How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (2 page)

Even a woman who loves a man very deeply can feel frustrated and unfulfilled by his sexual limitations. Unfortunately, many women equate sex with compromise and sacri-fice. Few women regularly experience the kind of lovemaking they dream of, and even fewer believe it’s actually possible.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that this is about to change.

If you are a woman looking for more satisfaction from your partner and more understanding for yourself, I’m going to teach you everything you and your partner need to know about male multiple orgasm. If you are a man who is reading this book, I want you to think of me as a personal train-er—someone who can teach you the techniques and exercises that will change everything you have ever believed about sex.

Can We Talk?

Remember that big “talk” you had about sex with your dad when you were just a kid? Who could forget it? It was probably one of the most awkward moments of your child-hood, right? Sure he did the best he could, but you probably were left to fill in a whole lot of gaps by yourself. Well, it’s time for another talk. This time,
you
and
I
need to talk about sex…really talk. If you have a partner, she should 8 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

listen too. I’m not going to pull any punches here. When it comes to sex, there are a lot of things most people just don’t know. I’m not talking about sexual trivia—I’m talking about the critical things that stop most people from ever having a truly fulfilling sex life.

Please don’t get insulted. I know that you know a lot about sex. Everyone does, whether they want to or not. After all, it’s a subject that’s hard to avoid in the nineties. Turn on the TV, plug in the radio, open a book, go to the movies, flip through a magazine…what do you see? Sex, sex, sex. From Howard Stern to Melrose Place, from Donahue to pay-per-view, we’re getting educated by osmosis. But that doesn’t mean it’s a very
good
education.

Knowing a lot about sex is not the same as being sexually fulfilled. Knowing a lot about sex doesn’t always change what happens in the bedroom. No matter how much you’ve heard, read, and seen, sex can still feel like the greatest mystery in the world. No one likes to feel insecure about something as important as sex, but the truth is, at some point everyone feels as though everyone else on the planet is making love more often and more exquisitely than they are.

Sometimes it feels as though all of this sexual education has only made us more unsure.

It’s time to change all that and start filling in all of those gaps once and for all. I couldn’t think of a better place to start than learning about male multiple orgasm, which will change everything you ever thought you knew about sex. In fact, it will change everything. Period. It certainly did for me and for the many men and women with whom I’ve worked. I’m sure it will for you too.

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 9

Two Men Who Changed My Understanding of Male Sexuality

Male multiple orgasm. Wow! What a concept. I’ll never forget how skeptical I felt when I first heard about it back in 1980.

It was my second week of “basic training” for sexual surrogates at the Riskin-Banker Psychotherapy Center in Tustin, California.

Sex therapy is an important area of specialization at Riskin-Banker, and part of their therapeutic work involves the use of surrogates, both male and female. As it turns out, two of the male surrogates who worked there at the time were both capable of achieving multiple orgasm. On certain occasions, they actually used these techniques during work with their female clients.

If I hadn’t actually known these two men personally, I might have never believed such a thing was possible. Sure, I knew all about multiple orgasm in women. But men? How could men have multiple orgasms? I had a million questions that needed answering. As I listened to each of these men talk in detail about their unusual abilities, I knew that my understanding of male sexuality was about to change radically and permanently.

By the time my training was complete, I had all the proof of male multiple orgasm I ever needed. Since then I have spent most of my time working hard with other clinicians and clients to develop and perfect a variety of techniques that any man or couple could practice in the comfort of their own home. Today, I want to share those techniques with you. Why? Because I care about relationships and I care about sex. We need to have good sex in our relationships.

10 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

Good sex brings us closer together. It strengthens intimacy and cements the bond. It can even save a marriage. We can’t try to hide from this. Quite the contrary—we need to do everything we can to celebrate the importance of a rich sexual connection.

Are You Ready for a Change Too?

Is the possibility of a truly exciting sex life the kind of news you’ve been waiting for, or does it all sound too good to be true? For some people, the concept of male multiple orgasm seems perfectly logical, but to others, it may seem somewhat unnatural, or even downright impossible.

If you’re feeling a bit skeptical or uneasy right now, that’s normal. It has to be somewhat disconcerting to think we don’t know such a vital piece of sexual information. But as any good sex therapist will confirm for you, new sexual techniques are being developed all the time as we discover more about our bodies and our sexual capabilities. These new discoveries can be intimidating at first, but ultimately they’re very good news for all of us.

So relax if you can and try to be as open as possible. Believe me, even if you have your doubts right now, they won’t last.

I’m not here to teach you theory, but to deliver the goods.

By the time you have finished the exercises in this book, I know you will be a believer, with all the proof you ever need right in your own hands. Literally.

Was That a Smile I Just Saw?

I hope that by now I’ve already made you smile, or even laugh. We all need to laugh a little bit more HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 11

about sex, and I believe in using humor to help people learn about sex. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not a comedienne. I have a Ph.D. in psychology and I take sex very seriously—so you don’t have to.

I like sex and I believe in sex. I think it’s one of the most wonderful things that can happen between a man and a woman. I think its value to a relationship is immeasurable.

But I also think we need to be able to laugh about sex and during sex. Here’s my bottom line: I believe that sex should be easy and wonderful and fun for everyone. Having sex should be like going to Disneyland—tons of different rides, plenty to eat, and fireworks at midnight—only better because you don’t have to wait on line. Does that sound good to you?

Why Are You Reading This Book?

If you are a woman reading this book, you probably have several reasons for doing so. Because you love your partner a lot, you care about giving him as much pleasure as possible in bed. You want him to be the best lover he can be, but not just so he can fulfill your physical needs. You want him to feel good about himself in all ways; you want to be able to tell him that he’s a fabulous lover, and have him know for himself that it’s true.

But you also probably have some selfish reasons for being interested in male multiple orgasm. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated because most, if not all, of your orgasms are reached through oral sex or clitoral stimulation without penetration. Perhaps you want to be able to know that your partner can sustain an erection long enough to give you 12 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

the stimulation you need to achieve orgasm through intercourse. Or perhaps, even if you’re satisfied with the quality of your orgasms, you want to be able to spend more time making love. Maybe you simply find so much joy in having sex with your partner that you want to be able to do it longer.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make your sex life more and more wonderful. Too many women settle for less than what they really want, and I’m glad you’re not one of them.

If you are a man reading this book, I know that you care about making your partner happy in bed and are sensitive to a woman’s sexual needs. You want her to feel fulfilled and satisfied, and that’s terrific. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say. Perhaps you are already able to make love for an extended period of time, and you’re reading this because you want to intensify your pleasure or want to find other ways of expressing your sexuality. Perhaps you are anxious about your ability to maintain an erection, or you would like to experience a greater intensity in your own sexual response. Perhaps you are trying to rediscover the multiorgasmic ability that you had as a younger man, or re-create an isolated multiorgasmic experience in your past that left you wanting more. Perhaps you are just curious.

Whatever your reasons, you are about to discover the wonderful things that becoming multiorgasmic does for a man. It’s not just your body that will be changing. Your sense of who you are is going to change, and so is your sense of what you have to offer a woman. When a man feels good about his sexuality, he feels good about himself. Sexual confidence creates greater confidence in many other areas HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 13

of a man’s life. It strengthens self-image and it strengthens self-esteem. This is powerful stuff.

Four Typical Men Who Want to Learn About Male Multiple Orgasm

You’ve already met Daniel. Right now, I’d like to introduce you to four other men: Fred, David, Josh, and Mark. As you will see, each of these men has a different reason for wanting to learn about male multiple orgasm, and every reason is valid. Maybe you will recognize some of your own needs and concerns in one of their stories. I think
most
men have something in common with at least one of these four men.

Fred’s Story

Fred has always found it very easy to express his sexuality.

He is currently married for the second time and he and his wife Janice have a very active sex life. Because sex is important to Fred, he wants to make sure it stays that way.

Right now, he and Janice make love almost every night and many mornings as well. Fred says that to him it’s sort of like brushing his teeth—something you do routinely at regular intervals of the day. But Fred is becoming worried that his “refractory period”—the length of time between erections—is getting longer. Or, as Fred puts it, “Lately, I can’t always get it up twice a day.” Fred is interested in finding new techniques that will allow him to continue to spend large amounts of time having sex with his wife. Janice thinks that’s a pretty good idea.

14 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

David’s Story

David has a completely different reason for being interested in learning about male multiple orgasm. He worries that he can’t keep an erection long enough to satisfy his wife, Debbie, and he’s concerned that she is not as happy in bed as she would like to be. It seems that no matter how hard David tries, he can’t sustain an erection for much longer than five minutes. He laughs when he refers to himself as “a quickie,”

but he doesn’t really think it’s funny. He’s willing to try anything that will bring Debbie to orgasm, but he knows what his wife really needs is prolonged intercourse.

In truth, David never had much control over his erection, but when he and Debbie first started sleeping together he felt so much desire that after he reached orgasm he was able to have a second erection within ten or fifteen minutes. The second time, it was easier for him to hold back his own orgasm and ejaculation, allowing him to prolong intercourse long enough for Debbie to reach orgasm. Over time, however, David lost this ability, and that’s been a problem for Debbie.

Debbie agrees. David has read several books that promise he can become a great lover by learning to press the right spots on a woman’s body. But when he tries these techniques on Debbie, they don’t really seem to be working. They don’t work because other books don’t explain the philosophy behind the techniques, and David ends up “working on” Debbie instead of enjoying himself.

Touching is nice, and oral sex is great, but Debbie needs more intercourse to feel satisfied. She misses HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 15

the long sessions of lovemaking. Sometimes she feels that she is just beginning to get excited as David is already ejaculating. Knowing that this is going to happen makes her nervous and uncomfortable when they’re having intercourse.

She feels as though she is spending more time thinking about David’s erection than she is about her own pleasure. She loves David and she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she gasps and moans and pretends to have an orgasm. But it’s not the same, and she knows it. Worse still, he knows it.

Both Debbie and David want the same thing: sex that is passionate and prolonged. They want to feel comfortable with themselves and with each other. David wants desper-ately to last long enough to bring his wife to orgasm through intercourse. When he thinks of making love to her, in his head he can continue for hours. Why doesn’t that happen in real life? By using the technique of male multiple orgasm, it can.

Josh and Mark

Mark has yet another set of reasons for wanting to learn about male multiple orgasm. Still a young man, Mark has yet to find a steady partner, and he has anxiety about his ability to perform well when he does. He wants to learn as much about sex as he can so that he will feel more secure and knowledgeable when he is with women.

Josh is only a few years older than Mark, but he considers himself very experienced sexually. He thinks of himself as a good lover and believes that he is able to maintain an erection long enough to

16 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

satisfy any partner. But Josh has another concern: he is so mentally aware of “holding back” his orgasms in order to please the woman he’s with that it keeps him from fully enjoying the experience.

Until very recently, all of these men believed there was only one secret involved in being a good lover: “learning to play a woman’s body like a violin.” But that has all changed now.

Today, these four men are enthusiastic and excited, having discovered that there is yet another secret that will allow them to bring pleasure to their partners while increasing their own pleasure.