Silence (2 page)

“Oakley, you want?” Cole asked, holding his Pepsi out to me. A shake of my head answered his question and he frowned, putting the can down on the floor. “You’re annoyed with me?” I lowered my eyes and wished I could disappear. We were actually going to have that out in front of everyone?

He sighed, exasperated. “How long are you going to ignore me for?” I shrugged my shoulders, still refusing to look at him. I was close to crying again, and I didn’t want to do that in front of everyone.

“What did you do to piss her off so much?” Ben asked, not even bothering to lower his voice so I wouldn’t hear.

Cole snorted. “Nothing. She’s just being impossible.”

How am I the one being impossible?
He didn’t have to make me come over here.

Someone stepped in my light, casting a dark shadow over my lap. Looking up, I shrank back.

“Oakley?” Julian sneered. “Come out with me tomorrow night? What ya say?” He and his friends burst out laughing - too hard for the lame joke. His friends were sheep; they did what he said, followed where he went and laughed at whatever he joked about.

I pressed my fists into my lap and looked away. Just as they made to leave, Cole jumped up and grabbed fistfuls of Julian’s shirt. My eyes widened.
What on earth are you doing?
I screamed at him silently.

“What did you just say to her?” Cole growled, his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fists harder.

“Chill, man. I was only joking,” Julian mumbled, stiffening his back and pulling at his shirt in an effort to try to release it from Cole’s grip.

I couldn’t watch, and I certainly couldn’t let a teacher witness what was looking like turning into a fight, and Cole get into trouble. Jumping to my feet, I pulled at Cole’s arm, but he didn’t move an inch. It was as if he didn’t even see me: so this was what he was like when he was angry.

“Cole, let it go,” Ben demanded.
Please let it go
, I begged with my eyes. 

“A joke, was it? Well, I didn’t find it very funny. If you so much as look at her again, I’ll kill you.”

Cole shoved Julian away from us and gently pried my hand from his arm.
Whoa.
As soon as I was no longer touching him, he launched forward and punched Julian in the jaw. I flinched in shock at Cole punching someone.

Julian stumbled backwards, almost falling over his own legs, but managed to correct himself. One of his friend’s hands shot out and grabbed the top of his arm to steady him. For a second Julian glared back at Cole. He looked like he was weighing up his options: start a fight, or leave.

Grabbing my bag, I sprinted towards the school gates. I couldn’t do this; I needed to get away.

“Oakley?” Cole shouted after me.

If I turned around, I would probably burst into tears, so I kept running. I ran out of the gates and towards the park. My legs started to burn as I pushed myself faster. I could feel a stitch forming in my side, but I didn’t slow my pace, I pushed harder. Why were things so complicated? If I could go to sleep and wake up as someone else, anyone else, I would do it in a heartbeat.

“Hey, Oakley, will you stop?” Cole’s hand circled around my wrist, and he pulled me to a stop. We were both out of breath. I rested my hands on my thighs and tried to catch my breath. As I looked down, I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek and drop to the floor.
Not again!

“Don’t cry,” he pleaded softly, and crouched down beside me. His finger brushed my cheek, and without thinking or planning it, I leant my head into his hand and closed my eyes.
             

“He’s not worth it. Just forget about him.” I was suddenly pulled into his strong, safe arms. I breathed him in. His aftershave mixed with his own scent was all I needed to calm down. I regained control over my emotions and smiled against his chest. Being wrapped up in his arms was my favourite place to be.

Cole didn’t care that I no longer spoke. He just cared about me and over the years. I started to feel more for him.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours yet still not long enough, I forced my head up to look at him. He grinned sheepishly: “You
wanna ditch the rest of the day? We could go eat our own weight in ice cream.”

That was a tactical move. He knew I loved ice cream and was using it to get
himself out of trouble.
Well, you know you’re going to give in!
I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“Good. Come on then, little Miss.”

As we turned and walked through along the path that led into town, Cole grabbed my hand. My heart jumped as his fingers slotted perfectly between mine. The gesture was probably nothing to him, but it made my heart race and made an idiotic smile a permanent feature on my face.

For the entire fifteen-minute walk, Cole’s hand was wound firmly around mine. I didn’t ever want to let go. I felt safe. Nevertheless, I kept my head down, hiding behind Cole as we walked through the small town. I was in my school uniform and didn’t want anyone my parents knew to see me. Dad wouldn’t like it at all.

We finally reached the place that had the best ice cream around, Julie’s Café. Cole and I spent so much time there, it was like a home from home. We would chill in one of the booths and eat our fill of ice cream. It looked like your typical diner-style café, with light blue walls and cream booths and tables. The atmosphere was warm, friendly, and welcoming.

“Oh, there you two are,” Julie yelled across the café. She was in her mid-forties and was one of the sweetest, friendliest, and most caring people I knew. The first thing I noticed about her was her new haircut. It usually fell just below the small of her back but was mostly tied up. Now it sat on her shoulders and flicked under. It made her look younger.

“Take a seat and I’ll bring over your usual.” She ushered us towards a booth by the window. It was the booth we always chose whenever it was free.

“Thanks,” Cole said, laughing as she fussed around, swiping up a crumpled napkin from our table. Everything had to be perfect for her customers: that was just how she was. We had barely sat down when one of the waitresses appeared with a chocolate milkshake and chocolate ice cream for Cole, and a strawberry milkshake and cookie dough ice cream for me.

I was just about to dig into my ice cream when I heard a voice that made me want to throw something: the girl that liked Cole. No-name Meg-lookalike.

“There you are! You didn’t say where you were going!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. Ben walked over to our table with her and smiled apologetically. How did they even find us?

“What are you guys doing here?” Cole quizzed them, his carefree expression turning to a frown.

The girl sat down next to Cole. What was her name? I wanted a name to go with the jealous, ridiculous hate. She was pretty enough, but the fact that she liked the guy I liked made her ugly to me. It was totally irrational, but that was how jealously worked, wasn’t it?

“Just wanted to grab a shake,” she replied in her annoyingly whiny voice. “What would you suggest?”
That you leave!

“I don’t know, Courtney,” he huffed. Courtney. I didn’t like it. Well, whatever her name had been, I wouldn’t have liked it.

“Can I get a vanilla shake please?” Ben shouted across the room. Julie frowned at him but nodded. She didn’t like when you yelled for her attention, even less if someone clicked their fingers.

I stopped listening to what else Ben was saying when Courtney grabbed Cole’s milkshake and took a long sip from the straw.
What the…?

“So you’ve known Cole your whole life?” I turned my attention back to Ben, who had asked he question. He was smiling nervously. His lip pulled up in a sort-of a half-smile. I nodded to answer his question.
             

“You’ll have to tell me some embarrassing stories about–” he stopped abruptly and looked horrified. “Err, I mean. N-not
tell but, err. Oh shit, sorry I didn’t think,” he stuttered, grimacing as he tried to explain himself.

I smiled. There was something about him made it impossible to be offended by him.

“Damn, I really know how to put my foot in it, hey?” He chuckled.

I shrugged and shook my head. It didn’t bother me, actually. Of course, not everyone would know how to act around me. I understood that he didn’t really know what to say, and at least he honest about it.

“Anyway.” He shook his head and frowned as if he was chastising himself in his head. “You should come to my party at the weekend. Cole’s gonna be there.” Was everyone having a party this weekend?

It wasn’t often that I was invited out, but did I want to go? It wouldn’t be much fun for Cole if I were there. I knew he wouldn’t leave my side all night. Maybe it would be fun though? If the other people going were half as cool as Ben, then perhaps I’d have a good time.

After deciding to go for it, I nodded. If Cole looked like he was bored, I could always go home early. All I had to do was get my parents’ approval, but I would be with Cole and they trusted him so it shouldn’t be that hard.

“Great, I’ll save a dance for
ya,” he said, winking at me. Whoa. Guys didn’t wink at me all that often. I blushed and shifted in my seat uncomfortably, not liking that kind of attention.

“You ready to leave, Oakley?” Cole snapped. Go already? I hadn’t even finished my milkshake or ice cream. I was about to shake my head until I noticed Cole’s face was tense with irritation.
What did I miss?

He got up, and I took that as my cue to leave, even though I hadn’t answered him. Cole weaved around the tables quickly and almost jogged away.
What on earth is wrong? I
ran to catch up with him.

As soon as he slowed and we fell into a comfortable pace, I raised my eyebrows at him. He understood what I was asking him.

“It’s nothing.”

Nothing? That was a lie. He shook his head, looking around to avoid me pressing the issue further, and I let it go. We walked on in an uncomfortable silence.

“So, you coming to mine?” he asked as we reached his car in the car park at school. I nodded eagerly; spending some time alone with him was definitely what I wanted, and I loved being in his home. Cole’s parents and sister, Mia treated me like one of the family. I felt so at ease there and preferred it to being at my own house, no question. Cole smiled at me, his eyes lingering on mine for a little longer than usual. My heart thudded.

“Hey, sweetie,” Cole’s mum, Jenna, welcomed Cole as we walked through his front door. “Oh hi, Oakley,” she gushed, giving me a warm hug. Cole mumbled something that sounded like hi and walked off to his room.

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked, more to herself than to me. I shrugged anyway and smiled back at her. Jenna always smelt of coconut; it was her shampoo. The smell was so comforting.

“You should follow Mr Happy. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.” She hadn’t even asked me if I wanted to stay for dinner, she just knew I would.

Cole’s room hadn’t changed much since we decorated it when he was fifteen – two years ago. It was still the same shade of blue. He hated it now though, said it looked like a baby’s room. I doubted he would change it any time soon though; he was too lazy. Cole was lying on his bed, his hands behind his head, just staring at the ceiling. His bottom lip was pulled between his teeth, the way it did whenever he was thinking hard. What had happened?

I
laid down on my side, propping my head up on my hand, and waited. After a few minutes, I became impatient, so I gently nudged him in the ribs.

“What?” he whispered, still not looking at
me. I sighed and rested my head back, no idea what was going on.

“Sorry,” he eventually muttered.
But sorry for what? I hated it when he was cryptic. It wasn’t often that he could hide something from me, but when he did it drove me crazy.

We lay beside each other in silence. The sound of his breathing was so soothing that I started feeling tired. Eventually, I gave in and closed my eyes. A few minutes later, Cole grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers, and then I fell asleep.

Chapter Two

Oakley

I woke up to Cole sitting up off the bed, causing it to dip, and making me roll onto my side.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” he said softly, grimacing.

I shook my head and sat up, rubbing my tired eyes. Cole grinned.

“Liar. Anyway your parents are coming over for dinner, so you don’t have to go home yet. We’re having a barbeque. Again.”

Grinning, I stretched my arms up, unlocking my muscles. I loved sitting out in Cole’s back garden eating barbecue food. Cole’s dad, David, always forgot about the smouldering food and wandered off, so we ended up having to smother it in tomato and BBQ sauce to balance out the taste of burnt charcoal. It had become a tradition though.

“So, that guy at school today, Julian...” Cole said, trailing off. He seemed unsure if he should bring it up or not.
Not
, I thought. I shook my head, not wanting to think about Julian. There was only one day left at school. After that I wouldn’t have to see him again for six weeks.

“Yeah, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s tough. Does he do that a lot?” Cole looked me in the eye. “We’re doing this, Oakley, whether you like it or not. Does he hassle you a lot?”

Closing my eyes, I reluctantly nodded my head once. There was no point in trying to lie and assure him nothing was going on. He would know I was lying.

“I’m
gonna kill him,” he growled angrily. His body tensed up.

My eyes snapped open, and I shook my head, desperately pleading with him not to do anything stupid. Couldn’t he see that it would just make things worse?

Cole’s face softened, the angry expression fell from his face.

“I’m sorry, Oakley. I just hate that people give you a hard time,” he said tenderly. “I’ll leave it, I promise. As long as he doesn’t do anything like that again. You tell me if he does, okay?”

Sighing in relief, I laid my head on his shoulder. He immediately wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to his side. My heart started beating wildly as he rubbed circles on my arm with his thumb. I loved his touch. It didn’t make me feel sick or scared. It was completely different, and I never wanted him to stop.

“Wanna watch a film until dinner?” he asked as he picked up the remote and flicked through the movie channels. I nodded against his shoulder. I didn’t really care what we did. I just wanted to be around him.

We stayed in Cole’s room, watching TV until we heard Jenna call us down for dinner. I could have quite happily stayed in his room for the rest of the night, but I knew our parents would want us with them. I gulped as we walked downstairs and prepared myself to act normal.

“Finally. I’m starving,” Cole exclaimed.

I allowed myself to smile as he practically ran for the door. I followed him at my own pace. The second I got downstairs my mum greeted me. She pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. She would often hug me like this when she knew I’d had a rubbish day. It was her way of trying to make everything better. A hug from Mum fixed things when I was really little, but I hadn’t felt safe like that in almost eleven years.

“Are you okay,
honey? Jenna said you both came home early,” Mum whispered, stroking my hair. I pulled back to nod my head and smile, to convince her that I was all right. “Are you sure? Did someone do or say something to you?” she pressed further, her fingers squeezing my arm slightly. I shook my head and rolled my eyes, making her smile.

“Okay. You know you can come to me though, for anything.” Again, I smiled to convince her.

“Good. Now, let’s eat, eh?” I was pulled through Cole’s house by Mum tugging on my hand. Sometimes I thought she still saw me as a little girl. Like she thought I stopped aging when I had stopped talking.

I was ushered down into the seat next to Cole. Cole’s dad, David was standing at the barbecue for a change. My brother, Jasper, was talking to Mia, Cole’s older sister. Well, he was bickering with her as usual. No doubt it would be something really stupid like ‘Which tastes better, bacon or sausages?’ He could make an argument out of anything.

Where was Dad?

I glanced over my shoulder, looking around the perfectly manicured back
garden. He was nowhere to be seen.

Cole waved his hand in front of my face, snapping me back to reality.

“Hello! You okay?”

I nodded and grabbed a can of coke from the table to have something to do, some distraction.

“About school,” my dad’s voice cut through everyone else’s. I spun my head around, to find him walking over to my side. “You can’t just walk out like that. If someone’s bullying you then you need to let me know, and I will contact the school.” I cracked open the can and nodded, looking down at the table. “I mean it, Oakley,” he added sternly. His tone was harsh, but no one even looked up. To them it was just a concerned father telling his daughter off because he was worried about her.

So I didn’t cause a scene or prolong the discussion, I nodded.

“Good girl. Now grab a plate, I think the food’s ready.” He kissed my forehead and went to take his seat next to Mum.

Thankfully, Cole started talking to me about a class trip the sixth-form students were taking to a theme park, and how he wished I were going too. I threw myself into listening to him and not dwelling on Dad being angry, but I didn’t feel hungry any more. I knew I should eat though: all I’d had today was ice cream, and Mum would start fussing if I didn’t have a proper meal.

David placed a plate of burgers and sausages on the table. I took one of each and grabbed bread rolls. I forced myself to take a bite of my ketchup-smothered, charred hot dog.

“It’s agreed then? Two weeks in Italy,” Jenna exclaimed, clapping her hands together. Italy? What had I missed?

“While you were off in Oakley land, we just planned the holiday,” he explained, reading my confused expression. Oh! That put a smile on my face. I felt my excitement build at the thought of going on holiday. Every year we went away with Cole’s family, and I loved every second of it.

“Italy,” Mum confirmed, her face lighting up. She seemed excited too. I knew she loved spending time in foreign shops with Jenna, or sitting by the pool gossiping.

Everybody else agreed, and I grinned. I couldn’t wait to get away, to relax and hopefully forget everything for a week. Cole winked at me, and I blushed. Oh, God, please say he didn’t see me blush. Quickly looking away, I fiddled with my fingers, feeling embarrassed. I did love the way he made me feel, but I didn’t want him to know. We couldn’t be together. I would never be good enough for him. He was perfect, and I was broken.

Once we finished dinner, Cole and I went back up to his room so I could watch
Hollyoaks. We didn’t have Sky because Dad complained that it was a rip off them charging so much, so Cole recorded the latest episode for me every single day. I could have just watched them when they were on, but my gymnastics classes clashed sometimes.

I settled on his bed and laid my head on his chest. His heart was beating steadily. The sound was so calming – like my very own lullaby.

“Whoa, bad move,” Cole called out, shaking his head at the TV. He hated the programme so much that he made up a commentary on what was going on. I laughed at him, enjoying his stupid remarks.

“Oakley,” he warned, glancing down. I pressed my lips together; my mouth ached when I tried to keep a serious face.

I gasped in surprise as he suddenly rolled us over, and moved over me.
Oh, wow.
He was hovering above me, his legs either side of mine as he pinned my hands over my head. I wasn’t scared, not at all. There were no feelings of panic or dread. It felt… Right.

“Are you sorry?” He half-smiled and raised his eyebrows. My heart went crazy. I shook my head to play along. “Alright, you asked for it,” he said, with a shrug. His face became mischievous, eyes glistening and his face inched closer to mine.

“Oakley, you’re parents said it’s time to go,” Mia shouted as she burst into the room. She gasped as she saw the position we were in. Her eyes were on stalks. I groaned internally.

“Actually you know what? Why don’t you two finish first?” she grinned. “I’ll tell them you’ll be a minute!”

Cole pushed himself up off me and reached down the side of the bed for something. He threw one of his trainers at her, but she managed to jump out of the way before it hit her. “Shut up, Mia,” he growled.

Mia laughed and stepped out of the room.  I really hoped she wouldn’t tell my parents about this. Not that we were even doing anything! I didn’t want them to think anything was going on with Cole because they probably wouldn’t let us be alone together.

Without looking him in the eye, because my face was flaming in embarrassment, I quickly kissed his cheek and hopped off the bed.

Just as I got out of his door, I heard him sigh.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Mum asked, placing a protective arm around my waist as I entered the room. I didn’t reply to her question because Dad stepped forward in front of me.

“Let’s get you home. School tomorrow.” He smiled and stroked his hand down the back of my head. I nodded in agreement and slipped past them both, giving a little wave to Cole’s parents as I headed to the front door.

“Thank you for tonight,” Dad said to David and Jenna politely. “You’ll have to come to ours soon.”

“You’re welcome, and you know we’d love to,” Jenna responded.

I took a deep breath and watched them exchange their goodbyes. It looked so normal, just friends thanking each other, making plans and saying goodbye. I was the only one that could see through the façade.

“Why does it take them ten minutes to say bye,” Jasper moaned, appearing at my side. Where had he been? I shrugged. They would say goodbye and then start another conversation. It went on like that for a while.

“We’re leaving,” Jasper called loudly. Mum gave us a little wave of acknowledgment and went back to chatting about Dad’s business, which, judging by the recent hushed phone conversations and his stressed outbursts I guessed was in trouble.

I walked home with Jasper. He hung back and walked at my pace. I could tell by the way he glanced over at me that he wanted me to hurry
up, he was probably keen to get home so he could play computer games.

“Shit.” Jasper cursed. “You got a key?”

I sighed in exasperation and shook my head. My key was in my school bag in Cole’s bedroom. 

We both turned and looked back at Cole’s house, just as our parents were walking along his path. Mum had my school bag over her shoulder. Thank God, I didn’t have to go back and get it. I wasn’t ready to see Cole again.

Dad unlocked the door and let us in. “Make sure you do any work you missed today, Oakley,” he instructed, nodding his head towards the bag that Mum let slip off her shoulder.

I nodded and took it from her. I felt so tired from an extremely long day, and just needed to be out of the way, so I went straight to my room. Just as I snuggled under my thick puffy covers,
my mobile beeped with a text message. I knew it would be from Cole. Not only was he the only person to text me apart from my parents and Jasper, but he also sent me a message every night.

My stomach was fluttering as I opened the message. It said just one word, ‘Night x’ I loved the x. A kiss.

I hit reply and typed, ‘Goodnight x’ but I didn’t send it. I never sent them. Not ever. I saved the message in the outbox with all the others and sighed. My eyes filled with tears. I desperately wanted to reply to him, but I was too scared of where that might lead.

I woke up in the morning to the sunlight streaming through the middle of my curtains and someone gently shaking my arm.

“Oakley, time to get up, sugar,” Mum whispered softly. “Are you feeling okay? I don’t normally have to wake you.”

I rubbed my eyes to try to wake myself up properly. Last day of school today.
Finally.
I pushed myself up and smiled. My head was pounding, and I just wanted to stay in bed, but Dad worked from home on Thursdays and Fridays and I knew he wouldn’t be happy if I missed another day. He would complain about my grades too. It wouldn’t look good for his perfect family image if his daughter’s grades were anything less than As.

“Okay. Well, breakfast will be ready soon. I’m making scrambled egg on toast. You need a good breakfast for your last day at school.”

She left me to get ready and I wasted no time in packing my bag and changing into my uniform. It was far too hot for the school blazer, but the teachers didn’t seem to care about that. I took a deep breath before brushing my teeth: just one more day to get through.

When I got downstairs for breakfast, Cole was already sitting at the table eating scrambled eggs. “Morning, Oaks,” he mumbled, chewing on his food. I hated my name being shortened, and he knew that.

I sat down next to Cole and smiled at Mum, thanking her for the breakfast she just placed in front of me. “So are you two doing anything after school?” Mum asked, grinning at us both. She has a stupid fantasy in her head that Cole and I will get together. Sure, we had been friends for years, but it couldn’t ever be more than that, not now. Cole could do so much better than me.