Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (4 page)

“Time for us to go.” Nurse Palmer put a hand on Jana's back. Jana turned and suddenly the room filled with staff that hadn't been there seconds ago.

“Okay. I need to tell Blake's family.” Jana swallowed hard. Through the surgery they would have each other.

She tried not to think about being alone. She'd done this to herself. Tears clouded her vision as she glanced back at Lindsey and then at Blake.

Be strong. Be strong.

“Jana, we'll get through this.” Blake spoke as she reached for the door. She wished she could say something, but her throat tightened and tears clouded her vision. She nodded and walked out.

We.
The word stuck in her mind as she headed down the hall. She knew he meant that he and Lindsey would get through the surgery. But she needed to be a part of that
we.
She needed it, at least for today. For the next week. For the next year. She needed to be included in his life, in the strength that was Blake Cooper.

And once Lindsey had recovered, then Jana could be strong on her own again.

Chapter Four

N
ine days after the surgery, Blake and Lindsey went home, to Dawson. The car pulled up the driveway to his house with Jana driving and Lindsey in the backseat. His family had said their goodbyes at the hospital, knowing the three of them needed to do this together, without an audience. They were going home, but they weren't a family. He didn't entertain any ideas that they would ever be a family again. But it meant something, to have Lindsey coming back to this house. Home again.

It meant something that Jana had brought her back, even if it had only been to get their daughter the medical help she needed. The reasons didn't matter to Blake, just that his daughter was back.

On the other hand, Blake wondered if Jana regretted that Lindsey's health had brought her back to a town and a way of life that she had never wanted.

The car stopped. Blake glanced back at his daughter. She looked a little dazed, a little lost. “We're home.”

“Yes.” Her one-word response came out in a whisper.

“Are you worried?” His hand paused on the door handle.

“No, not really. It's just strange to be here and to think that this is where I'll get to stay, that I won't have to move.”

“You won't have to move.” Blake looked from Lindsey to Jana. His ex-wife blanched a little at his tone. “Let's get out and see if things are still in one piece. Leaving Jackson and Travis in charge is never a good idea.”

Blake pushed the door open and stepped slowly out of the sedan he'd talked Jana into driving. His car. His home. She hadn't liked the idea of giving up her rental car and using his car. Why should that bother her?

Jana and Lindsey would be living in his house, and he was moving into the apartment over the garage at Cooper Creek. That apartment would feel good after living in a hotel next to the hospital for the past week. He also planned on driving his truck now that he was home. A man could only be taxied around so much before it got under his skin.

His gaze caught and held Jana's as she stood looking at the house before opening the door for their daughter. He'd been gone a little over a week. She'd been gone over ten years. Nevertheless, they'd managed to forge something that felt like friendship. Or maybe it was just a truce. Everything he did at this point was for Lindsey's sake.

Jana opened the door so their daughter could get out of the car. He watched, waiting for her reaction.

It was a big moment, her first day back in the house she'd lived in as a toddler. He kept an eye on her face as he circled the car to help her. She glanced at him, then at the log-sided ranch house. Her eyes watered a little and she wavered. He reached for her hand. Jana stepped back, giving them space.

Blake spoke first. “You're home.”

Lindsey nodded. She looked from him to her mother. “I don't remember it.”

“You were a baby,” he said.

“I was almost three.”

He laughed. “Right, you should have had a car and maybe a place of your own by then.”

“You know what I mean.” She walked next to him, leaning close to his side. “I mean, I should remember. I remembered you. I wanted to remember this house.”

He didn't know what else to say. He glanced back at Jana. She was pulling suitcases out of the trunk of the car and he guessed fighting tears. He saw her hand swipe at her cheek and he wondered, was she crying over the past or because she was stuck here?

He chided himself for being unfair. At some point he knew they'd work out a relationship that suited their new lives, as divorced parents sharing a child.

They reached the front porch. “Can you make it?”

Lindsey nodded but her grip on his arm tightened. He worried about her, probably more than he should. The doctors had declared the transplant a success. She already looked healthier, stronger than when he first saw her in the hospital.

Before they could climb the steps a loud bark split the air. Blake's border collie, Sam, came running around the corner of the house. The dog ran straight at them. Blake shielded Lindsey's body, but she was trying to get past him, making it hard to keep her safe from the dog that definitely wanted to jump on her.

Instead, Sam slid to a stop and sat down, his tongue lolling out of his open mouth. His black-and-white fur was coated in burrs. He'd obviously been in the field chasing something.

“Is this our dog?” Lindsey reached past him to pet the dog.

“Yes, this is Sam.”

“Did you have him when I was little?”

“No, we had another dog. He was old.” Blake couldn't help thinking about that dog, Bobby, and how he'd followed Lindsey everywhere. Jana had always been worried about germs and dirt. But Lindsey had loved him. Bobby, a blue heeler, had loved her, and if she walked a little too far away from the house he'd herd her back to them.

She'd had a dog, a cat and a pony, and she would have had cousins to play with.

As anger pushed its way in, he took a deep breath. Lindsey was petting Sam, and Jana was dragging suitcases up to the front porch that ran the length of the house.

“Let me help you.” He gave the dog a warning glance before stepping away. Jana relinquished one of the suitcases.

“You're not supposed to carry anything heavy,” she warned as she dragged the largest suitcase to the front door.

Blake took the handle from her. “Open the door, Jana. I think I can manage to drag a suitcase in the house.”

She shook her head but she opened the door. She wouldn't look at him, but her hand brushed at her cheeks again. He followed her inside. It felt good to be home. The floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room let in the early-afternoon light. The house smelled clean. It looked as if he'd just been here. But he knew that the only ones who'd been here were his brothers, feeding animals and checking on the place while Blake stayed in Tulsa with Lindsey. And Jana.

He'd been released from the hospital a few short days after the surgery. Lindsey had been kept longer, to make sure there were no signs of rejection.

Jana had walked away from him. He leaned the suitcases against the wall and followed. She was standing in the dining room looking out the window, appearing to really enjoy the view of the Oklahoma fields.

“Jana?”

She shook her head but she couldn't face him. Her hand came up again, swiping at her cheek. She sniffled. He let out a long sigh, because he wasn't sure if he was ready to pretend the past ten years hadn't happened.

There had been times in the past couple of weeks that it had felt right, having Jana and Lindsey back in his life. Talking, sharing moments, and he'd thought that maybe they could go back to the way things were.

Then he'd look at his daughter, now almost thirteen, and he would think about all of the lost years.

From the front porch he heard Lindsey's laughter, the dog's high-pitched bark. Jana was leaning against the window, hugging herself tight as her shoulders shook.

His heart gave in a little. “She's going to be fine.”

“I know she is. But—” she shrugged “—I did this to her. I took her away from here, from her family.”

“She's happy, Jana. I guess you can't miss out on something you've never known.”

She turned to face him, wiping away the last traces of tears as the front door banged shut and Lindsey called out, asking where they'd gone to.

“I hope you're right, because I don't want to lose her.” Jana stepped past him, smiling at their daughter. “I think you should probably take a nap.”

Lindsey's gaze flew to Blake. “I just got here. I'm not tired.”

“You've had a long day.”

“But I want to see the horses and the stables. Nan said I could come over when I got back.”

“Right, and you will do all of that, Lindsey. But not today. Today you rest.” Jana's voice was strong again.

“What do you think, Blake?”

Blake didn't know how to step in, what role to fill. For years he'd been a single man searching for his family. How did he suddenly become the father? After years of parenting alone, would Jana let him take that place? How did a man step in as a father after years of being absent from his daughter's life?

His daughter looked his way, wanting him to be on her side.

“Lindsey, I think you should listen to your mom. As a matter of fact, I'll probably head home for a nap myself.” He heard himself say the words with the strong, fatherly voice he'd learned from his own dad. He knew how the job was done, even if he was years out of practice.

“Home?” Lindsey looked from him to her mother. “Isn't
this
your home?”

Both Jana and Lindsey looked at him with questions in their eyes.

“It is my home, but for the time being, it's where you and your mom will stay. I'm staying at the ranch with my parents.”

“Why aren't you staying here?”

“Because,” he said, wondering if that was a good enough answer. He'd heard parents say it.
Because I said so.
Lindsey didn't look like a kid who would accept things just because he said so.

“Because...?” Lindsey looked determined, her chin raised a notch.

Jana smiled at him now, humor flickering in her blue eyes. Yeah, of course she was amused. He almost smiled back. And smiling was the last thing he wanted to do when it came to Jana.

“Because your mom and I aren't married, Lindsey.” He saw the surprise on Jana's face. Had it never occurred to her that he would file for divorce?

“But you were. And this is your house.”

“Yes, this is my house. It's a complicated situation, so for now we'll just deal with it one day at a time.”

Lindsey walked away, back to the living room. She looked around the big open room and eventually settled in a chair by the window. He would give her anything. But he couldn't give her two parents who were going to live together. He wanted her to have what he'd had growing up—two parents, a big family.

“Lindsey, you have to understand.” Jana sat on the sofa close to the chair where her daughter sat curled up.

“I do understand.” Lindsey didn't cry but her voice wobbled. “I understand that I don't have a family. I understand that you might decide in the next few weeks that we're not staying here, either. Because we never get to stay anywhere. I'm tired of leaving places, and friends. Most of all, I don't want to lose my dad again.”

Blake's thoughts exactly. He brushed a hand through his hair and sank into the leather recliner that he hadn't spent enough time sitting in. Come to think of it, he rarely spent time in this house. There were too many memories here. Memories of a marriage that had once been amazing, and then quickly over. All in a matter of a few years. He had memories of waving goodbye to his daughter, then of coming home to nothing.

He didn't blame Lindsey for her anger, for her mistrust. His gaze settled on Jana. She'd bitten down on her bottom lip and pain settled in her eyes.

“We're
not
leaving.” Jana's voice was tight but determined. “I'm
not
going to do that to you again.”

“But you didn't like it here before.” Lindsey said the words he'd been thinking.

He remembered Jana telling him in the weeks before she left that she felt suffocated in Dawson, suffocated by his family and by church.

No matter how he felt about Jana, he could deal with it. He had dealt with it for years. He'd managed to work past his anger. Now his job was to help his daughter feel secure.

“Your mom won't leave, Lindsey.” He sat forward. “She loves you and she won't leave. We have to trust her.”

He had to trust her. For Lindsey's sake. Because if Lindsey saw him trusting, she would trust.

Lindsey looked from him to her mom. She had the MP3 player Mia had given her and she was fiddling with the cords. “Mom, I just don't want to leave. Not now, not ever.”

“I know, and neither do I,” Jana leaned to hug her daughter. “I promise.”

Lindsey nodded, her eyes looking droopy, even to an inexperienced dad. He smiled at her, and she gave him a sleepy smile in return. But he could see in her expression that she believed her mom.

“I'm going to make coffee. Do you want a cup?” Jana offered as she stood in the center of the room looking adrift, not knowing what to do next.

“I'm not drinking a lot of coffee these days.”

“Right, sorry.” She turned to their daughter and Blake watched her face go soft. Lindsey was already asleep. Jana pulled a blanket off the back of the chair and covered their daughter. “I won't leave, Blake.”

He nodded, because for Lindsey's sake he would make an effort to trust. But the difference between now and ten years ago was if she left, she wouldn't be able to take his daughter. She'd have to go alone.

* * *

“I'll get your water. Do you need anything else?” Jana stood in the center of the living room. The furniture was new and Blake had replaced the area rugs. He'd never liked the area rugs she picked. He'd told her then that they didn't match this home.

The rugs, like Jana, had been out of place here in the country. The one thing that both she and Blake had loved were the windows that soared twenty feet, giving them an amazing view of the countryside.

It was no longer her home. The little touches that had been hers were gone. The only thing that hadn't changed was their daughter's bedroom, with the twin bed covered in a quilt his mother had made. There were stuffed animals, just as they'd left them, and a dollhouse fit for a princess.

If she stayed in Dawson she'd have to get her own place. But first she'd have to get a job. The money left in trust by her parents was running low. She knew if Blake found out he'd suspect her of coming back to Oklahoma for money. Nothing could be further from the truth. She'd used her money to pay for Lindsey's health care. She'd known all along that after Lindsey's transplant she'd have to get a job.