Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (6 page)

When Blake spotted her, his smile dissolved. He glanced past her to their daughter.

Lindsey stood, nearly knocking over her chair. She didn't seem at all upset by the presence of the child at Blake's side. Instead she smiled big. “Daddy.”

It came so easily. Her smile. Her love for him. His love for her. Jana watched as he crossed the room to their daughter's side. He wrapped her in a hug, the little boy, blond with big green eyes watched them together. Blake borrowed chairs from a table next to theirs. One for him and one for the child.

“I didn't expect to see you out tonight. I could have given you a ride.” He smiled at Lindsey, but his statement was directed at Jana.

The buzz of conversation in the restaurant quieted as people around them tried to listen in. Jana reached for her coffee, needing something to occupy hands that trembled. In time people would get tired of talking about them, about her. There would be new gossip. That's how it worked in a small town. She knew that.

Of course, she'd been giving them something to talk about for a long time.

“It was a last-minute decision.” She sipped her coffee, not really tasting it.

Breezy reappeared with another menu, a child's menu and crayons. She put the paper and the crayons in front of the little boy, who didn't seem at all bothered by the group of people around him.

“What will we have tonight, Blake?” Breezy went around the table taking orders. When she got to Teddy, she ruffled his hair. “And my friend, Teddy?”

“I'm having chicken strips and fries, but I need some for my mom and sister, too.” The boy, Teddy, picked up crayons and started to color the dinosaur picture on the menu.

Breezy looked at Blake, her pen poised above the order pad. He nodded. “Make sure we have two orders of chicken strips to go when we leave.”

“Got it.” She squatted in front of Teddy. “And Vera said kids' meals get sundaes tonight, if you eat most of your food.”

“Most?” He grinned at her, a big smile that lit up his little face. Jana's heart took a dive, because she could see that a kid like Teddy would be easy to get attached to.

“Yes.” Breezy stood, patted his head again and was off to place their order and refill drinks.

“How are you feeling?” Sophie asked her brother after the waitress left.

“Almost as good as new.” He smiled as he said it, winking at Lindsey who grinned.

Jana listened, waiting for someone to mention the little boy and his place in her ex-husband's life. Why in the world should she be jealous? She'd left. Blake still had a life here. He had family. He had this little boy named Teddy.

“I went out and saw my pony after you left.” Lindsey broke into the conversation, her smile huge. “He's tiny.”

“Yes, he is.” Blake leaned toward her. “But he's still strong. He pulls a cart.”

“Do you think...?”

“No!” Jana hadn't meant to blurt it out. She bit down on her lip and shrugged when all eyes turned in her direction. “I'm sorry. You can't ride, Lindsey. You'll have to be careful.”

Lindsey looked away. “I won't be able to do anything.”

“That isn't true. We'll find things you can do. For now, though, we want you healthy.” Blake used a dad tone of voice that sounded as if he'd been talking to his daughter her whole life.

A fresh pang of guilt washed over Jana. Lindsey could have had a dad who would have taught her things, laughed with her. Jana's own father had been a distracted businessman who never had the time or patience for a child.

Blake smiled at Jana. A smile that said they were on the same side.

Jana relaxed and thought of an option. “Maybe the wagon. You might be able to ride in it, after the doctors give their okay.”

Lindsey brightened a little. “That would be good. And I can go to the rodeo. There's one coming up.”

Their food arrived. Sophie and her family finished up their meal and stood, saying goodbye and hugging Lindsey before they gathered everything that went along with a toddler. Keeton touched her shoulder as they started to walk away.

“Let us know if you need anything.”

She nodded and smiled at him.

After Sophie's family left, silence hung over the table. Jana tried to see them from the eyes of the people at other tables. A father. A daughter. A mom. But they weren't a family. They were fractured, broken.

The little boy, Teddy, looked up, a crayon poised in his hand. He looked at Lindsey. “Blake said you got one of his kidneys and that's why he's been gone.”

Lindsey blinked a few times and then smiled. “Yeah, he gave me one of his.”

“How did he give it to you?”

“Well...” Lindsey looked at Blake.

“We'll talk about that some other time, Teddy. Tell Lindsey what we're going to do next week,” Blake encouraged with a smile.

Teddy's face lit up. “Go fishin'.”

“Sounds like fun.” Lindsey wasn't quite smiling. She looked at her dad.

“We can all go.” Blake offered, including Jana. “Teddy has an older sister. Sissy is seven. She'd probably love to go with us.”

Jana didn't know what to say. She nodded slowly, accepting the offer.

“Jana, are you okay?”

She nodded, smiling at her daughter. “I'm good. Just...” What did she say? She looked at Teddy, looked at Blake, and his eyes widened. He smiled.

“Teddy and I hang out together. He goes to Dawson Community Church and we're buddies.”

Jana didn't know how to respond to this information. Before she could think of something to say, Vera and Breezy joined them, carrying sundaes. Vera hadn't changed at all. Jana had always liked the owner of the Mad Cow Café. Her dark hair might be pulled back in a severe bun, but the warmth in her eyes and the big smile on her face made it clear that she cared.

“Welcome home, Jana and Lindsey.” Vera placed sundaes in front of each of them. “And this is for Teddy because he ate his dinner and for Blake because he gave the most important gift to his daughter.”

Vera hugged Blake tight, and he turned a little red. “Thanks, Vera.”

“You're welcome.” She smiled at the four of them sitting at the table. “I love happy endings.”

Jana thought one of them should say something, should let Vera know that this wasn't a happy ending. Not the way she meant. Instead Blake smiled and reached for his daughter's hand, and Jana thought maybe that was all the happy ending they needed.

When they were alone again, Blake picked up the manila envelope he'd placed on the table when he first arrived. He handed it to Lindsey. “I thought you might like this. And there are other photographs. I'll try to find them. Maybe your mom has already shared some with you?”

Jana shook her head when Lindsey looked at her expectantly. “I have pictures in a box in London. I kept them there, along with a letter and of course my lawyer there had your contact information, Blake.”

“I see.”

It went without saying. She'd made arrangements in case something happened to her.

Lindsey had already opened the envelope. She was sifting through pictures, commenting and asking questions. Blake answered, bending close, their two dark heads so similar. As he talked to their daughter he pulled another envelope from his pocket and handed it to Jana.

“You might want a copy of this.”

She took the envelope, noticing the name and address of a Tulsa law firm. The postmark was six months after she left. She knew that it would be their divorce papers. And it had never been opened. Why hadn't he opened it? She shoved the envelope in her purse.

She pretended it didn't matter. Across from her, Lindsey was sifting through photographs of a life that had ended years ago. She asked Blake questions and then showed the pictures to Teddy, who had moved to sit next to her. The little boy laughed, looking up at Blake and then Lindsey.

The restaurant was starting to empty. Jana glanced at her watch as Lindsey studied picture after picture and Blake told her stories about the life she lived here.

“We should probably go so Vera can close,” Jana finally suggested, smiling at the very sleepy-looking boy sitting next to Blake.

Blake looked around them. “You're right. Breezy deserves a good tip. We tied her table up all night. And Teddy is just about done in.”

Teddy looked up. “I'm not tired.”

“Of course you aren't. But I told your mom I'd have you home early.”

Blake paid and walked them out to their car. It was a strange moment, standing in the parking lot with dusk settling over the small farm town of Dawson. The sky was hazy, and in the distance she heard the whistle of a train.

She'd lived in so many places since she'd left. Now that she was back, Dawson suddenly felt like the home she'd been looking for rather than the place she had run from.

Next to her Blake had settled his hat back on his head. He winked at Lindsey as he pulled keys out of his pocket.

“I'll see you Sunday at church?” He stared her down, because of course he didn't believe she'd be there.

“We'll be there.” She leaned to hug Teddy. “See you when we go fishing.”

Teddy nodded and climbed in the open door of the truck. Blake stood there a little longer.

“Good night.” Jana opened her car door.

Blake hugged their daughter, touched Jana's arm in a parting farewell and climbed in his truck. This was their new normal—two strangers raising a daughter together.

Chapter Six

S
unday morning, as she walked up the steps of Dawson Community Church, Jana had a strange sense of coming home. Of course she held Lindsey's hand a little tighter than her daughter would have liked. And she did imagine that everyone was talking about her. But it hadn't felt like this before. Years ago she'd made the effort each Sunday to attend church with Blake. But she had always felt out of place, like a stranger in a strange land. She hadn't understood the language, the devotion. She hadn't seen a need.

She'd felt like a captive back then. And she had been, she just hadn't realized it. She'd been captive to mistakes she had made, to the past, to fear.

Today she walked through the church free from all of that baggage. She needed to remember that. She had made mistakes but she was forgiven.

Blake's grandmother, Myrna Cooper, hurried forward to grab her hand. “I was a little worried you wouldn't come today. And we sure want you to join us for lunch at Cooper Creek.”

“Thank you, I...”

Though Jana was unsure, there was no way that Lindsey wasn't going to Cooper Creek for lunch. Myrna's hand squeezed Jana's and she gave her a pleading look.

“Of course we'll be there.”

Suddenly little Teddy stormed down the aisle of the church toward them as if they weren't strangers he'd met only once. Several people turned to watch. A few smiled. Teddy had hold of his sister's hand and he was grinning big.

“I lost a tooth,” he informed them.

“You certainly did.” Jana leaned to look at the open space in his mouth. “When?”

“I pulled it last night.” He opened his mouth to show Lindsey. She grimaced and looked a little green. He didn't notice. “Can I sit with you?”

“I think you can.” Lindsey allowed the little boy to lead her toward the front of the church, to pews that were already filling up with Coopers.

“It'll just hurt this first time.” Granny Myrna patted Jana's arm. “People will stare. They'll talk a little. You'll hurt a little. And next time it will be as if you never left.”

“Thank you, Myrna.”

“I prefer Gran, or Granny Myrna.” Myrna Cooper nodded to the empty spaces in one of the pews. “You can sit by me. I'm not sure where that grandson of mine is.”

Jana had wondered the same thing. As she sat and the music started, she kept glancing back, wondering if Blake would make it to church. Maybe he wanted to avoid this. The first Sunday when they would have made awkward eye contact and tried to find the right things to say to each other.

For Jana, being here meant remembering the day she and Blake had stood with the pastor, holding their infant daughter and praying that they would be the parents God wanted them to be.

She hadn't been until recently. Now she was doing what she'd promised so long ago. God had remembered her promise, and He had brought her to this place where she could keep it.

She had also stood under an arch of white roses and promised to love Blake, to remain true to him, to love him in sickness and in health.

A little boy crawled into her lap, not caring that she'd taken a short trip into the past. He didn't seem to care what she'd done before. He curled his arms around her neck and held tight, his eyes sleepy.

She swallowed past the tightness in her throat as he placed his head on her shoulder.

And Blake didn't walk through the doors of the church to sit with them.

* * *

Blake spent the morning watching over a mare in foal, knowing it wouldn't be an easy birth. And he'd been right. Her pacing and stomping had led to a long and difficult birth that ended with a pretty filly the color of her sire. The color he'd been hoping for. He'd wanted the mouse-colored dun stallion, but the best he could do was get a foal from him.

On the way to his folks' for lunch, he got a call from his mom, reminding him that Jana and Lindsey were joining them. She hoped he didn't mind.

He told her he didn't. When he hung up he remembered the conversation with the psychiatrist at the hospital when she asked him about his feelings for his ex-wife. After Jana took Lindsey, there had been people who thought maybe he needed counseling. He could admit he'd been half-crazed the first year. The next nine, he'd learned to control his emotions, not letting it get to him, even when it felt like everything he did, every breath he took, was about the daughter he couldn't find.

How did it feel to have them back in his life? To know they had returned only because there had been no other options for saving Lindsey? He had given the psychiatrist a simple answer. He would do whatever it took to save his daughter. To keep her in his life again.

But what about Jana? She would be in his life, too. How did he feel about that?

He gripped the steering wheel of the truck a little tighter and let out a long breath. Jana was part of the package. He could have her in his life and not throttle her. He knew that. But what bugged him most was the fact that when he thought of throttling her, he could only picture holding her close, and burying his face in her hair.

It would be only too easy to forget what she'd done.

So it wasn't good that he pulled up to the house to see her leaning in the backseat of her car, all golden tanned legs and high-heeled shoes. He got out of his truck as she backed out of the car holding a dish. Her blond hair was swept back from her face. The dress she wore was soft peach and made her look innocent and easy to hold.

“I forgot my pie,” she said by way of explanation. “I had to run home and get it.”

“Anything I can carry for you?” His mom had raised him to be a gentleman.

“No, I have it.” She started to walk away. He stepped next to her.

“Where's Lindsey?”

She kept walking, the breeze blowing tendrils of hair across her face. He took the pie from her, and she looked up at him.

“She's inside with Lucky's children and Jackson's daughter. I'm still trying to come to terms with Jackson married with children.”

“People change.”

She stopped. He looked back and saw that her blue eyes shimmered with moisture. He wanted to swear, but he didn't. Instead he waited.

“People do change, Blake.” Her words were as soft as the spring breeze. “
I've
changed. I know you say you've forgiven me, but I also know that you're still angry. I can't give you back the ten years I took. I can only give you today and the future.”

“I know.”

“I'm tired of trying to convince you that you can trust me.”

“Stop trying.”

“That's easy enough.” She glanced away from him. A few tears trickled down her cheeks. “I'm so tired, Blake. I've been tired for so long. I've worried about Lindsey. I've worried about coming back. Now I worry about her future health. I don't have the energy to worry about you, too.”

He closed the distance between them and an image of holding her close flashed through his mind. The image was easy to handle. The real thing was a whole different matter. If he held her in his arms, and it still felt like the most perfect fit in the world, then what?

“Jana, you're not alone. You did the right thing, coming back here.”

She nodded and swept a hand across her cheek. He held on to the pie, because it gave his hands a reason not to touch her.

“Thank you for that, Blake. It's been easier, having you and your family for support.”

They should go inside. She was looking up at him the way she'd done so many times in their marriage. She had a way of looking lost and hopeful at the same time. She was a woman who had come to the States to study the history of the American West, and to trace one of her ancestors, her great-great-grandfather, who had moved to America, leaving behind his wife and children in England. He'd wanted to find gold and come home wealthy.

He had sent home money but had died of some fever. Blake couldn't believe he remembered that story.

Worse, why would this be the moment it came to mind? Maybe because he was looking into her eyes and seeing that college coed who had taken a chunk out of his heart just four short years later.

“We should go inside.” He glanced down at the pie in his hands. “Chocolate?”

“Your favorite.” She still didn't move. “I brought Teddy with me. I hope you don't mind. His sister went home with another family, and his mother didn't feel well. Your mom called to make sure it was okay if we brought him with us.”

He sighed and shook his head. There were things in life that took a man by surprise. Jana had always been one. Falling in love with her. Coming home to an empty house. And this moment. She had always taken him by surprise.

“I'm glad you brought him.”

They entered the house together. The living room was empty. He could hear everyone gathered in the kitchen and the formal dining room. From the family room he heard the voices of kids playing. He caught Lindsey's voice in the mix. Suddenly it all felt right. As if the lost years had never happened.

He and Jana were walking through the house. Their daughter was playing with her cousins. There was no heartache, no loss, no sick child to worry over. It was a momentary lapse on his part, but he went with it because it had been so long since everything felt right.

Lindsey must have heard them. She came running out of the family room into the dining room. Her dark hair was in a ponytail. Her cheeks were pink. Her hazel eyes flashed with excitement.

He wanted to pick her up and throw her in the air, but she wasn't two years old anymore. Instead he hugged her tight.

“I was afraid you weren't going to come.” She spoke into his shirt as he held her close, then she struggled to get free. “Don't squeeze me to death.”

“Sorry, I'm making up for lost hugs.”

“You can't make up for them—they're like sleep.” She shook her head as if that made perfect sense. “You don't make up for them. You just go back to normal.”

“From the mouths of babes.” Granny Myrna walked into the room in time to hear his daughter's bit of wisdom. Granny Myrna looked overjoyed, and behind her was the reason. Her fiancé, Winston McDaniels.

Lindsey gave Blake a narrow-eyed look. “Where were you, anyway?”

“I had to help a mare deliver her first foal.”

Lindsey's smile returned. “Can I see it?”

“Maybe later.”

“Is it a girl or a boy?”

“It's a girl.” He put an arm around her shoulder. “Let's go see if lunch is almost ready. I'm starving.”

“Me, too!” She gave her mother a questioning look, and Jana nodded. Lindsey walked with him to the kitchen, where it smelled as if the best restaurant in Oklahoma had descended into the family kitchen.

“What's for lunch?” He set the pie on the counter and walked up behind his mom to give her a quick hug.

“Beef tenderloin. I had your dad put it on the smoker.”

“Tenderloin? What's the occasion?”

“You have to ask?” she said with a smile.

No, he didn't have to ask. A special meal for his daughter. He looked around the room and Lindsey had disappeared. Jana was standing there though, looking a little lost.

“Is there something I can do to help?” he asked his mom as he reached for a slice of bread, knowing she wouldn't let him. She slapped his hand away, the way she always did. He looked down into eyes that were so familiar, but aging. When had that happened? Then again, he'd recently noticed some silver in his hair and lines at the corners of his eyes.

“Spend time with your daughter.” His mom squeezed his arm and then moved away to stir something on the stove.

He left the kitchen and found Lindsey back in the family room. She and Jade were looking at photo albums with Teddy curled up between them. Jade was fifteen now, and she'd grown into a great kid. She might not be Jackson's flesh and blood, but Blake didn't think any kid could be more like Jackson than Jade. She had his hair, his eyes; she even acted like him. Blake figured that might be a problem in a few years.

Lindsey looked up and smiled at him. “We're looking at family pictures. Christmas is a big deal around here.”

He sat down next to her. “Yes, it is. What part do you like the best.”

She pointed to a picture of the living nativity. “I want to have a part.”

“I'm sure you will.”

She and Jade talked. One sounding like the Oklahoma kid she was, the other with an accent that came from time spent in Europe and Africa.

A flash out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Jana stood in the doorway watching, and then silently walked away, giving them time alone. He would thank her for that later. It couldn't be easy, letting go.

His mind suddenly raced to an idea that didn't sit too well with him. What if her plan was to leave Lindsey? What if she packed up and left again?

What unsettled him more was the idea of her being gone again. It shouldn't, he decided. He had his daughter back, and that had been his goal all along. He'd been searching the world for Lindsey, not Jana.

Maybe the first six months after Jana left he'd thought he could find her and they could work things out. But when she didn't call, didn't write, he gave up hope of reconciliation and focused on finding Lindsey. He had known that somewhere out there a little girl had to be missing him. If Jana had missed him, she could have called.

* * *

Jana walked into the living room, needing time alone. Space. She'd never been good with crowds, at the feeling of being suffocated by Coopers. There were so many of them. They talked loud, they laughed loud and they lived loud. She'd grown up in a quiet home, just herself and her parents. They had never raised their voices. Ever.

She'd never learned to be strong. Strength was something she'd found after learning of Lindsey's kidney failure. Strength was still coming to her. And faith. In the beginning stages of her marriage, it had bothered her when she learned that the Coopers put so much into something her parents had seen as archaic, just an old tradition.