Here at Last (26 page)

Very.

Do you
want to
come over?

I don’t want to interfere with your Christmas with Hannah.

We did Christmas last night. Rachel’s parents have her through New Year
’
s.

Okay.
I’m starved. I was just going to make lunch.

How soon can you be here?

I
n an hour.

Great. Eat light. I’m cooking.

I turned off the stove
and
grabbed an apple off my kitchen island and took a bite. Then, I
carried
my suitcase
to the bedroom
and pulled
out what I was going to wear that
day – a dark green sweater with a
faux fur collar, black pants, and black boots. I took a shower and dressed
before g
rabbing
a bottle of wine
from
my pantry
and
he
ading
to
Nicholas
’s townhouse.

“
Hey,” he said, opening the door.

“Hi.” I walked in, and he took my coat and hung it up in the closet.

"
Did you eat
?"

“
An apple
,” I nodded
,
“
a
nd
a bag of
pretzels
on the plane
.
"

“
Go ahead and
sit down
in the living room,
and
I'll bring you some food. I was just finishing up in the kitchen.”

“Have you eaten?" I asked.

“No,” he called to me as he returned to the kitchen.
"I haven't eaten yet. I ended up on the phone with Hanna
h and various members of
my
family
most of the day. I’m
starved
.”

"How is your family on Christmas?"
I asked.

"Pretty good
,
"
he said returning to the room and handing
me a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, candied carrots, green beans with slivered almonds and toasted sesame oil, and
mock chicken in a sherry sauce.

“This looks delicious," I said, looking up at him. "Thank you."

“
You're welcome. Your timing was perfect. I just pulled the chicken out of the oven."

He put his plate down on the coffee table beside mine and went to get us some hot peppermint tea.
When
he returned, we began eating. We were both so hungry that we didn't talk for a few minutes.

After I'd finished my potatoes
and
beans and half of my chicken, I set my plate down on the table. The tea was cool enough to drink by then, and I
swallowed
about half
of it
.
I turned to
Nicholas
. "Thank you so
much for this. I feel
better
now
."

“Good,” he said.
He
finished
his meal and put his plate on the table. Looking at me quizzically, he asked, “What happened in New Jersey?"

I shook my head. "It was a mess. My parents were okay
t
he first few days.
They're always okay if nothing ruffles them.
Once
they feel out of control or something
unusual
happens, it's all over. That was this morning.
I’d had bad dreams last night and was exhausted this morning.
I
explained that I was having a hard time since it was my first Christmas without JT
and that I was going home early.
They were very angry with me. M
y father told me that I
’d
had a lot of Christmases in my life without
JT
and that I should get over it.
”

"He said that?"
Nicholas was
stunned
.

“
Essentially
,”
I shrugged. “My mother’s
no different
. She said if she knew that I wasn't going to be there
on
Christmas day,
they wouldn’t have bothered cleaning the
larger
guest
room
and
would ha
ve put me in the
smaller one
. She said
that I should stop feeling sorry for myself.
"

“I'm really sorry,"
Nicholas
said, shaking
his head
. "No wonder you
keep everything to yourself
."

“Now, you know.
There was o
ne bright spot though.”

“What was that?”

“My
sister
told me why
I don’t cry.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“
Rhonda and I got into trouble with my father once when we were kids, and I cried. He told me
that he didn’t want to hear a
sound
out of me and sent me to bed without dinner.
I remember feeling terrified of him for a long time
and
never cried after that.
”

Nicholas just shook his head. "I can't imagine
ever
saying anything like that to Hannah."

“I guess it proves the old adage that almost anyone can be a parent, but not everyone is a good one.”

He looked at me but didn’t say anything.





As afternoon
turned
into evening,
a chill filled
the air.
Nicholas
started a
fire
in the fireplace,
and
I s
at on the floor a few feet away
mesmerized by the flames.
Feeling
full
from our early dinner
and sleepy
from my early morning, I
lay
back
on the floor and watched the shadows
that were cast by the firelight
on
to
the ceiling.
Nicholas
grabbed a blanket from a nearby chair and spread it out over me before lying down on his back a few feet away.

I turned to look at him. “Thank you.” Then, I looked at the blanket. “It’s not Dora.”

He smiled and turned his head to face me. “No. It's an adult blanket in
an
adult size.” He looked almost wistful.

“You live in
a
little girl’s world here, don't you?"

He nodded and turned more serious. “I wouldn't trade it for the world
, but
some days….”

“
Yeah.
My sister says the same thing. She loves her kids but misses the freedom that she had before they were born."

Nicholas
rolled over on
to
his side and faced me.
"
Do you want to have kids?"

I shrugged. “I love them but never felt the need
to have any
.”

He nodded. “I used to feel the same way
, but
Rachel really wanted a baby."

“And now?”

“
Hannah’s
the
most important
part of my life."

We were quiet for a few minutes, and I started to
fall asleep
.

“
Sophia
?”
Nicholas
said
softly
.

“Hmm?”

“Merry Christmas.”

I
opened my eyes and
smiled. “
Merry Christmas.
Thank you for everything.”
I shivered.

“
Are you c
old?”
he
asked.

Nodding, I said,
“I’m always cold in the winter.”

“Come here,”
Nicholas
said, and I moved a few feet closer to him until we lay side by side. He
slid
his arm
beneath my neck
and re
arrang
ed the blanket so that
we were both
covered. “Better?”

“Much. I should probably go soon
,
” I told him
before
closing my eyes again
.

He sounded sleepy. “You’re welcome to stay. You can take my bed, and I'll sleep on the couch.”

Feeling
too tired to drive
, I agreed
. "Okay
b
ut I'll
take the sofa
, and you can have your bed.”

He
laughed quietly.
“Come on. You’ve had a long day.”
Pulling his arm
out
from under my neck,
he stood
and reached
his hand down to
ward
mine. He helped
me
stand
up
before turning
off the fire
.

We walked down the hall
way
to the bedroom, and he explained that he had just put fresh sheets on his bed the day before. If I
wanted
him to, he
w
ould change the sheets,
again,
but I told him that he need
n’t
bother
.
I looked at the
king-sized
bed.
After everything
that
he had done for me, I didn't have the heart to
make
him
sleep on the sofa on
Christmas night.

As he began to move toward the door, I said, “
Nicholas
– I don't feel comfortable sleeping in your bed while you’re on the sofa. It's okay if you want to sleep in your own bed.”

“Do you mean with you?” he asked.

I nodded.

He wasn't quite sure what to say. “Do you want the company?"
he
finally
asked.

I thou
ght about it for a moment. "
That would be nice.
"

He stood in the doorway
and
looked at me. Then, he turned off the light,
came back into the
room, and
we
climbed
in on opposite sides of the bed
.

"Are you okay with this?" I asked.

“Yeah. I think so. I haven't
slept
with anyone in years
– e
xcept Hannah,
"
he smiled.

Sliding his arm
beneath
my neck, Nicholas lay beside me and closed his eyes
.
Instinctively
, I rolled into his body and put my head against his chest as I used to do with JT. I hadn’t been held this way since he and I had been together in San Diego over Valentine’s Day.
I had an overwhelming
need
to cry
but couldn’t.
Instead, I
felt
my chest tighten
,
and
I
began to hyperventilate.

“Shh,” he said,
wrapping his other warm around me
and
stroking my hair
.
“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”

As
Nicholas
spoke to me,
I began to feel better, and we lay
together
quietly while my breathing returned to normal.

"What's the hardest part?"
he finally asked.

That question brought back
the memory of
my dream from the previous night. “Knowing that if I hadn't called JT at that very moment, he wouldn't have looked down at his cell phone
while he was driving
, and he might still be alive.”

“
Oh, God. Is that
what happened?"