How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (6 page)

Orgasm Without Ejaculation!…am I Crazy?

Now, I know that this may not sound as simple as I say it is.

There’s a really good chance that at this moment it all sounds very weird, or even impossible. I realize that as far as most men are concerned,

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there is no such thing as an orgasm without ejaculation. It’s a package deal, like thunder and lightning, right? Wrong.

This may be hard to believe, but as most sex therapists will confirm,
orgasm and ejaculation in males are two separate things
.

Yes, they typically occur together, and yes, it
feels
as though they are a package deal. But the physiological reality is that they are not inseparable. It is possible to have a full orgasm without a simultaneous ejaculation, and therein lies the key to becoming multiorgasmic. Learn how to separate them, and you’re on your way.

I know that this news isn’t mind-boggling for every man who is reading this book right now. Many men have stumbled onto this accidentally. In fact, there may already have been an occasion or two in
your
life when you actually experienced the sensations of orgasm without having an ejaculation.

At the time, you may not have thought much of it, or you might have found it confusing. Most men who experience this unintentionally think that it’s an accident or some strange quirk. Many worry that something might be wrong with them, but very few men think of it as an experience worth recapturing, let alone perfecting. If you did, you probably wouldn’t be reading this book right now—you’d be out there doing it. But believe me, I know hundreds of men who would gladly tell you that a nonejaculatory orgasm is an experience worth recapturing and worth perfecting. These men will also tell you that if you’ve never had a nonejaculatory orgasm, you need to start. And that’s what you’re going to do, with my help.

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Meet James, a Multiorgasmic Man

I’d like to introduce you to James, one of several multiorgasmic men you’ll hear about, a man who has been practicing these techniques for almost eight years. I want you to read James’s story first because his method of having multiple orgasms most closely resembles the style we focus on in this book. You may not necessarily have intercourse for the same length of time as James does, but the techniques you use will not differ significantly.

When James and his partner Sharon make love, he typically takes ten minutes or more before he has an orgasm. He starts intercourse slowly and lets his arousal build. Then the instant before he is about to ejaculate, he thrusts deeply into Sharon and squeezes the muscle that runs from the base of the penis to the area behind his testicles. This allows him to have a full orgasm—including rapid heart rate, muscle contractions, and that incredible sensation of release—
without an ejaculation
.

James maintains his erection, continues to make love, and has two to four more orgasms this way. When he wants to stop making love, he has a final orgasm and ejaculates. James is able to do this because he has achieved good control of the pelvic muscles that spasm when a man ejaculates.

James usually lets his partner’s desires guide him. If Sharon wants to have intercourse for a long time, he simply delays his ejaculation until she’s had all she wants. In the meantime, he may have three or four
full
orgasms. If Sharon wants to make it a shorter evening, James complies happily.

Some

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nights are marathons and some nights are quickies. The important thing is, it’s their decision.

Alan’s Story

Alan used to have one quick orgasm when he made love and then call it a night. Today, however, Alan is a two-orgasm guy. When he is making love with his wife, Alan’s first orgasm tends to come on rather quickly—within five minutes or less. But Alan has learned to contract his PC muscle at just the right moment before his climax, and this completely suppresses his ejaculation. Alan calls this first orgasm his

“dry” orgasm. This is usually his most powerful orgasm, but it is just the beginning of his lovemaking.

With orgasm number one out of the way, Alan “settles in”

for the slow journey to orgasm number two. What Alan likes to do here is time his second orgasm so that it occurs with, or just after, his wife’s orgasm. Alan and his wife find this to be extremely gratifying for both of them. Alan’s wife tends to need prolonged intercourse before she can climax, which is why she was so enthusiastic about helping Alan learn these techniques.

Alan and his wife have developed a set of non-verbal signals (winks, nods, squeezes, etc.) that help them get their timing right. When it is time for their mutual climax, Alan just relaxes all of the muscles he tensed the first time, and has a second full orgasm, complete with ejaculation. Alan says, “The first one is for me.…The second one is for both of us.”

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The Multiorgasmic Male: Some Variations on a Theme The exercises in this book will teach you what I believe to be the simplest, most effective way for a man to become multiorgasmic. But that’s just the beginning. Once you have mastered these techniques, you may go on to develop your own unique style. In the many years I have worked with men, I have seen all kinds of interesting variations on the theme of multiple orgasm. For example, while most men achieve multiple orgasms by delaying ejaculation, some are able to have partial or even complete ejaculations without losing their erections. While most men spread out their orgasms through a prolonged session of lovemaking, some men experience all of their orgasms in rapid-fire succession.

There is no predicting what you will be capable of or what will feel best to you. Your body is unique, and it will respond in a unique way. Maybe you will develop some variation I have yet to see. Wouldn’t that be great? Drop me a line if you do, because I’m always interested in hearing about new things.

I want to introduce you to two other multiorgasmic men whose styles are quite different from James and Alan’s so that you can get a sense of the many possibilities that lie ahead. As you read their stories, remember that as different as these styles may seem, all four men started their multiorgasmic “careers” with the same basic techniques.

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Bob Can Ejaculate More Than Once Without Losing His Erection

Bob has a very different way of reaching multiple orgasms.

When Bob makes love to his wife he tends to begin by thrusting very vigorously and often ejaculates within about five minutes. However, after ejaculating, he has learned to maintain both his erection and his arousal, and he continues to thrust slowly. Within minutes he is able to have another complete ejaculation and orgasm, as strong as the first. If he chooses, he can continue making love in this fashion, having as many as five or six orgasms and ejaculations within an hour.

Bob’s ability to extend his lovemaking in this fashion gives his wife Janice the extra time she needs to reach her own peak. This is something she was unable to do with Bob before he developed this ability. Janice and Bob used to compensate for their incompatibility with oral sex or manual manipulation, but Janice always felt somewhat disappointed that she was unable to reach her orgasm through straight intercourse.

Today, Janice is a very satisfied woman.

Bob’s style of multiple orgasm is called multi-ejaculation, and it is a more advanced and difficult technique to master than James’s. What Bob has learned to do is shorten his refractory period, thereby shortening the length of time it takes him to become aroused again after he has ejaculated.

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John’s Pattern Resembles Many Women’s Experience When making love, John usually thrusts for approximately ten or fifteen minutes until he has a very strong orgasm with a partial ejaculation. After this, his penis becomes even more sensitive, adding to his pleasure. His erection does not dis-sipate and he continues to thrust vigorously. Then, within a short period of time, he experiences a series of smaller orgasms, almost like aftershocks.

John’s experience is most similar to a type of multiple orgasm many women experience. This style of multiple orgasm is not uncommon for multiorgasmic men. I have heard many stories of men who developed this technique on their own by actually mimicking the breathing patterns and muscle movements of multiorgasmic women. The interesting thing about John is that he no longer has to try to make any of this happen. He has conditioned his body so well that this aftershock response is now completely automatic, happening every time he has an orgasm.

Four “A” Students

James, Bob, John, and Alan are all multiorgasmic men, al-though, as you can see, the experience of having multiple orgasms is somewhat different for each of them. But James, Bob, John, and Alan have something else in common. None of them were naturally multiorgasmic. All of them learned to have multiple orgasms by using the exact same techniques presented in this book!

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These four men have still one more thing in common: James, Alan, Bob, and John were all my “students.” I saw each one move from being a single-orgasmic beginner to a multiorgasmic graduate. I am proud of them all, and they are all proud of themselves.

When a man turns to a sex therapist for help, his sexual functioning is usually a source of great distress. These four men were all struggling when I met them for the first time, and look at what they can do now. Just imagine the possibilities that lie ahead for a man like you who may already be fairly comfortable with his ability to perform.

“I Want to Believe This, But…”

I sense that you are very close to becoming a believer. Once you know the secret formula for male multiple orgasms, it all begins to make perfect sense, doesn’t it? But I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re wondering right now how something so extraordinary and so simple could go unnoticed for so long. After all, the sexual revolution ended years ago. How could we have missed a phenomenon like male multiple orgasm? If such a thing is as easy for any man to achieve as I say it is, why isn’t every guy in America doing it? And why aren’t you doing it right now? These are really important questions. And I have some surprising answers: FACT:
Male multiple orgasm is nothing new.
Eastern cultures, for example, have been aware of male multiple orgasm and nonejaculatory orgasm (NEO) for many years, and it is not difficult to find references

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to it in their tantric literature and historical literature. High up on mountaintops in faraway lands, both men and women have been having a good old time for a long, long time.

FACT:
Male multiple orgasm is well documented in
professional publications.
Knowledge of this phenomenon has not been restricted to a handful of enlightened souls liv-ing on distant shores. References to male multiple orgasm, some dating back as far as the 1930s, can be found in numer-ous books and journal articles available at most college libraries right here in the good old United States.

A Quick History Lesson

The earliest news of the existence of male multiple orgasm was not well received in this country. Quite the contrary, when it was first mentioned in the scientific literature in the 1930s and early 1940s, it was viewed as dysfunctional, or even pathological. In other words, most professionals believed that it only happened to a man if there was something wrong with his equipment. Given the prevailing attitude at the time, it is no wonder that the whole thing got very little attention.

Then, in 1948, Alfred Kinsey’s groundbreaking book,
Sexual Behavior in the Human Male
, was published. In the book, Kinsey clearly noted that several of the “normal” men he studied reported having more than one ejaculation with the same erection. Others reported experiencing the sensations of orgasm without ejaculation, and some reported more than one climax with each act of intercourse.

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Now you would think that news like this would have spread like wildfire, but it didn’t. Although the professional community became more accepting of the concept, the standard belief was that “either you have it or you don’t.” In other words, men didn’t
become
multiorgasmic: either they were born that way or they weren’t born that way. And that was that. It wasn’t until the 1970s that professionals began to consider a third possibility: that male multiple orgasm could actually be learned. That’s when the real fun started. Ever since then, many openminded sex therapists, myself and my colleagues included, have been working long and hard (no jokes please) to develop and refine a number of valid techniques that any man could learn. Though we all like to argue about whose methods are best, there is one thing we all agree on:
it can be done
.

Well, that ends our little history lesson. It’s the nineties and you’re a lucky guy. Today, all of the necessary techniques exist for men to become multiorgasmic. All you need to do now is the work. If you want to learn more about the evolution of this exciting and important discovery, I suggest you take a look at some of the articles I’ve listed at the end of the book in Appendix 1.

“Are You Sure There Isn’t a Catch?”

If you’re not a multiorgasmic male, you might be inclined to think that a nonejaculatory orgasm wouldn’t feel all that fabulous—that it might be a bit feeble, relatively speaking.

I can understand why it’s probably hard to imagine that an orgasm without an ejaculation could possibly feel as intense as

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the old reliable orgasm/ejaculation combo. But have I got a surprise for you. More than half the men I have spoken to report that their nonejaculatory orgasms are more powerful than any traditional orgasm they ever had. That’s right…not just
as
good as a traditional orgasm…better! When you hear these men explain their experiences, it begins to make sense.

Look, for example, at what these four men have to say: The nonejaculatory orgasm is actually more intense in some ways because you are planning it, leading up to it, and you know it is going to happen. In my “previous sex life,” even though every orgasm had an ejaculation with it, sometimes the orgasm was not very strong because I wasn’t totally expecting it. Or I was actually trying to hold it back so it got sort of muffled. Sometimes I would actually have an ejaculation without an orgasm. That was very unpleasant.