Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (13 page)

The look on his face as his daughter questioned them made her wonder if he'd ever thought about them being together again.

“Lindsey, this is a complicated situation.” Blake stood a few feet away from them, and his tone was that father type, the kind that told a child this was too adult for her to understand.

Lindsey heard it, too. “I'm smart, and I do understand what's going on. And if everyone else, even my cousins, knows what is going on, I want to know. I don't want everyone to be talking about my life and my family.”

Jana looked at Blake, and he nodded, giving her the go-ahead.

“There was a mistake with the paperwork. Your father did file for divorce, but one of the important documents didn't get signed.”

Lindsey's face lit up and she smiled. Jana's heart sank. She didn't want her daughter to have false hope, to believe that birthday prayer would come true.

“So you aren't getting a divorce?” She looked from Jana to Blake and back to Jana.

Jana didn't know what to say to that. She looked at Blake, and she could tell by his expression that he didn't want to do this anymore than she did. So why were they?

They stood there, the three of them—Jana, Lindsey and Blake, leaning against the truck, staring up at a sky that had grown cloudy. The arena had grown quiet. People were heading for their cars. Horses and other livestock were being loaded. Jana could hear laughter and conversations that were quiet from a distance. And to the south, thunder echoed.

“I'm not a baby. I know you think because I'm sick I can't handle the truth, but I can.” Lindsey broke the silence, looking from one to the other of them. “It might not be what I want, but I really don't want to pretend I know when I don't.”

“Okay, here's the truth.” Blake sighed as he said it. “We were waiting to do this later. We don't want to hurt you.”

Blake's voice was quiet, his tone said something that Jana couldn't quite discern. What she could have told him, what he had to know, was that this would be hard on Lindsey no matter what or when they did it. Time wouldn't make a difference.

“But we're all happy together.” Lindsey looked up at him. “Aren't we? And you love my mom.”

Lindsey's eyes had filled with tears. Jana reached for her but Lindsey pulled away.

“There's a lot more to a relationship,” Blake started and then he shook his head. “I'm sorry, Lindsey.”

“You both act like this is just about you. But what about me? You're my mom and dad, and I'm just the kid who doesn't get to make any decisions.”

Jana had to step in. “Lindsey, that isn't fair.”

“But I thought we'd all be together.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes on the back of her arm. “I even thought Teddy and Sissy would be with us. I thought we would all live on the ranch together. I don't want to move anymore.”

“You won't.” Blake turned a hard look on Jana. “Will you?”

“We're not leaving Dawson. But eventually I do have to get my own place.”

“We'll work this out, Lindsey.” Blake pulled his daughter close and kissed the top of her head. “I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it's the answer for right now.”

Jana didn't know what his answer meant, but it seemed to satisfy Lindsey. They climbed in the truck together and made a quiet trip back to the ranch, with Jana thinking about a man not willing to tell her he loved her and the wall that would always be between them.

The wall had been built by choices she'd made, but she was losing hope that it would fall. She would have lost hope, but then she remembered: even the walls of Jericho fell when God made the plan.

Chapter Thirteen

B
lake was up at dawn on Monday morning. He walked through his parents' house, expecting someone to be up. No one was. The house was completely silent, but there were signs of children. A toy truck parked in the living room next to the sofa and a Barbie sitting in a rocking chair. Teddy and Sissy were settling in and making their presence felt. He grinned at that because the two kids seemed to be adjusting. He knew it hadn't been easy at first. There was a lot they couldn't understand.

And there was a lot they weren't going to know about. Not now, with Lisa still missing on the streets of Tulsa. At least they were here and they were safe.

In the kitchen he started a pot of coffee brewing and then sliced himself a piece of apple pie for breakfast. He was munching it down when his dad walked in, still looking half-asleep.

“You're getting around late.” Blake nodded toward the pie on the counter.

Tim Cooper took a slice of pie and sat down next to his son. “I'm too old for little ones.”

“No, you aren't. You just have to get back in the kid mode. Think how boring this house would be without those two kids.”

His dad chewed a bite of pie and then got up for a cup of coffee. He raised the pot, an offer, and Blake nodded. His dad poured two cups and slid them across the counter.

“I was thinking,” his dad said as he sat back down, “that you would end up with Teddy and Sissy. Makes more sense to me. You and Teddy have a pretty serious bond.”

“I can't imagine them turning two kids over to a single guy living in his parents' guesthouse.”

His dad took another bite of pie. “Two problems with that statement.”

“Great, and I guess you're going to tell me what they are?” He finished his pie and waited.

“Yeah, I am. First, you're not single. Second, you have a house.”

“Dad, a month or so back I was as single as any guy around.”

“A single guy who hasn't really dated in ten years means a guy who is still pretty attached to the idea of being married.”

“I had other things on my mind. I was looking for my daughter.”

“And your wife.”

Blake got up to pour himself another cup of coffee. He glanced back at his dad. “I don't recall the search being for Jana.”

“I always kind of thought it was.”

Blake leaned against the counter holding his cup of coffee, not really interested in drinking it.

“In the sense that she had my daughter, I guess I did search for my wife.”

“Why don't you go home?” His dad finished off his pie. “You have a house, a wife and a daughter, and you're living above my garage.”

“It isn't that simple. Until last week I thought I was divorced from my wife. And I'm not sure I want to pick up where we left off. I definitely don't want to rush back into a relationship that might fall apart again. What would be harder on Lindsey, us divorcing or the hope that we might work things out only to find that we can't?”

“She made a mistake,” Tim admitted.

“Yes, she did.”

“I guess we've all made mistakes. And if your mom hadn't been willing to trust me, I probably wouldn't be here. Or she wouldn't.”

He was talking about his affair with Jeremy Hightree's mother. An affair that had meant learning that he was Jeremy's dad. It had taken not just their family but the whole community by surprise. It had meant a lot of hurt and anger.

These days, Jeremy was as much a part of the Cooper family as any of them. And Angie Cooper had been his biggest supporter. Blake loved his mom. She was about the most patient, forgiving person in the world. But Blake wasn't his mother.

“I cheated one time, Blake. One mistake and that mistake left ripples. If I had it to do over, I never would have made that choice. But at the same time, I have a son that I love and care about.”

“I know you do. Jeremy is my brother. None of us would want to undo that.”

“No, but it was wrong, and I'd undo the pain I caused your mother if I could. Give your marriage a chance.”

“I'm working on this. I'm struggling with it, though. With trusting her.” He returned to his seat next to his dad.

“One day at a time, you let her prove that she's here to stay.”

His dad smiled, causing lines around his eyes that had deepened in the past few years. The sun shining through the window caught the gray in his blond hair.

“Remember when you were ten...”

Blake groaned. “Let's not bring that up again.”

“Why?”

“Because I'd rather forget.”

His dad smiled a gotcha smile. “I'm sure you would.”

“I thought I'd smoke one of Uncle Ron's cigars, and I set twenty acres on fire.”

“And you never did it again. You didn't smoke again, or play with matches.”

“Some people don't learn the first time around. Jackson is a pretty good example of that.”

Boots stomped in the direction of the kitchen and Jackson shouted before he came into sight. “Hey, don't use me as an example. I'm living a pretty decent life now. I'm all settled down and respectable.”

Blake laughed. “Yeah, you're respectable. Button your shirt.”

“I just got up fifteen minutes ago. Give a guy a break.” Jackson finished buttoning his shirt and then ran a hand through hair that was standing on end.

“Since when do you sleep in?” Blake shook his head. “Everyone is sleeping in around here.”

“I don't get any sleep at night because a little boy is teething.”

“That's rough.” Blake grinned as he handed Jackson a cup of coffee. He remembered those days, being tired and grouchy. And then missing it like crazy.

He had missed Jana's presence. He'd missed baby stuff all over the house. He'd missed the warmth of his wife and daughter, how it felt to come home to them.

He remembered coming home to an empty house and a note, no little girl running to greet him, no Jana in the kitchen singing off-key to the radio.

“Blake, give it time.” His dad stood to leave as he gave that last bit of advice.

“I know.”

Jackson took the seat their dad had vacated. “I'm sorry about Jade spilling the beans. She must have overheard us talking, and she thought she was sharing good news. You know how she is about family.”

Because she hadn't really had one until she showed up on Jackson's doorstep looking for a dad. Blake got it.

“We're not upset with Jade. We should have told Lindsey.”

Jackson shrugged and took a long drink of coffee. He'd never been bothered by sucking down hot liquid.

“I'm going to move some cattle over to the forty that attaches to your place. Gage got it baled yesterday. Want to ride along?”

That sounded good. He couldn't, though.

“Sounds good but I have to take care of a few things.”

“I've got a nice gentle pony you can ride.” Jackson laughed as he stood to go.

“I think I'll pass on the pony.”

* * *

Blake got to his place an hour later. He walked through the front door of the house, rapping once on the frame of the door. It felt strange to knock on the door of the house he had lived in for more than a dozen years.

Music played from the kitchen. He could hear Lindsey talking to Jana. It was no longer baby talk in a toddler voice. Instead it was the voice of a girl who would soon be thirteen. He didn't have any doubts about what she wanted for that birthday.

The house was no longer lifeless, the way it had been since Jana left him. A part of him wanted to keep it this way, with his daughter laughing and Jana singing along to country music.

He walked through the door of the kitchen, taking off his hat as he went. Jana turned from the sink. She was washing dishes. Lindsey was playing a game on some kind of pocket device he didn't know the name of. They both smiled but he could see hesitancy.

“Do you want coffee?” Jana offered, reaching for a cup. He shook his head.

“You smell like barn,” Lindsey informed him and then went back to her game.

“Thanks.”

Could a moment get more normal? He thought it couldn't. He smiled at Jana and she looked unsure.

“I have to go to work, but do the two of you want to meet me at the Mad Cow for lunch?” he asked as he stepped back from the sink. “I told Mom I'd pick Teddy up this evening. He's had a rough couple of days, and she thought it might help to spend time with us.”

Jana looked from him to Lindsey. Their daughter shrugged a little, and she didn't look as thrilled as he thought she might. Maybe because she was worried. He didn't blame her. She'd had a rough couple of days, too.

He didn't know how to fix it all for her, though. If he thought he could, he would. The only thing he could give her were the normal moments like this one.

* * *

At noon Jana and Lindsey met Blake at the Mad Cow. They were seated in a corner booth, Blake sitting across from them.

“Your birthday is in a couple of weeks.” Jana smiled at the waitress who brought their drinks. “Have you thought about what you would like?”

Lindsey was silent for a minute and then she shook her head. “Nothing that I can think of.”

“Lindsey...”

Lindsey stopped her. “I don't really want a gift. I can't think of anything I want. But I have been planning my party with Jade and we talked to Granddad. I'll have a slumber party with my cousins. Granddad said we could use the big wagons that they use at Christmas and have a hayride.”

“I think that sounds like a great party.” Blake leaned back in the seat and smiled at their daughter. “If you want, you can have the slumber party in the stable apartment at Cooper Creek. There's a projector and movie screen stored somewhere if you want to show a movie.”

Jana listened to the plans, hoping it would be enough to satisfy their daughter, who really only wanted one thing for her birthday. They all knew, without her saying, that she wanted her parents to reunite.

Jana would love to give her her heart's desire, but she couldn't. She remembered as a child how she'd wanted to find her birth parents, how it had felt as if her life wouldn't be complete until she knew who they were.

She hadn't realized what it took to be complete. It took faith. It took filling up the emptiness with something outside of herself. She had met her birth parents. They were good people who hadn't thought they could raise a child. They'd hoped she would have love and security with her adoptive parents.

And she had. It had been a different kind of love, nothing at all like the Coopers. It had been quiet, secure. Lindsey felt as if she were missing something. Jana got that.

What she would teach her daughter was that she had two parents who loved her. Two parents who would always be there for her. Even if they couldn't be there for each other.

“Madeline and Jade are here.” Blake nodded toward the front door of the café. As if to punctuate the statement, the cowbells hanging over the door clanked together.

Lindsey turned quick, as if she'd already known they would be there. She got up and hurried to Jade's side. The two hugged. Jana loved the sight of her daughter fitting in here. Madeline left the two girls to talk and headed their way.

“We can make room for you,” Jana offered.

“We had lunch,” Madeline confided. “I'm actually here because our daughters have been texting all morning and they're plotting against us.”

“What's the plot?” Blake asked.

Jana scooted and Madeline sat next to her. “I think the plan is for Lindsey to come to our house for a while.”

“Oh.” Jana turned to look at her daughter, still standing by the counter talking to Jade. “We just ordered.”

“We can wait for her food.”

Jade and Lindsey returned, both scooting in next to Blake, pushing him up against the wall. Lindsey grinned at her dad and then crossed her arms on the table. “I can get my food to go.”

“I don't know.” Jana bit down on her lip, not sure about this brave new world that moments ago had seemed so wonderful.

“Mom, I can take my food with me. It'll give you two time to talk adult stuff. Please, for a few hours.”

It was the most normal request in the world, and Jana didn't know what to do with it. It had been so long since Lindsey had really been out of her sight. It had been longer since she'd gone home with a friend.

For a year, their lives had been about kidney disease and hospitals. And she'd dealt with it all alone. She was no longer alone. She looked from her daughter to Blake.

“Did you take your meds before we left?” He moved a little, giving himself more room.

“Yeah. I don't have more until dinner. And I have those in my pack in the car. I always bring it with me just in case we get caught somewhere.”

Jana listened and her heart shifted. This was her daughter, growing up, taking responsibility. Becoming independent. When they met with the transplant team each week they discussed these things with Lindsey. Jana had wondered how much a twelve-year-old actually soaked in and how much she ignored. Now she knew. Lindsey was listening.

“I don't see why she can't.” Blake looked at Jana for her input.

She hesitated, because it wasn't that easy for her, letting go. Lindsey's eyes widened, waiting.

“You can go.”

A few minutes later Vera walked out of the kitchen with a bag and handed it to Lindsey. “There's your salad, kiddo. Ranch on the side.”

Blake laughed and Jana felt a little lost.

“How did you know she was leaving?” Jana asked the owner of the Mad Cow, who didn't look at all guilty, but she did give Lindsey a look, brows arched and a smile hovering at the corners of her mouth.

“A little birdy?” Vera quipped.

Jana waited for her daughter to confess, and she did.

“At the register a minute ago. I asked if she would make mine to go. Just in case.”