Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (2 page)

She nodded in agreement, her heart slowly returning to normal. For now she could relax. She knew Blake, knew that they would handle one problem at a time. And the most important thing was their daughter's health.

“Thank you.”

“Does she have any idea that she has family here?”

“Yes. I told her she has family in Oklahoma who can help us.”

“Did you ever tell her that she has a dad who loves her? That she has a family who misses her?”

“Not until recently.” She brushed a hand across her eyes. “I think she knew. She would question me sometimes, like she had some memories of being here.”

“I don't even know what to say to you right now.” Blake ground out the words. Jana shivered and hugged herself tight, wishing that she could take back every last moment of the ten years they'd been apart. She wished she could undo what she'd done to all of them.

Eventually she would explain to him what had happened to her. Now wasn't the time. The car zoomed along the highway. Jana looked out at passing fields, searching for the right words to make this situation better.

“I hope someday you'll forgive me, Blake. And I hope Lindsey will forgive me.” She sighed and allowed herself to look at him.

“I can forgive you, Jana. I've had a lot of years to work on forgiveness. I can't say that I'll ever trust you again. And I definitely won't let you leave the country with her.”

“Understood.”

“I'll have her passport frozen.”

“I know. Blake, I'm here. I know it will take you time to trust me, but I'm not leaving with her. If we can help her...” She covered her face with her hands as the tears unleashed again. “If...”

“Not
if.
” His tone softened and she felt a handkerchief being pushed into her hand. “We'll get her through this.”

“I'm praying you're right.”

“Oh, you
pray
now? I guess...” He stopped, sighed. “I think we'll both have to do a lot of praying.”

“I want you to know her, Blake. I want to stay here so that you can build a relationship with her.” Life, she realized, was precious. Her daughter deserved a relationship with Blake. With all of the Coopers.

“So, after nearly eleven years, I'll get weekends and maybe a couple of weeks in the summer?”

“Can you give me a chance?” She wiped at her eyes with the handkerchief. “Don't expect me to know every step we'll take from here. I want you to have a relationship with Lindsey. It's important. Life is too fragile to go on like this.”

“You can stay in the guesthouse at the main ranch.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “And just give her time. She doesn't know you. And before you say anything, I know that's my fault. But please, give her time to know you, to know your family.”

They drove on in silence. Soon they were driving through the crowded, rush hour streets of Tulsa, headed toward the hospital.

“Does she know that you came to get me?” Blake asked as they parked.

“No. I didn't know what to tell her.”

“You need to think of something. ‘Surprise, here's your dad' isn't going to work.”

“I know. She does know we're here because her family is in this area. She knows she's going to see you.”

They got out and headed across the hospital parking lot, side by side, not touching. Even though his hand didn't reach for hers, Jana felt stronger just having him with her. She'd been alone in this battle for over a year. Having Blake at her side meant someone to lean on, even if she couldn't reach out to him.

He would help make decisions. He would be the strong voice she couldn't always be. And maybe, just maybe, they would be friends someday.

Together they walked through the doors of the hospital, leaving behind the heat of an early Oklahoma evening. The cool, antiseptic world of the hospital greeted them. A lady at the desk smiled and asked if they needed anything.

Blake looked at Jana. “I'm assuming you know where we're going.”

“Of course.”

He followed her to the elevator. They stepped inside. Jana pushed the button and looked at Blake. She could see the pulse in his neck. As frightened as she was, she knew he had to be reeling right about then. She knew he'd searched for them. She knew he loved, had always loved, Lindsey. It had been her own selfish fears that had caused her to flee with their daughter.

She had to make it up to him, and to Lindsey. Regret welled up inside her and without thinking she reached for his hand. She held it tight as she looked up at him.

“I am sorry.”

He nodded. The doors opened. Jana led him through the corridor and to the locked door of the children's ward. Clowns and balloons were painted in bright colors, making it look like a happy, fun place and not a place where sick children fought to get well.

“I can't believe this.” His voice broke.

“I know.”

“She was just a baby, Jana.”

She pushed the intercom and told the nurse on the other end her name. The door buzzed and Blake pushed it open. Jana remembered the only other time they'd gone to a hospital together. She'd been in labor. He'd been so excited. They'd been crazy in love.

They walked to the room at the end of the hall. The door to the room was closed. Their daughter was inside, waiting for Jana to return, and not knowing that Blake would be with her. Jana reached for Blake's hand. He didn't resist. She laced her fingers through his.

“Blake, she's small. She's frail.”

He exhaled and then nodded. She reached for the door and his hand slipped from hers. As she pushed the door open, he removed his hat. He was strong again. He didn't need her to prepare him or to lend him strength.

They walked through the door into the darkened room, slivers of sunlight filtered through the blinds. The television played on mute. Lindsey—dark haired, pale and tiny—opened her eyes and turned her head to smile at her mother.

Jana watched as Lindsey's eyes widened. Her mouth opened as she stared first at Jana and then at Blake. Jana's heart broke all over again as she soaked in the reality of what she'd done to her daughter. All those years ago she'd been scared and selfish; she'd made a decision without thinking about the people whose lives would be affected by her choices.

Blake walked toward the bed. “Lindsey.”

Their daughter watched him, her lips trembling but forming a smile.

“I remember riding a horse with you.” Lindsey whispered the words, then without hesitation Blake was at her side, gathering her carefully into his arms.

Jana stood a short distance away and watched as the strongest man she'd ever known held their daughter and cried. She had hurt him, and she knew that not being able to heal their daughter would hurt him all over again. Because that was Blake. He was a man who fixed things.

She knew that about him. Even after years of running around the world, she had known that Lindsey's greatest chance of survival would happen here, in Oklahoma, with Blake Cooper. For Lindsey's sake, Jana could face Blake's wrath. She could face what being near Blake would do to her heart.

Chapter Two

B
lake held his daughter's frail body
gently. She'd been a toddler the last time he'd seen her. He still remembered
that day. He'd looked back at her as he walked down the steps of their house,
heading for a meeting in Oklahoma City. She'd stood at the door and waved a
pudgy little hand, grinning, a bite of cookie in her mouth and chocolate on her
chin.

“I missed you so much, ladybug.” He whispered the nickname
against her dark hair.

“I think I missed you, too.” She spoke with a soft accent. He
remembered her voice. She'd had a Southern drawl, even on words like cookie. Now
it was more English and unfamiliar to his ears.

Behind them, Jana sobbed. Blake didn't turn to look at her. He
couldn't.

“We're going to get you better,” he promised, as he settled
Lindsey back in her bed, pulled the blanket up to her chin and then kissed the
top of her head.

“I know.” Her voice sounded thin, weak.

“I mean it.”

She smiled up at him. “I know that I'll be okay.”

Blake's throat tightened at the look of confidence and
assurance his twelve-year-old daughter gave him. She wanted him to believe she'd
be okay. He would make sure she was.

He settled in the chair next to the bed, reaching for her hand.
Jana took the seat on the other side, close to the window. She watched them
together. Blake tried to ignore her presence. He couldn't. Somehow their gazes
connected. More like clashed. She smiled a little and he nodded, trying not to
be touched by that smile, by the regret he saw in her expression.

It was ironic, really. He wanted her to be sorry, to feel
guilty. And yet he didn't want to believe that she meant it. He wasn't ready to
think good things about her. He definitely didn't want to still be attracted to
her. Leftover emotions were bubbling up inside him as he remembered how much in
love he'd been with her.

Lindsey moved, drawing his attention back to the bed. She
looked up at him, her face thin, her skin sallow in the dim light of the room.
She didn't smile but her hand tightened on his. “Why didn't you come see
me?”

After years of searching for her, he didn't know how to answer
that question. Did he tell his daughter that her mother had kept her from him?
As angry as he was, he couldn't do that. He
wouldn't
do that. Jana would have to tell Lindsey the truth. It wouldn't be easy for any
of them. But he wasn't going to be the one to turn daughter against mother.

“I think we'll talk about that later.” He eased out the words,
knowing it didn't make sense and Lindsey would question him. “Why don't you
rest?”

She nodded and her eyes drifted closed. “You're not
leaving?”

“They couldn't drag me away.”

Her eyes opened again. “I'd like to ride a horse when I'm
better. Mom says there are a lot of horses in Oklahoma.”

“Yes, there are.”

She squeezed his hand once and then her grip loosened and she
slept. Blake looked up as Jana moved to sit on the empty bed behind his chair,
closer to him. Too close.

“Have you told the doctors that she has family here?”

“Yes.” Jana scooted onto the bed, sitting with her feet
dangling, her hands clasped in her lap. “They'll have to test you to see if
you're a match. Blake, it won't be easy.”

“I know that.”

“You might not be a match.”

He nodded and looked at his daughter again. He had to be a
match. “If I'm not, there are plenty of us. We'll find someone.”

“What if there isn't one? Or what if one of your family is a
match but they don't...”

He cut her off, raising a hand to stop the storm of words.

“Jana, someone will.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“You do what you need to do. Tell the doctors. Arrange the testing. And we'll
take care of the rest.”

He got up and headed for the door. Jana followed him. Once they
were in the hall, he realized she was about to lose it. She had probably been as
strong as one person can be on her own. Now she looked like any strength she'd
been holding on to was about to give out.

What could he do about that?

“I can't undo what I did.” She leaned back against the wall and
pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Soft blond hair framed her
face.

“No, you can't.” What an understatement that was. She'd robbed
him. She'd robbed Lindsey. Come to think of it, she'd robbed his entire family.
Lindsey's family.

Jana's shoulders started to shake. Her body sagged against the
wall and her knees buckled. He grabbed her, holding her close as she sobbed into
his shoulder. She still fit perfectly, and he didn't want that. He didn't want
to remember how it had been when they were young. He didn't want her scent or
her touch to be familiar.

It all came back to him. He pushed it away by remembering
coming home to an empty house and a note.

He held her until her sobs became quieter, her body ceased
shaking. He held her and tried hard not to think about the years he'd spent
searching, wishing things could have been different for them, wishing she'd come
back.

Before long, those years of wanting her back had been replaced
by even more years of anger, of resentment, of not caring if he ever saw her
again. All the while he never stopped wanting his daughter back.

“Mrs. Cooper?”

“She'll be fine,” he assured the woman in the white lab coat
walking toward them, her gaze lingering on Jana. “I'm Blake Cooper, Lindsey's
father.”

“Mr. Cooper, I'm Bonnie Palmer. I'm the nurse practitioner
handling your daughter's transplant.”

“I'm the dad who hopes he's a match. Can an adult give a kidney
to a child?”

“Yes, we've had great success with adult to child
transplants.”

He realized he was still holding Jana, his hands stroking her
hair, comforting her. His hands dropped to his sides and she stepped back,
visibly trying to regain her composure. She managed a weak smile.

“Where do we start?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“If the two of you could join me in the conference room, we'll
discuss what needs to happen next for your daughter. And I'm glad you're here,
Mr. Cooper. The sooner we can get this done, the better things will be for
Lindsey.”

Blake swallowed the painful lump that tightened in his throat.
“Let's get started, then.”

Jana looked up at him, her eyes still misty. “I'm sorry for
falling apart.”

“It's understandable.” He shrugged it off, but not as easily as
he would have liked. He looked from Jana to the nurse. “I don't want Lindsey
left alone. I don't want her to wake up and think I'm gone.”

The nurse indicated a room down the hall. “You go ahead, and
I'll see if we can find an aide to sit with your daughter.”

Together Blake and Jana walked down the hall. He motioned her
ahead of him into the conference room that was really just a room with more bad
furniture that he barely fit in and a lamp to soften the fluorescent overhead
lights.

The door opened and Nurse Palmer entered the room with a
compassionate smile but cautious looks as she glanced from Blake to Jana. For
thirty minutes she discussed what had to happen, and what were the best- and
worst-case scenarios for Lindsey. Blake listened, trying to come to terms with
the young woman in that hospital bed and the little girl she'd been the last
time he'd seen her. All of those lost years. He glanced at Jana and she looked
away.

“What happens if no one in my family is a match?” he asked the
nurse.

“We'll continue dialysis and keep looking for a kidney. We'll
continue to monitor her blood, her heart and her blood pressure. We're going to
do everything in our power to get her well.”

“And if we find a kidney?”

“If she's fortunate, she won't reject the kidney, and both she
and the kidney stay healthy. Later in life she'll more than likely need another
transplant. If she gets a kidney from a living donor we hope for twenty
years.”

Twenty years. She'd be thirty-two. Blake shook his head as the
reality of his daughter's future hit. No matter what, she'd have a lifetime of
medication and medical care. “So what do we do first?”

Nurse Palmer stood, clipboard in hand. “We can start testing
you, Mr. Cooper. If necessary we'll test the rest of your family. If they're
willing.”

“They'll be willing. But let's just go with the assumption that
I'm the donor. When would we do this surgery? How soon?”

The nurse smiled. “Let's take things one step at a time.”

“It seems to me that time isn't something we have a lot
of.”

“Mr. Cooper, believe me, I appreciate the urgency of this
situation.”

“Okay, what's the first step?”

“We start with paperwork, of course. And then we'll do blood
tests. We want to make sure you have blood types that match. The last thing we
want is for her body to reject your kidney.”

“I'm her dad—why wouldn't they match?”

“Mr. Cooper, being her dad isn't in question. Your blood type,
the antigens in your blood and her body accepting your kidney—those are the
issues we're looking at here. And we also want to make sure you're in good
health and that you have two very healthy kidneys.”

“Okay, let's go.”

“Yes, let's.” Nurse Palmer paused at the door. “Mr. Cooper, you
have to understand this is a lengthy evaluation. It isn't going to happen in an
hour. And it isn't going to happen today. We want a complete physical, blood
tests, and we'll also have you talk to a counselor.”

Great. They'd soon find out he resented the woman sitting
across the room from him. He hoped that wouldn't undo everything.

“I understand.” He reached for the hat he'd dropped on the end
table. “But the way I see it, the sooner we get started, the better.”

Jana followed them into the hall. “I'm going to stay with
Lindsey.”

Blake gave her a strong look and pushed back a truckload of
suspicion. She wasn't going anywhere with Lindsey. Not now. He knew that, and
he'd fight through the doubts about Jana and her motives. He'd do what he had to
do to make sure Lindsey got the care she needed.

He'd deal with his ex-wife later.

* * *

Jana watched Lindsey sleep. The nurse's aide had left
when she got back, only to return with a tray holding two plates. The meal was
some type of chicken stir-fry. Jana tried to eat but couldn't. Eventually
Lindsey would wake up, and when she did, she'd have questions. Jana would need
to have the answers. Real answers, not the ones she'd given her for years.

As she had done for the past few months, Jana prayed. She'd
learned to pray, learned to trust God. She knew that Blake doubted her.
Sometimes she doubted herself. But she didn't doubt God or the faith that she'd
learned to rely on when she first discovered that Lindsey's kidneys were
failing.

She had termed it “end of the rope” faith. She'd been dangling
at the end of hers, and God had reached out to save her, even though she'd
always doubted His existence.

“You took me away from here?” Her daughter's soft voice broke
into Jana's thoughts.

She looked at her daughter, at the hazel eyes that were so
similar to Blake's. Those eyes were full of accusations.

“I did.”

“Why?”

Jana couldn't look away from her child. She also couldn't avoid
the answer that would make her look like the most selfish person in the world.
But hopefully someday Lindsey would see her mother as someone who'd made a
mistake and then tried to make things right.

For now she would tell Lindsey the basics, not the whole story,
a story that included not realizing how depressed she was during those dark days
before she left Dawson and for months afterward.

“I was lost, Lindsey. I loved your dad, but I didn't know how
to be the wife of a Cooper. I didn't know how to live so far away from London. I
thought if I tried to leave him, he would take you away from me. I know that
what I did was wrong, but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly.”

“You knew he was looking for me. That's why we moved so
often.”

“Yes.” The word cut deep, to the very depths of her soul. Jana
reached to brush dark hair back from Lindsey's face. “I am sorry. I'm going to
make it up to you.”

“I'll never leave with you again. You can't make me.”

“I won't try. We'll stay here so you can be near your dad.”

“I want to live where he lives.”

“Okay.” Jana choked on the word, because she knew that her
daughter meant living with Blake and not with her.

“Where is he?” Lindsey looked around the room. “Is he
gone?”

“No, he's being tested to see if he can be your donor.”

Lindsey reached for the cup on the table. Jana picked it up,
held it to her lips. Lindsey took a long drink and then pulled away.

“Do I have other family here?”

Jana nodded. “Yes.”

“Tell me about them.”

“You have grandparents. Tim and Angie. I think Tim's mother,
Granny Myrna, is still alive. And then there are about a dozen kids, your dad's
brothers and sisters.”

“A dozen?” Lindsey's eyes widened.

“Yes. The Coopers had several children, then adopted more. It's
a very big family. They have a large ranch with horses and cattle.”

Lindsey closed her eyes, a faint smile appearing on her lips.
“I always thought I remembered my dad and the horse.”