Stand Strong: You Can Overcome Bullying (and Other Stuff That Keeps You Down) (20 page)

“Let people come to you,” her mother said.

That is what Jeannie did, and it worked. Soon, she had her own big circle of friends, both boys and girls. And do you know what happened? Jeannie and Laurie ended up going to the same college. They even joined the same sorority, where Jeannie became a leader. One day, Laurie told her that she hoped they could be friends and maybe even roommates when they graduated.

Jeannie could have turned into a bully herself at that moment. Instead, she told her former bully, “That would be great!” And she meant it. Jeannie won! She did it by trusting in herself, sticking to her values, and just focusing on being a nice person. Her self-confidence and natural charm worked their magic and drew people to her. She even won over Laurie, who eventually realized that she’d been wrong to exclude Jeannie from her social circle.

T
HE
C
YBERBULLY

One of the saddest and sickest stories I’ve heard in a long time is the news report of a girl in Washington, DC, who committed suicide because she’d been bullied online. The worst part was that even on the day of her funeral there were cruel comments made about her on Facebook. How heartless can a bully be?

The really tragic thing is that there are so many similar stories like this. If you don’t believe me, try Googling teen suicides caused by online bullying. It is very scary to see what pops up, and it should be a warning to everyone that cyberbullying is as bad or worse than other forms of harassment.

Cyberbullies send threatening e-mails, texts, and tweets. They also post their taunts online and spread rumors about people on social networking sites. Some even post unflattering pictures of their targets or pretend to be someone else online so they can manipulate their victims, blackmail them, or set them up to be embarrassed.

Many cyberbullies do their dirty work anonymously. If you feel threatened and fear that someone is stalking you online or somehow trying to hurt you emotionally or physically by posting in social media, texting, or tweeting, the first thing you should do is save all the e-mails or website posts made by your online bully. That is your proof that someone is harassing you.

Show all the materials to your parents and any other adult you can trust so they can help you decide what to do about the person. The one good aspect is that cyberbullies leave tracks that can be preserved and presented to authorities so the bullies can be traced and, very often, prosecuted or at least shut down.

Online bullies have many methods, and their tactics and tools are constantly evolving with new technologies, social media, and websites. Cyberbullies may set up websites, chat
rooms, message boards, blogs, or social media pages to impersonate you, spread rumors about you, blackmail you, or harass you. They may put embarrassing photos or videos of you on the Internet or even create them to subject you to ridicule.

One way to make yourself a big target of cyberbullying is to get caught up in sexting, which is a bad idea in so many ways. Sexting involves sending sexually explicit text messages or photos to another person. Why people do this is beyond me. It is a recipe for disaster, and it dishonors the body God gave you. In 1 Corinthians 6:19–20, we’re told that our bodies are temples “of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God,” and we are told also to “honor God with your body.”

I’ve been informed that in many cases girls who feel pressured to have sex with boyfriends will sext them instead, hoping that will be enough. My response to that is to ask why you would want to be with someone who cares only about your physical appearance or having sex with you. You should be secure enough to find someone who loves you for what is in your heart, not simply for how you look or for just sexual pleasure. There is so much more to a relationship, which is why I favor abstinence until you are married to someone whom you truly love and trust.

Please think about the long-term consequences of your actions before you sext. I’ve heard about teens who’ve sexted images of their bodies, thinking they were just sending the photos
or messages to a boyfriend or girlfriend only to have bullies or enemies get hold of their sexts and send them out all over Facebook, MySpace, and other social media.

There is no Undo button for this. Once an image goes out on the Internet, it is there forever—for anyone to see. If you are ever tempted to engage in sexting, think about whether you want your parents, grandparents, siblings, ministers, or teachers—or someday your children and grandchildren—to see those photos or messages! What would you tell your own kids if they knew you’d sexted as a teenager? How embarrassing would that be?

The consequences of sexting can be long lasting and serious. Teens have lost their jobs as well as their positions in organizations and honor societies. They’ve also hurt their chances for getting accepted to colleges. Some have seriously damaged their reputations because of sexting.

There’s also the fact that in many areas law enforcement officials consider sexting a form of child pornography, so that anyone who sends it or receives it could possibly be charged with engaging in that unlawful practice.

P
ROTECT
Y
OURSELF ON THE
I
NTERNET

If you have the slightest feeling that someone is trying to hurt you or your reputation in any way on the Internet and through social media, preserve the evidence if you can, and then break the connection immediately. By that, I mean do not respond to the person’s e-mails, texts, tweets, blogs, chats, Facebook posts, or any other form of communication. But, again, try to save them if possible.

This is a very serious issue around the world. Every week I hear stories of young people committing suicide or turning to drugs and alcohol because of cyberbullying. There are several websites manned by volunteers that will help you track and stop an online bully. One of the oldest is
www.wiredsafety.org
. They offer information on how to find out the identities of anonymous cyberbullies so that you can give their names to your parents, school officials, or police.

Do not give out any personal information or engage with the online bully in any way. Most of all,
never
agree to meet in person—especially alone—with someone you’ve met online. At the first hint that someone is cyberbullying, cyberstalking, or trying to intimidate, harass, or get information from you online, save their e-mails, texts, and tweets as evidence, and then please alert your parents, guardians, teachers, or law enforcement.

Many states now have antibullying laws, and some are aimed specifically at online or electronic bullying. You can block cyberbullies’ texts and e-mails and keep them from posting to your Facebook page. You may have to create new accounts under a different name to prevent further attempts. Don’t let online bullies or any bullies take away your peace of mind and self-esteem. Be strong! If you find yourself obsessing over things being said or sent to you online, talk to your parents, friends, or trusted teachers, counselors, or church leaders.

Many online bullies don’t realize that cyberbullying is against the law, so if you feel harassed or threatened, you or your parents can go to the police and report it. The Cyberbullying Research Center is a great resource for dealing with this type of bully. It is run by a couple of college professors who are experts on this topic: Dr. Sameer Hinduja of Florida Atlantic University and Dr. Justin Patchin of the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. They have a very helpful website at
cyberbullying.us
, which offers the following guidelines.

Your best defense against bullies of all types is knowing and believing that you are God’s creation. You have value and you are loved. No bully can take those things away from you. God created you for a purpose, and He has a plan for you. A bully will try to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself, but you can make the choice to reject anything the bully says or does. Instead, look to those who love you and to your Creator for strength and inspiration.

And don’t forget me! I’m always here for you too!