Silence (3 page)

“Probably get some ice cream or something, right?” He glanced at me and shovelled another forkful of egg in his mouth. I smiled in agreement. That sounded like the perfect way to end the year, unlike some of my classmates who would be at the park downing cider.

“Okay, come on, we’re gonna be late,” Cole mumbled, grabbing my hand and pulling me off the stool. I gasped in surprise but didn’t pull my hand back. It felt too nice.

We parked outside the sixth form building as usual. It hadn’t taken long to get to school; unfortunately there wasn’t a lot of traffic.

“Look, if anyone says anything to you today just come and find me. You know what lessons I have, and if I have a free I’ll be in the sixth form block.”

The only reason I knew what lessons he had was because he constantly shoved his timetable in my face so I would know where to find him if I needed him. It was sweet but unnecessary.

“You could even text me, you know. I’d come and find you straight away,” he added quietly, staring out of the window.

I dropped my gaze to my lap. That couldn’t happen. Cole sighed and flopped back into his seat. “Okay, just come and find me then.”

I felt so horrible that I just kept staring at the floor. I hated disappointing him. “It’s okay,” he said reassuringly. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Finally looking up, I nodded and smiled appreciatively. We both got out of the car, and waved to each other as we went our separate ways. As always, I hugged myself and walked quickly towards my form room. One more day, that was all.

My hope for an uneventful day was nearly crushed when I saw Julian standing just ahead of me, in the middle of the corridor. He was messing around with his friends, pushing and punching each other. Thankfully, there was another way I could go so I wouldn’t have to bump into him, yet. Julian’s lip looked a little swollen and bruised, but I couldn’t see properly from standing so far away, and I certainly wasn’t going to get a closer look.

“Hi,” Hannah said from behind me, making me jump slightly. I half expected it to be Laura or one of her pathetic little friends. I smiled at Hannah, relaxing my shoulders, and we walked into registration together.

Luckily, the teacher was early today, so no one had a chance to say anything to me. The morning so far was going well, but I wasn’t naïve enough to think it would continue that way all day.

The music teacher let us go five minutes early for lunch. I packed everything in my bag slowly so I would be the last one to leave.

“You coming to the canteen?” Hannah asked as she grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder. I shook my head and smiled, grateful that she had at least asked.

“Okay, see you later.” She waved over her shoulder as she walked out with her friends.

I made my way quickly along the corridor. After lunch, I only had two lessons to get through. The back corridor was deserted; everyone had already gone to the canteen or outside. Someone grabbed me from behind. I gasped, panic rose inside me. Before I even had the chance to struggle, I was pushed into a classroom.

My lungs stung where I’d held my breath. I felt like a scared little girl again. “Hey, Oakley.” I recognised his voice instantly. Julian. I felt only a tiny bit of relief that it was
him, but I still needed to get away.

Gulping, I stepped back. My hands shook with fear. What did he want? “I was hoping to find you on your own.” he smirked.

I felt sick and dirty. My skin crawled; it felt as if a thousand bugs were running around all over my body. “Come on, don’t look so scared. I’m not gonna hurt ya.” His breath smelt strongly of tobacco. It almost made me gag.

Julian leant towards me, and I recoiled in horror. Was he trying to kiss me? “I just want to talk,” he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear.
Don’t be a victim again, Oakley
, I screamed at myself.

I used every ounce of anger I had built up inside and shoved his chest. He stumbled backwards as I caught him off-guard, and swung his arm out to steady himself.

“Why do you have to be such a little bitch, Oakley. What the hell makes you better than anyone else, huh?” he bellowed and punched the wall.

I jumped back, my eyes widened in shock.
What was that?
Julian looked almost out of it. His eyes were dilated, and he was breathing heavily. He was high. He must be.

The door swung open, and I ran towards it. Mrs Stains, one of the teaching assistants stood in front of me, blocking the way.

“What on earth is going on in here?” she demanded, frowning in anger.

Julian straightened up. “Nothing, we were just talking about a project,” he said with a cocky smirk.

“A project on the last day of school?” Mrs Stains asked, raising her eyebrows in doubt.

“Not a school one,” Julian shot back.

She shook her head but knew there was nothing she could do, even though it was clear Julian was lying.

“Out. Both of you.”

I scurried past her and ran out of the building. It seemed like all I did at school was hide out and run away. I hated myself for that, but I just couldn’t take the constant bullying.

As soon as I reached the wooden shelter at the local park, I collapsed to the ground. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I started sobbing. My head still hurt, and I felt like crap. If they didn’t like me, why couldn’t they just leave me alone?

I squeezed my eyes closed as I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. It would be Cole. I really didn’t want to see him. Well, I didn’t want him to see me like this. I wished I could have been home-schooled by Mum, but she thought as long as I did well in mainstream school then that’s where I should be.

My phone had vibrated at least ten times since I’d been sitting on the ground. A few texts and a load of missed calls. I flipped the phone open and started reading the first of Cole’s messages. ‘Hey where are you? I’m waiting near my car x’. I sighed and scrolled down to read the next one. ‘Hurry up I’m starving!
x’. The next two were similar, but after that, he must have started to worry. ‘Oakley where are you?’ The final text message was angry as well as concerned. ‘Where the hell are you? Text me back now! I just need to know you’re okay’.

Switching the phone off, I laid down on the grass. I felt pathetic. I was pathetic. If the teacher hadn’t opened the door when she did, what would Julian have done? I didn’t believe he would physically hurt me, but I didn’t entirely trust him not to, either. 

“Oakley?”

I sat up and wiped my tear-stained face with my hand. How had Cole found me so quickly? I plastered on a fake smile and waited for him to appear around the corner.

Cole let out a sigh of relief when he saw me, and seeing him made me relax. I relied on him too much. It was selfish of me. My relief soured as his expression turned to anger.

“What the hell, Oakley? Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” he shouted, his forehead creased in a deep frown. He looked as mad as he had been at Julian. Cole, Mum, and Jasper were the only three people in the world that I trusted entirely. My shoulders sagged. I felt awful for making him worry.

After a few seconds of complete silence and just looking at each other, he knelt down beside me.

“What happened?” he asked softly, his voice was tight, but he was trying to be calm.

I looked at him and shook my head as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Nothing happened?” he asked doubtfully. Again, I shook my head. “Why didn’t you text back or wait for me before you took off like that? I was really worried about you. You don’t even seem to care!”

I flinched at his words. I did care.
That
was the problem; I cared about him too much.

Cole scratched the back of his neck and groaned.

“You should have
at least
replied. I didn’t know what’d happened to you.”

I looked away, not wanting to see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes.

“Oakley! God, you have no idea do you?”

His sudden outburst made me jump. We had argued and annoyed each other before, but he had never been this angry. He sighed heavily and shook his head.

“Fine. Don’t worry about it. You obviously don’t give a shit about me so just forget it.” He stood up and quickly walked away.

I stared at his back as he left. Tears rolled down my face, dropping down onto my lap. How could he think I didn’t care about him? I felt sick. Was that it now? Did he want nothing to do with me again?

Chapter Three

Oakley

I sat as still as a statue, staring at the space where Cole had been standing just minutes ago. My heart felt like it was breaking in two. What if we never spoke again? I shook my head. I was overreacting, but we had never fought like that before.

At least if he stayed away, he wouldn’t get any more comments about him babysitting the ‘mute freak’. Cole had never cared what people thought of him, at least that was what he told me, but it must have gotten to him occasionally.

I shouldn’t have ever let myself like him as anything more than a friend. We were never going to be anything more. How could we be? I couldn’t even talk to him! There were times when he would give me a lingering look that I thought he might just like me a little bit. I was sure I wasn’t imagining it but it was hard for me to believe he’d want me.

For the rest of the day, I did nothing but sit inside the shack at the park and stare into space. After a while, I didn’t even think about anything, I just existed. As I saw and heard students walk past the park on their way home from school though, I knew I needed to pull myself together and get home.

Walking slowly, I headed home, looking down at the ground to protect my eyes from the sun. Would Mum and Dad still be there? They were attending a charity dinner and had to travel just over a hundred miles, so they were leaving sometime in the afternoon. I prayed that they would have already left.

Sighing in relief as I noticed Dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway, I walked to the front door feeling a little lighter. At least I wouldn’t have their freak out to deal with.

When I pushed the door open, I saw my lazy brother sitting on the sofa playing the PlayStation. His university had finished for summer earlier than my high school, so his summer holiday had started two weeks ago. One day he would have to grow up and get a house and job, but it was hard to imagine it seeing him
slobbing around here all the time.

“Hi,” he grunted, with a little nod of his head, not even looking up from the screen. I flopped down on the sofa beside him. School was over for six weeks, but I couldn’t even feel that happy about it. All I could think of was the fight with Cole and that look on his face.

Jasper took a double take of my face and paused his game.

“What happened?”

I smiled and shook my head.

“Where’s Cole?” Jasper’s
face hardened, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. “What did he do?” he demanded. Again, I shook my head and tried to make out he was reacting over nothing.

“So, if Cole’s not the reason you’re upset, who is?” Jasper asked, frowning doubtfully. Cole was the reason, but it wasn’t his fault. “That idiot at school? The one I beat up last year?” he growled, referring to Julian. Jasper was usually as soft as a pussycat but not when it came to me. He was overprotective and quick to lash out at anyone that he thought was giving me a hard time.

I remembered the incident Jasper was referring to; how could I not? Jasper was still in sixth form. He had caught Julian saying some stuff about me. I still didn’t know what, but it made Jasper punch him a few times. He was suspended from school for a week, and then given a week of lunchtime detentions for refusing to apologise to Julian.

It would seem Cole had fully taken over his role…
As a brother? Did Cole see me as a little sister? I ached with disappointment.

I shook my head in answer to Jasper’s question, and he got up and walked into the kitchen. There was no way he had dropped it just like that. I followed him, waiting at the door as he got his phone and started dialling.
Oh, no!
I knew what he was doing. As he raised the phone to his ear, I leapt forward and grabbed it out of his hand. He had started ringing Cole, but the call hadn’t started going through thankfully.

He narrowed his eyes. “Okay, I’m
gonna ask you one more time. Was. It. Cole?”

I sighed in frustration and shook my head for what seemed like the fifteenth time.

“Good. You’re not gonna tell me what it’s about are you?”

I raised an eyebrow and let out an exasperated noise.

“Yeah didn’t think so, you’re too damn stubborn for your own good! You’re okay though, right?”

I nodded and smiled. Settling on changing the subject and getting my annoying and crazy brother back, I opened the fridge and grabbed two cans of coke and threw one at him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, aware that I was trying to end the conversation, and opened the can very carefully in case it exploded all over him. It did not, unfortunately.

“Mum and Dad left for that thing already. You’ll need to cook tonight.” He looked away, downing probably half the can at once. I knew exactly what that meant. Mum told him to cook, and he was trying to get out of it.

“What’re you making?” Jasper asked casually, glancing at the oven. I rolled my eyes, picked out two Hawaiian pizzas from the freezer, and threw them to him as I walked up the stairs.

“Oakley?” he shouted after me, but I kept on walking, smiling to myself. He was so lazy; all he had to do was stick it in the oven for fifteen minutes.

As soon as I closed my bedroom door, I practically ripped off my school uniform and chucked it in my washing basket angrily. I hated school and Julian, but most of all, I hated myself.

From our fight earlier, it was clear Cole and I
were not going to go out for ice cream, so I got into my most comfortable pyjamas and prepared for a night of boring TV. I should have practiced gymnastics, but I couldn’t be bothered to do anything. I was just going to embrace the mood I was in and sulk.

Marcus, my gym coach, would not be happy if I hadn’t perfected the triple back flip by next practice. I didn’t care though. I hated the thought of moving and going out to the garden. I had been going to gymnastics since I was seven, and I loved it. Whenever I was there it took me away from reality; I didn’t think about anything or anyone. It was as if all of my problems disappeared. My gymnastics team were amazing too; they accepted me for who I was.

Lying back on my bed, I absentmindedly flicked through the TV channels and settled on watching yesterday’s Hollyoaks. Twenty minutes later, I heard Jasper stomping up the stairs. He pushed my door open.

“Dinner! Come and get it, I’m not waiting on your arse!”

I followed him downstairs to get my, probably burnt, pizza. He hadn’t done too badly; only the crust was a little darker than it should have been. I did turn my nose up as Jasper squirted mayonnaise all over his food though. The only thing that belonged with pizza was ketchup.

“I spoke to Cole,” he muttered, chewing his food and giving me a good view of the mashed up pizza in his mouth. Nice. I looked down at the table and just nodded in response. “You left school because of Julian didn’t you?”

That made me look up at him. Was he just guessing or had Cole said that? Did Cole confront Julian? I started to feel a little sick.

“Just tell me,” he demanded, sounding frustrated. “Was it Julian, Oakley?”

I nodded, feeling defeated. He was going to find out anyway. Jasper jumped up, balling his hands into fists.

“Little bastard. I’m
gonna kill him!”

I grabbed his arm and shook my head. What was it with the killing Julian thing? Cole and Jasper were both acting like they were in an action movie.

Jasper sighed and sat back down when he saw how worried I was. I’d had enough of it all. It was the holidays anyway, so it didn’t matter any more.

“Fine. But I swear if he comes near you again I
will
kill him.”

I ignored that; it wasn’t worth arguing over. I doubted he would drop it, but he wanted me to believe he had.

“So, is Cole coming over tonight?” he asked, trying to act casual. I could tell he was dying to know what had happened between us that we’d cancelled our plans together after school.

I stood up and grabbed my plate, deciding to eat in my room since Dad wasn’t here and I didn’t want to have the Cole conversation with Jasper. Half past eight was too early to go to bed, but I didn’t want to go downstairs and risk Jasper’s questioning though, so I put on a film and curled up under the covers. Cole kept entering my mind, making it hard to concentrate on the TV. I should go over there, get on my knees and show him my best ‘please forgive me’ face, the one that worked every time, but I was too stubborn and scared. Half an hour later, I was finally feeling tired, so I turned the television off and closed my eyes.

Jasper woke me up by knocking on my door and screaming my name.

“Oakley! Get up, we’re going to Cole’s for lunch,” he yelled, much louder than necessary. Going to Cole’s for lunch?
No.

I ran to the door and pulled it open, frowning at Jasper for an explanation.

“We’re booking the holiday today remember, so we’re all going over there for a barbecue lunch.” Barbecue again? “Get dressed. We’re leaving in half an hour.”

My heart sank a little. I half-smiled at my brother, and slammed the door shut behind him.
Lunch at Cole’s. That was going to be awkward.

Half an hour later, I was dressed and sitting on my bed, waiting for someone to call me down. After seven minutes, the inevitable happened – Mum shouted my name. I took a deep breath and walked downstairs slowly. Going over there was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt sick with nerves.

“You look nice, honey,” Mum complimented with a smile. I could tell that she was thinking that I had dressed nicely for Cole. I only had on a long white summer dress and yellow ballet shoes. It wasn’t for Cole. It was because of the heat. I didn’t wear make-up, and I hadn’t done anything with my hair. I didn’t think I looked particularly nice.

We all walked to the Benson’s house at Jasper’s pace: the only time he did anything in a hurry was when there was food involved, or girls, so presumably the thought of the barbeque was behind his speediness. I wanted to walk slowly and put off seeing Cole for as long as possible, but my brother clearly had other ideas.

Jasper knocked eagerly at their front door, and within seconds, Jenna greeted us with a hug, and then ushered us through their perfectly kept house to the back garden. My heart sank with every step I took. Part of me hoped he was out, but I knew he wouldn’t be. I did want to see him though. I hated arguing with him, and just wanted everything to go back to how it was.

Cole sat at the end of the wooden table, staring into his glass of coke. He looked sad, really sad. As we approached the table, he looked up and said a quick hello.

Where should I sit now? Would near him be inappropriate? Would he even want me there? Not wanting to make things any more awkward, I sat next to Mia, forcing Jasper to sit near Cole.

Mum handed the brochure to
me and Mia so we could see the hotel we were staying in.
Wow
, was all I could think. It looked amazing. The hotel was a beautiful white building, halfway up a mountain. It didn’t look too busy but seemed to have enough to keep everyone entertained. According to the brochure, the harbour was a two-minute walk away and the beach a little further, approximately twenty minutes.

The nightlife was good too, apparently. There were a few bars and clubs nearby. Mia and Jasper would want to go out no doubt. Perhaps I would be allowed to go too? I was almost sixteen and if I
was with Cole they’d let me go, wouldn’t they?

I felt Cole’s eyes on me, so I glanced to the side and smiled a little awkwardly. My cheeks felt hot. I was probably blushing. He smiled back. Was he forgiving me? Just as I thought he was about to talk to me, David placed a plate of charred chicken kebabs down on the table. Cole grabbed one and started eating.
Please talk to me.

Throughout lunch, Cole and I exchanged glances.

Mum had noticed things were off between us: she would look at me, then Cole, and then back to me. I prayed that she wouldn’t say anything. Should I just leave? Faking sickness and going home sounded like a very good idea right now.

“Oakley?” Cole said as he stood up. He nodded his head, gesturing for me to follow him. I got up immediately and followed him inside. He had made the first move, so there was no way I was passing up the chance to make things right again. The walk up to his room was completely silent. Cole said nothing. I hoped that he would talk when we were safely inside his room and out of the way of everyone else.

Sitting on the end of his bed, I hugged my legs and rested my chin on my knees. He sighed and sat down, facing me. The sun reflected off his face, lightening his deep blue eyes. The smell of his aftershave wrapped around me, and I relaxed. In that moment, I knew I couldn’t be without him. I
had
to make up for our fallout and get my best friend back. Not having Cole in my life was not an option.

He took a deep breath and just stared into my eyes for a minute. I felt self-conscious under his intense gaze. It was as if he could see right through me; see the terrified, broken little girl inside. I never wanted him to see that.

“Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have shouted at you, but you should’ve text me to let me know you were okay.” I nodded and looked down at the bed cover. “Oakley,” he whispered, gently lifting my chin up, so I faced him. His fingers lingered on my chin, making my heart race. The feeling of his skin on mine gave me butterflies. It felt so right.