How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (20 page)

There are lots of possible reasons why men treat their penises in this disconnected fashion. No doubt, there are some men who split themselves off from their penises because they don’t want to take responsibility for their own sexuality or the consequences of their own sexual behavior.

It’s a great way to justify being careless or insensitive. I think even more men distance themselves from their genitals because they have problems dealing with the frustration of being unable to control their bodies. This makes any perceived sexual failures or perceived shortcomings easier to tolerate.

Because the penis is physically externalized—hanging out there, so to speak—it is more open to scrutiny. If a woman fails to get aroused, only she knows for sure. She may not be happy about it, but you won’t read about it in the tabloids.

Not so for a man. If a penis isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do, everyone in the room knows it. If a man is having difficulties, the evidence is out there in the open for all to see. Even those satellites in outer space that photograph li-cense plates are going to recognize a

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penis that isn’t doing its job. That’s a lot of pressure—too much pressure for the average man.

Your New Best Friend

It may be easier to think your penis has its own personality, but a disconnected attitude like this ultimately will not serve you well. It may spare you some anxiety and discomfort, but it also robs you of much of your pleasure.

Your penis is not a separate entity subletting space in your underwear. It is not that noisy tenant downstairs who keeps you awake all night long. Don’t treat it that way. Your penis is an important part of you; it’s sometimes the most honest part of you. When you’re scared, your penis shows it. When you’re excited, your penis shows it. When you’re depressed, your penis knows it, and it behaves accordingly. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool your own penis. The two of you are totally connected, and you will be for the rest of your life. Now that’s no stranger, is it?

I tell men: Embrace your penis! Put out the welcome mat.

Open a dialogue. Let it know it’s a part of you and let it know you care. It’s time to bring your penis in from the cold. The sooner you do, the sooner your sexuality will start to change.

Now here’s the best news. If you like your penis, your partner is going to like your penis. If you’re proud of your penis, your partner is going to be proud of your penis. If you embrace your penis, your partner is going to embrace your penis. Sound good? I thought it would.

24 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

A Man Who Controls His Penis Is a Man in Demand In my experience, there are two kinds of men in the world: men who control their penises and men who are controlled by their penises. A man who cannot control his penis is a man who lives in fear. He fears having his inadequacy discovered, not being able to have a satisfying sex life, and not being able to fulfill the woman he loves.

For all of us—male and female—the single greatest obstacle to sexual pleasure is fear of our own equipment. My goal is to begin dismantling some of that fear. A healthier relationship with one’s penis can dissolve many common performance anxieties by giving a man a true sense of control over his own functioning.

Sexual performance is not a mystery or something to be feared. Sexual functioning is a physiological process, just like breathing or sleeping—it just feels better. Like most other physiological processes, your sexual performance can be understood, altered, and improved. And that’s exactly what you are going to do, starting today.

An Important Anatomy Lesson

Everybody knows that the penis is not a muscle. If it was, you’d probably be at the gym right now. What most people don’t know is that there is a muscle that plays a crucial role in the functioning of the penis: the pubococcygeus muscle (pyoo-bo-cock-see-gee-us). Say that five times fast.

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The pubococcygeus muscle—or PC muscle, for short—is actually a group of muscles that run from the pubic bone to the tailbone. Now, you may already know this muscle in a different way. The PC muscle is the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine from the bladder. It is also the muscle that contracts when you ejaculate, moving the semen up through the penis and out of the body.

The PC muscle is a busy little muscle. But let me tell you, as far as most men are concerned, it is still grossly underem-ployed. Don’t you worry—we’re going to change all that very soon.
Male multiple orgasm depends on a strong PC muscle
.

The PC muscle is the key to penile reformation. It’s your ticket to the big leagues…your way to the top. Most of the techniques you will learn in later chapters cannot be done without PC power. That’s why the first set of exercises I introduce in this book is designed specifically to “prep” the PC muscle.
These exercises, found in chapter 4, are crucial and
must be done first
. They cannot be skipped and they cannot be taken lightly. So don’t skip them, and don’t take them lightly. Please.

Power to the PC

Now you may be thinking, “I’m not eighteen anymore. My penis doesn’t function like the penis of a younger man, exercise or no exercise.” Listen to me. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are. Is an eighteen-year-old too young to go to the gym to strengthen his biceps? Is a sixty-year-old too old to walk three miles a day to strengthen his heart? Of course

26 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

not. A muscle can be strengthened at any age. Strengthening exercises like these also lead to better health and a better sense of well-being, not to mention improved self-esteem.

The penis is no different. The PC muscle is a muscle, plain and simple. It works and responds like any other muscle, and it can be strengthened like any other muscle. And I’ve never seen a muscle that had a greater impact on a man’s self-esteem.

Just a Few Minutes a Day

Mastering the techniques of male multiple orgasm is a snap once you are “PC-ready.” And prepping your PC—getting it combat-ready—is simple. But you must be willing to stick with the program. That’s why right now I’m going to ask you for a commitment.

I know how scary the word
commitment
can be to some guys, but this is one commitment you’ll never regret. Every man who is willing to do the work can bring his PC muscle to a state of readiness within two to three weeks. Often it takes even less than that. All you need is a few minutes a day to work the program. That’s right…just a few minutes a day. That’s a whole lot less time than you probably spend in the gym right now working on every muscle in your body but the one that really counts.

I know you can do it. All you need to do is stay committed to the process. Remember, your ability to master the secrets of multiple orgasm depends on a strong PC muscle. So warm up those cold feet and

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say yes to a commitment that is bound to change your life.

Get Ready, Get Set…

We’re almost ready to start. There’s just one more piece of very important business we need to take care of. Within days of starting the exercise regimen in this book you are going to feel very different, and that’s going to feel very good. But you are not the only one who is going to be feeling different.

If you have a partner, your loving partner is going to be profoundly affected by all of the changes about to take place in your body and in your head. You need to attend to that, and you need to do that right now.

I know that you’re probably feeling very excited about getting started. But it’s important to make sure that your partner shares your enthusiasm. That’s why, before I present any of the exercises, I must ask that you and your partner sit down and have a serious talk about the many ramifications of the journey you are
both
about to take.…

C H A P T E R T H R E E

TALKING TO YOUR

PARTNER ABOUT MALE

MULTIPLE ORGASM

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M
aking love to a multiorgasmic man is not business as usual. The intensity of responses and performance abilities can be quite startling to a woman who is used to a one-orgasm guy.

I’m not a big believer in surprises when it comes to sex. If there is a woman in your life right now, we need to make sure that she is every bit as prepared and every bit as committed to the process as you are. Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens between two people. Your needs are important, but the needs of the couple come first.

You will notice throughout the book that I have included guidelines for a partner in most of the exercises. Hopefully, your partner will want to follow those suggestions and take an active role in your development. Or maybe she’d rather just wait on the sidelines and reap the benefits at the end.

That’s fine too. It’s up to both of you to decide what you’re most comfortable with. But either way, your partner needs to know what’s going on and you need to know that you have her support. I make sure that all of my clients have talked to their partners
before
they learn
any
of these techniques, and I must ask you to do the same thing. This conversation should not be taken lightly or given short shrift. A lot of changes are about to take place. Your attitude toward sex is about to change. Your attitude toward yourself is about to change. So are your abilities, your physiology, and your level of desire. Your partner has got a lot to reckon with.

If these changes are not discussed in advance, your efforts could backfire. If you try to keep the whole thing a secret, your partner could feel very left out. She might get confused, or insecure, or even

32 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

angry. If she’s used to Old Faithful, any kind of radical change could be quite disconcerting. She might even fear that you are having an affair and learning things from some other woman.

You
are
learning things from another woman, but this woman is a professional sex therapist whose only interest in you is that you learn techniques to enhance your relationship with your partner. The purpose of learning to become multiorgasmic is to bring you and your partner closer together. It is supposed to improve your relationship, not threaten it.

You want your transformation to ignite your partner, not scare her. That’s why I want you two to have a conversation, and I want you to have it as soon as possible after you have finished reading this book for the first time.

Talk to your partner. Tell her what you’re up to, and don’t withhold anything. Give her as much information as possible.

Let her know why this is important to you. Tell her what your goals are, being sure to explain the benefits you can foresee for the relationship. It is very important that she knows you are doing this
for both of you
. Finally, tell her how important it is for you to have her support.

Male Multiple Orgasm Should Bring a Couple Together Some women want to make love for hours at a time, whereas some are happiest when it’s short and simple. The typical woman has different needs and desires on different days.

What about your partner? What does she like, what does she want, and how

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might her needs vary from day to day and week to week?

You need to know this information, and your conversation about embarking on this program is an ideal time to find out. Frankly, it’s the only way both of you will fully benefit from your newfound talents. Otherwise, you may be doing all kinds of things that your partner simply isn’t interested in.

Don’t get me wrong. Your needs are important. But you must always remember that your partner’s needs are equally important. There is nothing more unpleasant than a man who is just doing his thing, oblivious to what the woman really wants. Being a great lover means more than just tuning into your own body. Being a great lover means tuning into your partner’s body too, and even more important, it means tuning into her mind.

The beauty of being multiorgasmic is that it gives you the kind of sexual flexibility you’ve never experienced before.

For the first time, you can get tremendous pleasure without sacrificing any of your partner’s needs. Your experience will be much more intense, but you’re also going to help make hers more intense. You’re doing wonderful things for yourself, but you also can attend to her in ways you never could before. No one has to make huge compromises or be shortchanged.

I have heard women complain about insensitive men who seem uninterested in what a woman really needs or men who couldn’t go the distance. But I must tell you, I have never heard a woman complain about a man who could offer her whatever she desired.

When you and your partner have your talk, it is very important to talk about your needs, but it is 34 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

probably even more important to talk about her needs. Let her tell you what she wants and what she doesn’t want. Does anything make her uncomfortable? Is there anything she fears? Listen carefully to her answers, and don’t assume anything. You may be surprised to discover that you know less about your partner than you think. This is a wonderful opportunity to express your caring and develop more close-ness, and I encourage you to take advantage of it.

If your partner has a lot of questions about her specific role in your “training,” reading through the book should give her the answers she is looking for. As you read through each partner exercise (some exercises do not require a partner), you will note that both the man’s role and the woman’s role are always clearly addressed. I highly recommend that
both
partners read the book, even if the woman is not going to participate in any of the exercises.

Every woman is different, and there is no way I can predict how your partner is going to respond to everything I present in this book. Personally, I hope she wants to make this a joint venture, so to speak. I say this because I know from experience that when a woman gets involved in the process it makes everything a lot more exciting for both partners. But, as I said before, it isn’t necessary for a woman to help her man learn these new techniques; she only needs to be there at the finish line with a big smile on her face.