The Boudoir Bible (8 page)

Since only six to eight percent of sexually mature females report that they ejaculate, we may assume that the female prostate and the related phenomenon of ejaculation have nothing to do with the procreative process at all. Women who enjoy G-spot stimulation consider it to be the catalyst for the most intense pleasures that they can experience. The prostate gland is explored in detail in relation to the pleasures of G-spot stimulation and female emission in the chapter “
Navigating the Sacred River: Female Emissions
.”

Beyond the G-spot, there are other highly sensitive zones located within the vaginal canal that are capable of providing deeply pleasurable
sensations. The most noted is the A-spot, or AFE zone (anterior fornix erogenous zone), discovered by the Malaysian sex researcher Dr. Chua Chee Ann in the early 1990s. The spongy composition of this highly sensitive area lies deep inside the anterior wall of the vaginal canal, near the cervix. Known to be more extensive yet less defined than the G-spot, the A-spot is capable of provoking comparably vivid orgasmic responses. Sensitizing the A-spot requires deep penetration with the penis or the fingers. It responds to a softer touch than the G-spot and stimulates increased lubrication.

Applying pressure to the female perineum either directly or indirectly, through vaginal or anal penetration, stimulates what is known as the perineal sponge—the termination of the dense portion of the clitoral system known as the vestibular bulbs.

In males, the Cowper’s glands lie within the perineal wall. They emit the clear, slick, alkaline Cowper’s fluid, commonly called pre-cum. Pre-cum neutralizes the acidic environment of the urinary canal caused by the trace presence of urine to guarantee the sperms’ safe journey to the outside world. Some men emit Cowper’s fluid long before they actually ejaculate. In others, pre-cum indicates heightened levels of arousal and imminent ejaculation. Note that because pre-cum may contain sperm, withdrawal is an ineffective method of birth control.

Stroking the male perineum permits indirect contact with the prostate gland and the vas deferens, the duct that moves sperm and male hormones, including testosterone, from the testicles through the male apparatus by peristalsis, or smooth muscle wall contractions. Once the sperm exit the testicles, they make a stopover in the seminal sacs, or vesicles, where seminal fluid is added to the vital mixture, which is then pushed along with the help of the vas deferens until it reaches the prostate gland. During this final pit stop, prostate fluid is added to the recipe, and the sperm are finally readied for their mission. At the moment of ejaculation, semen exits the
prostate gland and moves toward the urethral opening. When it has completely filled the urethra, this applies pressure to the prostate gland, provoking the fluttering sensation that most men recognize as imminent, and usually unavoidable, ejaculation. This signals the beginning of the sperm’s outward race. Learning to recognize these sensations and control the vas deferens before this occurs is crucial to the evolution of the Sexual Ceremony, when male partners are involved. We will examine this sexual skill in the chapter “
Riding the Orgasmic Wave: Male Ejaculation Control
.”

During the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, the areas directly surrounding the sexual organs, male or female, are as important as the genitals themselves. The fine skin of the inner thighs is highly sensitive and capable of providing ecstatic sensations. For women, the pubic triangle, or the mons pubis, has soft, sensitive flesh that responds well to being massaged, stroked, and tickled. For men and women, the perineum, which creates a bridge between the genitals and the anus, responds well to deep strokes and decisive pressure.

Understanding your body and that of your lover’s allows you to create a map that will guide you both on your journeys to heightened sexual satisfaction. In addition, to know your genitals better is to take responsibility for them and the pleasure they can provide. This is fundamental to your capacity to accept, enhance, and share the
joie du sexe
that lies ahead.

THE ORGASM IS ONE
of the greatest rewards of our sexual endeavor, and learning to enhance its impact will obviously benefit our sense of satisfaction. While orgasms are not the only highlight of the sexual ritual, for most they are the gauge of its positive outcome.

What we know about orgasms is that they are a discharge of neuromuscular tensions, and the contractions they send rippling through the pelvic floor muscles, vibrating the entirety of the genitals, provide us with a kind of intense pleasure that is hard to describe! While often associated with ejaculation (particularly in men), the orgasm reflex is actually a separate bodily function from the ejaculation reflex. If you find that hard to believe, hark back to the pleasures you procured through masturbation, long before you were sexually
mature. These experiences are proof, especially for men, that orgasm and ejaculation are two very distinct, and separable, reflexes.

Like the functions of the body’s vital organs, the functions of the orgasm are commanded by the autonomic nervous system and therefore operate beyond our conscious control. We cannot “climax” on command any more than we can keep from breathing or halt our heartbeat. We can, however, positively influence our vital organs’ functioning through healthy practices such as exercise and good nutrition. Similarly, we can learn to experience more deeply gratifying, full-body orgasms by enhancing our sexual awareness, understanding, and skills. This includes recognizing and changing behavioral patterns that inhibit rather than enhance pleasure. Keep in mind, however, that because each orgasm has its own unrepeatable identity, trying to reach the same pleasure twice will likely diminish, if not inhibit altogether, an orgasm’s impact.

The degree of desire and attraction between partners also influences the orgasmic wave. While occasional partners who are obliged to use barriers will not be able to indulge in a complete exchange of sexual energy, if they truly desire each other, they may still experience elevated levels of sexual satisfaction. The more intimate lovers are, the more likely they are to truly abandon themselves to each other, which is fundamental to experiencing heightened degrees of orgasmic pleasure. What deep trust can do for enhanced pleasure cannot be undervalued.

To build ever-greater levels of intimacy, consider your erotic playtime a form of meditation. Be present and truly venerate each other by focusing on what you are doing to your lover and what is being done to you. Lack of concentration is the primary reason for premature ejaculation in men and for what was once termed frigidity in women. No one wants to
be in bed with a distracted, clumsy lover! Whether you are pleasing yourself or someone is pleasuring you, it is crucial to be in the moment.

The positive effects of your attention will be even more rewarding if you learn to visualize the sexual energy as it mounts within the system. The Indian surgeon Sushruta (circa 600 B.C.), in the
Sushruta Samhita
, described the vital essence as “… invisible currents of zigzag swirling patterns … like waves of sound, in an upward direction like flames of fire, and in a downward direction like rivulets of water.”

Psycho-sensual visualization evolves from the interaction of the mind with the senses, and it has been practiced by every culture that considers sex sacred. The conscious visualization of the flow of sexual energy in association with deep, controlled breathing patterns has a radiating effect. During extended periods of arousal, lovers can learn to “pull” the energy generated in the genitals and “weave” it throughout the entire body.

You might also try visualizing the object of worship. An early Hindu text invited male lovers to “think of the sexual region of a woman as a sacrificial altar, her hairs as the sacrificial grass, her skin as the elixir dispenser, the two lips of her Yoni [female genitals] as the tongues of flame that rise up from the offering.” Hindi women were invited to visualize the lingam (penis) as the living embodiment of the transcendental force—the god Shiva. Set your imagination free and allow your own psycho-sensual visualizations to manifest. Reinforcing the mind-body-spirit interrelation will enhance the orgasm’s impact.

Become aware of how the orgasm reflex manifests in your body. The next time you are on the verge of an orgasm, observe what is happening. Are you in a state of physical tension rather than relaxation? Are your legs, buttocks, shoulders, back, and neck taut? Are you holding your breath? If so, you are on the verge of having a tension orgasm—a common, unconscious habit related to “fast sex.” Muscular rigidity increases when we hold our breath, which does not allow
the orgasmic wave to mount to its full potential. While tension may permit us to cum faster, it actually slows rather than facilitates the flow of blood to the genitals, resulting in genitally localized sensations that more closely resemble repressed sneezes than deep, rolling waves of full-body pleasure. While tension orgasms can come in handy if you have no time or energy for anything but a “quickie,” they reveal only a fraction of our orgasmic pleasure capacity.

Learn to relax into your pleasure. Remind yourself to breathe into the sensations you are experiencing as your pleasure mounts, rather than holding your breath. Deep, full breaths send pure oxygenated blood throughout the entire body, including the genitals. So
breathe
with ecstatic purpose: let fresh oxygen relax the mind and purify and enliven the entire body. A calm mind is a more creative mind, which leads the body to become more receptive to pleasure. The disciplines of yoga and meditation incorporate breath awareness and control in the earliest stages of the practice. Their techniques can be utilized in the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony to great effect. As many yogis say, “Where the mind goes, the body follows.”

Both the male and female genitals are nestled in a congregation of blood vessels. During arousal, blood surges into the penis and the clitoral system, and as pleasure mounts and crests, endorphins, the body’s “love drug,” are injected into the bloodstream, transporting us higher into the sexual dimension. Endorphins increase our tolerance to pain while chemically reinforcing our perception of pleasure. Over the course of a lengthy sexual ritual, they will also evoke a divine glow. Take a look at yourself in a mirror after you have flown on the wings of ecstasy, and you will see for yourself … there is simply no greater beauty enhancer than deeply gratifying sex.

Many people presume that men’s and women’s orgasms are exactly alike, but there are several crucial differences. For one, the mounting of sexual tension that leads to climax in women may take longer than it does in their male counterparts; however, the time shortens radically when women are masturbating alone and concentrating exclusively on their own pleasure. Because of this presumption of similarity, women who can’t adapt to the limitations of sexual urgency during partner sex and arrive at the finish line with a single orgasm of their own were considered frigid. Today, however, we know that the inability to experience orgasm during partner sex is linked to a question of timing. “Fast sex” does not allow a woman, any more than it permits a man, to explore her multifaceted pleasure capacity or savor truly deep levels of sexual satisfaction.

Another crucial difference between male and female orgasms is that when men ejaculate during orgasm, it is usually a signal of the end of the sexual encounter. In order to attain another erection and achieve orgasm again, men are obliged to wait and often rest. The time it takes to recuperate from ejaculation depends upon the man’s age, health, and level of desire. The female orgasm, on the other hand, even if it is associated with ejaculation, does not interrupt the mounting of the woman’s sexual pleasures nor necessarily mark the end of the sexual encounter. While a woman may become hypersensitive after achieving orgasm (and perhaps need a brief pause from direct contact with her clitoris), lengthy phases of recuperation are not required in order for her to experience consecutive climaxes. On the contrary, if her lover is generous and skilled in the art of loving, a woman’s first climax marks only the beginning of the sexual dance, and she may climax repeatedly, such as throughout the duration of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony.

Since the 1980s, a great deal of attention has been dedicated to understanding the phenomenon of multiple orgasms in women. Clinical research reveals that all women are potentially multiorgasmic,
and their capacity to experience manifold waves of pleasure is determined primarily by their desire to do so! The phenomenon can be linked to an anatomical difference between the male and female genitals.