Stand Strong: You Can Overcome Bullying (and Other Stuff That Keeps You Down) (15 page)

In this case, Jesus seemed to be more confrontational, asking the guard why he had struck Him. Jesus did not turn the other cheek, but He didn’t strike back either. What I took away from this was that you could defend yourself against bullying without seeking “an eye for an eye.”

I took this to heart a few years later when dealing with a school bully who was making my life miserable. I shared this story in my second book,
Unstoppable
. It wasn’t easy telling the story in that book, which was the first time I shared it publicly.

I don’t relish writing about it here either, but teens can relate to the anguish this bully Andrew caused me. This story is especially appropriate when discussing the role your faith can play in dealing with bullies and other challenges, which is another reason why I’m sharing it again.

In case you didn’t read that earlier account, I’ll give you a briefer version of it. But you should know that the thing Andrew kept saying to hurt me is a little graphic; so if you feel you might be offended, you can skip the next few paragraphs.

I know Andrew’s bullying is not the worst form of bullying, because he never laid a hand on me. But at the time, I lived in constant dread of seeing him in the hallway—and I saw him at least once every day at school.

He was a year older than me, and it’s entirely possible that he didn’t think of himself as a bully. Often that’s the case with certain bullies. They think they are being funny or just teasing, but those on the receiving end find their words hurtful, embarrassing, and intimidating.

Keep that in mind if you ever find yourself “just kidding” someone who is obviously not enjoying your humor. You might
have unknowingly stepped into the bully role because you were insensitive or just unaware that what you were saying was hurtful to the other person. Everyone has sensitivities. You may think teasing a girl about her curly hair is funny, but maybe she finds it hurtful and mean. So if you tease people and they don’t laugh or they look hurt, knock it off, please!

Andrew didn’t stop. He was unrelenting. For about two weeks, every time he saw me at school, he would yell the same hurtful thing at me: “Nick has no d***!”

His taunt was very crude, meanspirited, and hurtful, even if it wasn’t true. I knew it wasn’t true, but of course no one else in school did. Wasn’t it bad enough that I had no arms and no legs? Why did Andrew have to go around saying that?

It just seemed extremely cruel. It also irked me that other kids laughed when he said it. I had a pretty solid group of friends by that time. Most of the kids in the school knew me, and I got along with nearly everyone. Yet nobody stood up for me, and that seemed cruel too.

I would actually get sick to my stomach every morning just thinking about going to school and running into Andrew in
the hallway. I tried to duck him, but our class schedules always seemed to put us on the same path at the same time.

Finally, I decided that I had to do something, because Andrew didn’t appear capable of stopping on his own. He was like a parrot that had been taught only one sentence and just repeated it over and over. So one day, instead of trying to duck him in the hallway, I drove my wheelchair right at him.

Panic seemed to flash in his eyes for a second. Maybe he thought my chair was equipped with a missile launcher. That would have been sweet! (Not that I advocate violence in any form, of course.)

“Why do you do that?” I said to Andrew.

“Do what?” he replied.

“Why do you tease me and say that?” I asked.

“Does it offend you?”

“Yeah, it hurts me every time you say it.”

“I didn’t realize that, man. I was just kidding around. I’m sorry.”

I studied his face for a couple of minutes to make sure he was being genuine. Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done if he’d told me to get lost or taunted me again. But what I said next seemed to have a greater impact than anything else I could come up with.

“I forgive you,” I said.

I don’t think Andrew was expecting that. He bowed his
head a little. I’d like to think he felt shame or at least remorse for hurting me. Then he walked out of my life and never taunted me again.

If you’ve ever been bullied like that, you probably know how I felt. It was such a huge relief. I actually felt like I’d received a new set of lungs because it was so much easier to breathe. My stress level dropped dramatically. No more mornings of dread and fretting before school.

I thanked God for guiding me. I felt better about myself too. I was David. Andrew was Goliath. At least that’s the way I’d felt in facing this nemesis. I hadn’t exactly turned the other cheek. Instead, I’d looked into the bully’s eyes, told him he was hurting me, and asked him to stop.

That approach worked for me on this occasion with this particular bully; I can’t guarantee it will work for everyone in every situation. I’ll offer some alternative methods for dealing with bullies in a later chapter. For now, my point is that you can rely on your faith for guidance and strength in dealing with the challenges in your life.

F
AITH
W
ORKS

I believe in the power of faith, and I encourage you to arm yourself with it. My campaign of faith against bullying takes me around the world. I often travel to countries where the
governments or factions are hostile to Christians and the sharing of the gospel. Still, brave believers do as my grandparents did. They meet privately in Christian fellowship, reading God’s Word together, knowing that they could face dreadful consequences if they openly displayed their love of God.

I am grateful that the authorities in these regions have shown me favor and allowed me to speak in their countries, sharing my message of hope and encouragement. As I travel to these places where many are hostile to Christians, I cling to the mandate from the apostle Paul in Ephesians 6 and “put on the whole armor of God” in order to protect myself from “the schemes of the devil.”

Paul said, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12).

Putting on the whole armor of God against these high-level bullies, I travel in safety. I wear the breastplate of righteousness, fasten the belt of truth around my waist, put on the helmet of salvation, and wield the sword of the Spirit.

I am grateful that God has opened unprecedented
opportunities for me to speak in places otherwise closed to Christian evangelism. I do my best to make the most of this access by encouraging all men, women, and children and radiating the love of Jesus. I show them that a man without limbs can live with joy through Jesus Christ.

It works for me, and it can work for you. I know because people tell me in person about the power of God in their lives, and every day we receive e-mails like this one from a young woman in Africa:

E-mails and letters like that help remind me that I have a purpose on this earth, just as you do. Many victims of bullying have written to me to say that their faith has helped them. I’ve
heard from teens dealing with illnesses, disabilities, broken homes, addictions, and other problems. All have offered similar testimonies about the power of faith in their lives.

A sixteen-year-old from Scandinavia, who said he shares my Serbian heritage, wrote to tell me that praying had really helped him overcome depression and suicidal thoughts: “Whenever I have a hard time, I think … that God loves me and that He has a plan for me,” he wrote. “My faith is much stronger now than it was before, thanks to you, and I’m also putting my faith into action now.”

B
ULLIED BY
E
XPECTATIONS

As noted earlier in this chapter, some of the most extreme forms of bullying are cultural and even political in nature. As I’ve traveled around the world, particularly in Asia, I’ve met teens who’ve felt bullied by the expectations of others, including their parents and government leaders. I’ve been invited to speak to teens in these countries because the rate of depression and suicide is so high. I often encourage these teens to look to God for help in these situations, and many have written to tell me that their faith has saved them.

Camellia is one of them. She grew up in China, where a small portion of the population is Christian and there are few opportunities to learn about God. She didn’t know any
Christians, but as a teen, she heard that the Bible was the number one best-selling book in the world, and that made her curious. What was it that made the Bible so popular?

She read the Bible and was inspired by the power of Jesus and His love for all people, but Camellia still couldn’t find the faith to believe in God’s existence. She spent her teen years doing what was expected of her—earning high marks in school. As she reached her late teens, though, she felt a void in her life. She felt she’d always lived according to the expectations of others, following their vision of what she should do without thinking about what she wanted.

Camellia’s hard work had paid off and she was on course to achieve the successful life that her parents wanted for her, but she felt lost and depressed. Like so many young people, Camellia felt bullied by the expectations others had set for her. She wanted to choose her own path in life, and she wanted to further explore her questions about God’s existence. It is no surprise then that Camellia felt lost.

“Why can’t I find myself?” she recalled asking herself. “Why can’t I find my direction? What do I really want to do? Do I spend all my lifetime, just [doing] what other people think [of as] successful?”

Camellia fell into a depression and contemplated suicide, she wrote, “because I could not find the reason I lived in this world.”

Just as Camellia was slipping into despair, her university offered her the opportunity to study in New Zealand for a year.

“I decided to go without any hesitation because I knew this was the last chance I could seize to change my life in another way,” she said in her e-mail to Life Without Limbs.

The Chinese government doesn’t allow its citizens to use YouTube, but it is available in New Zealand, and Camellia discovered one of my videos while studying there. She said my testimony of faith touched her heart and inspired her to return to reading the Bible. She also attended a Harvest event conducted by my friend Greg Laurie in New Zealand, where she met many Christians and was impressed by them and their faith.

Camellia gave her life to God a short time later. She began attending a Baptist church and joined a Christian life group. She decided to stay in New Zealand where she has created an “unprecedented happy life.”

“I just want to say without God I couldn’t have such a happy life. I’m so glad God chose me to be His follower.”

This young woman overcame many obstacles to take control of her life and pursue her dreams. She did this on a journey of faith. Now she is passing on that blessing by showing that path to others. Camellia is one of the many young people I’ve met who give me hope that this world will become a better, more loving, and more faith-filled place where bullying and
oppression will no longer exist. I’m grateful that she has shared her story with us, and I hope it inspires you as much as she has inspired me.

Again, I encourage you to wield your faith to defend yourself against bullies and oppressors of every kind, at every level. Do as I’ve done in my travels and follow the advice of the apostle Paul to “put on the whole armor of God.”