Stand Strong: You Can Overcome Bullying (and Other Stuff That Keeps You Down) (10 page)

When you decide what your passions are—yes, you can have more than one—it becomes easier to find other people who share the same interests. Often you find them by joining
clubs, teams, or hobby groups built around those shared passions. This is good for you on many levels, and it also builds up your bully defense system and gives you another room in your safety zone. You see, psychologists say the more social interactions we have—the closer we are to family members, and the more friends and acquaintances we have—the less likely it is that a bully can isolate us as targets.

It’s also true that when you have a passion for something, it’s usually because you are good at it or some aspect of it. That helps build your confidence and self-esteem, which are powerful additions to your bully defense system and your safety zone.

G
ETTING IN
Y
OUR
Z
ONE

I didn’t realize until my high school years that I really enjoyed public speaking. When I was younger, I was terrified of going in front of my classmates and reading a paper or giving a speech. At that point, I was still very nervous and self-conscious about being different—and I’m not referring to my Australian accent. As I entered my teen years, my parents encouraged me to put myself out there a little bit so people would get to know me. I began speaking up in class and sharing my feelings with classmates.

To my surprise, the other kids didn’t run when I spoke to
them. Many of them actually seemed to enjoy talking to me and learning more about me. Some of them wanted to be friends and hang out with me. A few even shared their feelings with me and confided in me about their own insecurities and fears.

When you grow up as different as Jenny and me, you tend to have a greater empathy for others. My disabilities made me more understanding and more sympathetic. I’m always willing to listen and offer encouragement and support. Those are qualities I never realized I had until my parents encouraged me to come out of my shell and to speak up more so my classmates could get to know me.

After a while, I actually found myself enjoying classes in which I had to give speeches or read my papers aloud. Slowly, I realized that I had a gift for communicating with people. Every time I dared to speak up or to sit down and let others share their feelings with me, I had this sense of being more engaged and alive. I don’t know how else to describe it other than
thrilling
. Not in the sense that a scary ride at an amusement park is thrilling, but there are some similarities. It was an addictive sort of thrill. One I wanted to re-create time and time again. So I kept putting myself out there.

Then one day, a janitor at my high school told me I should think about becoming a professional speaker. That seemed like a crazy idea at first.

“What would I talk about?” I asked him. “Who would come to hear me?”

“Talk about the same thing you talk about to the kids in school,” he said. “They love it when you share your stories with them about dealing with your disability, trying to fit in, and using your sense of humor to handle challenges.”

This janitor didn’t just clean up around the school. He was a very caring Christian guy who I became friends with and talked to most afternoons after school while waiting for my ride home. He suggested I come to a meeting as a guest speaker. I put him off for a while, but he finally convinced me to speak to a small group. They were very supportive and attentive. After that, I spoke to any group that requested my time. I probably spoke to a few who didn’t even ask me. (Okay, so I sometimes stood on street corners just talking to myself.)

Before I knew it, I was speaking to a group of three hundred people and I was being invited to speak to organizations and schools in other communities.

You know the rest of the story. The point is that I discovered a passion and I’ve built my life around that passion. More importantly, I found my purpose—to encourage and inspire others—and that is one of the most powerful things I take into my safety zone.

From my earliest days as a speaker just talking to classmates,
I discovered that one of the things that kept me from becoming sad or discouraged when someone picked on me or something bad happened was just thinking about my last speech or the next one coming up. People told me they enjoyed my talks. They said my story inspired them. They thanked me, but in truth, they gave me much more than I’d given them. They confirmed my value on this earth. I took that to the bank—and into my safety zone.

T
HE
R
EALM OF
P
OSSIBILITY

When I first read Jenny’s e-mail, I realized that she had followed a similar path and that her own career was something she kept as a source of comfort in her safety zone.

“I am a social worker and counselor for a major medical health system in … Georgia,” she wrote. “I work for an outpatient case management department—managing cases for the poorest of the poor in one of the rural counties.… It is my JOY—I LOVE my job.”

Jenny’s next sentence is the one that convinced me that she, too, has a safety zone where she goes to protect herself and to tap into all the good things in her life instead of focusing on the bad. She calls it “the realm.” Here is how she described it: “I believe that you can live in the realm that God may one day heal you or me, but … if God doesn’t, this is what God meant
for me and that’s OK. That’s absolutely OK! More importantly, I am here with Apert’s for GOD’s own reason—GOD meant this and that’s really what matters.”

“The realm that God may one day heal you or me.” That’s Jenny’s safety zone. God can use all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. Take comfort in knowing that He is with us and can bring a greater purpose in the difficult times.

Jenny goes to her safety zone with her music and the good feelings from her fulfilling work, and she shuts out the negatives in her life while focusing on the positives and the future. You can call your safety zone whatever you want. Just make good use of it because it is a very valuable thing to have—and a great place to go when bad people or hard times are stressing you out.

Let’s look at ways to help you create your own safety zone, and let’s think about what you can take with you when you mentally enter that zone to seek comfort, encouragement, security, and value. Write your answers on a separate sheet of paper. Keep it around so when a bully picks on you or hard times hit,
you’ll have a reminder to help furnish your special place for boosting your spirits, hope, faith, and self-worth.

One of the Bible passages I take into my safety zone is Psalm 139:13–14, which says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

I also carry into my safety zone thoughts of my ministry through Life Without Limbs. God has used me in countless schools, churches, prisons, orphanages, hospitals, stadiums,
and in face-to-face encounters with individuals, telling them how very precious they are to Him. You are one of God’s children, fearfully and wonderfully made. No one can take that away from you. God has a plan for each and every life. Our lives are meaningful and purposeful because His hand guides everything we do when we have faith. God took my life, one that others might disregard as not having any significance, and filled me with His purpose and showed me His plans. Through Him, I have moved hearts and lives toward Him.

God has a plan for your life too. And that is your ultimate safety zone!

When I was in my early teens, I thought of my bullies as enemies, people who wanted to hurt me with their words or actions. I never considered that a bully could be someone I thought of as a friend until I starting hanging out with Zeke. This was in high school when I was trying to fit in by acting tough, cursing all the time, and ignoring the other Christian kids in my school. For some reason, the opinions and friendship of the non-Christian, pot-smoking, foulmouthed kids were important to me. They weren’t terrible people. Some of them had very good hearts. Many of them had tough home lives and were trying to deal with problems they weren’t equipped to handle. So I’m not putting them down.