The Boudoir Bible (30 page)

As with all of the transcendental techniques that we have explored, it is the bottom who primarily establishes the limits of the session. His or her desire to explore the sexual dimension via a form of erotic restraint should be interpreted as a sign of great trust to be honored by the top, who is granted the delectable privilege of administering such pleasures. The role of a restrained bottom is to enjoy and surrender to the top’s generous intentions. This does not imply that the bottom is passive, however. On the contrary, a bottom is highly in tune with and responsive to his or her top. Even though some forms of movement restraint prevent the bottom from being able to make manual contact with the top, the most mutually empowering positions will allow the top to receive oral stimulation or the pleasures
of penetration. If the bottom is not orally restrained, verbal feedback may also serve to stimulate the top.

For the top, providing physical pleasure by establishing a steady, uninterrupted crescendo of sensations is the primary objective, but he or she is equally responsible for the bottom’s well-being, as the restrained bottom is physically and emotionally sensitive and vulnerable. As the top introduces tools and techniques, he or she must do so with loving care and skillful control. The more skillful and creative the top is in orchestrating the session’s rhythm, the more likely both partners will be to experience the meditative trance-like states that are inherent to erotic restraint, and the more probable it is that the bottom will transcend!

It is also the top’s responsibility, before the implementation of any form of restraint, to make sure that all of the necessary tools are organized and at hand’s reach. The reason for this is that once the ceremony commences, the top should not abandon the restrained bottom for any reason. To leave a restrained bottom alone, even if the bottom is able to set himself or herself free with little effort, is not recommended. During the practice of visual restraint and more extreme forms of movement restraint, emergencies may arise that will require the top’s presence to address. If it is part of the session to “abandon” the restrained bottom, this must be done with forethought and extreme care. Ritual abandonment can certainly be staged to incite a desired emotional response, but remember that the reenactment is not real—one does not actually leave the temple.

In order to evolve harmoniously, erotic restraint sessions must be organized in advance. Setting out all of the tools at hand’s reach will ensure that the top remains in close physical contact with the bottom at all times, giving the bottom a sense of security and facilitating the top’s ability to provide an uninterrupted ascent to Paradise. Even a flashlight should be set out—no one can predict an electrical blackout! Flashlights can also be used to get a better view of your intimate activities
(of course, only as long as the bottom enjoys a little loving humiliation or intimate exposure). Comfortable cushions and a couple of warm, soft blankets might also come in handy during the session and will definitely be appreciated once the bottom is released. A bottle of water should also be opened and a straw provided for the bottom’s easy sipping.

Another responsibility of the top is to verify the bottom’s overall satisfaction and well-being. (The happy bottom must also remember to check in with himself or herself throughout the session.) The sound of the top’s voice in the bottom’s ears, just like the touch of the top’s hands, brings a sense of security; feeling safe is fundamental to the bottom’s ability to abandon himself or herself to the incomparable experience that is sexual rapture.

Erotic restraint is not solely for the bottom’s satisfaction, however; the provision of pleasure is a great aphrodisiac—this, combined with the effects of erotic restraint’s power shift, empowers the top with a potent sexual force. The responsibility demanded of the top, who agrees to restrain the bottom, is sustained by a surge of adrenaline; it heightens the top’s concentration and sense of well-being—which is perhaps also fueled by the awareness that an appeased bottom will be all the more ready and willing to show the full extent of their gratitude when finally set free!

It is difficult if not impossible to achieve complete auditory isolation, so the fruits of temporary hearing deprivation are subtler than those associated with movement and visual restraint. If you are a bottom and your hearing is restrained, you will find that every other sensation will become magnified because of this inward focus, the impact of every stroke that your lover makes heightened. You will hear the sound of your own breathing and your heart beating
to the rhythm of the ritual. Such interior sounds augment the meditative effects of ecstasy.

The top’s hands will suffice for intermittent hearing restraint, although no doubt the top would rather be busy with his or her hands elsewhere! Earplugs make this possible; those made of soft, pliable balls of beeswax are more effective and comfortable than those of foam or rubber.

Another approach is to dominate the bottom’s sense of hearing through sound, with a carefully chosen repertoire of music and headphones. Studies have shown that music we enjoy promotes the production of dopamine—the “feel-good” hormone and neurotransmitter. While the meditative effects of hearing restraint may be slightly reduced with music, it will still serve to accent the effects of a session. Ideally, the top should be able to hear the music, too, but he or she should not wear headphones—the top must hear his or her restrained lover to stay in tune with the bottom.

Certain genres of music are more conducive to sexual transcendence than others. Songs with words, especially if the restrained bottom knows them well, are guaranteed to become a distraction and could inhibit the bottom from concentrating on pleasure alone. Ambient, jazz, and classical music are more likely to facilitate a lover’s ability to concentrate on the sensations that are being offered. No matter your musical preference, once the headphones are comfortably in place, confirm that the volume is set just right.

Consider the often extraordinary perceptive capacities of the blind. In order for the brains of the visually impaired to decipher sensory information and compensate for their missing sense, their remaining senses function on acute levels. The unsighted are renowned for being able to hear seemingly imperceptible sounds and distinguish subtle tastes
and smells. Their sense of touch is so highly developed that it permits them to read Braille, and even write, thanks to today’s technology.

Erotic sight restraint can be practiced to ecstatic effect during any phase of the Sexual Ceremony and in combination with any other form of stimulation. Temporarily depriving the bottom of the ability to see can provoke a powerful psychosensorial charge and bring a rousing element of surprise to the dynamics of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, as the brain does not differentiate between the anticipated sensation and a provided sensation. Concocting the session so that the bottom does not see the tools or have a notion of the sensations that might be offered will prevent the bottom’s brain from preparing the body for the receipt of these sensations in advance, heightening the impact of every sensation that the top has in store for the blindfolded bottom.

Slip into Darkness: A Self-Initiation

Erotic sight restraint can be administered most effectively with a blindfold (see
plate X
). If you do not wish to invest in a manufactured blindfold, a long piece of silk or a satin scarf will work equally well. Novices to sight restraint may wish to blindfold themselves before giving away or taking the reins of blindfolded pleasure, in order to get an idea of its potential. Dedicate twenty-five to thirty minutes to this exercise to attain insight into its powerful effects.

Lie down or sit in a comfortable position, then tie, buckle, snap, or strap the blindfold snugly into place. Because even the slightest infiltration of light will diminish the impact of the deprivation, the blindfold should impose complete darkness. The eyes are extremely delicate organs, so do not use force in tightening the blindfold. Rest the wrappings against the orbital bone, never against the eyeballs themselves.

Once you are comfortable, allow yourself to ease into the total darkness the blindfold imposes. One of the first things you will notice is that your mind is like a monkey; your thoughts will jump
randomly from one place to another. However, in a matter of minutes you will slip into the calm and focused state inherent to the emission of the alpha brain-wave frequency. Practice this self-initiation in silence, without music, to highlight the meditative effects.

Become aware of the sounds around you. They will penetrate what you may have formerly perceived as silence. Focus your attention inward, leave the world behind, and caress yourself. During this sensual meditation, discover the fine, sensitive skin of your lips, your neck, your breasts or chest. Entice your nipples to rise to the occasion before continuing your gradual descent to the sacred source of the sexual vibration.

If you are a man and spending the evening on your own, peak repeatedly. When you finally allow yourself to lose control, the effects of the blindfold will be revealed. If you plan to spend the evening in good company, consider this a preliminary to the shared pleasures that lie ahead, riding the crest of the orgasmic waves and refraining from ejaculating.

If you are a woman, follow the same directions, but accept your orgasm at the end of the experiment, whether you are expecting sweet company or not. It will provide for a blissful release of sexual tension and prepare you for the shared pleasures that lie ahead.

Turn Your Lover On—and Up: A Blindfold Session

The blindfold will augment the perceptual capacity of all of the unrestrained senses, not only the sense of touch, so be prepared to stroke all your partner’s senses with erotic intent. Alongside a feather tickler, a horsehair whip or a soft flogger, a pair of latex gloves, a vibrator, and a bottle of lubrication, for example, include the bottom’s favorite perfume or essential oil, a piece of chocolate, or some slices of juicy fruit—anything that you know will turn your lover on—and up—can be used to tantalize his or her senses.

Invite the bottom to lie, sit, or go onto all fours; his or her position will depend on the pleasures that the top intends to provide. Once
your lover is comfortable, put the blindfold in place. Confirm that it is not causing discomfort and that the bottom is in total darkness. If the bottom is also to be subject to movement restraint, the blindfold should be put on
after
he or she has been bound.

From this moment on, you must be prepared to remain in close contact with the bottom at all times. Before proceeding, grant the bottom a few moments of silence. This will permit you both to focus your thoughts, before the session commences. It will also allow the bottom to adjust to the effects of the power shift.

Adopt a calm, quiet tone of voice. If music is being played, turn down its volume. Visual restraint augments our perception of sound. As soon as the bottom has slipped into the calm, relaxed mindset, he or she will be ready to focus on pleasure. Before long the bottom will be writhing in anticipation, quivering to your every touch and begging for more. You might whisper your sweetest intentions into the bottom’s ears, then, rather than meeting their ecstatic expectations immediately, take the long way around—building sweet anticipation mounts sexual tension even higher!

As the ceremony gradually progresses, the psychophysiological effects of sight deprivation will begin to manifest. The impact of every touch, tickle, lick, scratch, kiss, squeeze, spank, and loving caress will be reinforced by every sexy sound, taste, and scent that you as the top conjure up. The ritual’s harmonious progression will transform the bottom into a highly sensitized, receptive, and even downright submissive playmate. The more creative freedom you have and, of course, the more sexually skilled and in tune with your lover’s needs you are, the more relaxed and receptive the bottom will become, and the more fun and exciting the session will be for both of you.

Avoid administering too many different kinds of sensations during the same session. The blindfolded bottom’s heightened state of arousal and receptivity is a direct reflection of his or her physical and emotional hypersensitivity, so to avoid creating sensory confusion, it
is important that you channel acute mental and physical presence. Before long, neither you nor the bottom will be able to resist the need to soothe your mutual, aching desire.

If your bottom is male, only if the timing is right should he be allowed to ejaculate. Otherwise, you should redirect his attention, either by focusing on another area of his body or by privileging another sense. For example, you may opt to serve him something delicious—say a spoonful of his favorite ice cream. It will not only smell and taste more heavenly but also feel colder than ever before. Erotic sight restraint enhances thermoception, so tease your bottom’s warm lips, plump with arousal, with the back of the cold spoon before asking him or her to open wide for an explosion of flavor!

If you are playing on a hot summer’s day, put a bowl of ice cubes at hand’s reach. On a cold winter’s night, hot wax play may be equally appreciated. Combining temperature play with the effects of the blindfold makes for all the more sizzling a session!

If the blindfold is removed midsession, be prepared to enjoy gathering the fruits of the bottom’s generosity; your lover will be in an ecstatic state, eager to return and share the heightened pleasure. Caress, touch, tease, and please each other until neither of you can take any more! If the blindfold is removed toward the end of the Sexual Ceremony, join the restrained bottom to climb the summits of pleasure together, and relish the earth-trembling consequences. As the session ends, warn the bottom before removing the blindfold—otherwise the unexpected flash of light may cause him or her to crash rather than sweetly glide from Paradise back to reality!