The Boudoir Bible (32 page)

After the wrist cuffs have been secured to the eye-hooks, you may proceed, if you wish, to hook the bottom’s ankles either together or apart (if eye-hooks have also been installed at ankle level). If you desire to take more control of the bottom’s movements, a spreader bar can be used to force the bottom’s feet apart, about shoulders’ width. This device is usually attached to the ankles by means of cuffs, and it significantly reinforces the dynamics of the standing spread-eagle restraint, as well as the those of the rest of the session, as it grants the top full control over the now very accessible genitals! Note that when you decide to release or change the bottom’s standing position, his or her ankles must be released first, so the bottom’s balance is not compromised.

At the turn of the twenty-first century, advertising experts began to use decontextualized bondage imagery to promote a wide variety of commodities, from alcoholic beverages to handbags, pasta to bathroom tiles. Americans may remember a campaign that came out in September 2008 representing actress Jessica Alba being physically and restrained and gagged by bondage tape, and to promote a very good cause—encouraging young people to vote!

But another advertising campaign was launched for a less politically correct motive—to promote a world-famous cocktail mixer. The advertisement unwittingly also promoted some glaringly dangerous bondage mistakes, which I will use to highlight four fundamental bondage-safety guidelines.

A very young model wearing a string bikini is seated in a chair in front of a low glass table at the edge of a pool. Her wrists are bound to the armrests of the chair, one wrist with a necktie, the other with a leather belt. Her eyelids, half-closed seductively, are heavy with aquamarine eye shadow. Her red lips are parted with desire. But if this young bottom found herself in this position during a real bondage session, not on a photo set, she would have several very good reasons to feel insecure and even frightened, and her expression would reflect anything
but
sexual readiness.

The first reason is that there is not even a shadow to be seen of the person who bound her.
Safety guideline #1
: Leaving a bound partner alone can put them in real danger—at the very least incite cathartic and anything but erotic reactions. Tops, you must honor your bottoms by keeping them safe with your attentive presence.

The second danger represented in the image is the bound model’s proximity to the glass table and the deceptively placid waters of the pool.
Safety guideline #2
: The temple of erotic loving, whether it is erected indoors or out, must be arranged to guarantee the safety and
well-being of both partners. On a scale of one to ten, the risk involved in this scenario is eleven, as a bound lover is guaranteed to struggle. If this damsel struggled, she could fall, face forward, into the glass table, or sideways into the swimming pool.

The third faux pas represented by the image is the association of movement restraint with alcohol.
Safety guideline #3
: Bondage combined with alcoholic beverages, or any other mind-altering substance, can make for a very dangerous cocktail. Alcohol inhibits one’s sense of judgment, as well as one’s overall perception of pleasure, as it masks the exhilarating effects of endorphin elation.

The fourth risk represented by the image is one commonly depicted by media, literature, and film. While I cannot deny the aesthetic and symbolic appeal of using men’s silk ties and leather belts, these are inappropriate bondage tools. Belts are not perforated in the correct place for wrist or ankle restraint, so for bondage they are neither comfortable nor effective. A man’s necktie can be used as a blindfold, but silky materials make slippery knots that can tighten under strain. As the bottom struggles, the tighter these silky knots will become, and the more dangerously difficult they are to untie. In the case of an emergency, the top will be obliged to cut this strip of haberdashery in two.
Safety guideline #4
: Always use bondage gear designed specifically for the purpose of safe and pleasurable erotic restraint. It will enhance the overall quality and safety of your bondage sessions.

This kind of advertising imagery utilizes shock value, the exploitation of which, in this case, perpetuates and glamorizes sexual ignorance. Perhaps one day information beneficial to sexual health and well-being will suffuse advertising’s bondage imagery. Ad execs will then discover that the promise of real pleasure can be an even more effective marketing tool.

Adventurous lovers who enjoy testing and pushing their sexual limits consider sensual rope bondage the ultimate in erotic restraint. Whether wielding or yielding to the powers of the cords, aficionados of rope bondage laud its capacity to reinforce the sexual bond.

Cords permit for a wider range and degree of restraint than bondage cuffs. Sensual rope bondage, when masterfully executed, imbues a consenting bottom with sexuality, vulnerability, and strength. This, along with the technique’s capacity to make endorphins surge, builds unexpected levels of sexual tension that lead to radically heightened levels of arousal.

In ancient Japan, the art of sensual rope bondage was traditionally known as
kinbaku
, meaning “tight binding.” Practitioners of kinbaku considered the tying of knots on the human body to be unacceptable, even vulgar. Consequentially, in its purest, most unadulterated form, the technique calls for very few knots to attain its highly aesthetic and sensual purpose. Today, the Japanese style of bondage is more commonly known as
shibari
, from the verb “to tie.” Shibari combines the techniques of binding and tying, and its artistry serves the Japanese on an everyday basis, not just for erotic purposes—from tying a lowly package to ornamental food preparation to the arrangement of beautiful kimonos. Masters of kinbaku and shibari consider sharing the beauty of their bindings part of the pleasure these arts provides; thus, sensual rope bondage is practiced not only privately but also publicly, as a form of adult entertainment.

In the West the practice of sensual rope bondage, public or private, is largely confined to the BDSM community. Though easy Internet access to directions and videos makes the uninitiated think they might practice rope bondage with impunity, there are real risks involved. In order to tap into the erotic potential of cords, lovers must refine their bondage skills through practice. Lovers who are unable to invest the time and energy to learn basic techniques should restrict themselves
to the use of bondage cuffs and the related accessories explored in the previous section.

Before we take the kinks out of the cords, it is important to highlight the “no” zones of the body for safe rope bondage (see
plate IX
): the front of the neck, the armpits, the groin, the inner crook of elbows and knees, and the pulse points of ankles and wrists.

While the back of the neck can support a certain degree of pressure, the front of the neck is the number one “no” zone. Do not ever wrap cords around a lover’s neck or apply any pressure at all to the front of this delicate region of the body. Pressure on the front of the neck will compromise the breathing; it takes only a few minutes of pressure to cause injury or even death.

Other “no” zones are the armpits and the groin; both areas house major blood vessels and delicate glands and should, therefore, never be subject to pressure. Neither should the fine-skinned inner crook of the elbow or knee be compressed; their delicate blood vessels and nerves lie very close to the surface of the skin.

The delicate articulations of the wrists and the ankles, where veins also lie so close to the surface that they are visible, should never be bound with rope directly on their pulse points. Wrap slightly
above
or
below
the pulse point. Whenever the position of the bottom permits, when binding wrists, press them together, pulse point to pulse point, to further reduce the risk of injury.

When the wrists or ankles are bound at length, periodically the top should ask the bottom to wriggle his or her fingers and/or toes from time to time, in order to verify that their circulation is not being compromised. (This will also remind the bottom to check in on himself or herself, even when flying high.)

But while the “no” zones should never be compressed or put under strain, they are highly erogenous and will grow all the more receptive to being sweetly teased and tantalized, once the bottom is bound.

Sophisticated knots are fun to master and pleasing to the eye, but they aren’t essential to basic sensual rope bondage. Knots that are easy to release and that do not tighten over the bottom’s flesh when they are put under strain are, on the other hand, fundamental to safe, sensual practice.

Harmonious binding of any permitted body part is also essential to bondage safety. A haphazard crossing of ropes will not only create discomfort but also bruise and chafe the skin, dangerously inhibit circulation, injure the articulations at wrists and ankles, and even cause permanent damage to nerve endings. The dance of the cords should result in harmonious, well-balanced bindings that are tight enough so the bound partner cannot get free but loose enough to permit the top to slide two fingers between the cords and the bottom’s skin. Integrating this test into the ceremony after every binding that you finish should become automatic. If a bottom ever feels that a restraint is too tight or not quite right, he or she needs to inform the top immediately so that it can be adjusted. While most bondage aficionados consider the temporary marks that snug ropes leave on the skin as one of the technique’s inherent pleasures, marks caused by rope burn may be considered less endearing—and are also more enduring. Such “souvenirs” from Paradise can be avoided if the top places his or her fingers between the moving cord and the bottom’s skin.

Masters of sensual rope bondage channel the forces of balance and beauty throughout every phase of a bondage session. Strive to do the
same—and your bondage efforts will result in mutual satisfaction in no time. Aesthetics are to be considered an integral aspect of the pleasures that bondage provides for both partners. Ideally, mirrors should be strategically placed in the ritual space to permit both the top and the bottom to view their ceremonial endeavors.

The Slip and Slither of the Cords

Shopping for ropes can be an inspirational preliminary to the Sexual Ceremony. Every bondage aficionado has a rope of preference, and you will discover through practice the virtues of each one. The distinct sensations that a cord provides as it slips and slithers across a bottom’s skin is an important part of the pleasures of bondage. The material that bondage cords are made of, as well as the speed at which they move as the restraint is being executed, will imbue each session with unique sensations. Those who have acquired some degree of sensual bondage skills may wish to invest in a proper set of precut and conditioned bondage cords, as well as a few lessons with a master.

Nylon ropes are good for novice efforts, as they are easy to come by and less expensive than quality cotton, linen, or hemp ropes. Cords made from these organic materials are also far more pleasant for the top to maneuver than synthetic ones, and the bottom will appreciate their natural, sensual touch. Those made of silk and its synthetic imitations are even more sensual in feel as they slither and glide across the bottom’s skin—unfortunately, they have the disadvantage of making slippery knots and bindings that are likely to slide and cross each other and even come undone.

Lovers of sensual rope bondage often prefer rope made from hemp for its organic aesthetic appeal and the sensual, earthy scent it unleashes. When under strain, hemp rope makes a distinct “creaking” sound that has a sensuous impact. And, very important, the knots in hemp ropes are easy to release, even when tight. Hemp will soften
with washing and can be treated with beeswax or rope conditioners that will increase the life span of the ropes.

Some bondage lovers prefer twisted rather than braided cords, as they leave more distinct marks on the skin. These ceremonial mementos normally vanish an hour or so after the cords have been removed. However, cords that are woven or braided make for a better investment, because they won’t unravel and are generally more resistant to washing.

No matter the material, make sure whatever rope you buy does not have a wire core. When this kind of rope becomes worn, its wire may be exposed, which could injure either partner. In addition, bondage cords must be kept clean. Hygiene is as relevant to these tools as to any other erotic instrument, and it becomes all the more relevant should you use the same cords with different partners. When cords are used repeatedly, they eventually show signs of wear and tear; worn, frayed cords risk snapping in two if they are employed to support even the slightest degree of weight or pressure. Cords that are not in good condition should thus be considered dangerous and replaced, not only for safety but also for aesthetic reasons.

Compress, Hug, and Caress: A Basic Rope Bondage Kit

A basic rope bondage kit comprises approximately 130 feet (40 meters) of cord. Quality rope is not cheap, so don’t invest in large quantities until you are certain that you and your partner will make good use of it. There is always time to make a trip back to the local hardware store, nautical shop, or erotic supplier as you refine your skill in creating more intricate, sophisticated, and effective movement-restricting bonds.

The rope you choose should be 5/16 inches (8 millimeters) in diameter. It will make for flat, aesthetically pleasing, and easily released knots—if they are tied properly in the first place! Bondage masters may use a wider variety of diameters, depending on the
kinds of bondage to be done, but ¼-inch (6-millimeter) rope is considered to be the minimum diameter required for safe sensual rope bondage. Thinner rope may cut into the bottom’s skin when put under even a slight degree of strain. It also makes for small, hard-to-release knots that are not nearly as aesthetically pleasing as those tied in slightly thicker rope.