The Boudoir Bible (12 page)

Some women like to wear Ben Wa balls beyond the boudoir for the continuous vibrations they can provide in the vagina and to build genital awareness. Of course, this will spark up daily tasks, but make sure you don’t lose your train of thought while running an errand!

Pelvic rigidity is a common condition that negatively affects one’s posture by slowing the free flow of energy along the spinal cord and inhibiting the circulation of fresh, oxygenated blood throughout the entire body. The effect that pelvic rigidity has upon our capacity to experience sexual satisfaction should not be underestimated.

The source of much pelvic rigidity is the gender conditioning to which most of us were subject, from the earliest stages of our childhood. Little boys are told to control the sway of their hips, as that gesture is deemed inappropriately feminine (and therefore associated with homosexuality). Little girls are told not to swing their hips because it is considered “naughty.” In either case, pelvic sways are viewed as a blatant indication of sexual knowledge and so deemed inappropriate for young children.

By the time most of us reach adulthood, we have learned to constrain our movements to meet socially acceptable standards. The next time you walk down the street, make mental contact with your pelvic region. Note whether or not you allow your hips to sway
naturally with each stride; don’t be surprised to find you are part of the stiff-hipped majority of Western society.

To counteract pelvic rigidity, do more aerobic activities and incorporate what I call the “pelvic swing” into your genital gymnastic routine. Like the PC muscle flex, the following exercise serves to increase genital awareness and tonicity, encourage energy to flow more freely into the pelvic region, and enhance the impact of the orgasm reflex. It will also have you moving through the world with a sexier, more liberated gait in no time!

Choose some music that will make you want to “move to the groove,” then stand—ideally naked—in front of a full-length mirror. Spread your legs shoulders’ width apart and flex your knees slightly, your feet pointing forward. Then find your center by granting yourself a moment of quiet introspection. Become aware of your breath. Note how it moves in, through, and out of your body. You are likely to discover that you are holding tension in your neck and shoulders. Take your time, be present, breathe deeply and with intent, and let the tension go.

When you feel mentally centered and physically ready, inhale deeply and thrust your hips with an exaggerated movement to the front; upon exhalation thrust them to the back. Repeat until you feel the muscles in your pelvic region start to relax, then change directions: with the same movements and breathing pattern, rock your hips from side to side.

Establish a rhythm by alternating between front and back and side to side until you feel ready to let loose; then make smooth, wide, circular patterns with your hips, first clockwise, then counterclockwise. Be aware of your breathing, and allow your entire body to ease into and flow with your movements. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself having a good laugh. Smile back at yourself in the mirror, and have fun loosening up! If you have a Hula-Hoop, feel free to use that. Continue to gyrate, and it won’t be long before you are working up a
sweat. A minimum of ten minutes is sufficient, but the longer and the more often you do the pelvic swing, the more likely you are to reap the benefits that it provides both in and beyond the boudoir.

At the end of the pelvic swing, take a moment to become aware of the effects of the exercise. Lie down on your back, bend your knees, and plant your feet solidly on the floor, shoulders’ width apart. Then, placing your hands on your lower abdomen, just above your pubic bone (fingers pointing toward your genitals), press your spinal column firmly against the floor. Make mental contact with your whole pelvic region before focusing on your genitals, where you are likely to notice a pleasant tingling sensation caused by the increased circulation.

Take advantage of this position to try the “sacral thump,” another exercise that enhances circulation and reduces rigidity in the pelvic region—anorgasmic women find it especially helpful. On an exercise mat or similar surface, assume the same position as above—on your back with your knees bent and your feet on the floor. Then, pressing your spinal column firmly against the floor, lift your pelvis and let it fall, thumping your sacrum gently. Repeat until you are rewarded with a tingling sensation in the pelvic region.

When practiced regularly, the PC muscle flex, pelvic swing, and the sacral thump will keep the genitals toned and ready for action. Beyond facilitating ejaculation control in women and men (which the next chapters explore in detail), PC muscle tone and pelvic flexibility positively influence the orgasmic impact. The genital gym is an excellent way to warm up as you prepare to transcend.

THE EMISSION OF SPERM
into the outside world is still considered by many as the ultimate symbol of sexual superiority, prowess, and strength—in spite of the fact that it usually marks the abrupt end of any sexual encounter in which males are involved!

Deep pleasure is the raison d’être of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, so in discussing male ejaculation control, my use of the terms “control” or “delay” in relation to male emission should not be confused with “denial.” Today, as in historical times, men are often considered to be natural-born lovers, with innate sexual knowledge and skillfulness, and so there is little attention accorded to the subject of heightened male pleasures. But these pleasures, which stem from the techniques of ejaculation delay, are central to the elaboration of the Sexual Ceremony. While the techniques described within this chapter are male oriented, female partners are equally responsible for the positive evolution of the Sexual Ceremony and can learn how to help to execute some
of them with their male partners—a shared act that can be as much an aphrodisiac as a bonding experience!

Controlling ejaculation, or riding the crest of the orgasmic wave until the conclusive orgasm, permits men to mount sexual tension to higher, more ecstatic degrees over long periods of ever-more-pleasurable stimulation and results in the enhancement of all sensory pleasures, including orgasms. Its related counterpart, the internal orgasm, is hailed not only for instilling heightened degrees of sexual satisfaction and avoiding the “little death” but also for the fact that it permits men to obtain multiorgasmic equality with their female counterparts. This would seem to be reason enough for every Western male to embark upon an alternative-orgasm mission, but most men continue to believe that their relatively fast ejaculation is the pinnacle of the sexual experience and that multi-orgasmic pleasures are the sole domain of the uninhibited, sexually experienced woman.

As described in the chapter “
The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle
,” learning to control and strengthen the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle is indispensable to the ability to delay the ejaculation reflex. Along with a skilled administration of full-body sensations, PC muscle control also enhances excitement throughout the pleasurably long period of arousal that constitutes the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony.

Practitioners of the Tao of Loving consider a man’s capacity to control the ejaculation reflex as crucial to the mutual attainment of sexual satisfaction. Devotees of Tantric ritual sex, which is called Yoni Puja, or “the Cult of the Vagina,” also place an emphasis on the importance of ejaculation delay for enhanced pleasure—of benefit to the physical as well as spiritual well-being of both partners.

After the art of meditation, both Tantrists and Taoists hail ejaculation control as the most immediate path to transcendental pleasures and spiritual illumination. This is in striking contrast to the Judeo-Christian patriarchs, who, in order to come closer to God, propagated the idea that abstinence is the only way to avoid wasteful, unholy ejaculations.

Judeo-Christian superiors-cum-saints understood only part of the issue. It is a fact that in avoiding ejaculation, men can avoid its exhausting side effects. Even though a single emission may seem insignificant, the average amount being only one or two teaspoons of fluid, it contains anywhere from 50 to 250 million sperm, all leaving the body at an average speed of 28 miles per hour (45 kilometers per hour)! This represents an astronomical dispersion of creative energy potential and helps to explain why men often demand immediate rest following ejaculation. This aftereffect of sex, sometimes called “the little death,” is no doubt the reason why sperm is considered a precious force not to be wasted by virtually every culture—pornography notwithstanding.

The ultimate goal of the techniques of ejaculation control developed by both the Tantrists in India and the Taoists in China was the internal orgasm, or the disassociation of the orgasm and ejaculation reflexes (not to be confused with internal ejaculation). Usually, the ejaculation reflex occurs when semen, containing sperm and male hormones such as testosterone, exits the prostate gland and fills the urethral canal. During an internal orgasm, the man restrains this reflex, augmenting the ecstatic sensations of orgasm that are generated in part by the vibration, or fluttering, of the prostate gland. These sensations can be experienced over and over again during prolonged periods of arousal, as long as the ejaculation reflex is kept under control and seminal fluid is not allowed to exit the prostate gland and move toward the urethral opening. To ride the crest of the orgasmic wave, rather than succumb to the ejaculation reflex, is the essence of
the internal orgasm. It is also the foundation of the multiple orgasm, or the “valley orgasm,” as the Taoists poetically describe it. Men who learn to experience multiple internal orgasms describe the satiating pleasures they provide in terms similar to those used by multiorgasmic women.

Being that the topic of internal orgasm merits more attention than space here allows, this chapter concentrates on the techniques that allow men to control the ejaculation reflex, which is essential to the elaboration of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony (except for female-to-female encounters). Most of these techniques are directly related to the Taoist and Tantric disciplines of internal emission, so with diligent practice, it is not unlikely that men will eventually experience the ecstatic effects of the internal orgasm. Those who wish to master the techniques of internal orgasm to perfection should consider seeking guidance from a skilled master in the Tantric or Taoist arts of loving.

To practice the methods of male ejaculation control, men must learn to recognize and respond to the sensations that lead up to what is known as “the point of no return,” as Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson named it in the 1970s. The first phase of the orgasm reflex is signaled when the sperm exit the testicles and begin their outward journey. The second phase is signaled when the seminal fluid enters the prostate gland. Its exit from the prostate gland, filling the urethral canal, puts the prostate gland under pressure and prompts the ejaculation reflex.

Learning to recognize the signs and sensations that lead up to the point of no return is crucial to the evolution of the Sexual Ceremony. Before ejaculation, a muscle known as the cremaster, located within
the scrotum, contracts involuntarily, causing the interior walls of the scrotum to retract into the inner walls of the pelvic area. This pulls the testicles upward toward the body—one visible sign of imminent ejaculation. If lovers do not heed this warning sign, the sperm will continue their outward journey. Once they exit the prostate gland, it is next to impossible to prevent the emission of seminal fluid into the outside world.

The clear, slippery fluid colloquially known as pre-cum is another sign of imminent ejaculation. Some men emit this fluid long before they actually ejaculate, but either way its manifestation is a clear indication of a heightened degree of arousal. Lovers must gauge the administration of sensations in such a way as to avoid taking an aroused partner over the edge before the Sexual Ceremony is due to end.

Excitement is also indicated by changes in breathing patterns. Some men begin to breathe more rapidly, taking shallow breaths. Some men become more vocal as their pleasure deepens. This being said, other men silently hold their breath! The outward signs of imminent ejaculation vary from man to man, so the better lovers get to know each other, the more adept they will be at reading each other’s body language. Verbal communication is one of the most effective ways for a highly aroused man to avoid having his partner involuntarily push him over the edge of ecstasy, bringing the ceremony to a premature end.