Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (73 page)

system of,
139
–144

mother-infant synchrony,
119
–120,
407
n
104

motivation, desire as,
184
–185,
194

multiple orgasms,
138
,
351

mythical quests,
192
–193

N

National Cancer Institute,
251

neediness, wanting from,
183
,
191
–192

negative mental tapes,
204

negative plastic events,
265
–266,
415
n
191

negative reflected sense of self,
46

neocortex,
400
n
29

neural network for mind-mapping,
52

neurobiology,
xviii
,
153
.
See also
human brain

neuroplasticity,
264
–267,
373
–374,
411
nn
142–143

neuroscience of love,
398
n
13

neurotransmitters,
24
,
398
nn
14–15,
399
nn
24–25,
411
n
155,
412
n
163

niche construction,
31
,
403
n
54,
404
n
56

NMS (normal marital sadism),
211
–215,
225
,
229
–230,
251
,
354
.
See also
sadism

norepinephrine,
24
,
398
n
15,
399
nn
24–25

normal

as added pressure when problems surface,
4
–5

LDP and HDP as,
9
–11

presumptions about,
xvi
,
8

sexual desire problems as,
17
–19

normal marital sadism (NMS),
211
–215,
225
,
229
–230,
251
,
354
.
See also
sadism

noxious touch,
306
,
307
–308

O

Office of Cancer Survivorship of the National Cancer Institute,
251

oral sex

avoidance of,
364
–367

couple’s discomfort with the idea,
161
–163

deep throat,
360
,
418
n
213

developing comfort with,
358
–360

giving,
369
–370

overcoming discomfort,
380
–383

overview,
355
–358

power and submission aspects,
355

receiving,
362
–368

surrender aspect of,
360
–362

orgasms

eyes-open,
338
–339

lesbian sex,
160
,
176

multiple,
138
,
351

neurophysiology and neuro-chemistry of,
418
n
211

sexual desire problems from rapid,
132
–133,
136
,
142

other-validated intimacy

emotional gridlock as result of,
107
,
113
–115,
118
–119

LDP controls it,
110
–111,
246

mind-mapping in,
109
–110

mixing self-validated intimacy and,
129

overview,
104
–105

synchrony in,
119
–120,
407
n
104

Ovid,
63

ovulation,
187
,
350
,
409
n
130,
417
n
205

oxytocin,
24
,
29
,
399
n
25,
418
n
211

P

pair-bonding,
134
,
165
,
402
n
44,
413
n
167

palm over groin,
307
–308,
314

parent-child relationship,
85
,
119
–120,
407
n
104

Passionate Marriage
(Schnarch),
xviii
–xix

Passionate Marriage® Couples Enrichment Weekends,
319
–320,
378

Passionate Marriage® Couples Retreats,
169
,
213
,
250
,
329
–330

paternity and subjugation of women,
137
–138

performance pressure,
141
–142

perpetual accommodation,
167
–168,
169
–170

personal differentiation,
86
,
87
,
93
–94

personal growth

as a choice,
228
–229

co-evolution with your partner,
85
,
99
–100

from conversations,
199
–202

Crucible® Therapy,
34
–37,
377
,
400
n
29

enduring discomfort for,
73
,
77
,
164
–165,
229
–230

human reluctance,
176

for keeping sex alive,
173
–176

maintaining sexual desire through,
170
–171

in marriage,
238

monogamy as opportunity for,
139
,
144
–147

of only one partner,
245
–247,
259

overview,
19
–20

self-confrontation and self-soothing,
202
–206

sexual desire problems for,
37
,
63
–64,
69

suffering as part of,
251
–252

from wanting,
204
–206

See also
conflicts; Four Points of Balance; human nature

phenomenological consciousness,
406
n
91

physical abuse by HDP in control of sex,
397
n
6

Playboy
(magazine),
134

points of balance.
See
Four Points of Balance

polygamy,
397
n
6

polygyny,
134

positions in a relationship,
9
–10

positive plastic events,
264
–267,
417
n
202

positive psychology and resilience science,
20

post-traumatic growth,
251

post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
266

power versus weakness,
367
–368

prefrontal cortex,
28
,
165
,
296
–297

prefrontal neocortex (forebrain),
26
–27,
28
,
52

Prehistory of Sex, The
(Taylor),
403
n
48

Present Moment in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life, The
(Stern),
59
,
405
n
71

primitive brain.
See
reptilian brain

process of elimination,
82
–84,
107
,
163
–166

pseudo-differentiation,
143
–144

Psychology Today
(magazine),
134

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder),
266

Q

Quantum Model,
414
n
178

Quiet Mind–Calm Heart

and collaborative alliance,
305
–306

holding hands application of,
321
–322

hugging till relaxed,
278
–285,
322
–323,
413
nn
170–172,
413
n
176,
417
n
201

in midst of critical mass,
252

as one aspect of differentiation,
88
–89

overview,
72
,
73

reflexive anxiety regulation versus,
172

tips for developing,
203
–204

utilizing principle of,
147
–148
See also
Four Points of Balance; Four Points of Balance weakness-related problems

R

rape,
xx

reactive part of brain,
52
,
57

receiver in control mindset,
304

receiving oral sex,
362
–368

reciprocal criticisms,
32

reciprocal mind-mapping,
109
–110.
See also
moments of meeting

reciprocity in other-validating intimacy,
104
–105,
113
–114,
116

Redbook
(magazine),
134

reflected sense of self

and borrowed functioning,
40
–46,
404
n
59

couples with different needs,
103
–104

cycle of,
47
–49

as damper on innovation,
167
–169

delusions of grandeur,
136
–138

and desire for new sexual partners,
155

difficulty with acceptance and forgiveness,
241

emotional fusion as a result of,
49
–50,
119

in evolution of man,
29

exclusivity aspect of,
409
n
129

and identity crises,
172
–173

looking perfect as part of,
77

and mind-mapping,
50
–51,
58
–62

mirroring versus,
118

moving toward gridlock,
83
–84

sexual desire problems from,
144

social pressure as group control of,
153

solid sense of self versus,
41
,
42
–44,
46
–47,
74
–77,
89

See also
other-validated intimacy

relationship ecology

anxiety-tolerance,
175
–176

caring more about partner than yourself,
166
–167

collaborative alliances,
267
–268,
269

comfort/safety cycle,
241
–243,
244
,
245
–246

emotional torture,
215
–221

friendship,
199
–200,
202
,
205
–206