How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (26 page)

Onward and Upward?

By the time you have completed the exercises in this chapter a few times, you are going to have a much more sophisticated sense of your own arousal. That’s really important. If your partner has done these exercises with you, she too will be tuned into your body much more intimately. The more she knows your peaks, the more she can get involved later on, and that makes it more exciting for both of you.

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Practice these exercises as much as needed to get truly comfortable with your different levels. Remember that having an orgasm is not your goal. Don’t feel like you have to climax every time or
any
time you do the exercise. Feel your way through the exercises each time. If you want to have an orgasm, let it happen. If you don’t, don’t push it. And don’t rush these exercises because you can’t wait to get to the finale.

You’ll only wind up coming back to this chapter later on.

You are building your foundation here. It has got to be solid.

So take your time; you’ll be on the roof soon enough.

Once you’ve learned your scales you are ready to move on to the next chapter. While some men are eager to continue, some may care to linger. If you’re having so much fun you don’t want to leave this chapter, feel free to hang out here for a while and refine your sensitivity. After all, you can never be too aware of your own arousal. But do remember that there’s a lot more waiting for you when you turn the page.

C H A P T E R E I G H T

ORGASM, EJACULATION,

AND YOU

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L
earning to become multiorgasmic is like following a recipe for some very exotic dessert. Before you can make the dessert, all of the ingredients must be available. Chapters 6

and 7 helped us to find and prepare some of the most important “ingredients” for this very special recipe. You’ve learned about the PC muscle, the key ingredient, and hopefully you are getting yours strong and ready even as we speak. You’ve learned about sensate focus, demand-free interaction, and the point of no return. You’ve discovered the many levels of your own arousal and the pleasure of peaking at these levels.

Now we’re ready to take out the mixing bowls and start combining some of our ingredients. We also have a few more items to add. I know that you are anxious to get to the crucial exercises just two chapters away, but it won’t be long now.

Any good chef will tell you that the secret to great cooking is all in the preparation. So relax, take another deep breath, and try to get the most out of these very important exercises.

Peaking with the PC Muscle

Once you have learned how to peak at various levels, you’re ready to learn how to use the PC muscle to control those peaks. A strong PC muscle works like a good set of brakes in your car. You can use it to control your arousal the way you use your brakes to control your speed, and you don’t even need a learner’s permit to start practicing.

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But here’s the kicker. A strong PC can do a lot more than just control your arousal. It’s also the “brake” you will use to hold back your ejaculation while you are having an orgasm.

In the last chapter you learned how to let your arousal drop off by stopping the stimulation at each peak. In the next two exercises, you’re going to learn how to get the same results far more effectively by squeezing the PC muscle at those peaks. Learning how to use your brakes during these exercises is a little tricky. That’s because there are actually three different ways to squeeze the PC muscle when you are aroused:

• One long hard squeeze, or…

• Two medium squeezes, or…

• Several quick squeezes in a row

All three methods work, but you’ll probably find that one of them usually works best for you. Every man is different, and that means you are going to have to experiment with the different styles of squeezing to find the method that interferes least with your erection while still getting the job done.

Exercise 8 is for those men who will be working alone.

Exercise 9 is for men who are working with a partner. These exercises are very important, so take your time.

Exercise 8: King of the Road (solo)

We are going to begin this exercise the same way we started our first peaking exercise in the previous HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 99

chapter (Exercise 6: “Climbing Everest”). Lie down or sit comfortably and, using plenty of lubrication, begin a genital self-caress. Stroke your penis in a slow, gentle fashion, letting your arousal level gradually rise.

Make your first peak Level 4, a low-level peak. But this time, as you reach Level 4 you are going to
continue
stroking yourself. You are not going to stop the stimulation. Instead, what I want you to do is hit the brakes—that is, give your PC muscle one or two good strong squeezes, or three quick squeezes. Then take a very long and deep breath—lasting several seconds. Once you have done this, stop the stimulation and make sure all of your muscles are relaxed. Now let your arousal drop two levels, to a Level 2.

What you should have noticed is that even though you were still caressing yourself, the PC squeeze stopped your arousal from going any higher. It may have even taken you down one level. To drop two levels, most men need to stop the caress, which is why I ask you to stop the stimulation after your deep breath.

Let’s now try for a peak at Level 6. Start your caress and let yourself fully experience the many sensations of your arousal as your level starts to rise. When you reach a Level 6, do not stop your caress. Instead, hit the brakes again, giving your PC one or two firm squeezes, or three quickies. Take a long, deep breath. Now stop your stimulation and let yourself drop to a Level 4.

Try to continue this exercise for the next fifteen or twenty minutes, doing several more peaks. If you can, do a peak at Levels 7, 8, and 9. There are two things you need to know here:

100 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

1.
The higher you go, the longer and deeper that big breath needs to be.

2.
The higher you go, the harder you are going to have to squeeze your PC muscle.

This is especially true at the highest levels. At a Level 9, for example, you are probably going to have to give that PC

muscle one or two
really long, really hard squeezes
and you’re going to have to take a
really long, really deep breath
. Again, it’s just like driving a car. At high speeds, you’ve got to really slam on those brakes to make a quick stop. So, enjoy the drive, but don’t be afraid to really hit your PC brake when the time comes.

Exercise 9: Moonlight Drive (with a partner) Peaking with the PC muscle is a great exercise to do with a partner. To begin, lie on your back and get very comfortable.

Using plenty of lubrication, your partner should begin a genital caress. She can use manual and/or oral stimulation—whatever
she
prefers. Remember, she is doing the caress for
her
pleasure.

When you reach a Level 4 on your arousal scale, squeeze your PC muscle. Take a long, deep breath. Your PC squeeze should stop your arousal from going any higher, even though your partner has not stopped the stimulation. It could even drop you one level. Your deep breath is a signal to your partner that it is time for her to stop her caress. She should wait until the
end
of your long breath before she actually stops.

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Let your arousal drop two full levels. When you are certain you have reached a Level 2, you are ready to continue. Let your partner know that she can start her caress again.

This time, you are going to peak at Level 6. When you reach Level 6, squeeze your PC muscle. Take a long, deep breath. At the end of this breath, your partner should stop all stimulation and let you fall back down to Level 4.

Continue this exercise through Levels 7, 8, and 9. Remember that the higher you go, the harder you have to squeeze that PC muscle. Don’t be afraid to really hit those brakes—you can’t wear out the pads. That’s why you’ve been working so hard to make the muscle strong. Also, remember that the deep breath you take when you squeeze the PC needs to be longer and deeper at every level.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: You’re not the only one who might enjoy a few peaks. Whenever you complete a peaking session, ask your partner if she wants one of her own. Even if she doesn’t, she’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

A Position to Envy

Do you think you’re ready for a little more excitement? What about your partner? Is she ready too? We haven’t talked much about intercourse yet, but I think we’re ready to start talking now. Incorporat-102 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

ing intercourse into your exercise regimen is the ultimate thrill. The exercises become so exciting and so erotic you’ll have a hard time calling them exercises. But, believe it or not, they are still exercises, specifically designed to bring you closer and closer to your goal of multiple orgasm.

If you are getting a fairly strong erection from your partner’s caresses, this is a good time to introduce intercourse into the program. Exercise 10 will show you how, but first we need to talk for just a moment about positions. In all of the years my colleagues and I have worked with these techniques, one intercourse position has remained our favorite.

It’s our experience that this position maximizes the benefits of the techniques you are learning while minimizing effort.

I don’t want to sound like a mechanical engineer here, but in this position, which you are about to learn, all of the angles are ideal. The motion is ideal and the contact is ideal. Best of all, it
feels
great.

Every couple is different, and it is entirely possible that you may find one or more different positions that work even better for you than the one I recommend. That’s fine. I would never want to discourage you from experimenting. Try any position you are interested in. Have fun with it. Play. You may discover your own favorite. But first, let me teach you mine.

The woman should lie on her back and feel very comfortable. She may want a pillow under her buttocks and the small of her back for extra comfort. She raises her legs in the air, spreads them

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comfortably, and bends her knees. The man should be on his knees, in between the woman’s legs. Note that the man is going to use his
knees
, not his arms, to support most of his weight.
It is extremely important that his center of gravity is in
his hips
. This minimizes muscle tension in the man’s torso, enabling him to fully relax his muscles during the exercise.

It is from this position that he penetrates the woman.

Now I know that at first this position may sound a little bit convoluted. After all, we’re making love here, not pretzels.

But hear me out. You will recall how important it is for you to have your muscles as relaxed as possible during these exercises. In certain intercourse positions, it is simply not possible for these muscles to relax, and that can make learning these techniques far more difficult. The position I have just described also makes it very easy for the man to breathe properly. As I’ve said before, good breathing technique is extremely important in these exercises. While the position I’ve described is not the
only
position that works, it is the best one I know…particularly when you are learning to become multiorgasmic for the first time. Most men and women tell me that this is the position with which they have their greatest success. They get used to it very quickly, and usually it’s the one they come to prefer over all others, regardless of how many they try. So give it a chance. It’s hot. Trust me.

If you are not in a committed, monogamous relationship where
it has been clearly established that both partners are HIV negative,
you must practice safe sex
.

104 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

Exercise 10: Enter the Dragon (with a partner) This exercise begins just like Exercise 9 (“Moonlight Drive”).

You are lying on your back and your partner is giving you a sensate focus genital caress. You are going to do a peak at Level 4 and another at Level 6. Each time you will use your PC muscle to put the brakes on your arousal. You will also take a deep, deep breath at these peaks, at which point your partner will stop her caress.

If you have a fairly strong erection by the time you peak at Level 6, you are ready to have intercourse with your partner. (If you don’t have a strong erection yet, don’t push it. Wait until Level 8 or Level 9.) The first thing you need to do is switch positions. Your partner needs to lie on her back.

She should raise her legs in the air, spread them apart suffi-ciently, and bend her knees comfortably.

You are going to kneel between her legs, with your legs and hips supporting the bulk of your weight. Now you are going to insert your penis and begin slowly, gently thrusting.

In this exercise, no speed is too slow. Move your penis in and out of her vagina by rolling or rocking your pelvis. Don’t tense your muscles.

This is still a pressure-free sensate focus exercise. Think of yourself as caressing the inside of your partner’s vagina with your penis. Focus on the sensations. Stay in the here and now. Don’t think about your performance. This is solely for your pleasure. If your mind starts to drift, gently bring HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 105

yourself back to the pleasurable sensations you are feeling in the moment.

Your partner should be totally focused on her sensations too. If she’s really paying attention to what she’s feeling, her arousal levels are likely to go up just like yours. The two of you are going to feel really connected here. You’re climbing these mountains together.

Peak at Level 7. This may require you to slowly increase the speed of your thrusting. Nothing frantic, just a medium speed. When you reach Level 7, hit the brakes by squeezing your PC (hopefully by now you have discovered the method of squeezing that works best for you). Take a deep, deep breath. Now stop moving. Tell your partner, “That’s a 7.”