How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (23 page)

There is no predicting what you will be capable of or what will feel best to you. Your body is unique, and it will respond in a unique way. Maybe you will develop some variation I have yet to see. Wouldn’t that be great? Drop me a line if you do, because I’m always interested in hearing about new things.

I want to introduce you to two other multiorgasmic men whose styles are quite different from James and Alan’s so that you can get a sense of the many possibilities that lie ahead. As you read their stories, remember that as different as these styles may seem, all four men started their multiorgasmic “careers” with the same basic techniques.

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Bob Can Ejaculate More Than Once Without Losing His Erection

Bob has a very different way of reaching multiple orgasms.

When Bob makes love to his wife he tends to begin by thrusting very vigorously and often ejaculates within about five minutes. However, after ejaculating, he has learned to maintain both his erection and his arousal, and he continues to thrust slowly. Within minutes he is able to have another complete ejaculation and orgasm, as strong as the first. If he chooses, he can continue making love in this fashion, having as many as five or six orgasms and ejaculations within an hour.

Bob’s ability to extend his lovemaking in this fashion gives his wife Janice the extra time she needs to reach her own peak. This is something she was unable to do with Bob before he developed this ability. Janice and Bob used to compensate for their incompatibility with oral sex or manual manipulation, but Janice always felt somewhat disappointed that she was unable to reach her orgasm through straight intercourse.

Today, Janice is a very satisfied woman.

Bob’s style of multiple orgasm is called multi-ejaculation, and it is a more advanced and difficult technique to master than James’s. What Bob has learned to do is shorten his refractory period, thereby shortening the length of time it takes him to become aroused again after he has ejaculated.

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John’s Pattern Resembles Many Women’s Experience When making love, John usually thrusts for approximately ten or fifteen minutes until he has a very strong orgasm with a partial ejaculation. After this, his penis becomes even more sensitive, adding to his pleasure. His erection does not dis-sipate and he continues to thrust vigorously. Then, within a short period of time, he experiences a series of smaller orgasms, almost like aftershocks.

John’s experience is most similar to a type of multiple orgasm many women experience. This style of multiple orgasm is not uncommon for multiorgasmic men. I have heard many stories of men who developed this technique on their own by actually mimicking the breathing patterns and muscle movements of multiorgasmic women. The interesting thing about John is that he no longer has to try to make any of this happen. He has conditioned his body so well that this aftershock response is now completely automatic, happening every time he has an orgasm.

Four “A” Students

James, Bob, John, and Alan are all multiorgasmic men, al-though, as you can see, the experience of having multiple orgasms is somewhat different for each of them. But James, Bob, John, and Alan have something else in common. None of them were naturally multiorgasmic. All of them learned to have multiple orgasms by using the exact same techniques presented in this book!

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These four men have still one more thing in common: James, Alan, Bob, and John were all my “students.” I saw each one move from being a single-orgasmic beginner to a multiorgasmic graduate. I am proud of them all, and they are all proud of themselves.

When a man turns to a sex therapist for help, his sexual functioning is usually a source of great distress. These four men were all struggling when I met them for the first time, and look at what they can do now. Just imagine the possibilities that lie ahead for a man like you who may already be fairly comfortable with his ability to perform.

“I Want to Believe This, But…”

I sense that you are very close to becoming a believer. Once you know the secret formula for male multiple orgasms, it all begins to make perfect sense, doesn’t it? But I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re wondering right now how something so extraordinary and so simple could go unnoticed for so long. After all, the sexual revolution ended years ago. How could we have missed a phenomenon like male multiple orgasm? If such a thing is as easy for any man to achieve as I say it is, why isn’t every guy in America doing it? And why aren’t you doing it right now? These are really important questions. And I have some surprising answers: FACT:
Male multiple orgasm is nothing new.
Eastern cultures, for example, have been aware of male multiple orgasm and nonejaculatory orgasm (NEO) for many years, and it is not difficult to find references

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to it in their tantric literature and historical literature. High up on mountaintops in faraway lands, both men and women have been having a good old time for a long, long time.

FACT:
Male multiple orgasm is well documented in
professional publications.
Knowledge of this phenomenon has not been restricted to a handful of enlightened souls liv-ing on distant shores. References to male multiple orgasm, some dating back as far as the 1930s, can be found in numer-ous books and journal articles available at most college libraries right here in the good old United States.

A Quick History Lesson

The earliest news of the existence of male multiple orgasm was not well received in this country. Quite the contrary, when it was first mentioned in the scientific literature in the 1930s and early 1940s, it was viewed as dysfunctional, or even pathological. In other words, most professionals believed that it only happened to a man if there was something wrong with his equipment. Given the prevailing attitude at the time, it is no wonder that the whole thing got very little attention.

Then, in 1948, Alfred Kinsey’s groundbreaking book,
Sexual Behavior in the Human Male
, was published. In the book, Kinsey clearly noted that several of the “normal” men he studied reported having more than one ejaculation with the same erection. Others reported experiencing the sensations of orgasm without ejaculation, and some reported more than one climax with each act of intercourse.

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Now you would think that news like this would have spread like wildfire, but it didn’t. Although the professional community became more accepting of the concept, the standard belief was that “either you have it or you don’t.” In other words, men didn’t
become
multiorgasmic: either they were born that way or they weren’t born that way. And that was that. It wasn’t until the 1970s that professionals began to consider a third possibility: that male multiple orgasm could actually be learned. That’s when the real fun started. Ever since then, many openminded sex therapists, myself and my colleagues included, have been working long and hard (no jokes please) to develop and refine a number of valid techniques that any man could learn. Though we all like to argue about whose methods are best, there is one thing we all agree on:
it can be done
.

Well, that ends our little history lesson. It’s the nineties and you’re a lucky guy. Today, all of the necessary techniques exist for men to become multiorgasmic. All you need to do now is the work. If you want to learn more about the evolution of this exciting and important discovery, I suggest you take a look at some of the articles I’ve listed at the end of the book in Appendix 1.

“Are You Sure There Isn’t a Catch?”

If you’re not a multiorgasmic male, you might be inclined to think that a nonejaculatory orgasm wouldn’t feel all that fabulous—that it might be a bit feeble, relatively speaking.

I can understand why it’s probably hard to imagine that an orgasm without an ejaculation could possibly feel as intense as

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the old reliable orgasm/ejaculation combo. But have I got a surprise for you. More than half the men I have spoken to report that their nonejaculatory orgasms are more powerful than any traditional orgasm they ever had. That’s right…not just
as
good as a traditional orgasm…better! When you hear these men explain their experiences, it begins to make sense.

Look, for example, at what these four men have to say: The nonejaculatory orgasm is actually more intense in some ways because you are planning it, leading up to it, and you know it is going to happen. In my “previous sex life,” even though every orgasm had an ejaculation with it, sometimes the orgasm was not very strong because I wasn’t totally expecting it. Or I was actually trying to hold it back so it got sort of muffled. Sometimes I would actually have an ejaculation without an orgasm. That was very unpleasant.

—
Frank, age 58

With the buildup I need to have more than one orgasm, the crown of my penis gets extremely sensitive and tingly. If I stretch it out long enough, my first orgasm feels like the top of my head is blowing off.

—
Thomas, age 41

I don’t have multiple orgasms or nonejaculatory orgasms every time I have sex. Sometimes I have sex just as a release or a way to be close with my partner before I fall asleep. But I have sex with

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nonejaculatory orgasms when I really want to take some time and have an intense experience.

—
Edward, age
27

When I first heard about this I thought there is no way that having an orgasm without an ejaculation could feel the same. I thought it would feel disappointing, or like I’d missed something. But it’s not like that at all. Now I am really feeling what is happening during orgasm.

Before, it would happen so fast that I wasn’t even aware of what I was feeling.

—
Justin, age 33

Are you feeling a little more convinced? I have heard com-ments like these over and over and over again. I’m not surprised anymore, but I’m always impressed. I bet you’re impressed too, but I bet you’re also getting anxious. We can talk and talk and talk about the wonders of male multiple orgasm, but there comes a time when you’ve got to get down to business. Every day, more and more men are becoming multiorgasmic, and I think it’s time you had your chance.

C H A P T E R S I X

LEARNING TO TOUCH,

LEARNING TO FEEL

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T
he material in this chapter always reminds me of two of my very first clients, Andrew and Eleanor. Andrew and Eleanor came to my office because Eleanor was extremely distressed by Andrew’s lack of sensitivity during intercourse.

Eleanor said that having sex with Andrew was like having a drill on top of her. She complained that he was like a robot, pounding away, not even noticing when her head hit against the headboard of the bed. Andrew admitted how detached he felt from his body during sex. He also admitted to being quite anxious. Andrew felt that if he didn’t perform in exactly this fashion either he would lose his erection or Eleanor would lose interest.

The thought of slowing down and experiencing intercourse

“in the moment” was totally foreign to Andrew. At first, it was also a bit anxiety provoking. I knew that Andrew needed to slow down and learn to appreciate his own body before he could appreciate his wife. That’s why I began his therapy by teaching him certain sensate focus exercises, which he could do with Eleanor, or by himself, that would help him experience his own body. In this chapter, I’m going to teach you many of these same exercises. This is not to imply that I think all men are as out of touch with their bodies as Andrew was. These techniques are invaluable for any man, regardless of his current level of awareness.

Men, as we all know, tend to be very target oriented. They want to get it up and get it in. As far as most women are concerned, this makes for very uninteresting sex. But it also makes it extremely difficult for a man to have a multiple orgasm. This chapter will help you develop a greater appreciation

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for the changes in your physiology as they are continually taking place during arousal. It will help you more fully experience your most pleasurable bodily sensations as they are happening, and set the stage for prolonging and intensifying each of these sensations.

Getting sensitized to your own arousal process is really important if you want to become multiorgasmic. A good pilot doesn’t just know how to fly; a good pilot knows the work-ings of the airplane inside and out. A virtuoso doesn’t just play an instrument; a virtuoso has an intimate relationship with the instrument. The same thing applies to sex. It’s not enough to just own a penis. You need to be intimate with the many nuances of your own sexual response if you want to learn the special techniques in the following chapters and master the art of male multiple orgasm.

What Exactly Is Sensate Focus?

Sensate focus techniques are structured sensual touching exercises designed by sex therapists to help men and women focus on, appreciate, and control the moment-to-moment experiences of contact, arousal, and release. These well-established techniques create a level of physiological awareness that leads to extraordinary control over the different phases of excitement, orgasm, and ejaculation.

We are going to use sensate focus techniques in most of our exercises. These are not sex acts. They are very loving, very pleasurable ways of making contact with a partner.

Arousal is not the goal here.

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Orgasm is not the goal. Your only goal is full appreciation of the sensations you are about to experience.

Sensate Focus Takes You into Your Body

For many people, sex in an ongoing relationship has a way of becoming a bit routine. Are you concerned because something that was once so charged and passionate has lost a lot of its punch? Are you always searching for new fantasies to keep the fire alive? Well, sensate focus is going to change all of that.