Embracing You, Embracing Me (7 page)

We took our time, walking aimlessly as we
concocted a plan to sneak out of our houses. We made an agreement to meet up at
a specific spot down the road where we would then walk across the little dam to
reach the other side of the lake and head to Sabrina’s friend’s house. By the
time we returned to my place, we were both heady with nerves, pumped that we
would actually be doing something halfway interesting the following weekend.

“You need to stop drinking so much soda
pop,” Grandma scolded, noticing our skittish behavior.

We gave each other a knowing glance and
giggled about our little secret.

As if time in a podunk town didn’t crawl by
as it was, the rest of that week dragged on
until I thought I would pull
my hair out with anticipation. By the time our Saturday night rendezvous
arrived and we met up behind the old boarded up church, we were both wrought
with nerves and jumpy at the night sounds.

In order to avoid traffic, we opted to cut
through the back alley before we crossed the highway to get to the lake. Even
the highway at that time of night was dead, and we felt spooked as the void
seemed to swallow us up. During the day the small lake was pretty and bursting
with locals out walking their dogs or lazing in the grass as children swam by
the docks. So the effect of nightfall and the silent desolation left the lake
with a supernatural emptiness that left us restless, and we quickened our pace.

How in the heck did I manage to get
myself immersed into an escapade such as this?
I
wondered, amazed that I was actually engaging in such recalcitrant behavior. If
I got caught I would have been in a world of hurt. Grandma would have kicked my
butt! I imagined the dramatic scene that would ensue if I were indeed caught.
It wasn’t pretty.

Sabrina must have sensed my trepidation and
made an attempt at humor, true to her nature. “We are like ninjas with our
stealth and skills.”

I laughed. The idea of us as ninjas, both
of us wickedly clumsy, was a fantastic image in my anxious state of mind.

Neither of us admitted to the other, as we
scurried over the parking lot and headed to the dam, that we were in fact petrified.

The day had been a hot one, and as evening
came so did the clouds, which made for a muggy evening that added to the heavy
darkness.

Both of us gave a sigh of relief once we
crossed the dam, feeling comforted as we drew closer to the first neighborhood.
Sabrina led the way to her friend’s house which was only a few blocks over. We
could hear music filtering through the windows of the single storey home, and
even though it wasn’t that loud it flowed toward us and we quickly forgot our
fears. A tremendous sense of freedom soared through our teenage bodies. Beaming
at each other, we scurried up the steps to the front door.

A tall, skinny boy with a long
skater-haircut opened the door and snatched Sabrina into a big bear hug.

“Hey man, I didn’t think that you were
actually going to make it over tonight,” he said. “That’s so cool.” He dumped
Sabrina back on her feet.

I stood there, waiting to be introduced.
This friend was obviously quite smitten with Sabrina and she was of course
oblivious to his stares. She gave him a light punch in the stomach. “Of course
we came. I said that we would.”

“Roshell, this is Ethan. Ethan, Roshell.”
Sabrina said.

I gave a half wave and open smile. Ethan’s
smile engulfed his whole face as he grabbed Sabrina’s hand. “Come on out to the
backyard and meet everyone. We were just thinking about jumping into the hot
tub!”

I trailed nervously after them.

Out back, the small group gathered on his
covered back patio seemed fairly friendly, immediately including us in the discussion
they were immersed in concerning grunge music and how it had originated out of Seattle.

“Yeah, Kurt Kobain is slammin’…”

“It was the terrible weather there. The
kids were so depressed that they started rebellious garage bands…”

“Just something to do, anything to break up
the monotony, the grayness…”

The conversation dwindled down. Someone
brought out a cooler of beers and I noticed a guy with dark brooding eyes, tan
skin and a compact athletic build standing in the doorway. He was staring right
at me. He was very cute, but there was something disconcerting about the way he
looked at me without blinking that had my stomach doing somersaults. I decided
to meet his gaze with my own unblinking, direct stare. Uncomfortable as it was,
I was determined to show that I wasn’t some scared little girl. After what
seemed like forever, but was probably only seconds, he gave a slow, seductive
grin, revealing an amazing smile with perfect white teeth. He walked toward me.

I swallowed nervously, all bravery fleeing.
Oh, great, hot shot! Here he comes, now what?

“Roshell, right?” he asked, his voice
smooth.

“Yep, Erin, right?” I countered.

“Uh, huh. Hey do want a beer?” Erin held out a beer bottle, his eyebrows lifted inquisitively.

I had never drunk before, other than some
quick swigs I had swiped from my mom a couple of times, and wasn’t really inclined
to start then. But as Erin peered at me in expectation, I was damned if I was
going to tell him no and have everyone thinking I was a wuss. So I snatched the
bottle from him, twisted the top and took a good mouthful. “Thanks,” I said and
stifled a burp. He smiled again and we started a conversation, choosing random
topics until he excused himself and drifted back inside the house.

I joined Sabrina, who was engrossed in
conversation with the only two other girls at the gathering. They were actively
engaged in a discussion about a mutual acquaintance that they all apparently
despised: Sabrina was elucidating exactly what she thought of the girl’s loose
behavior with the entire football team.

After that first big gulp, I made sure to
sip slowly on my beer, but was still beginning to notice its effects. I felt a
conflicting mix of being floaty-light yet completely heavy and weighed down.
The result left me giddy and a bit light-headed.

Sabrina must have felt the same because she
was even more animated than usual. Her rapid-fire patter left everyone gasping
for air just listening to her. When she was done with her rant, I
inconspicuously nudged her off to the corner.

“Oh, my god! That guy? Erin? Did you see
him talking to me?” I asked. “He gave me a beer and then just started rambling
about random crap. I think that I was rambling too, but I was too distracted by
his babe-liciousness to actually keep track of the conversation.”

Sabrina stared at me, wide-eyed, while I
babbled. She glanced down at the beer in my hand. “Your cheeks are super
flushed. How many of those have you had?”

“This is my first. It’s almost gone. Why?”

“Nothing. Just making sure you’re doing
okay. I’m feeling pretty good.” Sabrina smacked her lips together. “I think my
lips are getting numb.”

I mimicked her then giggled, “Oh wow! My
lips are numb too!”

Ethan interrupted our giggles with a
chuckle. “You guys look like a couple of fish, making those faces.”

Sabrina gave him a solid punch in the arm.
Ethan grabbed his sore arm and laughed, “Okay, okay,
hot
fish.” He sidestepped
to miss another one of Sabrina’s punches and headed towards the cooler.

I rolled my eyes. “Sooo? What do you think
about the hot Erin guy?”

“He is pretty gorgeous… but he has
something that I’m not sure about. He has a bit of a creepy factor about him;
he just kind of stares a little too hard.”

“Yeah, he is a little intense at first, but
he was pretty chill when we were talking a few minutes ago. Besides, you think
that everyone is a creeper.” Sabrina smiled while I continued. “Plus, I’m not
sure that you are the best at reading people’s characters. You seem oblivious
to the fact that Ethan has a huge crush on you and you keep punching him like
he’s your brother or something. You’re trampling on his dreams and don’t even
have a clue.”

Sabrina scoffed. “Whatever!” And because
she knew that I was right she quickly changed the subject. “Let’s go grab
another beer!” Hooking her arm through mine, she dragged me toward the cooler.
We made a pact that since we were both lightweights, we would stop after just
two beers. But by midnight we had played a fairly innocent game of spin the
bottle and towards the end were feeling the effects of the alcohol wearing off,
which left us lethargic and sleepy. Sabrina whispered, her voice sluggish,
“Since we still have to walk home and sneak back into our houses, we should
probably head out soon.”

Ethan overheard her declaration and
wriggled his way in between us, wrapping his gangly arms around each of our
shoulders, “No way, not yet! We have to have a dip in the hot tub first. Don’t
worry about suits. My sister is only thirteen but you two are so small, I bet
you could borrow a couple of hers.”

We conceded. A quick dip couldn’t hurt,
surely? We hurried to the back of the house where Ethan dug swimsuits out of
his sister’s dresser before he stepped out so we could change.

Soon we were all crowded into the steaming
waters, the boys trying their best to show off their pecks and abs while the
girls laughed nervously, self-conscious about their bodies.

I tried to put on an air of nonchalance,
acting as if this were an every-night occurrence. In reality, it was only the
second time I’d been in a hot tub. I relaxed in the jetted bubbles and let my
head fall back.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have
something so decadent in your own backyard that you could use whenever you
wished
, I thought. I swore right then that I would
have one of my own someday and when I got home from dance or work, or whatever,
I’d sit in it and forget about the world for awhile.

My body began to let go and my mind
drifted. I was brought back with a sense of being watched. Slowly, I lifted my
heavy eyelids, just enough to peek under, and immediately locked eyes with Erin. He was gazing at me so intently that for a quick moment my stomach flittered with a
flash of anxiety. Assuring myself that I just wasn’t accustomed to such a
direct stare, I calmed down, closed my eyes and tried to relax again.

Twenty minutes, and I noticed that I was
getting too relaxed and if I didn’t get out soon I would fall asleep. I
couldn’t afford to waste that much time. I stood up, one knee on the seat ready
to climb out, and looked pointedly at my friend. “Time to go, Sabrina.”

Sabrina groaned. She had become quite
flirtatious with Ethan and the two of them were sitting extremely close as they
whispered to each other, forgetting there were other people around.

“Umm, you go on in and change. I’ll be in
soon,” Sabrina said absently.

Smirking, I wrapped a towel around my waist
and went inside.

I padded barefoot into Ethan’s sister’s
room, and peeled off the swimsuit. A blue nightlight by the door provided just
enough illumination, so I didn’t mess about looking for a light switch.
Besides, I didn’t want someone to see in from the backyard, even though I
doubted they could because the hot tub was up against the house and down a
ways.

Tired, I slipped into my bra and panties,
and was trying to find where I had misplaced my jeans when the door opened
slightly and someone poked their head in. Snatching the towel I had used to dry
off I held it up to my chest and stood up, preparing to scold Sabrina and
demand that she hurry up and shut the door.

I couldn’t see clearly because the intruder
was silhouetted from behind, but this person was too tall and broad shouldered
to be female.

“It’s okay, it’s just me,” Erin whispered. He quickly sidestepped to close the door behind him.

My heartbeat picked up to an incredible
speed. Jesus, there I was in my underwear in an unfamiliar room with this Erin guy. I heard the click of the door locking and became dangerously close to panicking.
I took a small step back and tried to compose my thoughts.
Come on
, I
thought,
just handle this without making a complete fool of yourself. Be
polite, but get him out of here…

I stammered. “I was just finishing up in
here. I can hurry up and then let you have the room.” I glanced around
nervously in hopes of spotting my elusive jeans. I desperately wished that I
could see better, but was damned if I would turn on the light with him right
there watching.

Erin
said with a
soothing tone, “Don’t be nervous, I can’t even see you very well. You don’t
have to worry about anything. Besides, I think that you are beautiful and
shouldn’t have to be shy about your body. Girls are always so self-conscious
about their looks. I noticed earlier this evening that you seemed more
comfortable and confident than the other girls. It’s one of the things I like
about you. Maybe I was wrong.”

At his confession, I felt a blush creep up
my neck. I was flattered, and embarrassed that I had allowed myself to become
so frightened. I knew that he would think I was immature if he realized how
scared I’d been.