Ride 'Em Cowgirl (8 page)

Say Hello To The HE-spot

All women have a G-spot. And all guys have their own orgasm spot, too. It’s called a prostate.

Located at the intersection of the urinary and reproductive tracts, just behind the base of the penis, at about one to three inches inside, this walnut-sized gland’s primary purpose is to produce and store much of the milky fluid that gives sperm its pulsing liquid ride out of his body.

This gland has a pleasure purpose, too. If a woman caresses her lover’s prostate directly with her fingertip, she can drive him insane with delight—but only if that loving finger is permitted to reach knuckle-deep inside his anus—an act that’s been known to turn even the most macho man into a bowlful of quivering jelly.

Right now, hold up your index finger where you can examine it closely. Does it really look all that scary?

Cowboys Only! You Shall Overcome

Question: Isn’t buttplay gay?

Answer: It’s about as gay as a penis in a vagina!

Here’s the honest truth: When buttplay is enjoyed by a woman with a man, that’s as hetero as it gets. It’s not a sexual preference—it’s a sexual pleasure.

Today, as more women take up the reins of erotic play, anal stimulation has come into the sexual mainstream, with increasing numbers of heterosexual couples trying and enjoying it in the privacy of their own homes. Why? One reason might play out something like this:

He: “Honey, can we, y’know, perhaps, uhhh, try some anal sex tonight?”

She: “Sure dear. You first!”

If turnabout is fair play, that could explain why sales of prostate stimulators and other buttplay toys among hetero couples are, forgive the pun, surging. Find out more in chapter 18.

So how about you, cowboy? Are you ready to experience orgasms beyond your wildest imagination?

Cowgirls Only!

Ease Up A Butt. Then Take Charge!

Sure, the first time touching his HE-spot can be awkward for you, too. Relax. You’ll find everything here to start you off on the right, er, finger!

Talk up. Start by reading this chapter together, discussing and even laughing about it. Rather than focusing on the process, envision the results: off-the-Richter-scale orgasms and a higher level of intimacy and sexual maturity. If he’s still unwilling, that’s okay—don’t twist his arm. He may come around eventually.

Study up. If there’s interest, try watching a sensual massage DVD together to see how the stars’ skilled hands caress the butt and inner thighs. Or slip in an erotic DVD that features a bit of anal play for even more probing ideas.

Clean up. Shortly before your big romantic rendezvous, suggest he go to the bathroom to empty his bladder and bowel—or enjoy a warm enema—all followed by a hot shower. Better yet, jump in and soap him up yourself to be sure he hasn’t missed any essential spots.

Shave up. Is he a bit too “furry” down there? Create yet another erotic adventure and shave his butt. His skin will become more sensitized, and even more welcoming for a gentle, probing tongue.

Precautions & Preparations For HE-spot Play

Wash. Wash. Wash. Rule of thumb: If it will come in contact with the anus, pre-wash it in hot water with antibacterial soap. This includes hands, sextoys and yourselves. Be sure to file down and smooth out any rough edges on sextoys, too.

Smooth. Smooth. Smooth. File all your nails till they’re perfectly smooth, and remove all rings from your fingers. If your nails are long, wear latex gloves with a ball of cotton in each of the tips.

Lube. Lube. Lube. Slather on plenty of sex lubricant, because his anus is naturally dry and delicate, and can easily tear from unlubricated friction. Use generous amounts of sex lube every time you engage in anal play—and never substitute it with quick-drying saliva.

Slow. Slow. Slow. Always enter the anus slowwwly. Always exit the anus slowwwly. Never slide anything into the anus that does not have a flared base or extra-long handle to grip, or it can get sucked inside.

Cover. Cover. Cover. To protect against unwanted bacteria-transfer, use a latex dam during tongue play—a thin sheet you place between the tongue and anus, which transfers only the erotic sensations. Or use a sheet of plastic wrap from the kitchen. For finger play, wear a latex glove or a single finger cover (finger cot). And unroll a fresh condom over any sextoy to keep it bacteria-free. Of course, you’ll also remember to lube up, right?

PRECAUTIONS. Anal play without a condom puts you at risk of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Anal play without lube risks tearing the delicate lining in the rectum. HE-spot massage is not recommended during any prostate disorder. Please read AND PRACTICE all the safer sex tips in this chapter and in the Appendix at the end of this book.

Going In For The Thrill

Your first time can be very arousing—like you’re both virgins again. Go slowly, find the positions you like, feel the excitement build, and enjoy all the naughty new sensations.

Warm up. Massage his inner thighs and inner butt cheeks, then try some oral love, swirling your hot tongue from his penis, closer and closer to your target. At the right moment, flick the tip of your tongue lightly on his tightly puckered anus You’ll not only send tingles throughout his body, you’ll swell his HE-spot so it’s easier to find and primed for your sensual touch.

Lube up. Slather the sex lube on everything that will enter him. Try a nicely flavored lube if one of those objects will be your tongue. Now gently press your slippery fingertip onto his pulsing anus as your hot mouth once again finds his throbbing penis.

Butt in. Slowly, sensually, insert your fully lubed index finger (or middle finger), inching it along the upper wall toward the base of his penis. Feel his rectum naturally curve toward the front of his body, along with the natural curve of your finger.

Play around. Now that he’s all slippery-tight around your finger, softly wiggle it, adding a slow twist or two, or just leave your

Dr. Sadie Sez: Just How Good Does Your Fingerplay Feel?

Hmmm. Let’s see. You have an anus that’s just as sensitive, just as tight, and just as excitable as his. Does THAT give you any ideas? Perhaps you’ll take a test ride on a finger or sextoy yourself?

finger still so his muscles can relax around it. The further in you go, the fewer nerve endings you’ll find, which means he’ll start responding more to pressure and rhythm than the touch and vibration that works so well closer to the entrance.

Touch his spot. As soon as your second knuckle disappears inside, curl your finger toward his belly button, and feel around for a firm, round bulb that feels like the tip of a nose. That’s his HE-spot!

Pleasure his spot. Using slow, gentle, “come here”-type curling motions, fingertip his HE-spot with the same pressure you’d use to rub your own eyeball. Run your fingertip all around till you find what he likes—up-down, side-to-side, off-center. Don’t stop your oral loving or handjob, either.

Talk to the spot. Check in with him: faster? slower? softer? harder? (but not too hard). Keep stroking his penis or playing with his balls, too. You’ll know you’ve got it right when his legs spread wider, his breathing gets faster, he’s moaning or screaming and riding your finger like the stud he is.

Bring it on. Whisper “Show me how you like it” and let him move on your now-motionless finger. Remember, unlike your G-spot, his HE-spot doesn’t need as much rigorous stimulation—and the right touch can trigger huge orgasms, even if he doesn’t have an erection.

Rest your finger. Try a prostate stimulator. These are toys curved to stimulate his prostate and vibrate him to new spectacular orgasms. Or try a strap-on with a dildo (“pegging”) for advanced HE-spot loving (see chapter 18).

Not Gonna Do It? You’ve Got An Alternative

If he’s too squeamish to let you slip your finger inside, you can actually stimulate his prostate from outside his body—and although it probably won’t give him an orgasm, it’ll still feel great.

Drizzle some sex lube onto two or three of your fingertips, and press them gently into his taint (perineum). You can also make a loose fist and rub lightly with your knuckles, directing your pressure up toward the base of his penis. Try circular strokes or back-and-forth pressure till you find what he likes. Simultaneously wrap your mouth or your other hand around his penis, and bring him to an explosive orgasm.

Dr. Sadie Sez: One Step At A Time.

If you’re a newcomer to prostate play, and some of these techniques seem a little too advanced for you, start with my book Tickle His Pickle—Your Hands-On Guide To Penis Pleasing, available at ticklekitty.com.

The earth may not be getting smaller, but a lot of its inhabitants are getting larger. If you are one of these voluptuous adults, you’re surely tired of hearing about fad diets, body image concerns and the latest health warnings.

You’d rather talk about sex—and start enjoying it more!

While every adult has sexual desires, those who are not plus-size can never completely relate to many of the lovemaking challenges you face. However, as you’ll often find, a creative solution or ingenious workaround may be what you need to enjoy all of the sexual passion you and your partner deserve.

As always, the best solution is to begin with your mouth—and initiate an open, honest talk with your lover. If you can’t figure out how to begin, just take a pen and circle this paragraph for the simplest conversation starter ever!

Throughout this guidebook, you’ll find plenty of stimulating ideas to bring into your discussion—and even more solutions within this chapter to assist with your specific position questions. So don’t put off hotter sex any longer: talk.

Cowgirls Only!

Plus Size Can Be A Plus

One of our species’ strongest and most powerful sexual turn-ons may surprise you: confidence. While body image issues and years of distasteful societal conditioning may attempt to sour your spirit, bringing renewed sexual confidence to bed with you can lift passions to exciting new highs.

When you open yourself to a healthier worldview, you may discover that some of what’s inhibiting you may actually be turning on your lover. Your sensual softness is much more sexually exciting than you imagine. A feature of your body is a favorite fascination your lover can’t resist. Certain sexual positions play right into your lover’s fantasies about being restrained. Who knew?

Dr. Sadie Sez: Sex Techniques Of The Voluptuous: REVEALED!

As more and more plus-size adults and their lovers come forward with their sexual desires, the adult video industry is happy to oblige them. Now you can find a wide spectrum of adult-themed DVDs of plus-size women and men that you can enjoy for more than their erotic thrills—you can see how others approach the positions and situations you may have always wondered about. See what sex with confidence looks like. Giggle. Learn. Be empowered !

Opening a dialog demonstrates your self-confidence and self-worth, which is sexy to every lover in the world, yours included.

Cowgirls & Cowboys! Supersized Sex’s Biggest Secret

There’s a terrific product you can easily get that will help your creativity in bed, assist with balance, relieve stress on knees, elbows and other joints, and give you some of the most satisfying orgasms ever.

They’re called pillows, and the more you use, the better you’ll feel.

Try placing smaller pillows under the head, neck, and elbows for spot-elevation, and larger pillows to align and support other parts of your bodies. If the pillows on the bed now don’t quite do the trick, take a field trip to a home decor or department store to creatively match their shapes to your needs. Try square or rectangular throw pillows, U-shaped neck-rest pillows, blow-up air pillows, round-roll pillows, full-body pillows, bolsters, memory foam pillows, you name it!

Then race back home and place them strategically around your bodies for the most balanced, comfortable sex of your lives.

Cowgirls Only!

Cowboys: See you at page 151.

Congratulations…you’re pregnant!

If you’re hoping to learn more about taking care of your baby, pick up a leading baby care book. This chapter’s about taking care of YOU, baby!

When enjoyed as directed, sex during pregnancy is healthy for you, safe for your baby, and primal for your horndog partner. By exploring the ideas on the next few pages, you’ll keep your passions glowing hot and crazy, while your bun-in-the-oven stays warm and cozy.

May your journey into parenthood be filled with wonder, joy, laughter…and many eye-popping orgasms!

Hop On The Hormone Rollercoaster

You’re horny. You’re cranky. You’re sleepy. You’re giddy. You’re up. You’re down. You’re whirling out on a wicked loop-de-loop ride. Or not.

How will pregnancy affect you? You’ll be the first to know. But be prepared: the very same hormones you produce to nurture your baby and prime your body for the birth can also whip up a wild sex-drive ride.

So strap on your seat belt and steer toward this advice: trust your body to tell you what it wants right now—then share your needs with your partner during “what feels good today” discussions. You’ll do more than set a positive tone for your entire pregnancy. You’ll strengthen your long-term commitment to each other—and to your new baby.

Play It Safe, For Baby’s Sake!

Is intercourse safe during pregnancy? Ask your physician, and don’t be shy—be specific. Chances are if you’re having a normal, healthy pregnancy, the answer is yes. (Everything except the chandelier-swinging, that is!) And you can be assured that intercourse is safe right up until your water breaks, or until labor begins.

But NEVER engage in sex when:

Your physician advises against it.

You are bleeding or leaking fluid.

Your water has broken.

One of you has an active sexually transmitted disease.

You have a history of premature birth or labor (unless your physician gives you the okay).

Your physician says your placenta is covering the opening of your cervix.

If your health situation changes suddenly, or you have medical questions or concerns—STOP—and contact your physician immediately!