Silence (6 page)

“I decided that I’m definitely gonna be a model, that’s why I’m doing the contest,” she said as if I’d asked. “Modelling is just more glamorous than acting, you know?”

I forced a smile, not that she looked away from the mirror to see my reaction. Thankfully, my phone buzzed as a text message came through, distracting me from wanting to murder my cousin. Cole’s timing was amazing. ‘Heard you’re at Barbie’s! Not killed her yet? Hurry up and come home!
X’. I smiled and put the phone back in my pocket.

At seven-thirty in the evening, after a long day of trying to avoid Lizzie as much as possible, Mum finally said it was time to leave. I could have kissed her I was that relieved.

Waving goodbye from the car, my shoulders sagged in relief. Jasper let out a deep sigh and laid his head on the headrest. “Thank God that’s over,” he muttered. I nodded in agreement and closed my eyes for the journey.

As we pulled into our drive, Cole appeared from his front door.

“Mind if I steal her?” he called across our neighbour’s garden.

“Back by eleven, Oakley,” Dad told me sternly.

Cole grinned; the little dimple at the side of his mouth became more pronounced.

“I’ll walk her home just before.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him. My heart leapt at the feel of his hand in mine. Cole eagerly pulled me into his house and up the stairs to his room. He pointed to the bed, put a DVD on, and walked back out without a word. He was probably getting drinks and a snack. 

I glanced at the movie he had rented sitting on his bed and groaned internally as I read the title The Hills Have Eyes. I hated gory films. The site of blood made me feel sick.

I got under his cover and pulled my knees up. If I was going to make it through the film, I needed to be able to hide, so I grabbed his pillow and wedged it between my chest and legs, where I could tuck my head into it if I didn’t want to see/hear what was happening.

Cole laughed as he came back into the room. He sat beside me with the bowl of popcorn on his lap and bottle of coke lying between us.

“It’s not even started, you big baby,” he teased, shuffling closer, so our shoulders were toughing.

“So, was Lizzie her usual charming self?” he asked casually, not looking away from the TV. I nodded again. Cole knew what she was like. I think deep down everyone did, but they never really said anything to her about her behaviour because she would probably flip out.

“She’s just jealous of you.”

I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows sceptically. Jealous! What on earth did Lizzie have to be jealous of me for?

“I’m serious, Oakley. You’re smart, kind, considerate, thoughtful, and unbelievably beautiful,” he whispered, looking into my eyes. “Don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise.”

I couldn’t breathe. That was so sweet. No one had ever said anything like that to me before, well except Mum, but that didn’t count – she was my mum.

He closed the distance between us slowly. His eyes locked on my lips for a second, and he tangled his fingers in my hair. My breath caught in my throat as his nose grazed mine and his lips parted. Cole was so close, but it was still too far. His breath blew lightly over my face making any coherent thoughts impossible. Finally, after what seemed like hours, his lips brushed against mine.

He pulled away after a second and looked into my eyes. I felt weightless, like I could just float off. His forehead creased as he frowned in concentration. It was as if he was trying really hard to figure something out. Figure out what he wanted? Trying to decide if it would be worth it? Whatever it was, he must have found the answer because he leant forward again and kissed me. Our lips moved together perfectly. I was scared that I would be a bad kisser, but it wasn’t bad. It felt so natural.

I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. He made my whole body feel hot, like my blood was boiling in my veins. I wanted to be closer to him, but I was scared to get too close. Cole was everything to me, and I trusted him with my life, but I wasn’t sure if I could go any further.

Surrendering to the new and confusing feelings, I dug my fingers into his back and pulled him even closer to me. He ran his hands through my hair, holding my head against his. It was almost as if he was scared that I would run away. Running wasn’t something that I thought I could do even if I wanted too. He made me feel too good.

When his tongue lightly grazed my bottom lip, I froze. It was like an intrusion and no matter how good I felt that scared me to death. Cole pulled back, his eyes wide with worry. “What? Are you okay?”

My stomach was doing flips, but I wasn’t sure if it was in a good way, or bad. I concentrated on him. The way his head was still tilted slightly to the side, and his deep blue eyes staring at me with so much intensity.
This is Cole!
I scolded myself. He would never hurt me, or go further than I wanted.

I smiled and gripped the back of t-shirt, giving him permission to kiss me again. He didn’t need any more encouragement. His lips pressed against mine, and I didn’t feel scared anymore. Cole’s tongue stayed firmly in his own mouth, realising that I needed to take things a little slower.

I ran my hands up his back until I got to his hair, my fingers knotted in the light brown mess. Cole moaned in response, making my heart leap. He pulled away and smiled. Wow, that was my first proper kiss!

“You okay?” he whispered, in a quiet, husky voice.

His lips were a little red and slightly swollen, but mine probably looked the same. I didn’t care. I nodded in response to his question and tried to not to show just how overly happy I was feeling; I would probably just look desperate!

“Do you
wanna watch something? We can find one of those crappy chick flicks if you want?” he asked as he bit his lip and nodded his head towards the TV.

We both knew he didn’t want to watch anything, but I think he was trying not to push me. I shook my head and smiled, which made him very happy.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door and I jumped up, pressing my back against the wall. Cole laughed at me and shouted for whoever it was to come in. Mia opened the door and walked in with a huge grin on her face. Could she tell?

“Hi,” she chirped, smirking in amusement. “So, what are you guys up to?”

From the look on her face, I could tell that knew exactly what we’d been up to. I pressed my lips together, hoping that if they were swollen they didn’t look it any more.

“Watching a film,” Cole replied, flicking through the movie channels. He was such a bad liar; he couldn’t keep a straight face.

“Mmm hmm,” she sang. “Of course you were.”

Her voice was playful, but my face still burst into flames. Mia made
herself comfortable, sat on Cole’s bed, and started a conversation. I loved Mia like a sister, but I really wanted to be alone with Cole again. By the time she left, it was time for me to go home. I was not happy about that.

“I’d better walk you back, I guess,” Cole grumbled.

I reluctantly stood up and smiled at him. I didn’t really like being there and could quite happily stay at Cole’s forever.

We both started walking back to my house slowly. Cole wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Home just in time, Miss Farrell,” he said in his mock posh accent and bowed his head. I nudged his shoulder. What would happen now? Would he kiss me again?

The atmosphere became awkward as he stared into my eyes. Was he going to kiss me or not? He took the key, put it in the lock and kissing me on the forehead before he opened the door. I took the key back as he dangled it in front of me and smiled at him appreciatively.

“You’re welcome, Oaks. See you tomorrow.” He winked at me, jumping back before I hit him for shortening my name again. Shaking my head, I closed the front door, giving him a wave out of the window next to it as he started walking back home.

“Well, well, well. What time do you call this, young lady?” Jasper said dramatically, and frowned. I looked up at the clock and then back to Jasper, raising my eyebrows. I was actually five minutes early. “You and me are gonna have a little chat about you staying out all night with strange men!”

He must have been dropped on his head as a baby.

I walked past him.

“Wait,” he called after me, just as I got to the stairs. “Is everything okay?”

I turned to him and nodded, frowning, wondering where he was going.

“You did use protection, didn’t you?”

Gasping, I spun away from him and walked upstairs without even acknowledging his stupid comment. Why would he even say that? I could still hear him laughing as I shut my bedroom door. It wasn’t funny at all.

The second I got into bed my phone beeped with Cole’s usual nightly text, and as always, I typed a reply, and saved it.

Chapter Six

Oakley

That night, I barely slept at all. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. I really liked him.
Too much, probably.

I hoped that he felt the same. His actions suggested that he did, but I was so out of my depth with things like that. If he could be
friends with me for nearly eleven years without us saying a word then it wouldn’t matter if we were actually together, would it? Sighing in frustration, I turned on my side and squeezed my eyes shut. Second-guessing myself every two seconds was just driving me crazy.

I woke up to my phone alarm bleeping loudly. Quickly turning it off, I forced myself to get out of bed and not hit the snooze button for five more minutes. I was still tired from barely sleeping and felt like crap.

After a long shower, I got dressed and went downstairs for a much-needed hot chocolate. I didn’t drink coffee and rarely drank tea; hot chocolate was the drink that turned me into a human in the mornings.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Dad chirped, looking up from behind his paper. Why was he so cheerful? I smiled weakly, waving at him sleepily and grabbed the biggest mug I could find. “Didn’t sleep well?” Sleeping well wasn’t something I really did any more but last night had been worse: I had something else to consume my thoughts.

I shook my head and sat down opposite him, wrapping my hands around my boiling drink. Dad’s eyes were boring into me, but I pretended I didn’t notice and focused on flicking through one of Mum’s Better Home magazines.

“Hey, Oaks,” Cole sang loudly and cheerfully as he walked into the kitchen. I grinned, so grateful he was with me now too. I didn’t like being alone with Dad. I could never quite figure out how to predict his behaviour, and therefore how to act.

Cole grinned and sat down beside me, and – grabbing my mug – stole a sip of my hot chocolate. How was he up and out so early? I guess he slept properly last night and hadn’t spent hours stressing over what had happened between us. I frowned and pressed my head against the table, making Dad and Cole laugh.

“Hurry up and finish your drink, Mia said we’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

Why did I agree to go shopping, again?

Taking two large gulps, I handed the rest to Cole and made myself go and get dressed. Cole started talking to Dad as I walked out of the room.

I had always wondered if Cole would believe me if I ever did manage to tell him everything; or if Dad was right and everyone would believe him. As much as it I wanted to believe Cole would choose to have faith in me, I could never risk it. In just over two years, I would be eighteen and could leave home. There was no point in ripping my family apart and hurting so many people when I would leave soon anyway.

I quickly got ready and sprinted downstairs. Cole stood as he saw me enter the kitchen.

“See you later, Max,” Cole said as he made his way towards me.

“Bye, kids. Have fun,” Dad called after us.

“Ready for this?” Cole asked, scrunching his nose up. I nodded and smiled.

Mia was waiting for us in the car outside my house, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. I jumped in the front seat and stuck my tongue out at Cole. He raised an eyebrow suggestively, which made me blush like crazy.

“Morning,” Mia greeted me, and launched into reciting her shopping list.

Cole followed us into the first two shops, and I could tell that he was already getting bored. As I stopped at the swimwear, he brightened up.

“The little blue one,” he quietly whispered in my ear, discretely pointing to a light blue bikini with a white polka dot pattern.

I smiled shyly and picked it up. Oh, God, I was buying something for a guy! Should I? Was it for him? Yes, but it was different because I wanted to look nice for him. He wasn’t forcing me to wear anything. He had only suggested it.

Avoiding eye contact with him, I stepped to the side to pick out a pair of flip-flops. I also picked up a few little tops, maxi dresses, shorts, and new sunglasses. Cole leant against the wall near the changing room and played with his phone. There were another two men standing near him, all with the same bored look on their faces.

“Oakley,” Mia squealed, holding up two short halter neck dresses, one in salmon pink and the other yellow, a look of indecision on her face. I pointed to the yellow.

“Thanks,” she shouted, slamming the pink one down on the rail and flicking through the skirts beside it.

We shopped all morning and had got almost everything we needed for the holiday. Throughout the morning, he stroked my hand or the small of my back, making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

“Can we
please
eat now?” he whined for the hundredth time as we walked out of the shop with all our bags.

Mia growled in frustration and pointed to KFC. “If we feed you will you promise to stop the winging?”

Cole grinned. “Yep.”

We made our way into the restaurant, and Cole went up to order, while Mia and I found a table.

“So, what happened last night?” she asked me as soon as we were away from Cole. My mouth went dry. I hadn’t expected her to ask that. How could she tell that something had happened?

She laughed at me and rolled her eyes.

“Don’t look so worried! He hasn’t said a word to me. He was just
really, really
happy, so I figured something happened between you two.”

He was really, really happy? I bit the inside of my mouth to stop myself smiling.

“Oh my God, he was so annoying and wouldn’t tell me anything! He finally told you, then?”

Told me what?

“They’re bringing your burger over, Mia, since your order’s so awkward!” Cole said as he placed a tray of food and drink down in front of us. For the first time ever, I wanted him to go away! Finally told me what? God, he had the worst timing ever! Told me he liked me? It had to be that, right?

Mia laughed and grabbed her chips. She never had mayonnaise or lettuce on her chicken burger, but for some reason it took longer for them to prepare a burger that had less on it. Cole sat down next to me and immediately started stuffing food in his mouth. I ate at a normal speed, and tried to keep a straight face as Cole stroked my knee while having a stupid argument with Mia. She wanted her on/off boyfriend, Chris, to come on holiday with us, but everyone else hated him. I never got why Mia took Chris back every time he cheated on her, or why he did it in the first place. As they argued, my mind kept flitting back to Mia’s words: ‘He finally told you, then?’

Cole’s hand waving in front of my face made me jump and snap out of my obsessive thoughts.

“Welcome back.” He smiled. “Kerry and Ben are going to watch a movie tonight. Do you want to go too?”

I shrugged casually and nodded.

“Yeah? Great. I’ll pick you up at seven. We’re eating before. We should get going. Mia’s waiting at the car.”

Waiting at the car? I looked up, and sure enough, we were alone. Whoa, I really had zoned. I stood up and chucked my rubbish on the tray Cole was holding out.

We started to walk out of the building towards the car park, and he put his hand on my back again.

“Oh, we’re seeing that new paranormal film by the way.”

No way! I stopped and glared at him.

“Sorry, you’ve already agreed!” He chuckled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You’ll be fine. I won’t let the
film
attack you.”

“There you two are!” Mia exclaimed. “I was about to come find you.” She opened the boot so I could shove my bags in. “Let’s go, I’m going out with Chris tonight.”

You can do better, I wanted to say, but even if I did it wouldn’t change anything at all. Mia didn’t listen to anyone when it came to Chris.

“You get everything, Oakley?” Cole asked, poking his head between the front seats. Nodding, I turned to him and smiled. In a couple weeks, I would be in Italy, lying on the beach with Cole. Wait, on a beach in my bikini with Cole! I suddenly felt self-conscious. He had seen me wear bikinis a thousand times before, but it was different this time.

I did gymnastics regularly so that kept me fit, but what if it wasn’t enough? My body wasn’t womanly. I didn’t have proper hips, and my breasts were only a B cup. Now he was seeing my differently, would he notice that? Would it even bother him if he did?

Mia stopped outside my house.

“Now get your stuff and go,” she joked, making me grin.

Cole helped me get my bags out of the boot and walked them to my house for me. Dad came out of the house just as we had put all my bags down on the floor.

“How long do you think we’re going for?” he teased, shaking his head.

“You should see the amount of crap Mia got then!” Cole replied.

“Women, eh?” Dad picked up all the bags and turned to me. “Come on then, sweetheart, you need to spend some time with me and your mum if you’re out again tonight. We’ve barely seen you!”

How did he know that I was going out? Cole must have asked him before he asked me. I couldn’t wait until the day that I didn’t need to get his permission to do anything.

“See you later.” Cole smiled and headed back to Mia’s car. I waved to them both and went inside.

“Your mum’s making cakes and wants help. I’ll also warn you now that she’s planning your birthday party.” He put the bags down on the sofa and gestured for me to go in the kitchen. When Dad was like that, joking around, it made me hopeful. Perhaps now it was all over we could be a normal family again. I still loved the dad I remembered: I still wanted him to be who he once was. If he could just be that person then everything would be okay; our family would be okay.

Reluctantly, I went in and sat down at the table. A birthday party was the last thing I wanted.

“Oh, I’ve got so many ideas, honey! You want to have it here, or we could hire somewhere? How many people did you want to invite? What colour scheme?” Mum gushed.

I frowned and looked down at the table. Why couldn’t she accept that I wasn’t the popular, social daughter she wanted?

“Come on, love, it’s your sweet sixteen! We have to do something special. Please, please let me organise this party?” Mum pleaded, looking at me hopefully.

Groaning internally, I nodded in agreement. She squealed and leapt forward, squeezing me tight. I couldn’t say no to her. She deserved to throw me a party, especially after all the hurt and guilt I had caused her. Mum blamed herself for me not speaking, and I had heard her crying over me so many times. The very least I could do was give her this.

“It’ll be amazing,” she promised.

Dad chuckled deeply. “You should hear some of her ideas! Chocolate fountains and candy floss machines. Just remember it’s a party for Oakley and not yourself, Sarah.”

Mum waved her hand at him dismissively. “Hush. You’re a man. The only part of this which concerns you, is when it comes to the payment.”

“As in most things,” he countered, mixing the butter-cream icing for the cupcakes. I grabbed the chocolate shavings and started sprinkling them over the cakes they had already iced.

After decorating twenty-four cupcakes and listening to Mum go on about my stupid birthday party, I went upstairs to get ready to go out. I froze as I suddenly realised why Cole was so nervous asking me before. This wasn’t a normal trip to the cinema; this was a date! Oh God, I how could I not have realised sooner? I was so stupid!

Knowing it was a date made me nervous. So nervous I instantly felt sick. What should I wear? Should I even dress up? Swinging my wardrobe doors open, I frantically searched through my clothes. I chucked aside any skirts or dresses, even though they were long and more casual than dressy, I didn’t want to look like I’d tried too hard.

I shook my head after fifteen minutes of looking through my wardrobe. Cole wouldn’t care what I wore anyway. I grabbed a nice white top with diamantes scattered over the front and dark wash jeans and put them on before I changed my mind. We were just eating and going to the cinema so casual was better.

When it was ten minutes to seven, I brushed my hair and applied some lip balm. That would be Cole ready to take me on a date! It didn’t even seem real.

Minutes later, my bedroom door opened. Cole walked in wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. How could he be dressed so casually but look so incredible?

“Hey,” he muttered nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “You look nice. I mean amazing.”

He frowned to himself and shook his head. I reached up and kissed his cheek, making him smile.

“Let’s go.”

We walked out to his car and just as I was about to get in, he called my name. I turned around to face him and gasped. He was standing right in front of me. My breath caught in my throat as he gently kissed me on the lips.

“You really do look beautiful,” he whispered, stroking my arm with his thumb and reaching to open the car door for me with his other hand. I smiled happily. I couldn’t wait to go on the date.

I chewed on my lip nervously as we drove to the restaurant where we were meeting Kerry and Ben. Cole casually gazed at me out of the corner of his eye. He had been doing it a lot ever since we got in the car.