Coming Undone (24 page)

“
A hotel?” Kelly asked. “Why don’t you guys just stay with us? We’ve got plenty of room, and we’re really not too far from here.”

“
Oh, I’d hate to put you guys out.”

“
It’s no trouble. Tamitha would shoot me if I made you stay somewhere else.”

Funny, Ben thought, how often Kelly said things like that. Tamitha would shoot him, Tamitha would have his hide, Tamitha would have him sleeping on the couch for a month… Ben wasn’t quite sure what to make of that, but it went through his mind just the same.

Jason checked his watch and glanced over at the bed. “It’s already almost four. I think I’m going to head on out so I can grab something to eat and figure out where we’re going. Is that okay, Kell?”

Kelly jumped up, and Ben’s gaze went up with him. “Yeah, sure. No problem.” Then he looked down at his friend. “You going to be okay?”

No!
screamed through Ben, but he forced a smile and a shrug. “Of course. I will. You guys go on.” The words stuck in his throat as his heart asked if he really wanted to be here alone. No, he didn’t, but he also didn’t have much choice. Somehow he stood, but he had no idea how that had happened.

Then as if he had stepped off reality, he knew they were discussing something, but he couldn’t even hear them. His gaze and focus had gone to the floor, willing his feet to stay standing there. Swallowing, he forced his gaze up and his mind to rejoin reality.

“
Okay,” Kelly said. “Then I’ll meet you there.” He looked toward Ben who straightened as his hands went up to the opposite arms and rubbed there. “Call us if you need anything.”

The smile hurt. “I will.”

“
And let us know if anything changes,” Jason added.

“
I will.”

As she stood giving Misty the quick version of the funeral, the door at the end of the lobby opened. Kathryn’s attention snapped there as Kelly and Jason emerged, bending toward each other, deep in conversation. She tried to get her words and thoughts back on track, but she’d forgotten what she was even talking about.

“
Kathryn,” Kelly said, looking up and spying her.

“
Hi, guys. Is everything all right?”

“
We’re taking off for the evening,” Jason said. “My wife’s coming into town. We’ll be back in the morning.”

They had stopped and were angled so that she had her back to the desk, and they were circled to the right and left in front of her.

“
If you don’t mind watching over Ben while we’re gone,” Kelly said, glancing back to the door.

“
Say no more.” Kathryn put her hands up. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t make a break for it.”

They shared a laugh that was almost happy.

“
Thanks again for everything,” Jason said and leaned in to hug her. Kelly followed suit, and it panged through her heart that someday these two would have no reason to come by, no reason to want to see her. But she pushed that away.

“
You’re welcome. Take care, and drive careful.”

“
We will.”

With that and a wave, they walked out.

“
Too bad the young one is married,” Misty said. “He’s cute.”

In annoyance, Kathryn turned. “You are hopeless.”

Why did Kelly and Jason have to wake him up? Frustration crammed into Ben’s chest, dispelling air and rational thought. He’d finally gotten to sleep. Finally. For one minute the thoughts had left him alone, and then they had to spoil it. Terrific. Now sleep was nowhere to be found. He looked at his watch. It was winding around to five o’clock. Actually it was nearly 30 minutes earlier than that, but his heart had already calculated that if Kathryn didn’t come back before five, she wasn’t coming back at all. And five felt like it was coming at the speed of light.

She’d mentioned having something else to do, and he wondered what that something was. Trying to think of something else, he pulled the shade back to look out. Same dreary, depressing gray was drawn in slithering streaks down the window. He let the shade go and heaved a sigh. Maybe he should go home too. What good was he doing here anyway?

He’d been here for days waiting for something that looked no closer to happening now than it had when he got here. If he could just think of something to do to keep his mind off the thoughts that streamed through his head like an incessant rain. Some were memories, some were accusations. The bills were a testament that something was wrong long before now, and yet he hadn’t seen it.

Would he have seen it if he had been paying attention? He didn’t know. One side was adamant that he would have, the other wasn’t so sure. And they battled back and forth until he just wanted to scream, “Shut up already!”

Then there was the matter of his father going to talk with Father Patrick. Did that mean his dad knew something was wrong? Would he have told Ben if he’d have asked? How bad was it? Was he misplacing things, forgetting things? What? And if so, how long had that been going on?

The worst of all was that there would never be any answers to those questions. He would live the rest of his life and never know. Slowly he let out a ragged, hurt-filled breath. The beginnings of a headache gnawed on his skull. It was the missed sleep and the not eating. He sure could go for some of that cold cafeteria chicken right now. A tranquil, tired smile came at that thought, but it was quickly drown in the melancholy.

Sitting back, he considered going out to see if he could find her, but he discarded that idea. She didn’t need to be babysitting him. She had other patients, other responsibilities. Besides, she would be gone in fifteen minutes anyway. He looked at his watch. Thirteen minutes.

He dropped his wrist back to his chest because it weighed a ton, and he put his head back on the couch. He was going crazy. That’s all there was to it. He was just going to go stark raving mad, and then none of this would matter. He wouldn’t even be sane enough to care. The middle of his mind contemplated how he might make that come faster.

“
Don’t think,” he told himself. “Just stop thinking.”

But it was all he had left to do.

“
You leaving early?” Misty asked, noting the coat and briefcase.

“
Yeah. I’m just going to look in on Ben, and then I think I’m going to go home to a nice hot cup of tea and a long relaxing bath.”

Misty shook her head. “Trade ya. You can go home for me and make mac and cheese for two whiny kids and a husband who says, ‘We’re having this again?’”

Kathryn laughed. “Thanks for reminding me why it’s great to be single.”

“
That’s what I’m here for.” Misty took a handful of charts. “If I don’t see ya leave, have a good night.”

“
You too. Don’t have too much fun.”

“
I won’t. I promise.”

The ceiling was the kind with the little silver metal strips that held up white tile things in the middle. Ben hadn’t noticed that before, but as he sprawled there, his head resting on the back of the couch, the rest of him stretched out like a waterfall over the couch, he counted the tiles. There were five vertical and five horizontal.

“
Five times five. That means there are 25 tiles on this ceiling, plus those two over by the door.” He didn’t even try to stop the counting. It was much more merciful than the thoughts. “Let’s just see if that’s right. One, two, three, four…”

The snap of the door didn’t even really jolt him. Propriety said he should sit up, but he really couldn’t even find the energy to care.

“
Eight, nine, ten, eleven.”

And then, somehow Kathryn was sitting in the chair looking at him. “Whatcha doing?” Her gaze went up to where his was fixed.

He never moved. “Counting ceiling tiles. When I get finished with that, I plan to start counting the little black dots on each one. I have a theory.”

“
Oh? What’s that?”

“
I’m betting that each tile has the same number of little tiny black dots on it. I’m betting they make them all at some plant in Sheboygan, and they stamp all those dots in there with some big machine called the Little-Black-Dot-Maker.”

Slowly Kathryn put her things down on the floor next to her, slid down in the chair, and angled her gaze up to the ceiling with his. “You think? It bet it’s called a Dot-o-meter.”

Intrigued, he nodded. “A Dot-o-meter. I like that. What else you got?”

She didn’t remove her gaze from the ceiling. “I wonder how they get it to stay up there. I mean it’s not glued to the ceiling, right? If it was, you wouldn’t need the little steel strip-thing-a-ma-doogiys.”

“
Thing-a-ma-doogiys?”

“
Yeah. Thing-a-ma-doogiys. Why? What would you call them?”

“
Don’t know I was too busy counting little black dots to think about what I would call those little steel strip-thing-a-ma-doogiys.” Ben was amazed at how peaceful he suddenly felt. Just drifting on a simpled out cloud. He liked this even though he knew it couldn’t last.

“
Have you eaten?” she asked after minutes had slid into timelessness.

“
I had a donut at ten, does that count?”

Nothing about her was quick as she sat up, leaned her elbows on her knees, and looked at him. “Well, I had half a squishy sandwich at noon, and I’m starving.”

Something of his old bravado with women overtook him, and he looked over at her and smiled mischievously. “And you expect me to do something about that?”

“
Well.” Her gaze slipped back up to the ceiling. “I mean I know how busy you are solving the mysteries of the ceiling tile and everything, but if you could tear yourself from utter inanity for a few minutes…”

As if he was frustrated and annoyed though he was neither, Ben pulled himself forward on the couch. “Well, I guess, since you put it that way.”

They got their table next to the wall again only this time Ben took her tray to return it to the tray holder. Kathryn had left her belongings back in the room, so she was glad she would have an excuse to go back after they were done. Counting dots on the ceiling. She shook her head and laughed at the absurdity of it. Not that it was bad, just a little weird in a surreal kind of way.

“
I guess this means you don’t have a hot date tonight,” Ben said as he slid into the chair opposite her.

Emptying a packet of Sweet’n’Low into her tea, she shrugged coquettishly. “I do tomorrow night, does that count?”

That stopped him, and he backed up slightly. “Really? So who’s the lucky sucker?”

Petulant annoyance dropped on her, and she considered not answering. However, propriety got the better of her. “Well, if you must know, his name is Nathan, and he’s Misty’s cousin.”

“
Misty from the front desk Misty?”

“
That’s the one.”

Ben nodded, and she couldn’t tell if he was interested or merely counting more dots. “And this is a new thing, an old thing, a we’re almost married thing?”

She about choked on her tea. “Um, no. Definitely not on the almost married thing. Actually I’ve never even met him before.”

“
Ah, a blind date.” Ben rubbed his hands together and dug into his spaghetti. “Those are the worst.”

“
Tell me about it. I wouldn’t even go, you know, if it weren’t for Misty and my mom and sister thinking I’m going to die a spinster if I don’t go out with someone.”

His eyebrows reached for the ceiling. “Someone?”

“
Anyone. As long as he’s breathing and he has a pulse.”

“
And a pulse? Oh, now that’s going to be tough to find someone with both things.” He opened his bottle of water and took a generous drink.

This time she laughed. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“
So you don’t go out much?” he asked as he set the bottle down and started eating. He looked famished.

“
Not a lot.”

He wrapped spaghetti all the way down the tines of the fork. “So you work, you go to church, you don’t go out. Sounds fascinating.”

Defensiveness crawled up onto her. “It’s just you know the kind of guys out there these days… They aren’t exactly hero material anymore.”

“
Oh, so you’re like Tina Turner then, looking for a hero.”

Kathryn felt the heat creep into her cheeks as she reached for her tea. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean, they’ve got this thing about you’d better impress them in five minutes or you’re not worth their time.”

“
And you’re not impressive?” The question sounded almost surprised.

“
Hardly. Home, work, and church are not on the top of most guys’ lists of a fun time out.” She took a bite of her small piece of chicken. It was dry and had no flavor at all.

“
Okay, well, minus the blind date guy, you got any others on the list?”

For someone just counting tiles, he sure was sounding interested.

“
A couple.” She shrugged. “Maybe.”

“
A couple maybes. Hmm…” He took another bite, and they both chewed in silence. “Well, that’s a start.”

A question snagged in her brain, and for a long minute, she beat it back, and then she decided what was the harm? It was something to talk about. “What about you? I see you’ve got no ring on that finger.”