Fangs Rule (2 page)

Dumb, stupid, rude, smelly, insensitive, uncaring, unfeeling. Need I say more?

Boyfriends are boys that are not friends. Handsome, charming, caring, strong, sweet, cute, hot, fit... Er ………… the difference is obvious. If not then you are still too young for a boyfriend and should stick with your stuffed bats.

Er ..... My Aunt thinks My boyfriend Max is a good catch due to his Dad where as I think he is cute.

Meeting the boyfriend's parents for the first time is a problem, like what to wear and how to act. It's best to have some simple rules to follow.

1. Don't talk about boys you have bitten or have bitten you in the past.

2. Don't tell risky stories like the first time you came on heat and what you tried to do with the head of the council until guards pulled you off him and forced you to give back his pants.

3. Don't offer to raise your dress to show them your family brand at the dinner table.

4. Don't comment on the food, ever. Even if it is still alive and you have to catch it before it runs off, if you have to say anything just point out how you enjoy frisky fresh food.

5. Lastly, no matter how weird, strange, odd, peculiar and down right creepy his parents are or act, try very hard not to point his out to him.

Reasons:

A: Strangely he has somehow failed to notice.

B: Or, he has noticed and is praying hard that you haven't.

C: Remember what your own are like.

Wow, yes, blood. The taste, the feel and the pleasure of it... wowwwwww. (Sorry, getting a bit carried away again.) Humans always think it is disgusting how we can like blood so much knowing where it comes from, well, all I have to say is that they eat eggs knowing where they come from. And as to milk, well it's just perverted to enjoy milk unless you're a baby.

Forget the human movies about bathing in the blood of virgin teenage girls to keep young, it's rubbish - and besides, just where do you find virgin human teenagers now? And, like, are you going to ask them personal questions about their love life before you add them as a bath salt? I think not.

Next the idea of filling a swimming pool full of blood is also only something for the movies.

1. You will need to kill off a small city to get that amount of blood.

2. Blood is too sticky to swim in.

3. It would start to congeal and change colour before it's half full, and form a skin on the surface that you could bounce off.

I can give it another name, and that is Dad and Daughter bonding, in the form of hunting trips. This is when quality time can be spent with your Dad, no longer is he the old fashion monster of a Male that storms into your bedroom without knocking while you're changing and demanding that you apologize to your Mother for something that she is shouting at him about.

I personally have my Uncle take me out on these trips and apart from the boring bits where he tries to teach me patience when watching the prey, they are fantastic fun. We get to run across rooftops together and generally both act as overgrown kids, and at the end of the night I've always built up a incredible appetite. We then finish off with a filling meal that my uncle has picked out for me.

As you know there are more than 200 minor human blood groups, but most people stick with just the common ones: A, B, AB, and O.

We all get to know which blood groups we like and which we don't - but remember they can be mixed for more interesting tastes, or better still mixed with chocolate.

I know we can all go on crazy diets at times. When living with humans I lived off animal blood but it was not good for me and I was weak, anaemic and generally ill most of the time. Good Blood means good health! If vegetarian Vampires ever existed they have long ago become extinct.

Blood is always available in little snack packs supplied to the Nest from our own blood banks, where we offer a good price for blood (and sell on any excess to the human hospitals). But bagged blood isn't like the real thing served warm from a neck - it just tastes so much better fresh.

Fake Blood. Yes, it does exist, coloured red and full of iron and vitamins. It has a long shelf life and is handy when travelling to places where there is a shortage of prey, or when you need to stay hidden for a long time. I have tasted some for research purposes and I can sum it up in one word: CRAP.

Of all the ways to die, everyone forgets the obvious and that is lack of blood. Whether leaking from a wound or just plain hunger, this is the major reason to carry a snack pack of some kind with you. Along with the normal girly things in your bag, remember to have a pack of blood in case you get the munchies.

Some Vampires can get a little carried away when they are fighting and kinda lose control. A pile of dead bodies is normally a strong hint that someone is not in a social mood.

Our blood holds a memory of when we first evolved. Our nature was a bit cat-like, Females had a hunting area to feed and breed which they protected from other Females with fang and claw, while Male Vampires controlled a very large hunting area that covered the areas of six or more Females. They would protect the Females and kill any other Male daring to enter the area - or be killed himself, and his area taken over by the new dominant Male. All this meant the Females only ever met the best and strongest of Males to mate with. Being so long-lived a species nature made conceiving difficult, and so mate they did when ever the Male visited... which I expect was a line the Males told the Females to get sex, as we all know you can't get pregnant unless you're on heat.

Breaking in a new bra! A bra should be comfortable the instant you put it on, it is not like a horse you should not need to break it in… heck it not that I have that much to go in it!

First time on and I normally get a spot where the strap digs in at the back… and it hurts…. Why the heck get a spot there? ……The first person to say hormones, I will bite them! …ok!

Also comments like you need some sunshine will get a similar response: I am a vampire… Sun bathing is not one of our normal activities … Ok?

OK, I know it is a bit personal, but we all have one because we are Female. Yes, they may look slightly different in shape and we keep them hidden under our panties, but they all do the same thing and that is to say we are Female and can breed.

The family brand is located on either your left or right hip and tells the world you are a girl, and what family owns you, and what rank you are in the Nest.

Family brands can be so tacky looking - mine looks like a pink bat, which must be one of the worst. Like, who would come up with having a bat as a secret family sign? And what's so secret about a family sign when your Aunt buys you a jumper designed with a large pink bat across your chest...?

As to being secret, everyone knows us as the Pink Bat Family! I have pink bat earrings, I even have little pink bats on my underwear! What does my Aunt think I am, Five?! She says it is an honor to have bats on them but I know it's my honor she's thinking about, as I would just die of shame if a boy were to ever see them.

The additional Alpha Brand can only be placed by agreement from the Council, and is a circle of gold burnt into your skin around your family brand. It hurts like heck when you are branded, it's meant to be an honor but you just feel like a branded cow until it stops hurting!

OK, I see the logic for breeding contracts for family purity, but not when they are imposed on a Female, or for that matter a Male. Unknown to young Alpha Males and Females the Council along with the young Alphas' parents will have had contracts signed saying with whom their children will breed with.

This is barbaric! We do not even know who they have chosen to be our breeding partner. Then, as a girl, one day you come on heat and instead of your parents locking you in a room on your own until you stop clawing at the door in desperate need of a Male (or failing that, a broom handle) you get to meet him. One day you'll find that when coming on heat you are taken to a room with a boy in it, and be locked in together for three or four days, after which you will be well and truly pregnant. And if the boy is still alive and possibly able to stand, he is now your spouse.

Parents say it's a decision they take to help their children but the children have the final say, as only by willingly having sex together can the contract be legally binding. That's crap! Lock a hot-blooded boy and a girl on heat in the same room for three days and they will be either mated or dead.

If you have a nice butt then you can be proud of it, so it is OK to show it off but …….. try not to get it tattooed with words you do not understand, as I remember seeing a human girl with a price ticket on her butt!

Late one night in a 24/7 shop I saw a human girl do the normal female trick of bending over to show passing males what she has to offer.

They say the reason why fashion has the boobs pushed up to have cleavage is to represent bending over, and if that is true we know why red lipstick has always been so fashionable!!

Anyway, back to the girl bending over and giving a free show that some guys would pay money for. On her right cheek she had a tattoo which was the Chinese symbol for GOLD. You have to ask why?

1. She believes that her butt is very valuable?

2. She wants to tell everyone how valuable her butt is?

So we now come to the conclusion that she is advertising her fantastic rear end as a commodity and asking for offers for it? Fine if you want to start a new career as a hooker, but if not, perhaps think what tattoos you have and what they can mean!

An all purpose tool. Look after them and they will look after you: you should always keep them sharp and clean. Useful for anything from opening boxes to cutting someone's head off.