Ride 'Em Cowgirl (9 page)

First Trimester: Sex Takes A Holiday

Toss out the contraception—you’ve conceived! Now you can dive right in for all the carefree sex you’ve always dreamed of, without pills, foams, caps, sponges, jellies, diaphragms, condoms or worries.

Carefree, that is, until morning sickness, crankifying exhaustion, sore “don’t-touch-me” breasts and raging hormones suck the fun right out of you.

Guess what? That’s normal! Intercourse will just have to take a backseat for now. But look at your partner: He’s not hurtin’—he’s horny! How about trying some of the other sexy activities you can enjoy besides intercourse—like the outercourse fun in chapter 15.

Second Trimester: Pregnancy’s Honeymoon

Who flipped on the sex switch? And why is it set to “insatiable?”

Your hormones have now re-blended for the second phase of your pregnancy, sending pure sex fuel racing throughout your entire body, and creating physical changes destined to supercharge your sexual appetite:

Surge of blood flowing to your vagina

Larger, more sensitive labia

Increase in natural lubrication

Bigger, more voluptuous breasts

Heightened nipple sensations

If you’ve never orgasmed in your life, you may now become unstoppable. And if you were already orgasmic, the lid could fly off for indescribably longer, deeper, wilder and even multiple waves of orgasmic ecstasy! Of course, your mileage may vary.

Why is this happening? Some say this surge of orgasmic energy at just the right time in baby’s development is part of the plan to create healthier, happier, more fun-loving offspring. And who are we to argue with Mother Nature?

So listen to your body. Treat your baby (and yourself!) to the wealth of natural pleasure endorphins you both deserve. And at about the fourth month, try some new positions other than Missionary—it can crimp the flow of blood to the baby.

Third Trimester: Getting Over The Hump

Are you creative? You’d better be—because fitting yourselves around a ballooning belly is going to take all your imagination.

But that’s not the only sexual hurdle facing soon-to-be parents. Many women cease feeling attractive, even though their partners often see them as wildly sexy. The solution? Accept your physical changes as inevitable, and revel in the magical feeling of a new life growing inside you. Then you’ll find it easier to agree with your partner and enjoy this beautiful stage together. So stay playful and be careful—especially if your sex drive flips into high gear now.

Dr. Sadie Sez:

Are You Feeling Guilty Just Lying There?

That’s okay—let your partner do most of the work. You’re carrying a growing baby (and that’s work, too!). Remind him you’ll return to being his energetic sex partner again soon after the birth. Until then, just relax and enjoy.

Positions (And Pillows) With A Purpose

Your rapidly growing tummy will put Missionary out of reach for now, but you can still enjoy all the pleasures of Doggystyle, Cowgirl and Spooning.

How do you cope with all that physical awkwardness? Pillows! Just place them strategically around you to reduce strain on hands and knees, for support under your belly, to balance out your body, as well as to raise up your torso for the perfect penetration angle. And if need be, borrow a few pillows off the living room couch, and it’ll feel like you’re having sex on a cloud!

Cowboys Only!

Be Her Superhero—Here’s How

Funny thing about being with a pregnant woman: some days she’ll turn you on like you’re her prize racing stud—and other days she’ll wave you off like you’re a pushy panhandler. During those “off” days, try to remind yourself that her ever-changing hormones are completely in charge. Not her. Not you.

What to do? Be kind. Act respectfully. Don’t mutter. Don’t pressure her. Kiss her on the forehead. Remind yourself she’ll come around. And if your little head keeps talking back to your big head, disappear with a glossy magazine and a tube o’ lube.

What else can you do?

Massage her. Often. And all over. Trust her when she says her feet, lower back and shoulders ache. Lend a hand for 10 or 20 minutes. After all, she’s carrying your child around 24/7.

Wow her. Are you surprising yourself with vivid daydreams about ravishing your glowing, growing partner? Are you taken aback by how truly beautiful she looks? Then tell her—clearly and often.

Buzz her. What if you were to surprise her with a thoughtful gift: a small clitoral vibrator. What if you then bring her to orgasm after orgasm? What if this keeps things pleasant and calm around the house?

Relish her. As her body grows more voluptuous, you’ll find she’s got a few surprises in store for you: tighter, slipperier, juicier, hornier sex—especially during the second trimester—with no need for birth control. Isn’t life great?

Sex-During-Pregnancy FAQ

Will sex dent the baby’s forehead?

Nope! Mother Nature carefully ensures that the baby is completely sealed and cushioned inside the fluid-filled amniotic sac. Thankfully, your penis will never touch the baby. Nor will any of your fluids. And no, the baby isn’t watching!

Can sex cause a miscarriage?

Nope! Not during a normal pregnancy. Don’t worry. Enjoy yourselves.

Dr. Sadie Sez: Be A Lean, Clean Sex Machine. Always.

Here’s how to keep unwanted germs away from your baby. Before and after sex, be sure to thoroughly lather your hands, sextoys and midsection with antibacterial soap under hot running water.

Is it safe to perform cunnilingus?

Yes! And thanks to her swelling labia and increased lubrication, there’s more to love. But NEVER blow air into the vagina—it can create an extremely hazardous situation for mother and child.

Is it okay for her to orgasm?

Yes! Orgasms are perfectly safe, but can trigger small contractions. This is normal during a healthy pregnancy. But if the contractions are strong, and last more than 30 minutes, call your physician immediately.

Is anal sex safe?

Yes! It’s a good alternative to vaginal sex, but hemorrhoid irritation can put an end to your fun. Always stop if there’s any discomfort, and abide by all the safety rules in the Appendix—especially about not transferring bacteria into the vagina.

Sex In Postpartum Times

Welcome to your new life as proud parents with a newborn in the house. If you’re not thoroughly exhausted from baby care, as well as parenting any other kids, bill paying, food shopping, cooking, cleaning and wage earning, you may ask yourselves:

Where, exactly, does sex fit on this list?

Physically, most doctors recommend waiting six weeks before restarting your sex life, whether birth was vaginal or by C-section. Emotionally, it may take a bit longer to equalize hormone levels that inspire sexual desire.

Until then, find your intimacies in other ways. Try brief, loving “check in” phone calls, as well as flirtatious emails and text messages throughout the day. Initiate loving make-out sessions. Take hot showers with each other during baby’s naptime. And most of all, talk about how you’re feeling.

When the time is right to restart your sex life, ease into it gradually. Pleasure each other orally, or by hand, until you’re both comfortable with penetration. And Mom, please remember:

You’re still fertile. Even if you’re breastfeeding and haven’t yet had your first period. Use contraception.

Breastfeeding can lead to vaginal dryness. Apply a good water-based sex lube. If you’re also feeling un-elastic or experiencing discomfort, consult your physician; there are medications that may help.

Normal vaginal size will return. If this was your first child, tightness usually returns within eight weeks after delivery. If you’ve had two or more births, return time and size will vary.

Sex with baby in the room is okay. Your little angel will never know! And your sounds of lovemaking are reassuring that you’re nearby.

Don’t forget toys for YOU. Especially the vibrating kind!

Laugh at leaks! You may expel breast milk during sex. So don’t be surprised. It’s unavoidable. Just enjoy.

What do you call intercourse without the “in”? Outercourse, of course!

Outercourse takes the penetration out of sex—but not the fun. You still enjoy deeply sensual, skin-on-skin lovemaking. You still share a thrilling physical connection. And you still experience explosive, scream-worthy orgasms.

So why would anybody ever want to forgo the deep satisfaction of vaginal or anal penetration? Because sometimes, intercourse just isn’t on the menu—or you’d simply rather enjoy a total out-of-body experience.

Exciting! Exhilarating! Safer! Convenient!

Outercourse offers something for everybody. If you’re a virgin, you stay a virgin. If you’re abstinent, you stay un-penetrated. And if you’re both experienced, you can recharge your love life by rediscovering the joys of starting over.

Consider these practical reasons, too: Since the penis doesn’t enter the vagina, the risk of pregnancy and STIs goes way down, while your freedom and enjoyment go way up.

What’s more, you can still be intimate if you’re not ready for intercourse, she’s menstruating, or one of you is too tired. You also have a no-risk solution if you’ve run out of condoms, misplaced the diaphragm or forgotten The Pill. You can even silence a squeaky bed if your eavesdropping in-laws are right next door.

Dr. Sadie Sez: Less Risk Doesn’t Mean No Risk.

ANY sexual contact between humans means risk—even low-risk outercourse. Keep semen from splashing near the vagina, mucous membranes and open cuts. Practice safer sex during oral sex. See the Appendix for more vital safer sex guidelines.

Outercourse: A Tit For A Tat

Outercourse offers each of you a new way to express yourself creatively as you learn more about each other sexually.

When he drifts off to dreamland after his orgasm, she may still be ready, willing and surging for another orgasm or three. Next time, if he tries these thrilling outercourse techniques and learns more about her desires, both partners can drift off to dreamland together, totally satisfied and deliciously spent.

On the flipside, when she isn’t in the mood, and his sex drive is in overdrive, she can get him off with some of these tempting outercourse techniques before sending him off to dreamland happy and content.

Come Awaken Your Sexual Creativity!

Take a holiday from the finer techniques of penetration and explore the erotic nooks and crannies of your lover’s body with much greater intimacy.

Kiss. Seduce with your lips and tongue: Peck. Lick. Lip-lock. Flick. Entwine. Go soft, hard, slow, gentle, mellow, deep—then work

Dr. Sadie Sez: A Young Woman’s Intimacy Insurance Policy.

It’s easy to get sucked into the sex game before you’re physically and emotionally ready—especially its hurtful side. Outercourse offers you a way to go at your own pace (not his!), and absorb what’s happening to you before it can become overwhelming. Take him for fun outercourse “test drives” as you get to know each other better. It’s not just smarter, it’s safer.

up to hot, wet and messy! Hold your lover’s chin. Caress your lover’s face. Pretend it’s oral sex at its best.

Dry hump. Rub your clothed bodies together lustily in the backyard, in a restaurant coatroom or on the backseat of your car. Steer clear of rough fabrics and jagged zippers on sensitive spots.

Fingerplay. Unleash those living sextoys in your pockets—your hands! Wrap, stroke, jerk, caress, rub, stimulate—you know where. Take turns, or pleasure each other simultaneously. Or watch each ther do unto your-elves.

Massage. Coat your lover’s most intimate spots with a little massage oil and explore behind the ears, down the neck, down the back, around the butt, and behind the knees.

Penis pleasure hunt. Seek out her body’s most sensual spots with his heat-seeking penis! Drizzle on some sex lube and slide it between her breasts, thighs, armpits, inner elbow fold, feet—any soft warm inviting skin (just not the vagina or anus, Romeo!).

Toy around. Reach into your sextoy chest and pull out a few of your favorites: feathers, vibrators, dildos, lubes, warming oils—or slip an erotic video into your DVD. Toy chest empty? Time to surprise your lover with a special batteries-included gift.

Back door reach around. Tease slowly toward the pleasure-center of your lover’s butt with your fingers, mouth and toys—but remember to use latex barriers when you reach the prize.

Play games. Play out your fantasies and fetishes; wear costumes, wigs, stiletto heels, or sexy lingerie, then grind together to a steamy song and bring each other to orgasm while your clothes are still on!

Get oral. Let your lips do the talking as you take turns tasting and licking each other with gusto. Or change it up and get into the “69” position and delight each other simultaneously.

Do you ever hear your mattress going, “Boing, Boing, Boing?” Could it really be telling you, Boring, Boring, Boring?”

Maybe it’s time to give that old bed a rest. After all, you live in a big world with lots of nooks and crannies for daring lovemaking.

Right now, peer over the top of this book. How many potential places do you see, near and far, hidden and not-so-hidden, that you and your lover could slip into—or onto—for the most mischievous sex of your lives?

There’s No Place Like Home

Where in your home have you never made love? Once you’ve narrowed that long list down to your top erotic few, make a plan to pack off the kids, turn off the phones, pull down the shades, and get ready to party!

Try the guest bed, shower, bath, countertop, staircase, weight bench, home office or washing machine (while it’s on!). Or venture out to the backyard, deck or balcony, swimming pool, or even up against the car (parked inside!).

Be spontaneous and act out role-plays in your new locales. You’ll plant private erotic memories throughout your home—ready to recall during parties when friends sit unwittingly in the heat of your X-rated flashbacks!

Sex In The Great Outdoors

If you fantasize about making love by a tropical waterfall or under a starry sky—or even on the swings at your local playground—sex outdoors can actually breathe new romantic life into the most mattress-bound relationship.