How to Beat Up Anybody (8 page)

CHAPTER SIX:

MY PUNCH CAN CAUSE INSTANT MALE-PATTERN BALDNESS.

HAIRS ON THE HEAD ARE DEAD CELLS. I JUST MADE THEM DEADER.

Punching power is very important.
You want your punch to end the fight
. Not continue it.
Punching is one of the basics of karate that many people forget about
. It’s not all karate chops and flying kicks.

Punching power comes from the knuckles
. Your knuckles must not only be strong; they must be smart. As I make contact, my knuckles feel his nose and instantly know exactly what angle to hit him at, so that my fist makes his frontal hair follicles evaporate.
Punching precision equals punching power
. This is why I told you to train your knuckles by punching snowflakes. I hit this guy with a short jab. With a bigger wind-up, I could’ve killed him. But I just wanted to teach him a lesson. He will never recover from this.
Bruises heal. But hair loss is permanent
. The wind created from my moving fist pinned his ears back a little too. A punch that creates instant male-pattern baldness isn’t a move I’m expecting you to be able to replicate—but it’s something you should aim for.

I’m The World Champion and nobody can match my punching power.

IF I PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE CHEST, I CAN DISLOCATE HIS SHOULDER BLADE.

Here’s how this particular fight went down. . .

BIG MUSCLES DON’T MEAN SOMEONE IS STRONGER THAN YOU.

BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT HE’S SLOWER.

Bullies usually take off their shirts in a fight to show off their muscles. The trick to beating up a bare-chested bully is
to use his muscles against him
.

I PUNCH HIM HARD IN THE CHEST AT AN UPWARDS ANGLE OF
45 DEGREES
.

My punch starts an escalating domino effect of destruction. It knocks his chest muscles against his rib cage, the rib cage slams against his lungs, the lungs bang against the rear of the rib cage which crashes into his spine, the spine collides into his inner back muscles, and
the inner back muscles dislocate his shoulder blade
. Each ricochet of the internal organs gets more and more powerful. His upper body is a pinball machine of pain right now.

WITH HIS SHOULDER BLADE DISLOCATED, HE CAN’T MOVE HIS ARM TO BLOCK MY PUNCH.

The shoulder blade is the most underrated part of a fighter’s body
. Without it, a fighter has no offense or defense. The assailant’s arrogant tactic of fighting bare-chested allowed me to do greater damage to him. When I punch skin to skin, my fists are beyond lethal. There’s no fabric getting in the way to soften the blow. This fight lasted less than 5 seconds.

The shoulder-blade-dislocation-chest-punch is a very advanced move. It takes 30
years to master
.
If
you’re able to
master
it,
you’ll never lose a fight
.

In addition to punching power, you must also have
kicking power
.

MY KARATE KICK CAN BEAT UP A BUILDING.

A CONSTRUCTION CREW IS AT WORK TRYING TO FIX THE BUILDING AFTER I KARATE KICKED IT ONCE.

WORLD CHAMPION: 1 BUILDING: 0

A MULTI-STORY BUILDING HAS NO CHANCE AGAINST THE KARATE POWER OF THE WORLD CHAMPION.

Beating up a building is not something I normally do. But the left side of this building had secretly been seized by a gang of pedophile space aliens who were plotting to take over earth one child rape at a time. For the children of earth, I did what I had to do. My one karate kick killed all the evil aliens. Earth,
the planet I choose to call home, must be protected at all costs
.

The construction crew trying to put the building back together was later ordered by the government to stop work. But they were not told why, because this was a top secret mission.