Embracing You, Embracing Me (3 page)

“Here ya go, but I’m telling you, I just
winged it towards the end. I don’t even know why we have to learn algebra
anyway. A + B = Pi to the nearest one hundredth times radius up your butt and
around the corner.” Sabrina and Tina both cracked up.

As the bus pulled up to the stop, Sabrina
kept laughing and said, “I have no idea what you just said, but I totally
agree.”

Everyone climbed on the bus and the
conversation ended there.

The following few weeks I would smile and
say “Hi” to Sabrina. Sometimes I would join their conversation, chatting about
pressing current gossip. But that was the extent of it, until the last day of
school as we clambered off the bus to head home.

“Hey,” Sabrina said, “maybe we should hang
out sometime this summer, you know, since we live so close.”

I was a little stunned. “Uh, yeah, sure,
sounds good.” I snagged a pen from my backpack and ripped off a chunk of
notebook paper. “Here’s my number, just call whenever. I don’t have any big
plans or anything so I should be around.” Sabrina jammed the paper down into
the bottom of her own bag.

I forgot about the exchange almost
instantly and went about trying to enjoy the summer. Considering I lived in a
rural area about ten miles out of town and wasn’t really allowed to go
anywhere, I knew the summer would probably drag on endlessly. Situation normal.

I was an only child, but you wouldn’t think
it with all the younger cousins I had. I finished school with a ton of wishful
plans for the summer, but my babysitting duties were like a full-time job. One
of my aunts landed a job at a nursing home, and was relying on me to watch her
two youngsters, Chris and Carla. Fixing them lunch was always a challenge. How
creative can you get with Top Ramen noodles? I needed serious inspiration or an
act of God. Anyway I was staring into the fridge, you know how if you stare
even harder then you might see an ingredient that you swear wasn’t in there a
minute ago, when the phone rang. VH1 was blasting out Madonna’s
Like a
Prayer
, so I ran to turn it down and got to the phone just in time. I was
still humming to the catchy tune in the background, watching the icon on
the television screen bump and grind to the beat.

There was silence over the line, then a
sniffle.

“So my boyfriend broke up with me and I
really need someone to talk to so I don’t go crazy all alone in this house.”

I could hear sobbing from the person on the
other line. “Sabrina?” I asked.

Hiccup. “Yeah? Look, I know it’s kind of
weird to call you like this when I’m all in crisis mode, but my parents are
gone all the time and I think…” Sob, sniffle. “I think… I just really need to
not be alone right now.”

“Of course you shouldn’t be alone. Come
over right now. Do you want me to meet you halfway?” I was shocked at the event
that was unfolding on what would have otherwise been another tedious summer
afternoon.

Sabrina sounded more composed. “No, that’s
okay. You’re close. I’ll head over right now.” The click of the phone hanging
up echoed in my ear. What in the heck had just happened?

Not more than five minutes passed before I
opened the metal front door of our trailer, and without missing a beat we
hugged.

I invited her in and made my cousins lunch
then cleaned up the kitchen while Sabrina talked and cried. She explained how
she had been going out with a boy from another school for the past six months
and how she recently gave him her virginity on her Seventeenth Birthday.

“Definitely don’t make that same mistake!”
Sabrina stated emphatically. “It’s like sex melts your mind or something and
makes you all crazy hormonal. You get to where you think you have to be with
them forever, so that when they just up and dump you, you feel like your
insides have been turned inside out. I mean, I actually feel a little crazy
right now, on top of feeling miserable and pathetic. I don’t recommend it.”

I gaped at her. She did look a little crazy
with her red tear-streaked face and wild eyes.

“You know what you need to do?” I made a
fist as I spoke. “You need to walk straight up to that yahoo and punch him
right in his man junk. It would make you feel a lot better.” We burst into
delirious laughter and kept laughing until our sides ached.

Sabrina spent the night and we stayed up
into the late hours. Swapping stories we discovered we were allied on most
topics, from school to books to boys to religion. We had birthdays only six
days apart. We were both frustrated with our parents who seemed comfortable
with their going-nowhere lives. We were both determined to rise above our
upbringings and were now very glad to have each other in that otherwise
hopeless town.  

By the early hours, the beginnings of a
lifelong friendship had been forged.

My dating life consisted of a few fickle
fits and starts, nothing serious, no-one I ever took seriously. If I forced
myself to really do the introspective thing, I would have said yeah there’s a
pattern there. I would chase a new crush until the boy returned interest. Then
I would be consumed with puppy love, tittering about on cloud nine for a small
period of time. Until suddenly I would flip-flop and quickly find a reason to
get bummed out and I break it off. Probably normal for a girl my age, right? I
kind of wondered sometimes, though, if there was something wrong with me. Maybe
I wouldn’t be able to fall in love. Maybe I just couldn’t handle a relationship
with a boy. My friends seemed to find it easy, but not me.

So okay, my experience with the male
species had been fairly limited up to that point. Even those encounters were
tainted as I watched men come and go in my mom’s and aunt’s lives. I wouldn’t
say I consciously disliked men. I just grew up believing that all men lie,
cheat, and then leave. It’s not even their fault. That’s just how they’re
wired.

For example: I never met my biological
father. Early in mom’s pregnancy he cheated on her for a younger woman and then
hightailed it out of town when he found out mom had a bun in the oven. Typical.

I slammed my locker shut, determined to
make it to my first period class early so I could finish up the previous
night’s homework assignment. I’d blown it off again.

Amber tugged my ponytail. “Guess what? I
talked with Kenny about Mystery Guy,” she teased with a sly little grin.

“Yeah? And?”

“Okay. So he is new to the school. In fact,
today should be his first day.”

“No way! That is so cool.” I peered down
the hall to see if maybe I would catch a glimpse of him. “He is way cute.”

“You won’t see him in this hall,” she said.
“He’s a junior so he will be in the other hall. Anyway he and Kenny were at the
same football camp this last summer. That’s how they know each other.” Amber
leaned her shoulder against the lockers as she spoke, quite pleased with her
in-the-know information.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like he would
talk to me anyway. I plan on drooling from a distance.”

So that was how most of my sophomore year
played out. I learned that beautiful Mystery Guys’ name was Gabriel Harrison.
He made plenty of friends in the jock clique and seemed to be fairly outgoing.
He and Darren Murray became best friends.

Darren is “that” guy. You know… the one who
everyone wants to hang out with because he’s popular, wickedly funny, and tells
the best stories. People flocked around to hear the embellished versions of his
and Gabe’s previous weekend exploits, everyone wanting a piece of the action.

I would purposefully walk through the
junior/senior hallway more than was necessary in an attempt to sneak a sideways
glance in Gabriel’s direction. As brave and unrestrained as I normally was, I
was terrified to even think about approaching him, much less attempt a
conversation. I thought he was amazing but never really let myself pine for him
too much. He probably didn’t even know I existed.

As winter gave way to blooming flowers and
warmer days, spring fever kicked in and everyone began to prepare for the
junior/senior prom that was quickly approaching. Underclassmen were only
allowed to go if they were invited by an upperclassman, so many of us were
waiting anxiously to see if we would be going.

I was invited by a senior named Tim but
hadn’t accepted yet. I only liked him as a friend and was afraid that if I said
yes, he would get the wrong impression. He’d been flirting with me for weeks
and it was pretty clear that he wasn’t going to give up until he at least got a
date.

After school, Amber intercepted me as I was
heading toward the bus.

“Guess who just got invited to prom?” She
clasped her hands together and looked like she could explode. Amber and Kenny
had been history for months by that time.

Part of me was curious, but I was in a
pissy mood for no apparent reason. I gave a non-committal grunt and shrugged.

Amber continued as if I hadn’t just brushed
her off. “I was standing by Darren’s locker waiting to get into my fourth
period class, when Gabe walked up to him and they started talking about prom.
Darren said that he already had a date and started ribbing Gabe for not
committing to asking anyone yet. Then Gabe turned around and said, ‘Hey, you
want to go to prom with me?’ At first I just stood there with my mouth hanging
open, but they both kept looking at me and I realized that he was half serious,
so I just blurted out ‘Sure.’ Then Gabe asked for my number and said that he
would call me this weekend to make more solid plans.”

Senseless irritation was gone. I was
full-on furious. “What the hell? You know how much I like him. How could you do
this?” My heart pounded and my stomach felt as if it had dropped down to my
toes.

Abashed, Amber took a step back. “I know,
but I didn’t know what else to do. He took me by surprise. Besides it’s not
like we are going steady or anything. It’s just prom. You know I don’t like him
that way. Darren is the one that I think is cute, but he already has a date and
couldn’t care less about me.” Amber paused. “Look, I won’t go if it’s going to
upset you that much.”

I was still reeling from the emotional
face-slap. “Whatever! You go ahead. I have a date to prom anyway. I guess I’ll
see ya there.” I turned on my heel to catch the bus before it pulled away,
eager to seek an escape, any escape.

As I mindlessly wandered toward the back of
the bus, Sabrina took one look at my pale face and snagged me by the backpack,
hauling me down to the seat next to her.  

“Okay, out with it!” She demanded. “Why do
you look like you’re about to throw up?”

I looked at the floor not sure how to put
into words what had occurred or what I was feeling. I glanced up at Sabrina
then stared back down at my hands, fidgeting with the zipper on my backpack.
“Nothing… everything… I don’t know.” I paused then closed my eyes and tipped my
head back against the seat. “Ughh! Why did he have to ask her? Out of every
girl in school, why Amber?”

“Oh, no! This doesn’t sound good at all.
Spit it out!”

I blurted it out with an emphatic puff of
frustration: “Gabriel asked Amber to go to prom with him and she said yes.” I
watched Sabrina, gauging her reaction.

Her eyes widened. “Shut the door! Whoa, you
must be so upset.”

“I know, right? But I’m not really mad at
Amber. It’s not her fault that he doesn’t even know I exist. She was shocked
too. Am swears that she doesn’t even like Gabe because she has the hots for
Darren. She even said that she wouldn’t go if I didn’t want her to.”

I gazed out the window at the passing
scenery. I loved springtime with the fresh green grass and everything in bloom,
the promise of new things to come. But my mood didn’t match the scenery.

I sighed. “I guess I’ll go with Tim. Then I
won’t miss out on the action and Amber won’t worry about me being upset.” I
decided, reluctantly, to not just go to the dance, but to make the most of it.
I would have a riot no matter what the circumstances were.

Over the next few weeks all three of us
were consumed by preparations for the dance. My quest for the right dress—for
both me and my girlfriends—meant that I forgot to feel sorry for myself, and
began to truly look forward to the big night.

I still couldn’t believe that grandma and
mom had actually decided to let me go. Granted I had the earliest curfew of all
of my friends, and had strict instructions about riding in cars with boys, and
how to handle any sordid scenario that could possibly arise. Still, I was going
to an upperclassmen dance and all my best friends would be there. It would be a
night to remember.

TIM:
Make no mistake. I am fully aware that Roshell agreed to go to prom
with me under the agreement that we are just friends. But look at her... she’s
amazing. Her sandy blonde hair is pulled up into a clip with those ringlet
thingies falling down to the middle of her shoulder blades. I can tell that she
put a subtle liner around her greenish-blue eyes that make them pop out of her
heart-shaped face. She told me once that she hates her long, straight nose, but
I never really noticed. We guys don’t usually pay attention to all of the
things that you girls see as imperfections. What we notice are the things that
make our hearts race and our blood sing. With Roshell, I would have to say it’s
her full mouth with a slightly heavier bottom lip that lends her a natural
pout.