How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (13 page)

point of inevitability, but failure to do so may leave you with less than impressive results. Do not despair. It’s full speed ahead, on to the second method! As I said earlier, the second method is a bit more work, but it is also far more foolproof.

Three Steps to Higher Consciousness

When I teach men how to have multiple orgasms, I tend to use a more conservative approach than the one-shot method.

Because I am a woman, I don’t like to make any assumptions about what the average man can or cannot do with his equipment. The conservative approach takes into account a wide range of differences among men, and that makes me feel more confident that it will work for you, the reader. If I were a music teacher, I would probably start all of my students with classical music theory and technique. It might not be as much fun in the beginning, but it’s a solid foundation you can work from forever.

At the clinic, it usually takes three sessions to learn this longer method. I guess you could call it a “three-shot technique,” or a “three-step program.” In the first session, you learn the finer points of ejaculation awareness using two exercises as a learning aid. In the second session, I introduce the exercises that result in multiple orgasm. In the third session, we work on timing and practice. We’re going to do the same thing here, but instead of having three sessions in the office, you will learn all three steps in the comfort of your own home. In this chapter, the first two steps are presented.

The third step is in chapter 11.

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Step 1: an Ejaculation Education

How much do you know right now about your own ejaculation? Did you know, for example, that ejaculation actually occurs in two phases: emission and expulsion? If you did, you get an A in biology. If you didn’t, it’s time to learn.

In the emission phase of your ejaculation, semen starts to move through the vas deferens as muscles near the prostate gland begin to spasm. The semen then collects in the urethral bulb at the base of the penis. In the second phase of your ejaculation—the expulsion phase—the PC muscle starts to contract, forcing the semen up through the urethra and out of the penis.

That’s all very interesting…but what did I just say? I’m not so sure myself. I think what we need here is a slightly less academic approach. Let’s start by identifying all of the players in this little drama. The vas deferens are a bunch of ducts that carry semen from the testicles to the penis—a sort of semen subway. The prostate gland sits just behind the penis at the tip of the bladder. The prostate is also a source of semen, and if you’re one of the lucky ones, that’s all you’ll ever need to know about the prostate. The urethra, an extension of the bladder, is that little tube that runs up through the center of the penis. It carries both urine and semen out into the fresh air. Is that a little clearer? To make it clearer still, you may want to take a look at the diagram in Appendix 2.

Now let’s return to those two phases. In a nutshell, here’s what’s happening. In the emission phase, semen from the testicles and prostate takes a

138 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

little subway ride to the base of the penis, prodded along by the contractions of muscles near the prostate gland. In the expulsion phase, your old friend the PC muscle picks up the ball and pushes the semen up through the penis and out into the world. Phase 1: The cannon is loaded. Phase 2: The cannon is fired. It’s that simple.

The entire ejaculation process—emission and expulsion—takes about two seconds. Think about that for a moment. Think of all the amazing things you’ve done for that two-second payoff. Think of the poetry you’ve written, the florists you’ve supported, the stories you’ve woven.…Nature is truly amazing.

Why do you need to know all of this? Not so that you will feel foolish. Honest. It is very important for you to have a full understanding of your own ejaculation process, including the timing, if you are going to be a master of your own body.

For most men, the contraction of the PC during expulsion is an involuntary process. Once you take control of your PC

muscle, however, you can voluntarily delay or prevent ejaculation. Yet your body still experiences the full sensation of orgasm, complete with rapid heart rate, muscle contractions, and the intense sensation of release.

Understanding the difference between emission and expulsion helps you learn to actually
feel
these two distinct phases of ejaculation as they are happening to you. Most men are very aware of the expulsion phase, but they have little sense of what’s happening prior to that. But if you want to get the timing right in the last and most important set of exercises in this

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book, you’re going to need a bit more ejaculation awareness than the average guy. That’s why I always teach my clients the following exercise.

Exercise 15: Texas Two-Step (with a partner) Lie on your back and ask your partner to begin a genital caress. Do a series of low-level peaks—like a Level 4, a Level 5, and a Level 6. Give your partner lots of feedback so she knows when to back off and when to intensify her caress.

Once you have completed these peaks, switch positions.

Your partner should now be lying on her back with her legs in the air, slightly bent. You are going to insert your penis and start some slow, comfortable thrusting. Taking plenty of time, peak up to Level 7, then back off. Next, peak up to Level 8, then back off. Now peak up to Level 9, then back off.

Finally, thrust all the way up to your point of inevitability.

But this time, the moment you reach the point of inevitability, both you
and
your partner should
stop thrusting
. Keep taking deep breaths, open your eyes, focus all of your attention on your genitals, and try to
feel
the semen moving from your testicles, to the base of your penis, and up through the urethra.

Could you feel the semen collecting? Did you feel your PC spasm? If you stopped thrusting in time, your two-second ejaculation probably felt as if it took five to ten seconds.

140 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

Most men thrust all the way through orgasm when they are having intercourse. It would never occur to the average man that there could be benefits to stopping. That should make this exercise a novel experience for most of you. Many men tell me this exercise gives them the feeling that they are in an altered state of consciousness. It is very normal to feel a little bit spacy, transcendent, or out of your body.

Your partner’s feedback can also be very helpful here. If she felt that your ejaculation had more throbs than usual, or that it went on for a few more seconds than usual, ask her to let you know. What did it feel like to her? For most women, this exercise is a real turn-on.

Once you have successfully completed this exercise, you’re going to have a very different understanding of your own ejaculation. The first thing you’re going to notice is how much time you have between your perceived point of no return and the actual expulsion stage of your ejaculation.

Time to make a few phone calls, pay a few bills…well…more time than you thought. You should also see that you have lots of time to squeeze your PC muscle and pull back from the brink of ejaculation if you choose to. Your ejaculation may
feel
inevitable once you’ve reached your point of no return, but you actually would have plenty of time to stop it if you wanted.

This new understanding of your ejaculation process should give you more confidence in your ability to control your physiology, even at very intense levels of arousal. Hopefully, this confidence

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will minimize any tendency to panic during Step 2. But before we get to that, here’s an exercise to help you learn ejaculation awareness without the help of a partner.

Exercise 16: The Longest Yard (solo)

Lie down on your back and get very comfortable (or sit in a comfortable chair). This exercise begins like a peaking exercise. Using plenty of lubrication, begin stroking your penis and experiencing your arousal. Peak at Level 4, then let your arousal drop two levels. Now peak at Level 6, then let your arousal drop off. Take plenty of time. Each peak should take at least three minutes. Resume your stroking and peak at Level 8. Once again, allow your arousal to drop off two levels before intensifying the stimulation. Peak at Level 9. Remember to breathe deeply as you let your arousal drop off once more.

Intensify your stimulation and let your arousal rise all the way to your point of inevitability.
Now stop stroking
. Open your eyes and focus all of your attention on your genitals.

Breathe deeply and regularly as you begin to ejaculate. Can you feel the semen collecting at the base of your penis? Can you feel it when the PC muscle begins to spasm? Can you feel the semen as it moves up through the penis? If you stopped stroking at the right time, your two-second ejaculation should
feel
as though it lasted at least five or six seconds, if not longer. As I mentioned in the previous exercise, feelings of spaciness or altered consciousness are very common when practicing this technique.

142 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

Step 2: The Keys to the Kingdom

Now that you have a little bit of ejaculation awareness under your belt, so to speak, you are ready for the coup de grace.

The following two exercises are my absolute favorite ways to teach men how to have multiple orgasms. If you found the one-shot technique to be awkward, problematic, or less than satisfactory in any way—as some men do—these are the exercises for you. I love these exercises and the way that my clients respond to them. Frankly, I’ve never met a man who didn’t share my enthusiasm once he followed all of my instructions and suggestions.

Exercise 17 is for a couple to do together, and Exercise 18

is for the man who would prefer to learn on his own. You have worked long and hard to get to this point. Today, a whole new world awaits. Your deepest fantasies are about to come true. It’s time for the big payoff. The keys to the kingdom will soon be yours. Are there any cliches I’ve left out? I don’t think so. It’s time for us to get to work.

Exercise 17: The Big Takeoff (with a partner) You are going to need a full hour to do this exercise. If there’s one exercise you don’t want to rush, believe me, it’s this one.

The exercise begins with the man lying on his back, receiving a sensate focus genital caress from his partner. Focus on how good

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your partner’s caress feels as your arousal level begins to rise. Your partner should be focused on touching you, and how sensual that feels to her.

The first thing you are going to do is peak at Level 4, then let your arousal drop two levels. Take your time; both of you should be enjoying all the sensations. Next, do a peak at Level 5 and drop back down. Follow this with a peak at Level 6. Each peak should take at least three or four minutes. Once you have dropped down a bit from Level 6, you are ready to switch positions.

Your partner should lie on her back with her legs up and her knees bent. You want to be on your knees, with most of your weight being supported by your legs. You are going to do a series of peaks while having intercourse with your partner,
but these peaks are going to be very different
from any peaks you’ve done before. From this point forward you’re going to be doing a series of really fast, intense peaks using vigorous thrusting. And you’re going to be doing a lot of concentrated, powerful squeezing with your PC muscle.

You’re not going to take a lot of time in between peaks here.

This is a sprinting exercise, and it’s going to be very intense.

Begin by inserting your penis into your partner and gently thrusting. Pick up speed quickly. Now thrust as hard as you can until your arousal hits Level 8.
Stop thrusting and squeeze
your PC muscle really hard. Your partner should stop thrusting
too. Take a deep breath and open your eyes
. Let your arousal drop a level.

144 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: This exercise works best when your partner’s experience mirrors yours. This does not require any acting skills. This exercise should be just as intense for her as it is for you, and it is important that she feels free to express that. There is only one catch. No matter how much she wants to keep going,
the moment you stop thrusting, she must stop moving too
.

Once you’ve dropped a level, start doing some relaxed, easy thrusting. Try to change the angle of entry slightly so that your penis is pointing up higher into your partner. As soon as you’ve mobilized enough energy, start thrusting as fast and hard as you can. When you reach Level 8.5,
stop
thrusting and squeeze your PC muscle really hard
. Your partner should stop thrusting too.
Take a deep breath and open your
eyes
. Let yourself drop a level.

As soon as you have your energy back, you want to take off again for another sprint up the hill. Try to point your penis even higher this time. Thrust as hard and as fast as you can all the way to Level 9. Then
stop thrusting and squeeze your
PC as hard as you can
. Your partner should stop too.
Take a
deep breath and open your eyes
. Back off a level.

This is where it’s going to start getting really interesting.

Once again, you want to slightly increase your “angle of at-tack.” By the time this exercise is done, your penis is going to be entering your partner at almost a
ninety-degree
angle!

Are you ready? This time, you’re going to thrust your way to
Level 9.5

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before you stop and squeeze your PC. Remember that the higher your arousal level, the harder you have to squeeze and the deeper you need to breathe.

Drop a level and collect your strength. Ready? This time, you’re aiming for
Level 9.75!
Point your penis even higher than the last time. Now thrust as fast as you can until you hit your peak. Then stop thrusting, squeeze your PC as hard as you can, take a deep, deep breath, and open your eyes.