Second Rate Chances (20 page)

             
“Seems that way,” Lil agreed.

             
“You’re good for him Lil. Always have been. That boy has never loved anyone quite like the way he loves you.”

             
“Loved,” Lil corrected.  Chloe had the promise of a lifetime from Sam, not her.

             
Paul shook his head no. “I beg to differ. I don't care if he's lost his memories. You never lose the love you once felt for someone and that boy?” He pointed over his shoulder to Sam who was no longer talking with Joshua, but another member of his family. “He'll never stop loving you even if he gets his memories back tonight.”

             
“I'm scared,” Lil said to Paul but just barely loud enough for him to hear.

             
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close for a fatherly hug. “I know you are. I am too. I've only ever wanted happiness for my kids. Only the best that this life can give them. Sam lost a little of that when he lost you.”

             
“What do I do?” she asked. She knew that if anyone could give her an honest answer, it was Paul.

             
“Follow your heart. If you love him, tell him. If you want him, do your damnedest to keep him.”

             
“And if he won't have me?” She looked into the eyes that resembled Sam's.

             
“Then he's a damn fool and doesn't deserve you. But Lil that’s not going to happen. He lost you once. He won't take that risk and lose you again.”

             
As the night wore on, Lil mingled with Sam's family and friends that were like her own family. Thankfully, no one mentioned the last time they had seen her. Instead everyone was just so happy to see her and Sam reunited.

             
She was talking to Sam’s cousin Anna when she felt a set of arms wrap around her midsection and warm breaths tickle her neck.

             
“Let's go home,” Sam whispered into her ear, which sent goosebumps against her flesh.

             
Nodding her agreement, too afraid to speak in fear that her voice would crack, Lil allowed Sam to take her hand as they moved through the throng of people. There was no doubt in Lil's mind that the dynamic of the evening had shifted.  The wall Lil tried to barricade her heart in didn’t stand a chance where Sam was concerned. Tonight it was going to crumble at her feet.

161

SECOND RATE CHANCES

CHAPTER 23

The charge in the air lasted throughout the drive back to Lil's house and well past the front doors once they were inside. Both of them were aware that things were about to change. Whether for the good or bad, she wasn’t sure. They were about to cross a line and that was a good thing. It was the aftermath that might end up bad.

             
With jackets and shoes deposited at the front door, Lil casually walked into the kitchen.

             
“You want something to drink?” Her voice was not her own. Instead it was replaced by a husky, hungry version of herself.

             
When Sam didn't answer, Lil turned her back to the refrigerator to find him towering over her. He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her hard and deep. Her hands flew to his hair, feeling the thick texture between her fingers.

             
Sam was the first to pull away and when he did, both of them were out of breath. “When my brother hugged you right after we arrived, he spun you around and I saw a flash of your bare ass.” He had moved his lips from her mouth where they started to kiss a trail down the bare curve of her neck. “I’ve been thinking about that little glimpse I saw all night,” he murmured against her skin.

             
“I didn't know,” she replied hoarsely.

             
Lost in the feel of Sam's hands traveling under her dress until he gripped her thighs, Lil pushed herself up on her tiptoes, giving him that boost he needed to lift her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the counter.
             

“I don't want this to just be about putting your curiosity to rest.” Lil had closed her eyes as his mouth continued to travel further south down her breastbone. Her head fell back until it met the cabinet’s overhead. “I want this to be because you want it.”

             
“Oh, I want it,” he replied. “I've wanted it since the moment you walked into the hospital room. It's been driving me crazy every day since. Do you know how hard it is to be so close to you yet so far away? I want to be with you the only way I know how. I want to be over you, under you, and inside of you.”

             
Lil pulled his head from her chest. She remembered what Paul had said to her earlier
. If you love him, tell him
. Besides the sexual craving running though her bones, that was the only other emotion she was feeling. It wasn't lust. It was pure uninhibited love. A love that had never been truly lost.

             
“I love you,” she whispered, looking deep into his eyes. “I always have and I always will.”

             
With those three words, the fire in Sam’s eyes ignited the spark between them. His lips crashed against hers and he lifted her off of the counter and toward the bedroom that they had made love in so many times before.

             
Inside the bedroom, Sam whispered against her wet, swollen lips, “I love you too.” As he laid her across the bed he said, “so much, Delilah.”

             
Straddling her body, he sat up on his knees and began to unbutton the shirt he was wearing. She watched him, branding the image to her memory in case this, heaven forbid, was the last time she was ever like this with him. The muscles in his biceps flexed as he pulled the shirt free from his shoulders, the white tank underneath showing off his hard body. With nothing in the way of his hard, muscled chest, he leaned down, supported by his arms, and kissed her. Pulling away, he stood from the bed, slowly unzipping his pants until they pooled at his feet. Lil sat up, mesmerized at the way he undressed for her.
             

Their eyes never wavered. Even when he reached for the waistband of his boxer shorts, her eyes remained trained on the love looking back at her. When he was completely naked, he held out a hand, offering her to join him.

             
She took his hand. When she was standing face to face to him, he turned her around so that her back was pressed against his naked chest. She could hear each metal tooth of the zipper being extracted as he released it at an agonizingly slow pace. When finished, his hands palmed the smoothness of her bare shoulders, pushing the thin straps down her arms. The dress fell on its own, pooling at their feet, leaving Lil in nothing but a white satin thong. Her breath came out in shallow pants when she felt Sam's fingers dip into her hips to gather the thin elastic at her waist. He kissed the back of her shoulder blades as he lowered the material down her hips.

             
Lil felt like her body was on fire. Once the satin hit her ankles, she turned around to face Sam, stepping out of the material at her feet in the process. Her hands found his shoulders and she stepped up on the tips of her toes to kiss him. Gently at first, then as he led her to the bed, the kiss became more heated, spreading an inferno throughout the bedroom.

             
Sam covered just about every inch of her body with his lips. The burden of his weight was finally on top of her, although it was no burden at all. Their eyes locked while he pushed her legs apart and in one thrust, he consumed her completely. Heart, body, mind and soul. Together they were finally one.

~~~~

“Tell me something,” Lil asked. Sam held Lil against him with just a sheet covering them. He had his arms raised above his head, his forearm serving as a pillow for her head.

             
“What?” he asked in a soft sated voice.

             
“Are you scared? I mean, of remembering everything? Because, quite frankly, I'm terrified.” There was no mistaking the tremor in her voice as she said the words aloud to him.

             
Sam lifted her chin with his long index finger, tilting her head so that she was looking into his eyes. Slowly, he lowered his head and automatically Lil closed her eyes. Instead of his mouth touching hers, he kissed each one of her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and then his lips pressed against hers. Against those lips he replied, “Why should I be? I'll still remember all of this. The love I have for you will never go away. You're in my heart, Lil, and I don't understand how it could have ever left.”

             
“But, what happens when you remember the moment you fell out of love with me?” This wasn't exactly the kind of pillow talk she had envisioned but with his wedding day looming, there were certain things that needed to be out in the open.

             
“I love you,” he stated without conviction. “Right here, right now I love you and no one else.” The cuckoo clock in the living room began to chime and it didn't stop until twelve rings rang out into the silence of the house. Sam looked at Lil with a smile to match a lottery winner. “Merry Christmas.”

             
He moved off the bed and Lil had a brief panicky thought that she had just become Cinderella and reality of the real world around then was going to come crashing down.

             
She pulled the sheet over her body, feeling very vulnerable. Sam returned a short moment later, holding a blue box in his hands.

             
“I wanted to give this to you on Christmas.” He laughed, clutching the box in his hands. “Technically it is Christmas and I don’t want to wait.”

             
He crawled back in bed, holding her close again and handed her the box. She took it with shaky hands.

             
“I found this at my condo when I was doing laundry last week. I don’t know how I know, Lil, but I know this was meant for you.”

             
She opened the box and inside was the most beautiful silver infinity bracelet she had ever seen. It was delicate, almost so delicate she was afraid to lift it up and inspect it further. Sam, not one for patience, lifted it for her and pulled her hand so that her wrist was bared for him. He slipped the band of silver over her left wrist, turning her hand over afterward and kissing the vein that ran straight to her heart.

             
She looked up at him, tears rolling down her face. “I love it,” she said. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed every inch of his face, expressing her love with every peck.

             
Sam laughed at her exuberance. “I’m glad,” he said.

             
“Oh!” Lil shot off the bed, not caring she was naked now. She ran into her closet and pulled out the brown bag she had gotten at Nick’s Knack’s. “I know it’s not wrapped or anything, and it’s not nearly as nice as this,” she held her wrist to her heart. “But, when I saw it I thought of you.”

             
Lil held the bag out for Sam who took it with one hand and pulled her back into bed with the other. Once she was back at his side, where she hoped she’d always be, he opened the bag. She couldn’t see his face and judging by the way he said nothing, Lil suddenly feared the gift was stupid.

             
“Sam,” she began, sitting up so that she could see him.

             
“Lil,” he stopped her. He held up the tiny rabbit’s foot, rubbing the fur between his fingers.

             
“I thought that maybe it would be something to help you to always remember.” She shrugged, nervous now that his face said nothing of his reaction.

             
He looked at her then, pulling her closer to him, which had her practically in his lap. He kissed her once, softly, then a second time with more dominance. When he pulled his lips from hers, he said, their foreheads pressed together, “I’ll never forget. I swear to God, Lil, I’ll never forget.”

             
Lil whispered into the night, "Merry Christmas." Sam laid them down against the mattress. Her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep pretending that maybe the day that she dreaded would never come. Maybe they could live inside their fairytale bubble for the rest of their lives and that Sam would never truly forget
.

167

SECOND RATE CHANCES

CHAPTER 24

Like a freight train speeding down the tracks, the last three years came at him all at once.

Sam gasped for air as the memories came flooding back. The life, the
great
life he had shared with Lil, how they were so happy one minute and the next he was sleeping his nights away at the office until he was put up in the condos owned by Jonah Miles – his soon-to-be father in law.

The love he had for Lil. The loss he felt when she slipped through his grasp. The heartache he still felt knowing he had messed up with her.
Had
messed up with her, he told himself. She was here, at this very moment in his arms.

How had it come to this? Him losing all this time with her, only to end up where he only ever imagined himself being. In his house. In his bed. With his girl.

It truly was a Christmas miracle, only he feared Lil wouldn’t see it that way. What would she say when he told her he remembered? Would she send him packing? He had obligations; he knew this. He had promised forever to another woman. A woman who was miles away at the moment dealing with their impending wedding rather than the health and the well being of the man she claimed to love. While on the other hand, Lil had been the one to see him through his progress. She had put her life on hold, a life she no longer shared with him, to see to his recovery.

             
If there was ever a moment to doubt how much he loved this woman, now was not that time. She was strong, capable of putting her own feelings aside – feelings he now understood – and hands down, the greatest woman he had ever met. 

             
He looked down at Lil, her head buried in the crook of his shoulder. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. How had he let her go? Just walked away without any sort of fight? That wasn’t them. They were stronger than that. They always had been. How had they let things get so bad between them? He had answers now. Answers he didn’t before. He knew the pain, the anguish she had gone through. The loneliness she felt without him being there for her. Sam had to figure out how he was going to handle everything, but for right now all he wanted to do was revel in the fact that she was snuggled next to him. He wanted to re-memorize every curve of her body. Every sound she made as his fingers traced over her skin. He wanted a repeat of last night because he finally had the woman of his dreams back in his bed. Her bed. Their bed. Any bed.

             
Should Sam tell her he remembered as soon as she woke up? Would she be happy? Or would she retreat, insisting he call Chloe and give her the news?

             
Sam was caught between doing what his head wanted and what his heart wanted. He knew he needed to call Chloe, but did that mean it had to be today? Couldn’t he enjoy this day with Lil? Yes, he decided. He could. And telling her first thing would not make the day what it should be. It should be about family and friends. Not figuring out what he was going to do from here.

             
What
was
he going to do? He wondered. Again, the tug of war between his brain and his emotions pulled back and forth. What happened the last time he had used his brain instead of going with what his gut told him? He lost Lil.

             
Not today, he concluded. Today they would be Sam and Lil. Two people in love celebrating Christmas however they wanted. If she wanted to curl up on the couch and watch the all-day marathon of
A Christmas Story
(even through he prayed she wouldn’t), he would do it. If she wanted to go to church, he’d dress up and hold her hand, thanking God for all the blessings in his life. If she wanted to stay right here in bed and allow him to love her all over, well then, that was fine with him.

             
Maybe his conscience should have been telling him that wanting to make love to Lil over and over again was wrong. How could his brain argue with him that something was so wrong when it felt so right? Being with Lil felt right. It felt better than right. It felt amazing.

             
Lil stirred in his arms and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing the top of her head, then rolling onto his side and propping his head up on his hand, watching her slowly wake. His finger traced over her eyelids, down the slope of her nose to her plump lips. Lips he had to kiss.

             
He leaned over and put his mouth on hers, taking her top lip between both of his. She responded by moving her bottom lip over his own. With his hand resting on her hip, Lil moaned as it moved higher and higher until he was meet with the soft, supple flesh of her breast. He cupped the mound in his hand, tweaking her budded nipples between his fingers. She moved slowly, throwing her leg over him and sitting up until their naked bodies were aligned. She opened her eyes and smiled feeling Sam’s reaction hard between them.

             
“Good morning,” he said, pushing her hair off of her face.

             
“It’s about to be an even better one,” she said as she sat up enough to grasp his erection in her hands and glide him to the second warmest part of her body. Her heart had already warmed him from the inside out.

~~~~

They lay glistening from sweat in each other’s arms, their hands linked together over his heart. The heart that would always beat for her. Had sex with Lil always been like this for him? Had it always made him want to tackle the world? Had he always felt so complete, so sure of everything? How could have left her? He had to tell her his reasons but again, in doing so, it brought up the fact his memories had returned. He
would
tell her why he left. She needed to know.

             
“What did you have planned today?” she asked him. She moved their joined hands over the light dusting of hair on his chest.

             
“Spending it with you,” he replied.

             
He felt her smile without having to see it. “Ellie does a Christmas lunch every year.” She tilted her head up to see his face. “Would you like to go with me?”

             
“Love to,” He brought their hands up to his mouth, placing a kiss on her palm.

             
It was a little past noon when they arrived at Ellie and Zach’s house. Lil led them into the house, holding Sam’s hand as she pulled him behind her.

             
“Merry Christmas,” Lil called out. Ellie and Zach came out of a room, Sam assumed was the kitchen, to greet their guests.

             
Hugs, kisses, and more well wishes for the day were passed along by each of them. Sam helped Lil out of her coat, before removing his own.  Zach took them from him, offering Sam something to drink as he moved out of the room.

             
“Whatever you have,” Sam replied. Lil gave Sam a quick kiss as she left with Ellie to help prepare the meal they were about to eat. Sam took that moment, alone in the modest living room, to look around. Pictures he was sure Lil had taken of Ellie and Zach were all over the walls. There were some of just the two of them, and some with Lil included. His gut tightened when he realized that the three of them had been taking trips together, Lil acting as the third wheel. He should have been there with them. She shouldn’t have had to act like the best friend they included in their vacations because she had no one. She could have had him, if only he had pulled his head out of his ass all those years ago.

             
Sam didn’t realize Zach had reentered the room until he spoke from behind him.

             
“The three of us went on a cruise a year and a half ago,” Zach said nodding to the picture of them in front of the southernmost point in North America. Zach laughed as he looked at the memory on the wall. “Lil was sick for most of it. It was her first time on a boat and the ocean was too much for her.”

             
Sam nodded, hating himself a little more than he already did as Zach told him stories about all the trips they had been on. Each picture had a story behind it.

             
Zach and Ellie’s first Christmas.

             
The first trip they had all taken together.

             
One-year
anniversary pictures. Two-year anniversary pictures.

             
Sam felt overwhelmed looking at them all. Lil had a life after he left. Granted, it didn’t appear to be the kind of life she, or he, had imagined for her, but she moved on. Then again, so had he. He was going to make up for the last three years. Come hell or high water, he was going to do what he could to make sure her house, their house, was filled again with pictures of old memories and the new ones he intended to make with her.

             
He would have to call off the wedding. Sam took a long pull from the glass of sweet tea Zach had handed him. He had a few days to figure out what to say to Chloe. He had time.

             
“Dinner’s ready,” Lil said, coming around the corner to where the boys were standing in the living room. “What are you two looking at?” She walked deeper into the room, sliding in next to Sam and wrapping her arms around his waist like it was the most natural thing in the world. He loved that she was so comfortable with him. Had he told her his memory was back, he knew she wouldn’t be this way with him. He was selfish to keep such important, vital information to himself, but for one more day he wanted what he had been missing. These precious moments with Lil.

             
Lil laughed as she punched Zach in the arm. “I take it you told him about my seasickness?” She turned her head to Sam, her eyes crinkling in the corners from her smile. “He tells everyone how sick I was on that trip.”

             
“Hey, wasn’t my fault you couldn’t handle the rocking of the boat.”

             
Sam noticed the blush rise on Lil’s face and he had to wonder if she was thinking about the rocking of their own they had done last night and first thing this morning. He pulled her closer and kissed the side of her head.

             
“You give yourself away when you turn red like that,” he whispered in her ear, which only caused her to flush to deepen. Sam chuckled. Zach led them into the kitchen where a feast fit for a king was spread out on the table.

             
“Ellie,” Sam said, eying the turkey, ham, cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn… all the food set out before them.

             
“Sit,” she instructed, officially cutting Sam off.

             
The four of them took their seats, making small talk between bites. Sam and Lil told them about Paul’s party, causing both Ellie and Zach to laugh at the antics of Sam’s Uncle Peter. Lil joked with Ellie that she had booked her first photographer session. Ellie was going to have the honor of photographing Uncle Peter in the nude. The whole table erupted in laughter; even Ellie took the joke in stride.

             
Sam even went as far as to tell them about his conversation with his brother. Lil had taken his hand in hers as he recalled how hurt his brother had looked. Inside, Sam was beginning to feel ill as he thought back on what everyone had told him about the man he had turned into. Kane, Abe, and his brother: they all had said the same thing. Sam was a grade A asshole. Just another thing to change now that he knew how his actions had hurt everyone he cared about.

             
When dinner was done, Sam offered to help Ellie with the dishes. Lil and Zach nearly ran out of the room, glad that they wouldn’t have to have any part in the clean up.

             
They stood side by side at the kitchen sink. Ellie washing while Sam dried the dishes.

             
“Thanks for having us over, Ellie,” Sam said. She looked over at him, her arms elbow deep in soapy water and smiled.

             
“I have her over every year.” At that statement, Ellie’s face fell. “I hate she’s been alone. I hate she’s never gotten over you. But, I guess I should be glad you’re here now. For however long that may be.”

             
Sam thought back on the words that Lil used to express her love for him the night before. It wasn’t just saying
I love you
in the heat of the moment. It was saying those words for all the years that passed between them.
I always have and I always will,
her sweet voice had said.
             

Sam swallowed and said softly, “I’ve never gotten over her either.”

             
As soon as the words left his mouth, Sam realized what he said. The dish Ellie had been washing dropped with a loud clatter against the sink. She turned ever so slowly to face him.

             
“What did you say?”

             
Sam winced. The wrath of Ellie was not something he wanted to face. He had seen too many guys at the bar coping one feel too many see just how deadly Ellie was.