Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! (3 page)

My life, which was never bad to begin with, completely transformed into something utterly magical. Out of a willingness to really investigate how I was operating in my life and see my part in things, all the personal and professional success that had eluded me for so long finally clicked into place.

First of all, I met an incredible man named Josh, with whom I formed a committed relationship. He's like a dream come true (truth be told, he's even better). He's creative, supportive, honest, successful, loving, and funny beyond belief. Second, a seemingly impossible dream I had held for so long came into reality (and very quickly, I might add). Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a dancer. Never having had any formal training, I thought that at age twenty-six I was too old to begin. Well, within months of taking my first class, I began teaching and shortly after was hired by MTV as a choreographer, producer, and performer. Before long I was teaching and presenting internationally and since then have led thousands of women and men around the world through classes, workshops, and special events. I work regularly with amazing magazines like
Self
,
Women's Health
, and
Prevention
and organizations like Crunch Fitness and Nike. At the time of this writing, I have created and led four top-selling dance and fitness DVDs and am proud to be a Nike Elite Athlete and Master Trainer.

About a year ago, I thought, "Wow, this investigating your life stuff really does work!" For the first time ever, I felt an authentic sense of clarity and awareness. Excited to
share what I had discovered and experienced, I reenergized my life-coaching practice. My clients began having success and satisfaction like never before, and I knew it was time to write the new and improved version of
Make Every Man Want You
.

Everything that I discovered, everything that shifted my life so dramatically—especially my ability to have relationships that actually work—you are about to learn for yourself in this book. But hold on, because this gets even better.

The very same principles that transform your love life will spill over into every other area of your life as well. Your career, finances, health, and sense of well-being, as well as your relationships with family, friends, and colleagues, will all be stronger and more satisfying than you could ever imagine. I've done my best to leave nothing out because I want to make your irresistible transformation as easy and effortless as possible. So are you ready? It's time for your first lesson: Irresistibility 101.

Make Every Man
Want You

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.

—
Margaret Fuller, author and philosopher

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see
the whole staircase. Just take the first step.

—
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr
.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were meant for great things? As a little girl, did you know you had something special to express into the world? Many of us have lost touch with our whimsical, feminine dreams of greatness in exchange for a more driven, masculine take on success. Without even knowing it, we've been enlisted on a mission: to prove we can do it as well as, or better than, the men. We are all so desperate to attain what we imagine will make us equal and happy (a successful career, marriage, family, 2.2 kids) that we forget who we really are: brilliant, sexy, and magical beings like no other.

We've forgotten that our power lies not in competing with or trying to be like men but in embracing our natural and womanly strengths of compassion, enchantment, and
tenderness. We are intuitive healers and masterful lovers. Our hearts run deep with emotion, and we cast a wide net for spiritual truth. Our sexuality and feminine wiles inspire, enliven, and empower. We are remarkable.

The world is in desperate need of irresistible women: women who are willing to be enthusiastic, alive, and expressive—regardless of the circumstance; women who are not afraid to tell their truth or speak up for what they believe in; women who feel at ease being intelligent, sensual, and compassionate all at once; women who do not compete with, demean, or do battle against men (or other women) but who see everyone for who they really are—fellow human beings also in search of a great life, in search of love.

Let's face it: love is all we really want. Although we strive for the right clothes, the right hair, the right body, the right job, the right relationship, what we really want is to know someone loves us and everything's going to be OK.

You know what? You are loved and you are OK right now. Everything else is an illusion. Worry, regret, and anxiety are all mental constructions called up by our minds to distract us from the terrifying realization that underneath it all, we're just fine. As we relax and embrace our own OK-ness, we unlock our irresistibility. Our dreams surge back into our hearts, and our spirits are free to soar once again. Without so much energy tied up in our imagined neuroses, we have the time and energy to reengage with our purpose and once again make a difference in our world. You are an extraordinary woman. You have a purpose in this world,
and hiding behind a fictional story that you're broken or incomplete is not it. The world needs you. It needs that very special something you knew you had when you were a little girl.

Claiming your irresistibility is the key to fulfilling your potential as a woman and as a human being. It's the secret to making the impact on the world you were meant to make. Women who embrace their irresistibility hold the heart of the world.

Fully embrace your feminine as well as your masculine energies. We all have both, and integrating them in a balanced way is the key to unlocking your full potential as a human being. Follow as much as you lead. Comfort as much as you command. Dance with the ever-changing flow of both masculine and feminine energies within you, and allow the fullness of your glory as an irresistible woman to show through in everything you do. Your feminine side is more compelling than you could ever imagine. Your softness and vulnerability are magnificent. You are an irresistible woman. Be proud. Whether it's in the boardroom or the bedroom, on the battlefield or in the grocery store, our world needs irresistible women now more than ever. Our children need them. Our businesses need them. Our schools need them. Our governments need them. The world needs you to claim your brilliance and share it. Let your life be an example of how glorious it is to be an irresistible woman.

Irresistibility 101 lays groundwork for having a brilliant life and magical relationships and, of course, for being authentically irresistible. The purpose of this chapter is to
open your mind to new possibilities and greater personal awareness. Awareness is the key that allows you to stop automatically doing things that drive men away and begin naturally doing things that support happy and satisfying relationships. Master this stuff and you'll notice that men, women, children, small animals, large animals, dust bunnies, and anything else that's not glued down will find it virtually impossible to resist you.

Take a deep breath and let your shoulders melt down. Relax your jaw and ease into the moment. Allow yourself simply to be here. Forget about your to-do lists. Let go of wandering thoughts of what you might have for dinner or regrets about what you didn't get done today at work.

Your ability to be completely irresistible and make every man want you lies in the present moment. When you are fully present (meaning your full attention is in "the now"), you access the infinite source of beauty and aliveness inherent in every living creature. You become one with the cosmic intelligence and timeless magnificence of all that is.

On a physiological level, being present means that you stop going on mental vacations and actively engage your mind, body, and soul in whatever you are doing in this moment. You let go of thoughts about the past and worries
about the future and bring your full attention to whatever, or whoever, is in front of you right now. In the context of reading this book, being present means giving your full, undivided attention to "hearing" the words on the page as you read them.

Refrain from the temptation to compare this to other self-help books you've read or to wonder whether or not this will work for you. All that mental chatter pulls you out of the moment and away from your irresistibility. Listening to that conversation you have with yourself is what has gotten you lost and confused in the first place.

Here's a nugget of wisdom that can transform your life in an instant. Ready?

You are not your mind
.

You have a mind, but you are not your mind. You are also not the conversation you have with yourself in your mind. You may be thinking, "What conversation? What is she talking about?"
That
one!

Of course, you may be thinking, "Well then, who
am
I?" Who you are is a glorious being behind your mind. You are the awareness, the observer, the listener. You are the wise, elegant, generous, and loving consciousness that knows exactly what I'm talking about right now.

Know this, too: your irresistibility is greatest when you're present and disengaged from your mental chatter. That's because the fullness and glory of your being is showing through. Your being is your highest self and grandest expression of who you are. It is timeless and beautiful, full of love, compassion, forgiveness, and sensuality. It needs
nothing and seeks no approval. It is who you really are beneath all of the worry, concern, and fear.

Your mind, on the other hand, is a past/future fear-based machine that is primarily concerned with survival. It's always comparing, analyzing, scheming, and talking to you about what you need to do in order to become better, prettier, more successful, or more attractive. The mind is usually not supportive of your irresistibility. It likes to talk about your mistakes and how bad, unattractive, stupid, or unworthy you are. (By the way, none of those things your mind talks to you about are actually true, but unless you become aware that you are not your mind, you believe them to be true.)

The real truth is that it doesn't matter how many mistakes you've made in the past or how many relationships have not worked out. It also doesn't matter how much you weigh, how old you are, or what you do for a living. You can be absolutely irresistible starting right now. The rest of this book will show you how.

There are no coincidences. What you have in your life you attracted to yourself, consciously or unconsciously. Everything is exactly as it should be. Every joy, challenge, opportunity, and circumstance—including the fact that you are reading this book—is exactly what you need to serve
your own personal, irresistible evolution. None of this is coincidence.

Many women struggle against what's happening in their lives, as though things should be different. They don't recognize that when one struggles against the moment, one actually struggles against the entire universe. This constant battle of resistance is deadly to our irresistibility. Every bit of disappointment, anger, pain, upset, and disharmony we experience is a result of our resistance to, or disagreement with, some current aspect of our life.

Conversely, when we stop resisting or disagreeing with how our life is showing up and truly surrender to the fact that everything is as it should be, we get back in sync with the universe and have instant access to greater personal power, clarity, and irresistibility.

It's important to note that understanding "everything is as it should be" does not mean you roll over and play dead, stay in an abusive or unloving relationship, or become complacent. Acknowledging reality empowers you. It puts you in the driver's seat of your life and turns the ignition.

The practice of acknowledging reality is called making is-ness your business. In other words, get more interested in reality, or what is, rather than complaining or wishing things would be different. (Side note: the notion of is-ness has been mentioned in everything from religion to spirituality to self-improvement to science. While I didn't create it, I do find it incredibly useful, as will you.)

In short, here's what making is-ness your business means: engage in your life with enthusiasm exactly as it is, regardless of your likes and dislikes, your preferences, ideas, beliefs, and opinions about how things should be or could be. Unconditionally allow things to be the way they are. When you deal with what is, or your is-ness, you can then choose who you'd like to be in relationship to that.

Making is-ness your business is the secret to being powerful and magnetic in your life. When you consistently engage with your life exactly as it is—not as you would prefer it—you're no longer held hostage by your circumstances or victimized by the world. Here's an example. Let's say you're stuck in traffic. Being in gridlock, at that moment, is your is-ness. Of course, you don't prefer to be stuck in traffic, but that is how it is. You have two choices: you can moan and complain about it (resist your is-ness) or you can surrender (make is-ness your business) and enjoy it. Enjoying it may look like listening to the radio and rocking it out to your favorite tunes (what I affectionately call car dancing), listening to educational or personal development CDs, making phone calls that need to be handled, or simply relaxing back into your seat. What I find so powerful is that very often, when I genuinely surrender to traffic, not only does my frustration quickly subside, but the traffic also begins moving quite quickly again as well.