Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (5 page)

She'd buy a little house in Dawson. She'd attend church. She would make this community her home.

Blake's eyes were closed. She watched him for a moment, lost in thought. She'd always known he was a good man. Someone steady and dependable, a man you could count on.

For another few minutes she watched him in the chair, stretched out, his eyes shut, his breathing growing deep. Finally she walked away.

When she returned with the water, Blake was asleep. She pulled an afghan off the back of the sofa and draped it over him. She hesitated for a moment and then touched his cheek.

Oh, she was sorry, so very sorry. But she knew he wouldn't believe her. He would believe that she had needed his help for Lindsey's sake. He might even believe that she'd fallen on hard times and that had forced her to come running back to him. But would he ever believe how much she regretted leaving?

She moved her hand and shifted her attention from Blake to their daughter. She watched the easy breaths of a deep sleep. Jana had always watched Lindsey breathe. Moms did that. She was sure they all did. But in the past year she'd watched for different reasons. Because she needed to know that her daughter would take that next breath.

She'd spent a lot of time praying. For her daughter, for herself. She'd prayed about coming back to Dawson because she'd known that showing up in Oklahoma had several possible outcomes. Her biggest fear had been that Blake would have her arrested and she wouldn't be able to watch over Lindsey.

She would have gone to jail. To keep Lindsey alive, she would have done anything, even that.

As Blake and Lindsey slept, she slipped out of the house, needing a moment to clear her head. She walked toward the barn. The dog, Sam, fell in beside her. The border collie raced ahead, found a stick and came back. Jana reached for the stick but Sam pulled away, unwilling to let her have his toy. The dog plopped to the ground, his paws holding the stick as he gnawed on it.

In the fields horses grazed. A few cattle dotted the far pasture. She stood at the corral fence watching a pony chomp on tufts of spring grass. She wasn't sure, but she thought it might be the same pony Blake had bought Lindsey when she turned two. The little animal with the shaggy gray mane and darker gray coat looked up, watching her with an eager curiosity.

It chewed the last bite of grass and then ambled toward her. His dark eyes watched her, curious, intent.

“Billy Joe.” She remembered his name. His ears twitched, and he shoved his velvety nose at her, wanting attention.

Tears overflowed her eyes. Blake had kept the pony for ten years, waiting for his daughter to return. She reached through the fence and pulled the face of the pony close, breathing in his horse scent. She brushed the tears away. The pony slipped from her grasp, more interested in grazing the fresh shoots of spring grass.

Jana closed her eyes, praying her family would be healed. This was a new prayer for her. She'd prayed for Lindsey, for a kidney and that Blake wouldn't have her arrested. She hadn't ever thought that her heart would still be so attached to the man who had been her husband.

Footsteps crunched in the gravel behind her. She waited, knowing it would be Blake.

“He's getting old,” Blake said as he walked up. “But I couldn't let him go.”

“I know.” She swallowed and blinked quick to rid her eyes of more tears.

He cleared his throat. “I should have told you about the divorce.”

“I was gone. You had every right to move on.”

“I haven't really moved on.” He looked away, leaving her to wonder about that statement. She wanted to ask why, but she didn't dare.

“Mia told me you had found us.”

“She did, did she?”

“Yes. Were you going to take Lindsey?”

“I don't know.” He stepped away from the fence. “Maybe. But I didn't get the chance. You were gone before I could get there. It was last fall.”

“We were in Europe by then, looking for doctors.”

They started back toward the house, the dog walking next to Blake. He pulled keys out of his pocket. “I'm going to head to Cooper Creek. Is there anything you need before I go?”

She wanted to tell him to stay with them, not to go. Lindsey would wake up and wonder where he had gone. Jana knew the right thing to do, even though it wouldn't be the easy one.

“You stay here. I'll go to the ranch,” she offered.

Blake stopped walking. Instead of looking thankful, he looked suspicious.

“Don't look at me like that, Blake. I'm not going to bring my sick daughter to you and then leave town. I'm offering you the opportunity to stay with her. I know she wants to be with you.”

His features relaxed. “She needs you, too.”

“I want to believe that. But I don't know if she wants to need me right now. I knew that when I made this decision I'd have to deal with her anger. I knew it would hurt.”

“She'll work through it.”

“I hope.”

“We all will.” He stopped next to his truck. “We're going to have to sit down and talk about the future, and what we're going to do.”

“Do you plan on trying to get custody of Lindsey?” Her voice shook. So did her legs.

“According to U.S. law, I have custody. My lawyer took care of that when he finalized our divorce.”

Her hands went numb as she stood there looking up at him, trying to breathe. He could take Lindsey. Of course she knew that, but hearing it was another story. She closed her eyes and fought a wave of nausea.

“Jana, I won't take her.” His voice, low and husky, soothed, even if that wasn't his intention. She opened her eyes and stared up at him.

“Thank you.”

“She's going to have a long road ahead of her. I think for now we work as a team, not as a divided family. We'll go to doctor's appointments together. I think it would be good if the two of you were a part of the Cooper family.”

“I don't want her to get the wrong idea. About us, I mean.”

Blake didn't smile. She wanted him to smile. She wanted the tense lines in his face to relax. Time, she told herself. Everything would take time. She would relax and stop feeling like a cornered rabbit. He would stop looking angry. Time. Their daughter would feel secure in time.

“Maybe the best plan would be for us to sit down and talk to her,” Jana suggested. “She's almost thirteen. She knows how life works. I think she has a good idea of what happened between us, and she'll understand that we're here for her. It isn't about us.”

“I think that's a good idea.” He reached for the door of the truck. “I've got something I need to take care of, so I'll be back in the morning. If you need anything, call my cell phone.”

She nodded and backed away from the truck, from the man whose arms she might have turned to, had things been different.

Now she knew that she didn't have the right to reach out to him, to need him, to turn to him. She didn't have the right to question where, or who, he was going to when he left them.

“I'll see you tomorrow.” She smiled, trying to make it seem easy.

He got behind the wheel of the truck. “Call. I'm just a few minutes away.”

“I will. And you, too. I mean, if you need anything.”

She stood in the yard of what had once been her house and watched his truck go down the drive. When she walked back toward the house, Lindsey was in the doorway.

“Where's he going?”

“Back to Cooper Creek.”

“He didn't say goodbye.”

“He thought you were sleeping.”

Lindsey bit down on her bottom lip, but her eyes were foggy, and even though she looked better than she had two weeks ago, she still looked frail. Jana put an arm around her daughter and led her back to the couch.

“He'll be back tomorrow.” She sat down next to Lindsey.

“I don't understand why he can't just stay here.”

Jana sighed, because they were going to have to have this discussion now.

“Lindsey, we're here because I wanted you to know your dad again. What I did was wrong. It doesn't matter why I did it or what I felt at the time, it was the worst thing I could have done to you and to your dad. But your father and I are not a couple.”

“But we're back.” Lindsey sobbed the words. “We're back and you still love him.”

Jana didn't answer. What could she say to that? Acknowledge that her daughter was right? Deny it because it would be easier in the long run?

She decided to change the subject. “What do you want to eat? Angie said she stocked the freezer, and there are plenty of good, healthy snacks in the cabinets.”

Lindsey shrugged but Jana could see the wheels working. Her daughter was processing her new life, her parents' relationship. Of course she would eventually come to terms with the situation. Jana knew her daughter was good at adapting.

If only Jana had the same skills. Life would be so much easier if she could adapt to Blake being back in her life. He was a stranger. And yet, he wasn't.

He was her husband. Ex-husband, she corrected herself. It hurt, the way the truth was supposed to hurt. All of these years of being apart and her heart still wanted to claim him as her own.

Chapter Five

B
lake walked through the barn at Cooper Creek, aware he wasn't alone. He'd seen Jackson's truck parked by the house, and since he hadn't seen him in the house, figured he must be out here. He checked the office and then headed for the arena.

Jackson was there, sitting on top of a horse that didn't seem to want to be ridden. Blake stood in the doorway, watching as Jackson hunkered down on the big red gelding. The horse never fully bucked, but he hunched a few times and walked stiff-legged like he had every intention of sending his rider flying. Jackson wasn't one to give up, though. He stuck it out, and eventually the horse relaxed into a somewhat easy walk.

That's when Blake stepped out of the shadows and walked around the back side of the chutes they used for bucking bulls.

Jackson rode up to the gate and dismounted. The horse shook like a wet dog and backed away from his rider. Jackson opened the gate and led the horse out.

“What brings you out here?” Jackson headed toward the exit door.

“I guess I live here for now. Shouldn't you be at home with your family?”

“Jade and Madeline went shopping. Mom has the little guy.”

Noah, the baby Jackson and Maddie had adopted, was a cute kid. Recently they'd learned he might have siblings in Texas, placed in a group home.

“You still looking into Noah's brother and sister?” Blake wanted to talk about something other than his own family situation. Jana and Lindsey back in his life had been the thing he'd wanted most, or at least he'd wanted his daughter back. Now it was all about getting used to having them around again.

For years he'd been trying to get used to not having them.

For years Jackson had been the Cooper who didn't seem to have any interest in settling down, and now he had a wife, a daughter and son and maybe more kids on the way.

Jackson cross-tied the gelding and proceeded to unsaddle him. He gave Blake a quick look. “We're going down at the end of the month to meet them. They were in foster care, but the foster parents weren't interested in adopting and it's hard to place siblings.”

“How old are they?” Blake picked up the saddle and carried it in the tack room. When he walked back out, Jackson was brushing the horse.

“Six and seven. The mom lost them when they were toddlers.”

“That's rough.”

“Yeah, it is. Jade is all for adding to our family. Maddie is thrilled.” Jackson's daughter, Jade, was adopted right after he and Maddie married. She'd showed up on Jackson's doorstep a couple of years ago, looking for her dad and thinking Jackson was the guy.

Blake guessed she'd been right.

“How are you feeling?” Blake asked, happy to focus on someone else's family life. “About adopting more kids.”

Jackson grinned. “Pretty good. What about you? Why are you over here and not at your place?”

“I think you know the answer to that question.” Blake stretched his legs and watched Jackson lead the horse down the aisle to a stall. “Where'd that horse come from?”

“I'm training him for a doctor in Oklahoma City.”

“Nice horse.”

“Yeah, not bad.” Jackson closed the stall door and headed back to the bench where Blake still sat. “So, how does it feel to have them back?”

“It's good. Maybe it's not the way I planned, but I'm glad they're here. I'm glad Lindsey is here. She's going to have a rough road ahead of her.”

“You have to give Jana some credit for bringing her back.”

“Do I?”

“She risked a lot. For all she knew, you'd have the cops here waiting to arrest her.”

“That's true.”

“What do you plan on doing?”

“I'm going to take it one day at a time, and make sure Lindsey gets the care she needs.”

Jackson shot him a look, shaking his head. “Yeah, that's a given. I mean what are you going to do about the ex-wife?”

“Get along with her for the sake of our daughter.”

Jackson stood and glanced down at Blake, not smiling. “I hate to say this, since you're supposed to be older and wiser, but I think you've lost it if you think you're going to have an amicable but distant relationship with Jana.”

“That's the only relationship I want with her.”

“Right.” Jackson pulled truck keys out of his pocket. “I'm heading home. I promised Maddie that I'd put something on the grill.”

“I think I'll crash out here tonight.”

“You can come over to my place for burgers. I think the folks have a dinner in Grove, some charity thing.”

Blake pushed himself to his feet. The two of them started toward the door. “I need to spend time with Teddy. I think I'll pick him up and take him to the Mad Cow.”

The Mad Cow was the local diner, the only diner, in Dawson. The owner, Vera, made the best coconut cream pie. Blake could use a piece of that pie right about now.

“Right. Teddy. How will you fit him into your life, now that Lindsey is back?” Jackson asked.

“I think she'll understand. He's five, and I can't walk out on him.”

“True.” Jackson adjusted his hat and slipped on a pair of sunglasses. “Have you talked to our little brother lately?”

Blake didn't have to ask. He knew Jackson meant Dylan.

“A few days ago. I told him I'd help them with the guardianship papers.”

“Do you really think he should do this?”

Blake didn't have a clue what other people should do with their lives. He was barely figuring out his own.

“He's determined, and he feels like he's the only one who can take Katrina's kids, should the worst happen.”

“Well, let's pray the worst doesn't.” Jackson sighed. “Are you going back to the office anytime soon?”

“I went for a few hours the other day. Most of what I'm working on I can do from here.” Work was the last thing he wanted to think about right now.

“I'd offer to help, but since I'm not the family lawyer I doubt I'd do more than mess things up.”

Blake laughed at that. “I'd like to send you into court for me.”

“I'll leave the arguing up to you.” Jackson climbed in his truck. “I know you're the guy used to making the hard decisions. Take your time on this one.”

“On what?”

“On Jana. The jury is still out, Blake. I don't think I'd be too quick to find her guilty.”

“Thanks for putting it in terms I can understand.”

Jackson laughed an easy laugh. “I do try to help. Later, big brother.”

Blake watched the truck ease down the drive and then he headed for the house—the big, brick Georgian that he'd been raised in, he and eleven other Cooper kids, plus a few foster children. His parents knew how to fill a house with kids and with love.

They'd always said love didn't run out. There was enough to go around. He thought they'd used the same lecture about forgiveness. Over the years he'd convinced himself he'd forgiven Jana. Now, with her back and living in his house, he wasn't so sure.

Maybe forgiving Jana was something he'd have to work on. In the past few days there were other feelings cropping up he thought he'd let go of years ago. Those feelings made him a little more edgy.

When he got to the house he called Lisa, Teddy's mom and asked if Teddy could join him for dinner. He arranged to pick up the little boy in an hour. That gave him time to look for some paperwork in the office.

As he pushed through papers on the desk, he remembered something. He opened the filing cabinet.

Inside he found the manila envelope and poured the contents on the desk. Memories caught in snapshots of a marriage that had ended too soon. His baby girl smiled up at him, her face round and healthy, her eyes bright with laughter. She'd always been laughing. A few of the pictures were of Jana.

There were pictures of her before Lindsey. Jana with blond hair and laughing blue eyes. There was also their wedding photograph that used to hang in the living room. His heart shifted, forcing him to remember how much he'd loved her. He picked up a few pictures of Jana and Lindsey, lifting them close to study. The air hung heavy in the room, waiting for the air conditioner to kick on. He reached to turn on the lamp, needing to see more clearly.

There was something in those pictures of Jana that he hadn't noticed before.

Sadness.

But why? What had happened to her in those few short years that had changed her from that smiling young woman he'd fallen in love with to the woman with the haunted blue eyes who had left him.

And why hadn't he noticed then? Had he been too young, too happy, so her unhappiness took him by surprise when she tried to tell him? He'd brushed it off, ignored her quiet plea for help.

He didn't want to let her off the hook that easily. She'd taken their daughter and left the country. His life had been on hold for ten years. He hadn't tried to move on and find someone else. He'd spent ten years searching for Lindsey and being angry with Jana.

He slid the pictures back in the envelope. A letter had gotten mixed in with them. He picked it up, recognizing the return address as that of the divorce lawyer he'd used when Jana left. All of those years ago he'd signed for the letter and then tossed it in a box without opening it. He hadn't wanted to acknowledge the finality of the divorce. Even now he didn't want to read it. He shoved it in his pocket and instead of returning the manila envelope of photographs to the cabinet, he carried them with him from the room. Lindsey would like to see the pictures, he was sure.

His stomach rumbled, reminding him of a strong need for Vera's coconut cream pie. He also remembered Teddy. The little boy would be waiting for him on the front steps of his house, the way he always did when Blake was coming to pick him up.

* * *

Jana stepped out of the car at the Mad Cow. It hadn't changed at all. Same block building painted with black-and-white splotches like a Holstein cow. Same parking lot filled with a variety of cars and trucks. It was Friday and the special was cashew chicken.

“This is a restaurant?” Lindsey stepped next to her, a little pale and hazel eyes big as she looked around.

“This is it.” Jana's legs shook a little at the thought of going inside. People might recognize her. They might say something.

Eventually she had to face it. She was going to be here a long, long time. Lindsey's hand slipped into hers. Did Lindsey recognize that her mother might not be at her most confident?

“I'm hungry.” Lindsey said it with conviction. “So, are we going in?”

“We're going in.”

They walked across the gravel parking lot, holding hands. For a moment they were mother and daughter the way they had been a year ago. Before their world had started to fall apart. Before Jana had been forced to face her past and drag her daughter with her.

Because the past had been their only hope. This town, Blake, the Coopers. This was their future.

The cowbell hanging over the door clanged, announcing their arrival. The restaurant was crowded. People watched them as they walked into the diner, a few whispered, most went back to their meals. Jana scanned the dining area looking for an empty table. She hadn't counted on this, on the Mad Cow being so busy they couldn't get a table.

A waitress headed their way. She was tall and had long blondish-brown hair that was held back in a ponytail. Jana didn't know her. And from her smile, it was obvious she didn't know who Jana was.

“Just a minute and we'll get you ladies a table,” she offered with a smile. Her name tag said Breezy.

Jana smiled and started to respond, but someone in the far corner called out to Breezy, telling her that Jana could join them. Lindsey was already heading toward the table filled with Coopers. Blake's sister Sophie, her husband, Keeton West, and their little girl, Lucy.

“I guess we'll sit with Sophie.” Jana smiled up at Breezy.

“Sounds like a perfect plan. I was being optimistic thinking we could get you a table anytime soon.” Breezy grabbed menus and followed her to the table.

Lindsey was already sitting next to the baby, Lucy. That left Jana sitting next to Keeton and across from Sophie.

“Thank you for letting us sit with you.” Jana took the menu from Breezy and smiled at Sophie. “It's so busy.”

“Always. Vera's the best cook around and the only restaurant in town.”

“I hadn't really thought about it when we left the house.”

Sophie moved her glass for Breezy to refill her water. “Is everything okay at Blake's? Do you need anything?”

“We're getting settled, and your mom left us plenty of food.”

Sophie smiled at that. “Mom thinks of everything. And I'm glad she has you to focus on for a while. I'm due at the end of July and she's been hovering over me like a helicopter.”

Jana didn't know what to say. Her parents had been older, adopting her when they were both nearly fifty. She'd lost them both before she graduated from college. In the past week Angie Cooper had been a blessing to Jana and Lindsey. She'd been there for them every step of the way.

She only wished she'd known years ago that she could talk to her mother-in-law. Angie would have understood the depression. She could have helped.

Water under the bridge, of course. Jana had to stop looking back or she'd get stuck in the mistakes of the past.

“I didn't mean to sound as if I'm complaining.” Sophie's hand covered Jana's. “I'm so fortunate, and Mom is always there for us. She's so glad you're back.”

“So am I.” The words came out easily. “And I'm so glad Lindsey will have your family around her. She needs aunts, uncles and cousins.”

Keeton laughed, “She'll have plenty. More than she can handle.”

The cowbells clanged again. Sophie's eyes widened, so Jana shifted to see who had walked through the door. Of course it was Blake. He stepped inside, taking off his black cowboy hat as he did. And he wasn't alone. The little boy next to him wore a matching miniature cowboy hat. Jana swallowed, waiting, knowing she didn't have the right to ask for explanations.