The Dark Side of Disney (15 page)

DRUGS

Where to Score?:

Marijuana, Ecstasy, psychedelics and WDW are a wonderful combination. The blacklight neon frenzy of Buzz Lightyear (I mean, c’mon, the fucking ride has the word “Buzz” in it!), the tranquil sights, sounds, and smells of Soarin’, and the base humor of “Muppet Vision: 3D” all have the potential to be more fun when high on the right drug. And the message of peace, love, and harmony in “It’s a Small World” is much more profound while stoned, assuming the music doesn’t send you into a paranoid attack.

Used to be you could hold a stash of whatever in the crotch of your pants or elsewhere on your body when getting on a plane, but with the advent of the new full-body scanners that penetrate clothing, that’s no longer possible. Anyone who gets on a plane holding illegal drugs is asking for a Federal felony offense for interstate drug trafficking, and that would be a lousy way to start a vacation.

So if you can’t take it with you, you have to buy it there, and thus the question becomes: how does one score drugs at WDW?

Cast Members:

Aside from booze, which can be found in abundance anywhere in WDW aside from The Magic Kingdom, it appears that drugs are severely frowned upon onsite for anyone whose name isn’t “Dopey”. The website for the College Program states:

Disney has a zero-tolerance policy for drug use on Disney property, and this includes The Commons and Vista Way. Get caught using, selling, or possessing and you are terminated and sent home, and possibly arrested. Commons security will inspect apartments randomly and has the right to terminate anyone who is caught with drugs in their apartment - and even their roommates! The Company does not have a testing policy, but naturally reserves the right to do so.

Reading between the lines, what this means is that there is no initial drug testing done in order to be admitted to the CP, but if you’re caught with it while you’re there, you’re immediately fired. I’ve confirmed this with several former CP alums, who also told me that it’s fairly common for CP CMs to solve rivalries by reporting their enemies to the Disney drug police. So unless a CP member plans on being friends with everyone, keeping drugs onsite is a big risk.

I’ve also talked to numerous “lifer” CMs about this, and not one has been able to give me a reliable source for scoring marijuana, ecstasy, or any other mid-level drugs on property. It was suggested to me that those looking for drugs at the parks talk to a busboy or janitor, i.e., someone with a lower-level position. But that’s basically a crapshoot, and if you talk to the wrong person you could get kicked out of the park for such inquiries.

Off Property:

Per Hoot Gibson, our intrepid Horizons urban explorer: “The easiest way [to get pot offsite] is to drive your rental car to International drive and buy it by the bale. Near Wet and Wild. I don't smoke it but if you're in town and looking for it I know 150 people ready to sell:)”

LOL, thanks, Hoot!

Another suggestion I received from a former (now reformed) Orlando dealer: “Right now, I bet 25% of the people at Austin's and Stardust are high.” Looking into it, both of these are Orlando coffee shops that are hippy/alternative hangouts (
http://www.austinscoffee.com/
and
http://www.myspace.com/stardustvideoandcoffee
). Stardust in particular sells vegan food and has a drink called “The Stoner”… so, yeah, not a bad bet you can score there.

Having Friends:

And as usual, your best bet is to have some actual friends in Orlando who already know people they can buy from. So maybe get on Facebook and reconnect with old friends or start talking to people on message boards (that shit won’t fly on Disboards, but try
http://forums.wdwmagic.com/
or
http://theunoriginaldistroublemakersclub
for more liberal forumites). If you’re not an asshole or a narc, in all likelihood you can utilize your social network to get your OWN guy in Orlando, and buy from him/her whenever you’re in town.

How to Safely Get High in the Parks:

Getting high in your hotel room isn’t much of a risk at all, especially if you’re using a vaporizer. But buzzing in your hotel isn’t much different than doing it at home, and what’s the fun in that? No, what you really want is the experience of being completely blasted in the Parks! Unfortunately Disney doesn’t make this easy. There are an unknown number of undercover security agents patrolling the parks, dressed like tourists. If you’re stone cold sober and very observant it’s pretty easy to pick them out of the crowd, but if you’re in an “altered state” it’s going to be tough and you don’t want to risk blazing up in front of one of them.

And if you get caught with drugs in the parks you’re not just getting kicked out. Nope, chances are you’re also getting hit with a felony charge, not a simple misdemeanor because of a Florida law that allows for stiffer penalties if drugs are found within 100 ft of the presence of minors. So even getting caught for possession of a small amount of marijuana could get you busted for a 2
^nd
degree felony. Furthermore, since you’re likely from out of state you could get arrested for trafficking, which is another felony.

So what to do if you want to get high in the parks? Here are some tips:

Smoke it in the car in the parking lot before you enter the parks. Obviously this is the safest thing to do, but it also kinda sucks because by the time you get on the tram and actually into the park and on a ride, chances are your buzz is gone.

Bake the weed into “Firecrackers”, which are pot-infused peanut butter crackers. These will get past security with no problems and it’ll just look like you’re eating a snack, even though within an hour you’ll have a massive buzz. Here’s a recipe:

1. Grind up 1g of pot. You want a really fine grind to increase the surface level of the pot so more THC can be released.

2. Mix 2tbs of high-fat peanut butter (like the natural organic stuff with the liquid on top) with 2 tsp of vegetable oil. THC absorbs in oil, so adding this additional oil increases the potency.

3. Stir in the weed with the peanut butter/oil mixture.

4. Spread an even layer of this mix onto crispy crackers or tortilla chips (you want non-porous crackers so that they don’t absorb the oil).

5. Place another cracker on top of each, and then wrap them all in aluminum foil.

6. Bake at 310-320 degrees (THC will be destroyed any higher than 340) for about 20 minutes.

7. Let cool and eat!

This my favorite method. Buy a pouch of hand-rolled tobacco along with some filtered cigarette blanks and a blank filler (all of this should cost less than $10 at a tobacconist). Fill a bunch of blanks with an equal mixture of tobacco and finely ground weed. These end up looking just like regular cigarettes, and even better the tobacco masks the smell of the marijuana. So you can actually use these in the designated smoking areas at the parks and nobody will be the wiser!

Final tip: Control your shit! If you get totally wasted and run around like an idiot you’re going to attract attention and will likely get caught, searched for paraphernalia (yet another misdemeanor charge), and kicked out of the parks. Don’t be like these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lu72WdTg2U

Top 5 Best and Worse Places to Get High:

I realize this is subjective, but there are just some experiences that are going to be awesome high, and others that are going to totally suck ass.

BEST:

1. World Showcase at Epcot. When you’ve got the munchies there is no better place to be on this earth than at World Showcase. Sweet, sour, salty, chewy, crunchy, whatever, it’s seemingly been placed here by the God of Stoners to appeal to the culinary desires of even the pickiest potheads. Plus, while you’re eating you can totally chill and watch the waves on the lake or do the hippie twirling dance to a huge variety of music, from The Beatles to Japanese drums. I personally recommend the Biergarten restaurant in Germany – a lot of different types of fatty food combined with a show that will blow your fucking mind if you’re stoned. There’s a big horn duet, and two guys playing dueling bells, and lots of yelling. Awesomeness!

2. Soarin’ at Epcot. Even when you’re not stoned it feels like you’re flying. Strike a fucking Superman pose and be a superhero for a few minutes or sit back and chill as the wind blows through your hair and scents of oranges, pines, and salt water waft through the air. A full-body sensory experience that is transcendent when high.

3. Castaway Creek lazy river at Typhoon Lagoon. Totally chill and relaxing. You lay in a tube, stare up at the sky, and just… float.

4. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh at The Magic Kingdom. You fly around watching Pooh desperately trying to get his honey fix. With the exception of Christopher Robin, who is a total prude, every character on this ride is stoned out of their gourds. There are blacklights and bright colors, a smooth, non-bumpy track, and lots of random shit going on. When Pooh finally gets his honey you will cry because you finally understand just what this poor little fucker goes through every day.