The Boudoir Bible (36 page)

When the bottom is a man, the top must be extremely careful to avoid striking his testicles. The bottom may cover his “family jewels” with a hand if they is not restrained. The top can likewise give protection with his or her hand that is not employed, but this has the disadvantage of limiting agility and control. To keep his testicles out of harm’s way, the bottom might wear a thong (although not everyone will appreciate that aesthetic). If the top is skilled in the art of cock-and-ball bondage and the bottom enjoys its effects, the penis as well as the testicles can be bound in such a manner as to be drawn out of danger, a creative solution that can be achieved by combining the techniques of sensual cock-and-ball rope bondage and basic kinbaku, described in the section on sensual rope bondage in the chapter “
Abandon Yourself: Erotic Restraints
.” Another solution is to have the male bottom close or cross his legs.

Male or female, if the bottom is standing, care must be taken so that the bottom does not lose balance. If he or she is standing with feet together, there must be a place to brace against the impact of each strike or stroke. The bottom’s feet should never be bound together unless his or her upper body is fully supported. In general, less risky positions, such as on all fours, are the best place to start experimenting. Over time and with experience, lovers will discover the most comfortable and convenient positions. The partner who is providing sensations should feel free to help his or her bottom find a balanced
position—thus reinforcing the role of the top, which the receptive bottom won’t mind a bit. Novice tops should confine their attention to the buttocks only and refrain from using any tools other than their hands; that is, they should experiment first with spanking.

Hand spanking provides for an intimate exchange between partners and is an excellent initiation into the psychophysiological effects of flagellation. Until the 1950s, the first direct contact that a newborn baby had with another human being, upon his or her entry into the world, was a perfectly calculated spank on the buttocks by the firm hand of the obstetrician. This caused the baby to cry out of surprise (not pain), clearing the lungs of fluids and filling them with air. Modern hospitals now employ a device that suctions fluids from the baby’s mouth, so a machine has replaced the primal spank.

Erotic spanking has a similar capacity to jump-start both the body and mind, sending a seemingly desensitized or sluggish person into an erotic whirl. The manually administered spank has the unique advantage of being easy to combine with other forms of stimulation, including penetration—as long as both partners are well aroused. Any technique that opens the doors to the sexual dimension is a good prelude to erotic flagellation, as a proper warm-up is essential. As the ceremony evolves, the ideal moment for an erotic spank will arise; a good top will know how and when to take advantage—and the aroused bottom could also beg for it, to the top’s delight.

To reduce the stinging impact of each loving strike on the top’s hand (as well as the bottom’s bottom), the purveyor should cup his or her hand, holding the fingers firmly together. Thin, unlined leather gloves or latex gloves can be worn to keep that distinct sting that spanking prompts from radiating into the hands of the purveyor of the exhilarating
pleasures. Gloves, also considered fine erotic accessories by many, bring exciting acoustic effects to the session. So don’t forget to respect those not taking part in your ceremonial pleasures—make sure that the room is soundproofed. Spanking makes a delightful noise!

Start the spanking session by “smoothing out” the bottom’s buttocks with your hands. Then caress, squeeze, and tantalize the delectable flesh of these nether regions to get a feeling for their layout. This preparatory contact reinforces the intimate bond and prepares both bottom and top mentally as well as physically. Once every rise and fall, dip and ripple of the bottom’s contours have been lovingly assessed, the spanking may commence.

Light, fleeting taps and the occasional squeeze get the session rolling. The timing of your first real strike must be exactly right. As the bottom eases into the sensations, move on again with light taps, then with more calculated strokes, and possibly a few decisive strikes. A deft, slapping gesture, the hand leaving the bottom’s buttocks the instant after contact, reduces both the impact of the spank and the risk of generating oversensitivity. Spank the buttocks with rhythmic strokes with an upward, “lifting” gesture.

Between each more intense spank, intersperse soft and subtle sensations, for example a shower of reassuring caresses and some genital attentions, too. This will avoid sensory overload in your bottom and allow sexual tension to mount gradually. Take your time. Alternating degrees of intensity and the areas of contact will keep the experience from becoming predictable, enhancing the psychological impact of the ritual. When the bottom begs for more, the top may choose to give him or her less, and vice versa. The rhythm of the session should be maintained through such artful variations as balancing the number of strikes made on the left and the right sides of the body, always returning to stimulating the genitals. Introducing a light, feathery tool mid-session will be perceived as a gracious gesture and an enlightening sexual experience!

As you progressively stimulate the bottom, his or her bloodstream will receive a steady flow of endorphins. Day-to-day worries, along with any preconception of what “pain” might be, will dissolve in deep pleasure. Where the mind goes, the body follows—so novice tops should not be surprised when their lovers beseech them for more intense strikes. Don’t push the limits established before the ceremony began. The bottom’s threshold for pain will naturally increase because endorphins are natural painkillers, so novice or skilled, the top must always proceed with caution, keeping his or her exhilarated flagellant under close observation at all times.

Lovers who intend not only to test but also push limits should implement the “gauge of good strikes.” This means that before the session begins, both top and bottom define the maximum number of “good” strikes that may be administered before the session’s end. Good strikes are those that are just intense enough to reach or, at the most, gingerly push the bottom’s limits—and not surpass them. It will be the bottom’s responsibility to voice each good strike out loud; ten good strikes are normally enough to bring the bottom to his or her limit.

By essentially putting the bottom in control, the “gauge of good strikes” helps to guarantee the ritual’s harmonious evolution and prevents the error of the bottom’s limits being overstepped. When the bottom says “one,” the top understands this as the first good strike, and thereby gauges the intensity for each strike following. Good strikes incite a wild rush of sexual energy, which further releases endorphins. The strikes should fall first on one side of the body, then on the other, intermingled with a shower of ethereal, cooling caresses and sumptuous genital attentions. The more the top is in control of all of his or
her generous resources, the more the bottom will surrender to the sensual realm and the more enduring and exhilarating the session will be for both partners.

While good strikes may be accompanied with an involuntary flinch, if the bottom resists or recoils from the top’s attentions, the top should interpret the reaction as an indication that he or she has surpassed the bottom’s limits. The bottom should be able to trust that the top will stop and smooth his or her rosy, smarting soul with more tender, loving care. If a bottom’s limits have been involuntarily surpassed, genital pleasures are the most thrilling way for the top to say, “Sorry, baby.”

Once the bottom has been coaxed back into a relaxed, receptive state of mind, the session of erotic flagellation may be resumed. But it’s the bottoms call to do so—and the bottom’s wish is the top’s command. If the top insists upon administering sensations that are not in accord with the bottom’s needs, desires, and limits, it is the bottom’s right to bring the ceremony to an end.

Overzealous, forceful, fleeting, and unexpected blows that surpass the bottom’s psychophysiological limits—prompting the bottom to call out the good strikes in a hurried sequence, use the safe word “red,” or protect himself or herself from blows—are unacceptable. The infliction of real pain—that is, beyond the pain threshold of the bottom, or outside the context of consensual, loving agreement—has absolutely nothing to do with the philosophy of
The Boudoir Bible
.

When the ceremony has progressed harmoniously, the top will notice the bottom’s skin beginning to take on a rosy color as blood rushes to the skin’s surface; it will also be warm if not hot to the touch. Such transformations herald the transmission of energy and are clear signals that the areas are now more sensitive. This is one reason why the intensity of a strike, after the first “good strike,” does not have to be increased in order to make an impact. As the top takes care to monitor the intensity of each strike, so endorphin elation in the bottom transforms what might otherwise be interpreted
as pain into a rush of pleasurably intense and possibly transcendental sensations.

When the bottom voices “ten,” the end of the flagellation is nigh, and the ceremony now takes on new focus. The top may soothe the bottom’s hot, rosy cheeks one last time with sweet, gracious caresses. Engaging in genitally oriented pleasures highlights the positive effects of spanking or other erotic flagellations. Orgasms experienced shortly after a flagellation session bring an entirely new meaning to the word “pleasure.”

Spanking can be done with other implements, too. Many Anglo-Saxons will recall the days when a board, paddle, or cane was an acceptable means to punish schoolchildren. I will never forget the sight of the board that hung on the wall behind the headmaster’s imposing desk at my school. It was made of solid oak, its handle branded with the school’s mascot—a growling bulldog—and it was feared. Those who had the misfortune to taste its bite did not wish to do so twice.

But unless you and your partner are bona fide sadomasochists, cumbersome spanking boards, heavy paddles, and canes are next to impossible to use lovingly. For the purpose of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, partners are therefore encouraged to seek out the lighter paddles designed explicitly for erotic spanking (see
plate XIV
). Paddles have never been more available in a wider variety of materials, shapes, and sizes than they are today. Many of these instruments can be wielded with a lighter hand, but all of them should be used with tapping gestures at the start, not strikes. As the bottom warms up and grows increasingly aroused, he or she may crave more intense contact. Whether made of leather, wood, or other materials, light paddles are easy to control, so the top is not
likely to surpass the bottom’s limits. But a word of warning: with overuse, even light paddles can inflict injurious sensations. If these are incurred repeatedly, session after session, damage to nerve endings and blood vessels may result—an unfortunate condition called “leather butt” in BDSM jargon, which is a desensitization of the sweet spot. And that is a consequence that no lover would want to inflict upon another!

The strap is usually composed of one or two thick leather flaps or straps. Its impact will depend on its weight and the kind of leather from which it is made—the heavier and less supple the hide, the more the strap must be handled with care. The sensations from light straps can be compared to those provided with the hand. Straps further provide an acoustical thrill, even when used in moderation—a sound that heightens the psychological impact of the ceremony for both top and bottom. Some of you may have a memory of your father’s belt chastising your tender hindquarters, not to mention your burgeoning psyche. But the aim of the top, in the context of the Sexual Ceremony, is always to provide pulsating, erotic pleasure, not distress and pain!

Once consenting lovers have explored the powers and pleasures of erotic spanking to their satisfaction, they may wish to explore whips. The term “whip” is commonly used to define a wide variety of instruments—some designed to control animals, others to punish human beings, and yet others fashioned specifically for erotic flagellation.

The cat, the riding crop, the flogger, and the horsetail whip especially are hailed for their capacity to provide for a full-body experience, prompting circulation, increasing overall sensitivity, and permitting lovers to engage in lengthy rituals. Contrary to their menacing appearance, these instruments actually incite sensual
sensations that range from feathery to moderate to intense. When used skillfully and in harmony with the bottom’s limits, they may inspire a wide range of pleasures without necessarily inspiring any threshold of pain. The basic guidelines for the safe use of whips are essentially the same as those pertaining to spanking. New rules will arise in light of the fact that these tools present an inestimable advantage: they may pleasure areas other than the buttocks.

Like the paddle and the strap, the cat, crop, flogger, and horsetail whips should also be considered extensions of the hand. The gesture that sets them into action should come from the wrist, not the arm. Novices can first practice the dance of the whip on an inanimate object, perfecting the aim and acquiring that distinctive flick of the wrist. Compact pillows are the best target—if covered in leather, all the better!

Let’s say you have acquired good control and a sexy rhythm, and that you have perfected your aim; nevertheless, before targeting your lover’s bottom, test the new tool on your own naked skin. The self-administration of sensations will not be perceived as acutely as any laid on by another, but testing your new whips, cats, crops, and floggers on your forearm, the muscular area of the outer thighs, and, when possible, on the buttocks will enlighten you as to the sensational potential of the tool.