Silence (5 page)

Her dark green eyes lit up as she spoke about him; it was nice to see. It was probably how I looked whenever I thought about Cole. “I know I should tell him but I just can’t. I mean, what if he’s not interested? It would be so embarrassing if he turned me down. I should just do it though, right? Oh, maybe I can down a few shots and kiss him! That way if he pushes me off I can just blame it on the drink!” She said, smiling proudly at her plan. I couldn’t imagine him not being interested in her. Not only was she pretty but she was funny and sweet too.

“Okay, so before we go back inside and I can get started on Operation Kiss Ben; we should talk about you and Cole. Are you two together?” Now who was embarrassed? I shook my head. Why did we need to talk about me? “But you want to be! I can see how you two look at each other and seriously he talks about you
all
the time. It’s so cute. You want to be with him right?”

He talked about me all the time?
All the time? That must mean he liked me, even just a little bit. You didn’t think about just anyone all the time.

“Oakley?” Kerry wheedled, looking at me expectantly. Oh, I hadn’t answered her question. I gave a little nod of my head, confirming that I did like Cole.

She squealed and grabbed my hand, pulling me up. “Come on then! Let’s go get our men!”

I cringed. Go and get our men? Maybe admitting it to her wasn’t a good idea after all. Who knows what she had planned. There was no way I was getting drunk and kissing Cole. I would rather wait and let things happen naturally. If anything was going to happen. I didn’t think she would say anything to him though.

On the way back into the house, Kerry spoke constantly, and I couldn’t have been happier to listen to her gushing about Ben’s abs! Having a girl friend that wasn’t bitchy was something that I definitely wanted. Hanging out with Kerry, even for such a short period of time, made me realise what I had been missing.

“I’m nervous.” She smiled, gritting her teeth, and pushed us through the crowd that had gathered by the door. Cole was still in the same place, leaning against the kitchen counter.

I took a deep breath as we approached them. My heart went wild as his eyes landed on mine. Yep, I was definitely falling for him.

Chapter Five

Oakley

I took Cole’s outstretched hand and skipped to him, pressing my side against his. He quickly pulled me round, so I was standing between his legs. That simple gesture was enough to make my heart soar.

“You okay?” Cole whispered in my ear. I swallowed hard as his breath tickled my skin, sending a shiver down my spine. A nod of the head answered his question.

“I’m guessing Kerry’s finally making her move on Ben?”

I looked over to where he was looking and saw Kerry with her tongue down Ben’s throat. Her plan seemed to be working.

After three cans of coke, I was desperate to go to the toilet. Cole had told me it was upstairs, last door on the right, so I weaved between the drunken guests to go find it. I had just closed the bathroom door when I heard Mary talking to some of her friends about Cole and me. The music was still quite loud upstairs so I could only just about hear, but I got the gist: ‘Cole only feels sorry for her. He can do way better than that freak. She’ll never make him happy, he’ll get bored of her soon enough.’

Walking away from the door, I sat on the edge of the bath, not wanting to hear any more. Was Mary right? The thing what scared me most if we got together was Cole resenting me for not having a proper relationship where we could hold a conversation the traditional way. From the way he kissed me earlier, it didn’t seem like any of that bothered him. Was Mary just jealous, or was she right?

I waited a few minutes before I used the bathroom and went back downstairs. I wanted to give them time to leave so I wouldn’t have to pass them. Thankfully, they had left by the time I opened the door.

Cole smiled as I walked back in the kitchen. In that moment, I decided not to let Mary get to me. If Cole didn’t want to be with me, then he didn’t have to be. I walked straight up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Immediately feeling embarrassed, I pressed my forehead into his chest. Why did I do that in front of everyone? I probably looked like his stalker
fangirl!

When I loosened my grip on Cole’s waist, he pulled away and grabbed my hand, leading me out of Ben’s house. We walked along the pavement in silence; he didn’t mention going to the park, but we both knew that’s where we were going. Why though? He hadn’t even said goodbye. Were we going back later?

His face was blank, showing nothing at all. I followed him to the swings, and it was lucky we knew the park as well as the streetlight was out, and it was almost pitch black outside. I sat on the swing, and Cole started pushing me as he’d done a million times before.

“Oakley, can I ask you something?” he said after pushing me for a minute. He stopped the swing and kneeled down in front of me, resting his arms on my legs. His face was serious, no sign of the laidback and playful Cole I was used to. What was going through his head? I hated not knowing.

He took a deep breath as if he was working up the courage first.

“Why don’t you text me back?”

That wasn’t what I expected at all. I looked away from him, focusing the outline of a patch of mud in the wood chippings below me. That question wasn’t a new one. He had asked me that thousands of times before, but it was the way he asked it, with so much hope. He genuinely thought that I might tell him that time.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. Why don’t you want to communicate with me? Please, is something really wrong? Because if there is, I promise you it’ll be okay. I’ll help you. You just have to tell me,” he pleaded.

I gulped and pressed my lips together to stop myself blurting it out. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to talk to him normally, but I didn’t want to hurt him or my family. I didn’t want anyone to know how used and dirty I was, especially not him.

“Oakley, you can tell me. You know that, don’t you?”

I nodded once. Of course, I knew that, but it was what would happen after that scared me the most. Telling him the truth was not something I could take back. It would be out there forever. Smiling, I looked into his eyes, trying to convince him everything was all right.

“Are you scared to talk again?”

Scared didn’t even begin cover it. I was absolutely terrified. Being mute was easier; no one could make me talk, so no one could make me tell the truth.

Cole looked so sad it made me feel sick. Being responsible for him being unhappy felt horrible. He stroked my cheek with his fingertip.

“Whenever you’re ready you can talk to me, or you can write it down. We all just want to know so we can help. There are treatments specialists can try.”

Frowning in hurt, I looked away from him. Why did I need to speak or write things down? We had managed to have a pretty great friendship for almost sixteen years now, and almost eleven of them I hadn’t said a word for. Was that why he didn’t want anything more than friendship? Did he want me to speak before he would consider anything more?

“Hey, it doesn’t bother me, you know that. I just want you to know I’m here if you need me. I’ll drop it now, okay. I don’t want to upset you.”

I so desperately wanted to ask him if he meant that, and how much he meant it. Cole sighed heavily and stood up.

“Want me to take you home now?”

I shook my head and just prayed he really had dropped it. I knew it would come up again, but for now, I just wanted to enjoy the night.

“Okay, I’m pushing you over the top!” he chuckled and walked behind me.

“You remember that time you insisted on pushing me on the swing?” he asked. “You pushed so hard it swung back fast and knocked you over!”

I turned my head and glared at him, which only made him laugh.

“You yelled at me for making it hit you and cried for ages, you big baby.”

Big Baby! I was only four then, and Cole just six. I still remembered it as if it happened yesterday. I told him it was unfair that he would push me all the time, just because I was a girl, so I pushed him. I hurt my arm when the swing knocked me over, so Cole gave me his chocolate buttons to make me feel better.

He pushed me on the swing until I held my hand up, getting an idea. He immediately stopped, and I jumped off, gesturing for him to sit.

“Oh no, I’m not having you fall again and go all whiny on me!” I frowned sternly and pointed to the swing. Cole chuckled.

“Remember to move when it comes back at you,” he said teasingly.

I rolled my eyes but grinned too. We fell silent while I pushed him on the swing. After what felt like hours – just the two of us in an easy silence – Cole stopped the motion of the swing, digging his heel into the ground. 

“I’m getting hungry. Let’s get my car and go to McDonalds for an ice cream.” I stopped pushing straight away, and he got off the swing. With a little smirk, he added, “And if you’re a good girl, I’ll get you a milkshake too.”
Idiot.

Once we had finished eating, he threw our empty cartons in the bin and wrapped his arms around me. I was still sitting on the stool, so we were almost the same height. His chest was pressed against mine, and my legs were over his. I liked it too much.

“It’s almost eleven. We need to go soon,” he said quietly, rubbing circles on the small of my back. His fingers brushing against my skin gave me goose bumps. Cole stroked my hair, pushing it behind my ear. With a deep frown, he stood up and held his hand out for me, helping me step over the bench.

I blushed as we walked back to his car. Would we have kissed again? Should I have initiated it? It shouldn’t be him all the time, but I was way too scared to do it myself. What if he didn’t want to though? Was that why he moved away?

Stopping at his car, he turned to me and stared into my eyes.
Just kiss me!
He sighed.

“Let’s get you home before your parents send out a search party.”

I opened the car door and got in feeling deflated. Turning the dial to hot so when he started the car it would start to heat up, I laid back in the seat. The car ride home was strangely awkward.

My heart sank as we pulled up outside my house. The night was over.

“I’ll walk you in,” he said and opened his door.

I practically ran up the path, eager to end the awkwardness. Turning as we approached the front door, I looked up at him. He was standing closer than I imagined he would be. We were just inches apart, and I could practically feel the heat radiating from him.

As I reached out to put the key in the lock, he grabbed my hand and spun me back to face him. Our lips touched, and my body felt boneless.

The kiss only lasted a couple of seconds, but even after he pulled away, I could still feel the pressure of his lips on mine. Cole smiled as he took the key and opened the door while I just stood there like an idiot, gawping after him.

I shook my head in a daze and walked inside. Dad was the only one up, probably waiting for me.

“Hi, sweetheart, did you have a good night?” he asked as he looked up from the screen. I nodded and chewed on my lip.

“Good. Well, I’m going to bed now. You should too, okay? Goodnight, Cole.”

“Night, Max,” Cole replied, and turned to me. “You really had a good time?” he asked, looking unsure of
himself. I nodded my head and smiled, my jaw ached from trying not to smile too much.

“Good. I did too… Well, Miss, I should get going. Goodnight,” he said in a fake posh accent, making me grin. He gently kissed my forehead and walked backwards, closing my front door.

I skipped up to my room and stripped out of my clothes, throwing on the first set of pyjamas I saw. Nothing could ruin my mood tonight. I had had my first kiss, and it was with someone I was crazy about.

As I wrapped my cover around myself, my phone beeped, and I knew it was from Cole: ‘Night.
X’.

I smiled and typed a reply, ‘Night Cole.
X’. As usual though, I didn’t press send.

In the morning, I woke up to Jasper shaking my arm. Could he not just call my name?

“Get up. We’re being forced to go to Aunt Ali’s.” He scowled..

Visiting Ali was something we both dreaded. Ali was great; it was my cousin, Lizzie, who was the problem. Lizzie was one year older than I was and convinced she was going to be the next supermodel. I doubted if anyone had seen her face in years – it was trapped under layers of inch-thick make-up. Her hair was bleached a white blonde and sat just below her shoulder blades.

In Lizzie’s eyes, if you weren’t perfect, you weren’t even worth bothering about. In front of everyone, she was sweet and innocent, but once we were, alone she was bitchy and judgemental. I wasn’t her idea of perfection, and she made me know that. I don’t know why she was like that because as children we got along but when I stopped talking she stopped liking me. I wasn’t sure if she was hurt that I wouldn’t come to her or if she really only cared about image.

I dressed slowly to put off leaving the house for as long as I could. Eventually, though, Mum shouted for me to hurry me up.

It took just under twenty minutes to get to their house. We hadn’t even gotten out of the car, and I already wanted to go home. As we made our way towards the house, the front door swung open, and Ali rushed out.

Ali and Mum both jumped into each other’s arms and laughed. They were close in age and were like best friends as well as sisters. She gave me, Dad and Jasper a kiss on the cheek and ushered us inside.

Ali’s house was really modern. After she divorced Lizzie’s dad, five years ago, she had received a lot of money from the settlement, and used it to renovate. The place was decorated with the most expensive everything. The kitchen was stainless steel and looked like it belonged in a swanky restaurant. Every one of the four rooms had en-suite bathrooms and a walk-in closet. If it weren’t for Lizzie, I would look forward to going there.

Ali led us into the lounge, where she had laid on sandwiches and cakes. Lizzie was sitting on the sofa, tapping away on her phone with one hand and running her fingers through her hair with the other.

As soon as Lizzie saw us, after a momentary greeting, she launched into chatting about how she was entering a modelling contest that was being held at our local mall, and how she was hoping that would be her big break. Unlikely, but if it got Lizzie away, far away, then I hoped it would be her big break.

After what felt like half an hour of listening to her drone on about her outfit that cost her over a hundred pounds, Ali told Lizzie to take me upstairs and show it to me. Jasper was grinning as I reluctantly got up. Just because I was a girl didn’t mean I was going to go all crazy over a dress.

“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” she gushed, running her acrylic nails over the fabric of the dress hanging on the outside of her wardrobe. I nodded in agreement and tried to hide my horror. The neon pink dress must barely cover her butt.

“You should totally enter the contest too. You’re not exactly ugly, and you can just, like, nod or something if someone asks you a question. Although you’d need to wear something nice.”

I smiled and sat down on my hands, as the urge to slap her grew stronger. I wasn’t a violent person at all, but Lizzie really pushed me sometimes.

“Ooh, how’s your gorgeous friend? You totally should have brought him with you.” Lizzie fluffed up her hair up and smirked at me.