Embracing You, Embracing Me (10 page)

They were cracking up but Darren and I
played it cool as I jumped out of the car to let them in. I think I managed to
pass it off as normal behavior.

The Mustang is a two door, so I did what
any gentleman would do and pulled the seat forward to let Sabrina and Roshell
climb in. I ducked in and followed but couldn’t help noticing that even though
she had just been laughing, Roshell’s eyes were red and puffy as if she had
been crying.

I scanned her face searching for answers
but she quickly averted her eyes. She was trying to hide grief, but I could see
it clear as day.

Once I had managed to squeeze into the
cramped back seat, Amber slid into the front next to Darren, and as the Mustang
purred down the highway, I noticed that Sabrina was unusually quiet, staring
out the window while listening to the music. “Sabrina... quiet” was an
oxymoron.

I didn’t want to be obvious or intrusive,
so I watched Roshell out of my periphery. She sat statue-like, with her hands
in her lap, one cradling the other. Something had definitely taken place
between these girls and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess that it was
unpleasant.

My left leg was pressed to her right leg
and I could feel her warmth.

I looked at how she held her hands. Jeez,
her right knuckles were hella bruised and swollen. Something inside me flared
with hot anger.

I know that I come across to most as
even-tempered and fun loving, and only a select few in my life, like my mom and
sisters, have ever witnessed the rare times that I succumb to anger or even
grief. Aware that these emotions can make a person do and say things that they
would later regret, my dry sarcasm comes in handy at times.

For a split second all those years learning
the art of managing those feelings were almost lost. I felt intense rage when I
saw Roshell’s black and blue fist cradled in her lap, and my reaction confused
me. I didn’t know what to make of it. All I knew, was that only bitter grief
and anger could trigger someone to senselessly hurt themselves in such a
manner, and it wasn’t hard to guess that the earlier conversation about Erin Jamison
had brought on such a reaction.

I don’t know exactly how Erin had hurt her,
but it is clear that the damage is great, and I had to curb my initial response
which was to bloody my own knuckles on Erin’s smug little face.

So I sat next to her forcing myself to
think, not react. I wanted to say the right thing to avoid hurting her any more
than she already had been.

I felt my heart-rate slow and gently
reached out to touch her bruised hand. “You will need to put ice on this right
when you get home.”

She jerked and tried to pull away. I
reached out again. She seemed embarrassed that I had noticed her self-inflicted
injury, and when she looked up into my face as if she were about to say
something she paused and kept silent. What was she thinking?

Finally she responded with a deep blush
spreading across her cheeks, “Umm, it’s not too bad. I’ll be okay.”

She gave a weak attempt to pull away again
but I held firm, keeping her hand in mine.

Sensing her discomfort I changed the
subject. “So next weekend a bunch of us are going to have one last bonfire up
at the upper lake on Fall Creek, before the rainy season begins. You should
come with us. It’ll be fun and I can make sure that you get home in time for
your curfew.”

I kept caressing her arm enjoying the velvety
smoothness of her skin, watching her eyes to see how she would respond. This
day had been a roller coaster of emotions for her so I waited patiently for her
to answer my invitation.

“I will have to talk with my mom about it.
But it sounds fun.”

My insides warmed at the way she seemed to
cheer up. “Great! I will pick you up Saturday night around seven.”

Darren swung the Mustang into Roshell’s
trailer park, and as she and Sabrina got out I reminded her, “Remember to ice
that.”

Instinctively she pulled her injured hand
to herself, “Right. Ice. I’m on it!”

Watching her run into the house with
Sabrina following, I was filled with a sense that something perfectly right had
just occurred; the feeling that comes when you take a step in a new direction
and you somehow just know that it was a momentous one.

I’m excited to see where it will lead.

By Saturday, I had adequately squelched any
fanciful romantic notions about Gabriel. I continually reminded myself that his
invitation meant nothing. He was just being nice to Darren’s girlfriend’s
friend.

Even with that mantra circling through my
brain, I was in a near frenzy while deciding what to wear. It would have been
smart to dress warm, but I wanted to avoid frumpy and too casual. And more
importantly, hair up or hair down? These decisions were being taken to monumental
proportions. By the time I settled on my favorite pair of blue jeans, a Guess
sweatshirt that was a Salvation Army rescue, and a blue v-neck T-shirt underneath,
my room was a hellish disaster.

“You know you’re annoying when you are
driving your own self nuts,” I exclaimed aloud and threw my brush on the bed as
if it were to blame for my bad hair day.

Still fussing over my hair, I left it down
when time ran out and I heard the
thump, thump
of Gabriel’s bass system
as he pulled up in his forest green Mustang.

He’d had his car when he first moved to Mount Pleasant. After he and Darren had become friends, Darren lucked out and found a
nearly identical Mustang, just a year older and cherry red. They couldn’t have
planned it any better. The two inseparable friends each had their own
thundering V8 legend. What a pair they were.

One goal sprang to mind as he approached:
keep him outside the trailer house. I rushed about, grabbed my jacket and slipped
into my shoes. Too late: by the time I reached the living room my mom was
already inviting him in.

Gabriel graciously introduced himself to
her and turned with a smile to greet me, his smile causing me to falter.

My cheeks flushed and I hurried down the
hallway of the house. It always felt cramped but now felt even smaller and
claustrophobic. I hoped it wasn’t obvious how uncomfortable I was. He had
purposefully interjected himself into my home, and I could only conclude that
he wanted me to know that he wasn’t judgmental about such things.
Fine.
Noted. Let’s move on
, I thought.

Deliberately delaying our departure, he
took a seat in the worn-out green recliner, and even though I was desperate to
escape I had to admit that his efforts to put me at ease were doing just that,
and my heart soared with his genuine kindness towards my mother.

Mom was pleasantly surprised. The few boys
that had been by the house to visit had not passed her inspection, as they barely
passed for polite.

Gabriel was respectful and looked you
directly in the eye when he spoke. He was nearly two years older than me and
mom had been uneasy about agreeing to let her daughter go to the bonfire, but
as they chatted, I could see that she was genuinely warming up to him.

My grandma had not liked the idea either,
but she was working the night shift at the nursing home and left the final
decision to mom.

I kissed mom’s cheek and practically shoved
Gabriel out the door, eager to get out of the house and begin the adventures of
the evening.

The drive to the upper lake wasn’t nearly
as awkward as I’d feared it would have been. We managed to maintain an
innocuous conversation all the way. It helped ease my tension and I was glad we
weren’t struggling to deal with a long car ride filled with uncomfortable
silence. Melting into the leather seats, I allowed myself to enjoy the
liberation that comes with a girl’s first car-date with a boy. Even though it
didn’t really mean anything, I quickly reminded myself.

Darren and Amber were already at the
designated meeting spot, along with two other couples, all huddled in a circle
chatting animatedly.

Gabe and I rounded the hood of the Mustang
to join them, when Darren turned, with a look of disgust. “You’re not going to
freakin’ believe this crap. Not one of us brought anything to light the fire
with! Do you happen to have a lighter or some matches on you?”

Gabe started laughing, “Hold on, let me
check.”

When he came back he was shaking his head
with a huge grin spread across his face. “This is classic. You can’t exactly
have a bonfire without fire.”

Darren snorted. “No shit, Sherlock. Now,
what are we gonna do about it?”

Gabe didn’t blink at Darren’s smart alec
retort. He thought about it for a minute, “Hey, my car has a cigarette lighter
in it, we could light something. You know, like a torch and carry it to the
fire pit.”

The group settled into a pondering silence
for a moment. Louie piped up, “I don’t think that’s gonna work too well. Look
how far the fire pit is. Anything you light is going to burn faster than you
can get it there.”

He was right. There was a crude log fence
barricade to keep cars in the parking area, and the fire pit was approximately
a hundred yards down a bark path, through some trees and into a small clearing.

Nevertheless, that didn’t stop them from
making many failed attempts at lighting a number of different items that they
found, only to end up about halfway down the path before they threw the
remaining burning items to the ground, fingers scorched. They stomped out the
flame and returned to the cars to reform the plan. Us girls, were less than
helpful as we offered no solution and laughed until tears filled our eyes.

While Darren tromped around the fire pit
looking for something useful, he came across a rusted out, Folgers coffee can.
He scooped it up and ran back to the cars. “Hang on a minute you useless
half-wits, I’ve got a great idea!”

Darren sent Gabe and I down the path to
prepare the fire pit with plenty of paper and kindling while he proceeded to
stuff the coffee can with as many pine needles, paper scraps, and other burning
materials as possible. I stood close by, anxious to see how their plan turned
out. Then Gabriel stood up, cupped his hands to his mouth and called out,
“Ready?”

By that time, there were thin clouds rolling
in, covering the sliver of a moon, so darkness was thick as Gabriel and I
listened for Darren’s response.

“Ready!” Darren’s voice shot through the
dark.

I was enthralled. This was the most
excitement I’d seen in a long time. We waited quietly at the pit, when suddenly
we heard footsteps crashing down the path and then spotted what looked like a
floating flame.

As the flame approached, we could see that
Darren was practically flying down the path holding the flaming coffee can
straight out in front of him with only a jacket wrapped around the bottom of it
to keep the hot metal from burning his hands.

A small crowd was running behind, laughing
and cheering him on. Darren’s face was comical as he ran furiously down the
path crying, “HOT, HOT, HOT!”

He dumped the flaming contents out of the
can and onto the pyramid of crumpled papers and dry twigs in the pit, which
immediately caught flame. Before we could believe it we had the beginnings of a
nice bonfire.

Everyone was exhilarated, cracking up while
they took turns describing to Darren in detail how ridiculous he had looked.
This would definitely be a story that would live on and be retold for years to
come.

Eventually, the group settled around the
warm fire with their cooler of snacks and drinks, cocooning themselves into
sleeping bags as the night air became chillier.

Gabriel asked me to walk back to his car
with him while he grabbed his jacket and sleeping bag.

I swallowed and tried to wet my dry mouth,
berating myself for my rattled nerves and racing heart. I nodded and followed
him out of the clearing.

The sky had cleared. Faint moonlight seeped
down, allowing us light to see our way up the bark path. As we neared the
parking lot, Gabriel risked fate to ask the question that had obviously been
nagging at him. “So, were you and Erin Jamison an item?”

I tensed at the mention of Erin’s name and knew that he sensed my sudden discomfort. I had automatically straightened
my spine, pushing my shoulders back in the same way that my grandma tended to
do when trying to maintain both her composure and her pride.

GABRIEL:
It felt horrible, rude even, to ask the question. I hated to be the
one to cause her mood to shift so drastically but I am also determined to get
this wedge that is between us out in the open so that it won’t prevent our
relationship from progressing. She looked so tiny and fragile, but looking up
at me her face was set in a strong manner. Her jaw was clenched and she looked
like she could take on anything that came her way.

But she doesn’t fool me. I’m perfectly
aware that underneath that stoic and determined façade is softness and a sweet
vulnerability.