Embracing You, Embracing Me (13 page)

His smirk was irritating. I had half a mind
to put him in his place but realized that with only half a mind, I had better
keep my mouth shut. Then his expression softened as he gave us a closer look.
“Forget I asked,” he said. “No more for either of you. You’re both officially
cut off.” He snagged the beers out of our hands.

“Awww,” we cried in unison. “What a party
pooper!” Amber complained half-heartedly. She had drunk too much and looked
somewhat relieved that someone had intervened, saving us from our
self-destruction.

I, however, didn’t miss a beat. No one was
going to tell me what to do, or try to put a damper on our party. I snagged
Amber by the wrist and dragged her back inside when I heard our favorite Garth
Brooks song come on, “Come on girl! It’s our song!”

Gabe and Darren just laughed as we stumbled
indoors to sing at the top of our lungs, off-key and obnoxious.

By the next song, everyone had joined in
and were screaming out the lyrics, following along with AC/DC’s
Shook Me All
Night Long.
Out of the corner of my, I saw Darren stop quick in his tracks
just as he stepped through the doorway. His face lit up, “Now that’s what I’m
talkin’ about! Now it’s a party!”

Gabriel was right behind and gave him a
little shove, pushing through so he could have a look at what Darren was so
stoked about.

He took one look at the way Amber and I
were dancing provocatively on the living room coffee table and hesitated for
only a moment. His expression shifted, his soft mouth hardened and he marched
over, snatched me off the table with a fierce protectiveness and flung me over
his shoulder. “You’re done now,” he grumbled.

I was laughing hysterically with my hair
hanging down over my face, the world upside down as he stomped towards the back
of the house. I could feel the blood rushing to my head and could hear everyone
laughing at the little scene they had just witnessed.

“Hey, no fair!” I complained. “We were just
starting to really have some fun out there.” But once we were in the guest bedroom,
and Gabriel set me back down on my feet, I felt the room spin wildly and a
roaring sound rushed through my ears. I put a hand to my head and closed my
eyes in attempt to fight off the spinning sensation. “Oooh, I’m a little dizzy
now.”

Gabriel reached out and held me steady then
guided me toward the bed.

My head began to spin even faster with my
eyes closed so I chanced opening them again. “It’s your fault.” I spat out.
“You’re a barbarian throwing me around like that. I think you wiggled a screw
loose, and now I can’t see straight!” I frowned up at him trying to show my
frustration but had enough sense to realize how comical I probably looked with
my eyes half crossed.

Gabriel just shook his head with a laugh,
“I won’t argue about there being a screw loose, but I definitely think that
your current problem is directly related to a large amount of alcohol
consumption.”

I humphed, “I’m perfectly fine and I’m
going right back out there to have a good time!” I defiantly attempted to stand
up, but the world instantly tilted and I plopped my butt back down onto the
soft bed. My body was not cooperating. How dare it.

Gabriel leaned over, and pulled off my
shoes, ignoring my childish behavior. “What you are doing, is getting your butt
into that bed and passing out until morning.” His tone was strict and warned
off any argument.

I briefly entertained the idea of being
stubborn and arguing with him just for sport, but quickly discarded that
thought when I suddenly felt very ill. Then, with a quickness that astounded
even me, I jumped up and bolted for the bathroom, where I proceeded to bring up
everything that I had consumed over the last four hours. Afterwards, I brushed
my teeth and shuffled back to the guest room, moaning my misery throughout the
house. The numbness had worn off. I felt raw and sensitive as my body rejected
the abuse I’d shown it. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and sleep for a week.

When I returned, Gabriel was lying on his
back with his hands folded across his chest, waiting patiently. He rolled over
onto his side with a look that said he knew what I was going through. With a
sympathetic grin, he sat up, “Feel better now, princess?”

I groaned and ran my fingers through my
hair knowing I must look frightful and smelled sour. “Ugh! I think I threw up
meals from a past life in there!”

Gabriel gave out a quick hoot and inched me
toward the bed. He tucked me in, gave the top of my head a quick kiss and then
turned to leave the room.

I reached out with both arms in a childlike
manner, whining, “Don’t go. Please. I feel sick and dizzy still. I promise not
to breathe my dragon breath on you.”

Gabriel turned and looked at the pitiful
sight I made.

GABRIEL:
I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. I shouldn’t have let her
drink so much. In fact, I probably shouldn’t have let her drink at all, but
then again stopping Roshell from anything once she sets her mind to it is
probably not a challenge that I’m up for yet. Damn, she’s stubborn.

Oh well, the damage was done. I could at
least try to be some comfort to her.

He was gentle when he climbed over, careful
not to disturb me. It was best that I stay on the outside edge in case I needed
to jump up and run to the bathroom again.

We were both still fully clothed, tired and
ready to call it a night. Gabriel scruffed around in an effort to get comfortable.
I was beyond comfort. I was hammered and sick.

Then he slung his arm around my shoulders
and pulled me close. The discomfort eased. I let out a few muffled groans and
was soon taking in deeper, slower breaths as I drifted off.

Despite the nausea and embarrassment, I
somehow felt indescribably perfect lying there in his arms and wished I could
hold on to the moment forever.

GABRIEL:
I was supposed to be helping my dad out in the flower fields behind
our house, but since it was the first day of sunshine in weeks, I found myself
nodding off under my tree.

One of my favorite ways to relax is to
escape into the imagery of a good book, so I snuck away with the excuse of
taking a fifteen minute break and crawled under the large willow tree, picking
up where I had left off in ‘Catcher in the Rye’.

The rays of sunshine streaked in through
the still leafless, but budding trees and warmed my body. It felt so good and
before I knew it I had drifted off.

I’m not sure if it had been only minutes or
a half hour when I woke to the sound of horses hooves. Thinking that I was in
the midst of a dream I looked around and didn’t see anything other than open
fields, but could still hear the sound of horse shoes clopping along on
pavement, now accompanied by girls’ laughter.

Girls! I’m a dude. I followed the sound of
the laughter. As I rounded the corner of our house I looked down the rural side
road that passed our front lawn. Not far along Amber and Roshell were mounted
on Amber’s two horses and chattering as if they had not a care in the world.

I didn’t want to interrupt their obvious
enjoyment of the afternoon excursion so I slowly slipped back around the corner
of the house. I haven’t yet brought Roshell to my place so I was pretty sure
that they would pass on by without knowing where I lived. I felt a little
foolish watching them from a distance like that but liked watching the two
girls trot the horses down the road completely oblivious to being observed.
They were so much more at ease with just each other than when in a social
setting, especially if boys are around.

Their hair was bouncing down their backs
with the movement of the horses. They looked beautiful. But I had to get back
to work, if I wanted to see Roshell later in the evening.

The past few months since Christmas break
have gone smoothly between the two of us, but there has been no further
discussion of commitment and I feel that it’s time to bring it up again.

Gabriel shared dinner at my house with my
family. He faired well with their exuberant conversation, everyone talking over
one another. I was no longer so nervous when he came over. He seemed to accept
my situation and in fact was melding into my family quite well. After his
visit, I held his hand and stepped into the cool night air with a sky full of
stars above us.

GABRIEL:
My plan was to find a way to bring up the status of our
relationship, but throughout the evening, I sensed an unease about her. I
waited until we were sitting in the front seat of the Mustang before I gently
started to prod her with questions. I wanted her to open up about whatever was
bothering her.

She of course gave the typical chick
“nothing” brush-off comment. So I opted for reverse psychology and acted like I
was no longer interested.

It worked. She finally opened up.

I listened as Gabriel randomly talked about
how he was going to miss playing football next year after he graduated. He had
loved the game ever since he was a young boy and his father started taking him
out in the field to toss the pig skin around. He liked the sport just fine, but
it was the time with his father that always pushed him harder. His dad wanted
him to play well so he played the best that he could knowing that he would be
there watching and would be proud.

His words struck me on a very personal
level as they ironically mirrored some of the current feelings I had in regards
to ballet. I asked, “Did you ever think that was the only reason that you were
playing football, was to please your dad?”

Gabriel shook his head. “No, I really love
the game. But I imagine that if I didn’t happen to enjoy it then I would still
play to make my dad happy.” Tilting his head, he looked at me straight on,
“What about you? Do you dance to please anyone else or is it just for
yourself?”

I narrowed my eyes in deep reflection. How
did he read me like that? I wondered. “At first it was just for my own satisfaction.
I wanted so badly to dance and would beg my mom for lessons but we were always
too poor to afford such frivolity.” I paused and looked down at my hands to
avoid his gaze. It embarrassed me to talk of my family’s financial status.

Reaching out I grabbed a pen that was lying
on the seat next to his school notebook. I needed something to keep my hands
busy as I talked. “Anyway, on my ninth birthday my mom surprised me. She had
signed me up for six months of ballet lessons. There was a studio in town that
was offering a deal so she scrambled together enough money and signed me up.
She knew that she couldn’t keep up with the lessons after the six months, but
was hoping that I would enjoy it while I could. What she didn’t realize is that
I would be good enough and work so hard during class and even at home, that
when the six months was over and she had to notify my instructor that she
wouldn’t be able to continue paying for my lessons, my instructor would offer
me a work scholarship.

“I jumped at the chance to stay. It was a
little embarrassing when the other girls would see me stay after class to clean
the studio and reception area, but I really didn’t care as long as it kept me
dancing. I was good! The physical strain that I put on my body everyday was
like a drug. I loved pushing myself to the limit and knowing that it was paying
off. I became lean and incredibly strong for my size. Until then, I’d always
been a bit scrawny. The mental and physical discipline was something that I had
never experienced before but thrived on and craved. I can’t explain it. It just
fit you know?”

I glanced up to see if he was looking at me
like I was crazy.

He wasn’t. He was staring a bit intently,
but with understanding. “Sounds to me like you’re explaining it just fine,” he
said simply.

I gave a weak smile then looked back down
at the pen. Sometimes meeting Gabriel’s eyes was just too much. He could look
right into my heart and it often left me feeling raw and exposed. Talking about
feelings was difficult enough, without his penetrating blue stare. “So this
past year, I’ve been thinking about quitting and my mom and grandma are totally
wigging out about it.”

“Why do you want to quit? Don’t you feel
the same way  anymore?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I
mean in the moments that I am actually dancing I love it like never before. I
just kind of lose myself in it. But lately I have been thinking about the more
realistic aspects of being a ballerina and I’m starting to think that it may no
longer be a fit for me.”

“Why’s that?”

I continued, my brow furrowed, “Well let’s
see. For one thing, they don’t make very much money. Most of them are starving
and it’s not just because they want to stay skinny for the next role, but
because they are completely broke. I don’t see that for myself. We all know how
much I like to eat!” I joked with a little grin, wanting to add a bit of humor
to lighten the mood.

“Then there is the money thing. At this
point in my career I should be thinking about auditioning for bigger companies
in bigger cities, but I would have to move and pay tuition and room and board.
There is no way my family could afford that even if I did get a scholarship to
help out.