How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (22 page)

and was raised very Catholic. I was a virgin when I got married and ¾ Men fake orgasms, too. If they think they are not going to had no understanding or knowledge about sex. Yet with my husband, come, they have been known to suddenly pull a groin muscle we can often come together; I thought everyone did. But it wasn’t or get a stomachache.

until my American girlfriends told me that [coming together] was uncommon that I realized I was an exception. I now know that the reason it happens for us is we are so tuned to one another’s bodies.”

Multiple and

There are those people, however, who, no matter how much they Simultaneous Orgasms

try, do not experience simultaneous orgasms. Often this is because of their physiologies. In other words, because of their shape, men may not be able to “hit” her in the right spot, or women can only orgasm Though I don’t think the media have intentionally misled us about through direct clitoral stimulation, which is often difficult during orgasm, they have reinforced and perpetuated certain inaccuracies. In intercourse. So, gentlemen, do not feel inadequate if simultaneous its hungry quest for information about the heady subject of sex, the orgasm is not part of your sexual repertoire.

An investment banker from Boston said, “I finally decided to stop keeping up with the Joneses sexually. It was making me and my husband stressed with always trying to do what was in books and
NINE

make things ‘work.’ I wanted to try something new, but I went too far. Now it is fun to look and say sure let’s try, and if it works, great,

⎯⎯⎯ ● ⎯⎯⎯

and if it doesn’t, well that’s not for us.”

There are ways both men and women can practice or train their N i g h t s o f n i r v a n a :

bodies to be more responsive or ready for multiple orgasms. Start with exercising your PC muscle and getting it into shape. The PC

muscle is slung from the front to the hack of the pelvic girdle in both I n t e r c o u r s e T h a t W i l l

sexes. Men have two holes through it, the anus and the urethra, whereas women have three: the anus, vagina, and urethra. It is the L e a v e H e r B r e a t h l e s s

control of the expulsion phase of the man’s orgasmic response that enables him to become multiorgasmic. In women, it’s a strong PC

muscle that enables them to come more powerfully. Women are naturally more capable of being multiorgasmic, in part because their orgasm is not tied to ejaculation, which men in the seminars stated takes an enormous amount of energy from a man.

But it remains true that for most couples, multiple and

Deep Connection

simultaneous orgasms don’t happen often, easily, or without hard work. Please note the operative term—work.

You’ve led her to the place of ultimate relaxation and romance; A man’s ability to satisfy and share with his partner in many ways you’ve moved her to the heights of arousal through oral and manual is the real test of his lovemaking skill. Creating an orgasm is just sex, perhaps even including some fun with toys; now it’s time to one. Therefore, though you may agree that achieving an orgasm does push her over the top with the most sensual, soulful intercourse not necessarily equal satisfaction, it is often our immediate and most imaginable. Ultimately, we all want to get to this place, where deep important barometer or scale that we use to measure whether or not connection feels complete. I believe a woman’s desire is often best the sex was “good.” Some people even claim they really haven’t fulfilled with you inside of her, leaving her breathless and sated. One made love if one or both of them don’t come. Instead of judging your woman said, “Sometimes it is almost overwhelming, my wanting to lovemaking, enjoy it. An orgasm is meant to delight both of you, not have him inside of me—like now! There is nothing that compares to be a barometer of your pleasure.

the feeling of when he first enters me.”

In order to be a master lover during intercourse, a few premises must be acknowledged. First, you need to take into consideration your attitude in general. A woman wants to know not only that you find her attractive and want her but that you also respect her. Once this level of comfort and trust is established, then she wants you to take her with abandon.

Second, at this stage, you need to have paid attention to her entire But for all this hard work, the beauty of sex remains in the body before you begin to penetrate her. Finally, let go and see what fabulous friction created when bodies move together. The main happens. Let your and her body lead you without any preconceived movement of intercourse will always be the thrusting in and out. But ideas of exactly what will happen.

there is a decided art to thrusting well. Here are some of the Most women realize that intercourse is strenuous and requires suggestions I’ve collected from the ladies’ seminars.

work and energy. With that in mind, I’d like to share a story with you. A friend of mine and I were hanging out one day discussing sex, 1. Please start slowly, very slowly, and build the tempo.

and he mentioned how sex can be such hard work for men. When I 2. Mix short strokes with long and deep.

laughed at this notion, he said, “Okay, Lou, I’m gonna prove 3. Make different moves with your hips—try wiggles and

something to you, you think I’m kidding.” He stood up and walked circles. Often a lady has different areas of vaginal entry with to the center of the room and plunked down on the rug. He then said, specific pressure sensitivities. Your movement can uncover

“Okay, I’m the woman, you’re the guy, lie on top of me.” With a these hot spots.

quizzical look on my face, I lay on top of him. He looked up at me 4. If you take too long, she will dry out. Sometimes women can and said, “Now, get your hips in the right position; they are not in the enjoy sex for forty-five minutes and sometimes we prefer it right position. Okay, now start thrusting.”

in five. Even if a lady is totally turned on and fully lubricated I looked down at him and with a look of amazement said, “I in that area, her tissue is extremely delicate, and once didn’t know your toes had to be in a certain position in order to push.

exposed to air, as it is during sex, the friction of thrusting This hurts the abs.”

can dry it out, particularly when a condom is used. I can He nodded and said, “Keep thrusting and be careful not to put all assure you, gentlemen, this does not feel good. Consider a your weight on me.”

couple of solutions: (1) use a lubricant; (2) after some time, By now my arms were exhausted.

ask her if she is comfortable or if you feel smooth enough.

He said, “Now keep thrusting, maintain your erection, don’t put 5. Please stay inside. Once you are in there, we really like you all your weight on me, and then stare into my eyes and tell me you to stay there.

love me!”

6. Ask her to control the show and ask her to get on top—that way you can get an idea of what she likes and duplicate it when it’s your turn.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

7. While thrusting, stay close to her clitoral area. Banging on Some women say their best sex was not from those men who top of the clitoris does nothing. The motions that really work were the biggest or longest; on the contrary it was with those men are pelvic rocking and slow circular movement. There is a who were less well endowed, because they weren’t relying on reason why the pelvic grind works—you are stimulating her only one body part to carry the show. The better lovers were more clitoris.

involved, using more of their bodies and involving more of hers.

Needless to say, while I collapsed, laughing, I got his message!

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

Positi ons

I now know why the ab machines at the gym are so popular and why almost every men’s magazine publishes methods for

Don’t let these “1001 Positions” books overwhelm or distract you or strengthening your back: The stronger your abs, the less likely make you feel inadequate because there are some positions you you are to stop halfway through intercourse, collapsing in haven’t even heard of. Please remember that the biggest determining exhaustion.

factor for choosing a position is the preference of you and your partner. Note that most of the positions in porn movies are not at all pleasurable for the ladies. One male friend of mine said he’d watch Does Your Size Really Matter?

films in order to gauge his own performance. When I told him that these performances were scripted, acted, voiced-over, and edited, he seemed shocked. And this reaction came from a television producer!

Well, I won’t lie to you. There are some real size queens out there.

Couples typically use two or three positions during one

They may not measure you, but they definitely have their lovemaking session, moving from one position to another before preferences. Some women like very small penises, in part because completion, whether completion is orgasm or not. Nevertheless, I they have small vaginas. For other women, the larger the penis, the don’t want you thinking that there is something wrong with you or better. Just like men can be “breast” men or “ass” men, women have your lover because you prefer your old standard of you on top and their share of preferences. But for many women, it’s what you do her beneath you. Above all, do what is comfortable and what works with your penis that really matters.

best for both of you in terms of pleasure. While I do encourage Most men are smaller erect than you think. Take, for example, the variety in all forms of sexual intimacy, the purpose is to push back four sizes of instructional product (i.e., dildos) I use in the ladies’ sex the boundaries of self-imposed limitations and find your ultimate seminars. When I place them all in the center of the table and instruct pleasure.

the women to choose the size they are most comfortable with, most often they choose the five-inch executive model or the six-inch model because that’s the size with which they are most familiar.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

That said, it’s true that women see your erections from a Once, when I told a friend that there were only six intercourse completely different angle than you do. We see from below, where it positions, he said, “No, there’s not. There’s only one—in?”

is bigger, see? In that way, you could say that we have the home-court advantage. It’s all a matter of perception.

Essentially, there are only six positions, with everything else being a variation on a theme: man on top, woman on top, side by side, rear entry, standing, and sitting/kneeling.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

The smaller he is, the closer in he has to remain, which is a very good thing. And a smaller man can use deep-penetrating positions
MAN SUPERIOR (MAN ON TOP)

with a woman because he won’t be ramming into her cervix.

In the man-superior position, you are on top during intercourse. This is one of the most common positions and one women and men often enjoy the most. This preference is mostly because of the position’s degree of closeness and the ability to watch each other’s expressions

and look into each other’s eyes. You’re also able to sense and feel your partner better and make her feel most connected to you.

The name of the so-called missionary position is ascribed to
Position A

South Seas natives who saw the missionaries doing this. The South Seas tribes saw man on top as different because they favored woman on top, sitting, and rear entry. (According to Kinsey, those of us who are of European descent seem to rely on the missionary position as an old standard.)

In this position, the woman lies on her back with the man lying over her or slightly to the side of her. Men say they like it because they can control the depth of penetration as well as the speed of the thrust, according to how close they are to orgasm. Women like the position because there is more body contact than in the other
Position B

positions. While the other positions are perhaps more erotic, this one is the most romantic. Kissing and hugging are easily done in this position, and many women say it makes them feel safe and protected.

This position is also good for coital alignment technique (CAT).

In Position A, observe a variation on the positioning of the feet that can add greatly to coital alignment technique, in which you brace your feet against hers. By keeping your hips together so your pubic area is in continuous contact with her clitoral and vulvar areas, there is no break in the stimulation or connection, and you can penetrate her most deeply. She can assist this by firmly holding your buttocks.

Now, this is all fine and good as long as a man can maintain motion, which is difficult because he is not using his knees and feet for leverage. Look at the feet in the drawing. See how her legs are fairly close together (about a foot apart) and she holds her feet out to the sides with her toes toward the outer edges of the bed? As it was
Position C

explained to me, once she has her feet and legs in this position, a man can use the top of her flexed feet to brace himself. This is perfect for those close, constant pelvic thrusts that make the CAT.

It’s also desirable for those women who enjoy and need muscular tension to orgasm. If the man is taller, the same can be achieved by using a wall or bed footboard as the brace.

I call the following the BTS (Better Than Sex) variation of

Position A, for the more athletic. It allows you to maintain full body contact while increasing pelvis pressure/tension, and allows a greater ability to create tight close-thrusting motions because he is using
Position A

both legs as a fulcrum. This is how it’s done:

Step 1
: The man has entered the woman, and then he squeezes her legs together with his on the outside.

Step 2
: He then bends his knees and hooks his ankles underneath the woman’s legs.

Step 3
: He lifts his legs up, and in doing so gently lifts up her legs, increasing pelvis/clitoral pressure while maintaining full, warm body contact.