Stand Strong: You Can Overcome Bullying (and Other Stuff That Keeps You Down) (16 page)

I am about to throw something on the table that may sound crazy to you at first. Just humor ol’ Nick for a few sentences and hopefully this idea will begin to make sense to you. If it doesn’t, I’ll buy you a new car.

Just kidding! How about a pony?

Seriously, here is the idea I’m asking you to consider: What if you could find ways to learn and grow from being bullied? What if you took a bully’s hurtful actions and turned them into lessons learned so that you became stronger, wiser, and more confident?

Am I freaking you out? Do you have this strong desire to throw cold water on me to snap me out of it?

I am not suggesting that anyone should want to be bullied or that bullies are actually benevolent instead of malevolent. (I love that word; don’t you?
Malevolent
. It just sounds so mean.)

My suggestion that you could possibly turn the tables and use a bully’s negative energy to create something positive for
yourself is actually based on my own experiences with bullies, scriptures from the Bible, words of wisdom from people I admire, a few recent psychological studies, and finally, true stories shared with me by teens around the world.

So before you throw this book against the wall and declare that Nicky V. has lost his marbles, let me present this evidence, okay?

G
AIN
T
HROUGH
P
AIN

First, let’s look at the bullying experiences of a natural-born bully magnet. I’ve had only one physical attack from a bully that I can recall, and that was way back in grade school. I’ve been taunted, teased, insulted, mocked, and made the butt of bully jokes so many times I can’t count them.

Okay, so what resulted from all that cruel bullying?

I’m still here. Not only that, I have a wonderful life and a rewarding career, a beautiful and spiritual wife, an amazing son, and awesome family and friends. I can honestly say that being bullied in grade school and high school forced me to become more responsible for my own happiness, more self-confident, more outgoing, more faith filled, and more mature in dealing with people of all kinds.

Now it’s also true that initially I didn’t handle bullying very well. In fact, early in my grade school years I became quite
despondent and even suicidal as you may recall. But over time and with the help of those who love me, including my family and my Lord and Savior Jesus, I learned to use bullying instead of allowing bullies to use me.

As much as I suffered mentally and emotionally from each of these bully encounters, I learned to walk away a little stronger each time. Sure, I was embarrassed and intimidated for a time, but no one goes through life without embarrassment or intimidation now and then. In each of these instances, I learned something about life, about other people, and about myself. And there is something very rewarding about growing from adversity, don’t you think?

I’m sure there must be some people who get through their teen years without ever feeling insecure, embarrassed, isolated, awkward, or less than perfect, but I’ve never met such a person. Have you?

And isn’t there something pretty cool about getting back up after being knocked down, about achieving victory after failure, about learning from our mistakes, about having a weakness exposed and working to grow stronger?

Think about this: aren’t many of the greatest heroes in books, movies, and songs people who have been knocked down by bullies or by difficult circumstances only to rise and emerge stronger?

In the grade school incident, I was provoked into a fight and I was very, very lucky that I wasn’t hurt. In the case of the high school bully, I was again lucky that when I confronted Andrew, he backed down either in shock or because he really didn’t understand how hurtful his words were. And in the most recent incident, the drunk at the hotel was just acting stupidly, not bent on causing me harm.

I am particularly vulnerable, and I know that I’ve been fortunate to escape physical injury. I hope you never have to deal with a bully who attacks you, but I encourage you to learn and grow from every challenge.

T
HE
S
CRIPTURE

Whether bullied by cruel teens or by life itself, we are all tested throughout our lives. You and I can choose to be defeated by our challenges, or we can rise above them and take the opportunity to grow stronger mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

This Bible verse from James always makes me think of my parents who had prepared themselves for the joy of the birth of their first son only to be confronted by the shock of learning that I had come into the world without arms or legs. They’ve often told me about that moment of realization at the hospital and the many fears and concerns that sent them into shock and grief instead of joy, but I never fully grasped how they must have felt until after the birth of my own son.

Can you imagine how happy I was to present them with my boy, Kiyoshi, and see the joy in their eyes? Since that moment, I’ve reflected, and I’m sure my parents have too, on the long road we’ve traveled together. My parents at first had little hope I would survive more than a few days after my birth, but when I proved to be a resilient little kiddiewink, they still had to grapple with the question of the life awaiting their limbless baby boy.

By the time I was out of the crib and quite literally bouncing off the walls like a human pinball, my mum and dad were praying for strength, wisdom, and courage. My mother was a nurse, but neither she nor my father could find any other parents who’d raised a child quite like me. They had to do it on a wing and a prayer.

Me too. Once I left the protective cocoon of family and went off to school, I encountered for the first time those feelings of being different, weird, rejected, and bullied. It hurt. Many nights I’d lie in bed praying that I’d wake up in the morning with arms and legs. I begged God for that.

I’m still waiting for my miracle. You may be waiting for yours too. You may be dealing with a bully or bullies who’ve made your life miserable. Or maybe something else has knocked you down, taken all the joy out of your life, and made you wonder whether you’ll ever see better days.

As lonely as you may feel, you are not alone. Whether it’s in our teens or as adults, circumstances and people beyond our control can whup on all of us. You feel like it will never end. You can’t see a way out. But as long as you don’t give in to your darkest feelings, there is always a way out.

There were many times when I felt so low as a teen that I wouldn’t go to school because I didn’t want to deal with the stares, the cruelties, the shunning, or the assumption that just because I looked different I was inferior, stupid, or not worthy.

Other times, I felt depressed and angry because I couldn’t change the way I was, or blame anyone, for that matter. In many
ways, I felt bullied by God. I didn’t understand that if God loved me, why did He make me so different? Why did He not want me to run like other kids, to throw a ball, to ride a bike? Of all the kids at school, I was the weird one. I felt like a burden to my parents, my brother and sister, my teachers, and my classmates.

As you know, I had moments of despair and depression that drove me to attempt suicide at a very young age, but thankfully I did not go through with it.

I often struggled with self-doubt and fears. Bullies preyed on me at that age, and that didn’t help. Still, as I worked through adolescent insecurities, I eventually realized that God wasn’t bullying me. He had not made a mistake named Nick Vujicic. Instead, God had created someone whose “disabilities” were actually gifts in disguise—someone whose challenges would prove to be sources of strength. God does work in surprising ways. Scripture says He uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.

As strange as it may sound, my lack of limbs left me both disabled and enabled. Consider this: my lack of limbs forced me to go through trials and create a life that has now led me to you! I’m hoping you think that’s a good thing. I certainly do.

The bullies in my life did not mean to make me stronger, but they did; and my hope is that your bullies will make you stronger too. God gave me a passion for sharing my story and
experiences. I believe it’s because He wanted me to help you and others cope with whatever challenge you are dealing with. Let God turn your bullies into a blessing.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God does indeed have a purpose for us all. If God can use me, He can use you!