jason. They both looked shell-shocked.

The last thing she wanted to do was to walk in and start imposing her will upon them. “Um. Would you like for me to let you two talk it over some more before I call?”

Older brother looked to younger brother for guidance, and she felt the conversation pass between them.

“
No,” Ben finally said, “make the call.” He sounded infinitely more certain than he looked.

Kathryn left to make the phone call, and Ben watched as Jason sat down in a heap in the chair. For someone who had brought this whole thing up, he seemed rather reticent.

“
I guess this means you’re not big on this God stuff either, huh?” Ben asked, sensing a connection he hadn’t realized was there.

“
What? Oh, no. I mean, God and me, we’re cool. I just didn’t realize that Dad…”

Ben waited, but there was no end to that sentence. “That Dad… what?”

Jason laced his fingers and glanced over to the bed. “That Dad was Catholic.”

Not sure why that should make any difference at all, Ben frowned. “And that’s a problem?” After all, he’d grown up Catholic, not that it made a dent in his thought processes today. He was just surprised that Jason was so surprised.

“
Well, no. I guess not.” Jason’s brow furrowed. Then his gaze jumped up to his brother’s. “I’m sorry.”

That surprised Ben even more, and worry dropped over him. “For what?”

“
For… you know, questioning it.”

The farther they went, the more confused Ben was getting. “Questioning what?”

“
Him being Catholic. I mean I…” The sentence trailed off into oblivion as Jason watched his fingers lacing and unlacing.

This was getting them nowhere.

“
I thought you believed in God,” Ben said, but it was closer to a question than a statement.

“
I do. It’s just…” He looked like Ben might punch him if he kept going.

“
Just what? Jase, whatever it is, say it.”

It took more than fifteen seconds for him to even start, and the hesitation did not settle Ben’s nerves at all. “I don’t know. I just… I only know some about the Catholics, and I’ve always thought they were kind of… weird.”

Ben was trying to follow, but it wasn’t working all that well. Religion was really not his forte. “How so?”

“
Like it was more of a cult thing. That’s just the way they taught it where I went. I never really thought I even knew a Catholic. Now I find out Dad was Catholic.”

“
So you don’t remember going to Mass when you were younger?”

Jason shook his head. “I don’t really remember much about anything when I was younger. It’s all just blurs and feelings, not really much of anything concrete. Then sometimes I catch something I think might be concrete, but I don’t know if it really is or if that’s just how I wanted it to be.”

In a strange way Ben had never really thought of what it was like for his brother. Of course he didn’t remember much. He was so young when he left. Love or something very much like it touched his heart. “What do you remember? About back then?”

The look in Jason’s eyes was at once panicked and terrified. “Oh, uh. I don’t know. Not much really.”

Sensing his brother’s struggle though he didn’t really understand it, Ben leaned forward. “It’s okay, you know. I’m not giving you a test.”

His brother never picked up his gaze. “It feels like you are.”

Anger and confusion reached for him, but Ben ducked them at the last minute. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just things have been coming at me like rifle blasts. Half the time I don’t know if I should duck right or left, or just be a man and take it in the chest.”

“
I know the feeling.” Then Jason looked up, and there was a glimmer of hope and connection there.

Ben considered all the avenues he could go. Finally he took a slow breath. “I want you to feel a part of this. I do. I just… I’m having a really hard time here. I’ve never faced anything like this, and I guess I’m realizing that was kind of on purpose.”

Confusion traced across the worry on Jason’s face. “How do you mean?”

A moment’s thought and Ben leaned back on the couch. “I don’t know. I… I’m not real good at serious, important life stuff. I do much better if the whole thing stays up here.” He glided his hand horizontally through the air. “On an even keel. Nothing big. Nothing major. Just living.”

“
Go to work. Earn a living. Go home. Maybe have a little fun,” Jason said.

Ben nodded, surprised his brother knew anything about living like that. “Last night I got to thinking about Kelly and Tamitha and her mom. I remember giving Kelly a hard time about feeling left out when he missed the poker game like three weeks in a row. He said he wasn’t trying to duck out, but Tamitha was really having a hard time with everything.”

That conversation came back to him with a snap. It felt like a punch to the gut. “I told him we were going to forget about him if he didn’t get his butt over there.” His heart ached with the callousness with which he had treated his friend. Why they were even still friends, he had no idea. He let the couch back catch him. “I was such a jerk.”

Jason said nothing to contradict him, and silence engulfed them as Ben thought through everything.

It would’ve been easy to traipse off down the self-pity path, but then he realized he would be doing life the way he had always done it, and enough was enough. He needed to find a different way, and here was as good a place to start as any. Yanking himself forward, he focused on his brother. “So tell me about this Catholic thing. Does it really bother you that much?”

There was a breath followed by a long silence. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I mean it did at first, and it still does, kind of. I just… I don’t know what to think. Not that I’m going to take off or anything. I’m just not sure what to expect. I mean what’s that whole thing about anyway? Is it for real, like something normal people are part of?”

“
I think you’re asking the wrong guy that one.” Ben’s gaze went over to the bed. “I do know that Dad believed in it very strongly. He always wanted me to take it as seriously as he did, but I was too busy… being me I guess.” Then he had another thought. “What about Mom?”

“
What about her?”

“
Didn’t she go to Mass?”

That stopped Jason. His eyes went wide. “Uh, no. Not that I remember anyway. We didn’t go to church at all.”

Ben thought that through and then nodded. “Maybe going was more his idea than hers.”

“
No, Mom thought church and God was a big waste of time. That’s what she always told me when I went.”

“
Went?”

“
My friend Ty talked me into going where his dad was the youth pastor. We went every Sunday and Wednesday. They really were a rock for me when I could very easily have gone floating off down a different twist in the river.”

When Ben leaned back this time, it was to get more comfortable as he wanted to hear this whole story. “So you had a tough time then?”

“
Oh, yeah. Not that I got into trouble or anything. I was just a really lost. I didn’t fit much of anywhere. I didn’t play sports or band. I wasn’t all that smart or that talented. I just kind of floated through school. Then when I was a freshmen in high school, Ty moved in, and he invited me to church. I guess I finally found the place I fit.”

“
So you like church?”

“
I love it. I feel safe there, like I belong.”

A pang twanged in Ben’s heart at the thought of his little brother feeling so alone for so long. “I wish I could’ve been there.”

The smallest of smiles came to Jason’s face. “Me too.”

“
Mrs. Gunthrey,” Kathryn said as she crossed into the room. On one side the woman’s daughter stood, a small box in hand to collect their mementos and belongings.

“
Oh, dear Kathryn.” Mrs. Gunthrey turned to her, and Kathryn gathered the old woman in. “Thank you so much for everything.”

Tears slipped into Kathryn’s eyes. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“
It was time, dear. It was time.”

Kathryn stepped back and leveled her full attention on the woman. “So, do you have everything? Do you need anything else?”

Sadness clouded the woman’s faded blue eyes. “Prayers.”

With a nod, Kathryn fought to keep the tears from falling. “You’ve got it.”

“
Misty, please let me know when Father Patrick gets here,” Kathryn said five minutes later as the door closed behind the Gunthrey’s final exit. “I’ve got to get some paperwork done.”

“
K.” Misty bent her head back to her work. “Oh, did Nathan call you last night?”

“
He did.” Kathryn was already headed down the hallway. “And that’s all I’m telling you.”

“
Oh, come on!”

Making sure she sashayed just a bit more, Kathryn kept walking. Of course that would drive Misty crazy, but the truth was Kathryn really didn’t want to talk about it. Nathan and Friday night was freaking her out. Trying to sound excited for her friend’s benefit was too much to ask. In her office she sat down and slipped the paperwork for Mr. Warren back into its folder. “Dear Lord, please hold the next couple of hours in Your hands. I know Jason is freaked, not to even mention Ben. Please, please be with them and with Father Patrick, and with me too.”

She smiled at that request. He was probably tired of hearing that request by now, but there was no way around the fact that she needed as much help here as she could get. She glanced at her watch. It was already almost ll:30. She hoped Father Patrick would hurry. And with that thought, she got back to work.

“
Knock. Knock.” Kathryn pushed into the room with her head down and then picked her gaze up and peeked in.

Ben saw her first and came up off the couch. Jason followed from the chair. The center of Ben’s chest vice-gripped into a knot when he realized it was her. She really was beautiful. Where that thought came from, he had no idea, and he readjusted the waistline of his jeans at the thought that she might be able to read his mind.

“
Hi, guys.” She came all the way in then, followed by a little, balding man of about 55.

He had only a ring of dark hair around the low perimeter of his head, and he was dressed all in black with the little white collar thing at his neck. Ben knew the outfit well from his days of serving for Mass. That seemed a different lifetime now, and in a way it was odd that there were still priests on the planet. It had been so very long since he’d seen one. He’d almost forgotten they existed.

“
Ben, Jason, this is Father Patrick,” Kathryn said, indicating each in turn.

Ben’s gaze snagged on her hand, which moved with such grace and confidence. He really liked that hand. Then he yanked his attention back to the reality of the moment. He held out his own hand to shake the older man’s hand. “Father.”

“
It’s nice to meet you, Ben. Your father spoke about you often.”

“
Oh. Well.” Ben stepped back, his gaze bouncing to each person in the room. “That’s… nice.”

Jason shook Father Patrick’s hand as well but got only the word, “Father” out.

Looking over, Ben’s heart went out to his little brother, and lest it become too awkward for him, Ben took over.

“
Well, Father, Kathryn says you want to do some ceremony thing?” He looked to Kathryn for confirmation of that, but she was looking only at Father Patrick.

“
Yes, I brought the oils to give your father the Anointing of the Sick,” Father Patrick said. His manner was quiet and completely respectful. “Are you familiar with the Sacrament?”

Ben hadn’t realized there would be a test. “Uh, well, no, not really.” He looked to Kathryn for help. “I’m not really all that religious…”