Finding Ever After (26 page)

           
Vi and I found a plate of steak and potatoes that the guys had grilled earlier,
wrapped up for each of us in the kitchen and I was surprised by how hungry I
was even after all the seafood followed by the frozen yogurt we treated
ourselves to this afternoon.

           
“When you girls are done you should come out to the hot tub, that’s where the
other two are.” Bas told us before stripping out of his hoodie and t-shirt so
he was left in just his swimming trunks. Jake followed suit and they both
headed out the side door, not before grabbing a case of beer to take with them

           
It took me all of five minutes to clean my plate,
Vi
too. Soaking in the hot tub sounded heavenly, just the thing for my sore legs
and tired body, but I was reluctant to join them. Not because I wanted to avoid
Kyden, but I was unsure of how much awkwardness there would be between us, or
if he would just act like it was nothing.

           
In the end
Vi
persuaded me to go change out of the
dress and get my butt out there. I was glad I did too because the hot water and
the jets felt just as amazing as I knew they would, and Kyden acted like
nothing was up and barely acknowledged me. He wasn’t rude or cruel, just
withdrawn.

           
I was the first one to call it a night, Bas had caught me resting my eyes twice
and I figured it was time to get out before one of them had to carry me out.
Upstairs I peeled off my swim shorts and tank top and left them on the bathroom
floor while I climbed into the shower and rinsed the chlorine from my skin and
hair. I practically fell into bed after toweling off and slipping into pajama
bottoms and a t shirt. I groaned when my face hit the pillow and I pulled the
covers up to my neck, they smelled like him. Not alcohol or whatever girl he’d
had buried
himself
in, just his body wash, which I
knew because I’d already sniffed out his shower products, and that light scent
that was just him.

           
I wanted to tear them off the bed and burn them, but that might have been a tad
overdramatic. Instead I tore them off, piled them in the corner of the room and
remade the bed with the spare bedding from the closet. Once the smell of him
was no longer invading my nose I drifted off to sleep, a much more restful
sleep than the night before.

           
“Jazz, you ready? We’re leaving in five.” Bas yelled up to my room.

           
“Yeah, I’ll be down in just a minute.” I hollered back. I finished up my make
up with a coat of mascara and took a final look in the mirror. Dark blue
Captain America tank with faded blue denim cut off shorts, simple makeup, not
overdone and hair pulled into a side braid over my shoulder, I called it good,
turned out the light and slipped into my red flip flops.

           
Bas was waiting at the bottom of the stairs in cargo shorts a blue v-neck and
his red BU baseball cap.
“Ready to celebrate the independence
of this fine nation?”

           
“Why yes I am sir, lead me to the fried food, cotton candy and carnival games.”
I playfully demanded. I was feeling upbeat and looking forward to the Fourth of
July festivities.

           
The band was already there unloading and setting up equipment, Danny and Marcus
with them. I hadn’t seen any of them since yesterday evening. When Ace and the
others got back they decided to go out to one of the local bars. I was in bed
before they got home, and they were already gone when I woke up this morning.
Kyden hadn’t tried to sleep in my room since the day he passed out in there
drunk. I still wasn’t sure how to be around him. We’d hardly spoken or
interacted at all since the hot tub. I wasn’t going out of my way to avoid him,
but I didn’t know what to say or how not to make it awkward. It was entirely
possible that he was avoiding me, and if that’s how he wanted it, then I would
follow his lead.

           
I was confident that most of the anxiety and distress I’d felt over Kyden was
due to my emotions running on high from reliving my nightmare and sharing so
much of myself with him. I’d let my emotions get away from me, but after a
couple of days I felt more like myself and I was determined not to let it
happen again. Sometimes though, all the determination in the world means very
little as I would find out later that day.

           
“Come on Bas, you promised to win me that giant stuffed monkey. I want to see
you keep that promise.” I goaded him after he missed, just barely, in his first
attempt at one of those rigged carnival games. Five minutes later, after his
second try, I walked away grinning and clutching my prize in my arms.

           
“You realize the amount of money I spent on tickets to win that stupid thing
could have bought you two of them?” He asked.

           
“That is not the point. I wanted mine won.” Pleased with myself and my new
aviator wearing monkey, I headed in the direction of the stage. I felt
something small land in my hair. I stopped and turned in time to catch Bas
launching bits of popcorn like projectiles. I reached out to snatch the bag of
popcorn from his hand but in a moment that happened so fast I couldn’t stop it,
Bas leaned forward and used my outstretched hand to yank me forward right over
his shoulder.

           
“
Bas,
put me down.
Right now.
You’re not funny.”

           
“Actually I think I am.” It was his turn to be pleased with himself and he
clearly was. I however, was not amused.
Much.
I tried
to swing the monkey up to hit him in the back of the head, but I’m pretty
certain I just looked like a flailing lunatic, yelling laughing and swinging a
stuffed monkey that I’d named Goose.

           
“Nice monkey you got there.” I heard Spade’s voice and from the number of feet
I could see around us I knew we had to be close to the stage.

           
“Thanks.” I replied even though I couldn’t turn to look at him because Bas
still hadn’t released me.

           
“Wasn’t talking to you Rainbow.”
I opened my mouth,
ready with a sarcastic comeback of my own but instead I let out a high pitched
squeal after an unexpected swat landed on my behind. I almost jerked right out
of Bas’ grip and onto the ground.

           
“Thanks man, I’m pretty fond of her even though she’s a little odd and smells
kinda
funny.” That time I succeeded in smacking him upside
the head with the stuffed animal and I finally wriggled loose and slid back
down to my feet. “
Ow
. She’s
kinda
violent too.” They laughed and I knew Bas was just trying to get a rise out of
me, but I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. I looked around to see if I
could spot
Vi
, or one of my more mature friends. Then
I remembered I don’t have any mature friends.

           
Vi
and Jake weren’t at the stage yet, but Ace, Chris,
Danny and Marcus were up there moving cords and
mics
around. I didn’t see Kyden. I hopped up onto the stage and sat with my legs
dangling over the edge and Goose in my lap while ignored the two boneheads and
waited for
Vi
.

           
“These guys bothering you beautiful?”
I grinned and
Ace sat down beside me, hanging his legs off the stage next to mine.

           
“As a matter of fact they are.” I narrowed my eyes and shot the nastiest glare
I could at the two who just smirked.

           
“Should I call security to escort them out?” Ace asked in his most serious
voice. Approaching giggles caught my attention and I looked over my left
shoulder to see Kyden strolling up to the stage with a beer in one hand, a
blonde on his right and a brunette on his left. His eyes met mine for a fraction
of second before he shoved his tongue down the brunettes throat while his free
hand roamed all over her body. Afterward it was the blondes turn. I don’t know
why I watched, it just made me sick. The whole scene was revolting. Kyden
finally pulled his face away and with a smack on her rear he jumped up on the
stage, chugged the last of the beer in his hand, then picked up his guitar and
started messing with it.

           
Ace let out a frustrated sigh beside me and then Spade and Bas came over to
stand in front of us. “How long has he been at it?” Bas asked.

           
“I think he started at breakfast.” Ace answered. I guessed they were referring
to the alcohol, but for all I knew they meant the girls, or both.

           
“I don’t know how many he’s had since we got here, but it’s been like that all
day.” Spade tipped his head to indicate the two girls who were still standing
at the end of the stage, giving Kyden slutty eyes.

           
“Will he be able to play drunk?” I imagined they were getting paid for this
gig, and probably decently. Whatever was going on with Kyden could potentially
mess things up for the rest of them.

           
“Yeah, he’ll be able to play just fine. I just hope no assholes even look at
him wrong tonight because he’s definitely in the mood to rip someone apart. The
last thing we need is another fight.” I looked at Spade in confusion.

           
“Another fight?”
He looked away, not wanting to meet
my eyes. None of them did in fact. They all had guilty expressions and I knew
they were keeping something from me. “What is it? Just tell me.”

           
“Nothing Rainbow.
He’s just in a bad place right now
and there was a bit of a scuffle at the bar last night, but you don’t need to
worry about it.”

           
“Obviously I do. You guys wouldn’t have kept it from me if you didn’t think it
concerned me.” My frustration was palpable. I could put up with the silent
treatment and all the uncomfortable looks, even the girls, but booze and
fighting?

           
“We didn’t want you to worry about it. He’s just dealing with his
shit
and we’re trying to be understanding.” Ace explained,
but I didn’t want to hear it.

           
“Maybe he should just grow up and learn to control his temper. Being drunk and
pissed off isn’t a good excuse to get into a fight.” I spit out like the word
‘fight’ left a bitter taste in my mouth. I was so sick of guys who wouldn’t
evolve past the Neanderthal stage and thought everything could be solved by
clubbing someone.

           
“Jazz, I’m sorry but this time you don’t know what you’re saying. It might not
be right, what he’s doing, but it is understandable.” Bas defended. “I don’t
blame him for wanting to let loose on someone.” Great, now Bas was going to
encourage it?

           
“I don’t care. It’s not an excuse. He’s like a damn six year old acting out and
throwing a tantrum.”

           
“Hey,
you talking
about me?” Kyden’s voice was the
final straw and I snapped. I stood and turned to face him down, not intimidated
by the scathing look he sent my way. I marched right over and got in his face.
“You got something to say?” His condescending tone just added fuel to my
already blazing anger.

           
“What is your problem?”

           
“You want to be a little more specific
Princess
?” That word came out
like a sneer. “There’s so many ways I could answer that.” He looked me up and
down and I was actually taken aback by the disgust on his face.

           
“Hey man, don’t.” Spade said. Bas and Ace were at his side and the other guys
had stopped what they were doing to watch us intently. Bas put his hand on my
shoulder, but I just shrugged it off.

           
“No, go ahead and answer. Tell me whatever it is you’re dying to get out.” I
pushed and he pushed back.

           
“Why? So you can shut down and hide behind your boy here,” he gestured at Bas.
“While you bottle everything up inside and pretend you’re not a complete wreck?
Sorry if that’s not how all of us handle our shit.”

           
“Ky. What the hell man? You’ve been a
drunk
asshole
all week, and we haven’t said anything, but you’re going too far.” Ace warned.

           
“You listen to her fucked up shit for five minutes and then tell me you don’t
need a drink or six.” He scoffed. I lost it, I was so mad I expected steam to
come out of my ears.

           
“You think you know me? You think you have some deep insight into my life
because I told you that stuff? You don’t know anything. You don’t know what
it’s like to still wake up drenched in sweat trying to fight for your life
after three years. You have no idea how it feels like to see a monster in the
mirror, to have his eyes, to have any part of him.” I didn’t care who was
hearing this. I was just so tired of everyone else getting to react, while I
tried to keep my cool.
For once I wanted to say what I felt
when I felt it without holding back, so that’s what I did.

           
“You don’t think I get pissed off, that I don’t want to hurt them? Drowning in
in
alcohol, putting my fist in someone’s face, is that
what’s going to make it all better?” I took a couple steps forward so my face
was only inches away from his and I lowered my voice so he was the only one who
could hear me.

           
“Is that going to help me forget that I was almost raped and killed? Will that
take away the pain of having my father laugh at me like some silly child when I
tried to tell him about it? Do the booze, fighting and meaningless sex have the
answers? Will they tell me why I didn’t deserve to be loved or cherished or
protected? Will they fix all my problems? How’s it working for you? I’m not the
only screwed up one.” His face was expressionless, the smug grin finally wiped
away, but it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.

           
I stepped back and, without giving him another look, I turned and walked off
the stage. I wasn’t angry anymore. I didn’t know what I was, except that I had
no desire to stay there. I was no longer in the mood for any celebrating and I
especially didn’t want to watch Kyden up on that stage doing his thing.

           
“Hey, slow down Jazz.” I didn’t. “Come on, just stop for a second and talk to
me.” His hand gripped my shoulder and stopped me in my tracks. I turned around
and met his worried eyes.

           
“Bas really, not now.
I don’t feel like talking about my
feelings.”

           
“Okay, but where are you going?”

           
“Back to the house.
I don’t want to be here.” I
sighed.

           
“Okay then we’ll both go back.”

           
“No we won’t. You’re staying here. You love this and you look forward to the
fireworks all year, at least you used to. I promise I’m not going to have a
breakdown, I’m just a little worked up and I don’t want to be around
him,
or really anyone right now.”

           
“You want to tell me what you said to him back there at the end?”

           
“Nope.”

           
“You’re really going to be this stubborn and not let me go with you?” I smiled
and he sighed knowing he wouldn’t be able to change my mind.

           
“Fine but call me when you get back and you
are
going to lock every
single door and window and you
will
keep your cell phone on you at all
times so that I can call you every four and a half minutes.”