How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (8 page)

Your goal is simply to create and experience as much sensation in your penis as possible.

Exercise 5: Alone at Last (solo)

Lie on your back, close your eyes, and get very comfortable (you may prefer to sit in a comfortable chair). Using plenty of lubrication, slowly, gently touch yourself in a caressing way. You may want to start by touching your nipples or thighs, since both

78 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

are probably quite sensitive. Then slowly move to the genitals. Once you begin caressing your penis, do not use a masturbation stroke. Do not try to turn yourself on. Explore every crease and fold in the genital area. Take your time.

Remember that the most important thing is to stay as relaxed as possible and focused on the here and now. You are not trying to
do
anything except enjoy the sensations. If you have an erection, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too. But you should not be trying to give yourself one. This is a pressure-free exercise. All you want to do is experience the richness of your own arousal. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring your focus back to the sensations you’re experiencing in the moment. This may happen several times. That’s okay. Just keep bringing your focus back to the exercise.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: If you have thoughts like,

“I wonder if I’m really hard,” or “I wonder if I could give myself an orgasm,” you are thinking about your performance. That means you’re putting subtle pressure on yourself. Just stay with the sensations. That’s your only goal.

I suggest you do this exercise for at least twenty minutes, if not longer. Thirty minutes is ideal. Sometimes, in the absence of a partner, there is a tendency to rush everything. This defeats the whole purpose of sensate focus. Remember that the emphasis is on sensuality, not sexuality. Some men HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 79

feel a bit self-conscious during this exercise. This is very normal, especially if you are a man who does not masturbate often, or someone who tends to rush to the point of climax.

Don’t be concerned. Your discomfort should ease over time.

It Sure Feels Good, But…

The sensate focus genital caress feels pretty terrific. That’s reason enough to learn it. From this point on, almost every exercise in this book begins with this caress. That’s another good reason to learn it. But why is it so important?

The sensate focus genital caress lets you pay attention to your sensations without getting distracted. It lets you focus.

It lets you stay in the here and now. And it keeps the pressure off you and off your partner. You need to be able to do all of these things to master the art of male multiple orgasm.

We can talk and talk about the many benefits of the sensate focus genital caress. But you need some experience actually
feeling
it. That’s why I’ve included the above exercises. So enjoy yourself, repeat them as many times as you like, but remember that the pleasure you’re getting right now is only one of the payoffs.

C H A P T E R S E V E N

AROUSED AND AWARE

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Y
ou have to know where you are to know where you’re going. Unfortunately most men have a very limited awareness of their own sexual responses and they don’t always know what they are feeling or experiencing at the moment.

They know that something pleasurable is happening, but they don’t know exactly what that something is. They know that they’re aroused, that’s for sure, but they aren’t in touch with the subtleties of their own experience. This is very limiting, both for the man and for his partner.

This chapter teaches a man how to know what is happening to his body during the various stages of arousal. He will learn how to listen to what his body is telling him, and how to work with those signals to maximize both his pleasure and the pleasure he is giving his partner.

How Aroused Are You?

Ask the average man if he’s feeling aroused and what does he say? “Yes” or “No.” Ask him to describe his arousal and what does he say? Not a whole lot more. But talk to a multiorgasmic man about his arousal and you’re having a very different conversation. Multiorgasmic men are masters of their own arousal. They know the nuances of their erotic experience and take advantage of their sensitivity to prolong and magnify that experience. Ask a multiorgasmic man to describe his arousal and he’ll give you at least five pages, single spaced. He might even throw in a poem.

Sexual arousal is actually a very complex and sophisticated process. There are many levels of

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arousal, each having its own distinct sensations and intensity.

Some shifts are subtle, some are profound, but it is not a black or white thing. It’s a lot more like a rainbow. What we are going to focus on right now is learning to recognize and appreciate these different colors of the rainbow by becoming more aware of the subtle differences of each one.

Once you are sensitized to your many levels of arousal, you will have a much more intimate relationship with your own body. That becomes really important when you start working with your body toward your first multiple orgasm.

If multiple orgasm is your goal, being aroused is not enough.

You must be aroused
and
aware. It’s like learning to write music. Everything may sound nice to your ear, but it’s hard to write a song until you know all of the notes on the scale.

The more you refine your ear, the easier it gets. Sharps and flats are more subtle, but they are extremely important too.

By the time you’ve completed the exercises in this chapter, you are going to know the various levels of your own arousal the way a composer knows the notes on the scale.

To make this easier, we are going to establish a scale of our own: an arousal scale.

Learning the Scales

Our arousal scale is going to be a very simple scale that goes from one to ten, with Level 1 being the lowest level of arousal and Level 10 being the highest.

Let’s begin with Level 1. Level 1 is your baseline. What does it feel like? Let me give you an example. It’s Saturday afternoon on a hot summer day. You’ve just finished your lunch and you’re

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thinking of doing the laundry. Your dog wants to go for a walk and your car needs a wash. There isn’t a sexual thought in your head. You are not experiencing any arousal whatso-ever. None. Zero. Nada. Get the picture? At that moment, you are at Level 1.

Let’s now jump to Level 10. That’s an easy one. Level 10

is orgasm. The Big “O.” The end of the road.

Great. Now all we need to do is establish everything in between. A Level 2 or Level 3 is that slight twinge sensation a man gets at the base of his penis as he begins to get aroused.

The beast within has started to stir at the first whiff of something exciting in the air. It’s subtle, but it’s there.

Next comes Level 4. That’s a steady, low level of arousal.

It’s more than a twinge now…you’re feeling good. Still, you could stop without much difficulty. But that’s going to change soon. At Level 5 and Level 6 your arousal is already substantial. Now you’re really into it. Once you’ve reached these levels, you don’t want to think about stopping. You’re feeling
too
good now. By the time you get to Level 7 or Level 8, you will feel your heart pounding and your face may flush.

If you had to talk you would probably sound out of breath.

Level 9 is intense. You aren’t far from the top now…you are very close to orgasm. At Level 9, the outside world is very far away, and there isn’t much that could stop you now.

Just short of Level 10 is a very crucial point I call “the point of no return.” It is commonly referred to as “the point of inevitability.” You may not know the name, but I bet you know the feeling. It’s that point at which it becomes clear that you are about to

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have an orgasm. The point of inevitability is reached through a series of physiological changes in the body, but it is subjectively experienced as a psychological turning point.

Once you’ve hit the point of inevitability, there is no going back. Your body is committed to having that orgasm. The sky could fall in and worlds could collide, but it doesn’t matter as far as you are concerned. The big one is on the way.

On our 1 to 10 scale, this “point of no return” would re-gister a 9.9. This is a very important number for you to remember, for reasons which I will explain later.

Practice Makes Perfect

Talking about levels of arousal can get a little bit abstract after a while. You need to experience them. It’s the only way to truly master the system. One of the ways you learn each level is by comparing it to the previous level, or to the following one. “How do I know what a 3 is?” you may ask. It’s a little higher than a 2. “How do I know I’m at a 7?” you may wonder. Because you’re definitely past a 5 or 6, but you haven’t hit an 8. Is this vague? I promise it won’t be for very long.

Do note that these numbers are all relative to each other.

The important thing is that each level feels slightly different.

The only absolute number assignments are 1, which is no arousal, 9.9, which is the point of no return, and 10, which is orgasm. Don’t worry if your 4 is another man’s 5; there is no such thing as the definitive 3 or the quintessential 6.

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All that counts are your own
relative
levels of arousal, and that’s all you need to know.

Using numbers to describe your arousal may sound a little silly, but I must ask you to take this number system very, very seriously. I am going to refer to different numbers over and over again throughout the remaining exercises. It’s the only way we can communicate clearly enough to guarantee you will learn the program. I don’t want to sound like your third-grade teacher, but if you want to master these techniques, you have to practice your scales.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: Please don’t use these numbers to judge your performance in any way. A “6”

is not better than a “3”; a “4” is not worse than a “7.”

They’re just different. There is no good and bad here; there is no right or wrong. You will not be graded and you will not be judged. The only goal is to become more intimate with the subtle changes in your body during your arousal.

What About Your Erection?

You’ll notice how I haven’t said anything about erections. It is very common for men to equate arousal with erections, but they are
not
one and the same. Arousal is a feeling; it is a subjective sense of excitement that can be experienced throughout the body, though it is typically felt most keenly in the

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genitals. Erection, on the other hand, refers to hardness of the penis. Erection is a very objective measure of hardness that is a direct reflection of blood flowing into this organ.

A man can feel very aroused—incredibly aroused—yet not be erect. Maybe you’ve felt this way after a long night of lovemaking when your mind wanted to keep going but your penis called it quits for the night. Or perhaps you’ve felt this way with a new partner that got you totally excited, but also totally nervous. There are many men who have actually had the experience of being aroused to the point of orgasm without ever being erect.

Maybe you become fully erect at arousal Level 4; maybe you don’t get erect until Level 6. Or maybe, like most men, it’s different on different days. It doesn’t matter right now because we’re not going to worry a lot about erections here.

Our concern is with your level of arousal. As you have probably learned from your own experience, focusing too intently on your erection has a way of discouraging the process. On the other hand, when you leave it alone, it tends to come home. So don’t think about it. Right now, all you need to do is focus on your numbers.

How to Peak

To help you learn your arousal scale I’m going to teach you how to “peak.” Reaching a peak means letting your arousal rise to a certain level and then immediately letting it drop back down. For example, you may let your arousal rise to Level 6, then let it fall back down. That’s a Level 6 peak. Or you may let your arousal rise to Level 9, then let it fall back HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 89

down. That’s a Level 9 peak. (Remember that we are talking about arousal here, not about erections.) This is different from trying to
maintain
your arousal at a given level, which is known as “plateauing.” You will learn how to plateau in the next chapter.

If you find this exercise difficult or frustrating at first, don’t sweat it. It takes most men a number of sessions before they really “get it.” If you are working with a partner, her input can be a big help since her objective experience of you will be slightly different at each level. Let her know that her ob-servations are welcome.

Exercise 6 takes fifteen or twenty minutes and does not require a partner. Exercise 7 is done with a partner and takes a little bit longer.

Exercise 6: Climbing Everest (solo)

Once again, you need to lie down or sit down and get very comfortable. Put some lubrication on your hand and on your penis. What you are going to do now is start by giving yourself a genital caress the way you learned in Exercise 5.

Slowly stroke yourself until you reach what you would consider to be a Level 4 of arousal. That’s past the “twinge”

stage to the point where you’re feeling a low, steady “hum”

of arousal. Remember that you are not using a masturbation stroke; you are caressing yourself.

When you get to Level 4,
stop
the stimulation and take a deep breath…a really slow deep breath. Check your PC

muscle, your hip muscles, and your thigh muscles to make sure they’re all really relaxed. Good. Now let your arousal drop back

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down a couple of levels to a “2.” Take your time. You have just had your first “peak” at Level 4.

Once you have dropped to Level 2, start your caress again.

This time, see if you can go up to around Level 6. You may need to stroke yourself a little bit faster to get to this slightly higher level. That’s fine. When you reach Level 6, stop the stimulation once again. Take a real slow deep breath and let your arousal drop back down a few levels to around a “4.”