The Girl With No Past (32 page)

‘Because you’re a fucking bitch,’ Adam says. ‘And you don’t deserve this nice life you’ve got.’

She sits further up in bed. ‘What do you want? Just take anything and get out, please!’ Her voice is still too quiet and I wonder where her courage is. Why isn’t she the woman who put Adam in his place on his first day at school? Squinting into the darkness, a frown appears on her forehead. ‘Imogen? Corey? What are you…’ But then she sees me and her mouth gapes open. ‘Leah?’

I want to scream that this is all a mistake, that we’re sorry and shouldn’t be here. I want to run. But then Adam pushes me forward.

‘We’re all here because you need to be taught a lesson,’ he says. He is too calm, as if he’s known all along Miss Hollis would be here. He isn’t thrown at all by his plan going awry.

She stares at him and then back to me. Why am I the one she’s fixing on? ‘Leah, what’s he talking about? Please, you all need to leave now.’

I know immediately she has made a huge mistake by ignoring Adam. His face is a grotesque mask, fuelled by his hatred. ‘What the fuck are you talking to Leah for? I’m the one you should be begging forgiveness from.’

She starts to get out of bed then but Adam rushes towards her, towering over her so that she shrinks back against her pillow. ‘Look, Adam, I’m not well, please just go. What have I done?’

‘Just get up. Get out of bed. We can’t talk in your bedroom, it’s making me feel sick. Go in the front room.’

Miss Hollis shakes her head but one look at Adam’s face tells her she should do as he asks. Slowly, she climbs out of bed. She’s wearing a short strapless nightie that looks like it’s made of silk. It’s pretty. Then on shaky legs she heads out to the hall. We all stand aside to let her pass, but Adam follows behind her.

‘What’s he doing?’ I whisper to Corey. ‘We need to get out of here.’

Corey chuckles. ‘Oh, he’s only having a bit of fun. He won’t do anything.’

I want to yell at him that this has already gone way too far, but the words lodge in my throat.

‘Come on, Leah,’ Imogen says. ‘We can’t miss this.’

I don’t reply. I can’t even bear to look at her.

We follow Adam through a door and find Miss Hollis cowering on the sofa. One of them has turned on the light and Adam stands inches away from her.

‘You’ve made my life hell for years,’ he says. ‘Why are you such a bitch?’

She’s crying now and shaking her head. ‘I haven’t done anything to you. It’s all in your head, Adam. Please, just—’

‘All in my head?’ he shouts, no longer caring if anyone hears. He reels off a list of all the things she has done over the years but her eyes show no signs of apology, or even recognition. It is only then I realise she was just trying to be a good teacher, disciplining him when she thought he needed it. This was never a personal vendetta.

‘You did pick on him,’ Imogen says, sounding like a petulant child. ‘Why don’t you just apologise?’

‘Then will you go?’ Miss Hollis says, wiping at her leaking nose. She really doesn’t look well.

‘Try it and let’s see,’ Adam says, and I no longer recognise him. I need to do something. Stop him. But now I’m too scared. He leans across to her so his face is only millimetres from hers. ‘I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate you,’ he says, spitting the words at her so she reels back.

‘Just leave me alone. Get out. My boyfriend’s coming back soon…’ Her voice trails off. She knows there is no way Adam will believe this.

And then she drops a bombshell.

‘I’m pregnant! Please…I’m pregnant.’ She rubs her stomach, which isn’t that big so she can’t be that far along.

The room falls silent, as if everyone has stopped breathing now that she’s said this. All eyes turn to Adam because we know it will incense him to think that Miss Hollis is having such a great life, oblivious to what she has done to him.

His face flushes red, and for the first time tonight he appears to be thrown, no longer in control. ‘What did you say?’ His eyes flick to her stomach, just as mine did moments ago and I wonder if he’ll think she’s lying.

‘I’m four months pregnant.’

Adam shakes his head. ‘So you’re happy about this, are you? Planning to keep it?’

‘Of course! We want this baby. Please, will you just go. I won’t tell anyone you’ve been here, I promise. Just go.’

And then calmness returns to his face and with relief I think he will let this go now. He is realising we need to get out of here. But I am wrong.

‘Stand up,’ he says to her, his voice measured.

‘What? Why? Please—’

‘Just stand up.’

She looks at me and I try to plead silently with my eyes to do as he says. It will be better for her.

Slowly she rises from the sofa, folding her arms across her body. She must be embarrassed that we’re seeing her in such skimpy nightclothes. Adam stares at her for a moment and then bringing his knee up, he thrusts it into her stomach, sending her lurching backwards onto the sofa.

At first I think the scream has come from her, but then I realise it is me. I am the one shrieking, while Miss Hollis groans quietly. ‘What have you done?’ I shout. ‘What have you done?’

But Adam ignores me. He hasn’t finished with Miss Hollis and rams his foot into her stomach again and again until she’s coughing and spluttering, begging him to stop.

I rush towards him and try to drag him off but Corey stops me. ‘She deserves it,’ he says.

Turning to Imogen, I see her eyes are wide with disbelief, but she only says that Corey is right.

Now a sound does erupt from Miss Hollis’s mouth: a high-pitched shriek as she yells something about her baby. I scream at Adam to stop but he doesn’t. Instead, he tugs at Miss Hollis’s nightie, pulling it down so that her breasts are exposed.

Gasping, I look away, trying to spare her humiliation. But then her scream gets louder, forcing me to turn back to her.

And that’s when I see Adam climbing on top of her, tugging at his jeans.

I run then. Faster than I’ve ever run before, crashing into things because the rest of the house is still shrouded in darkness. I hurl myself through the kitchen door and out into the garden, gasping for breath because I feel as if I’m suffocating.

And then, in Miss Hollis’s immaculate garden, I throw up more violently than I ever have before, even the time I got food poisoning when I was twelve.

As soon as I’m off her property, I cross the road and wait for Imogen and Corey. Surely they won’t be a part of this? They’ll be here any second.

But nobody comes.

TWENTY-NINE

Ben gripped my hand as we sat on the stairs. It helped me calm down, enabling me to tell my story. I had never had to do this before; the only people who knew – apart from Maria now – had been there at the time, so didn’t need my narration. But somehow telling it to Ben felt right. It was time I faced the fact that I could no longer deal with this, could no longer expect him to help me, unless I was honest.

I avoided his eyes while I talked. My mind was too busy picturing that night: Miss Hollis’s terror and Adam’s menace. But I also didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face once he discovered who I really was. What I was. I was surprised to find his warm hand still comforted me as I told him what we had done to our teacher.

Only when I finished did I dare to look at him, but his face was etched with concern. ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ he said. ‘You were just a kid. You were as scared as she was. That’s why you didn’t help her. You were just scared.’

I shook my head. Had I been scared of Adam? I didn’t think it was as simple as that. The side I saw of him that night had terrified me, but not in the same way Miss Hollis would have felt it. Nowhere near. If I had been scared it was more because of what I’d lost. Because he wasn’t the person I thought he’d been, that I’d wanted him to be. I explained this to Ben. He had to know there had only been one victim that night.

‘It was the shock then,’ he said. ‘Shock does weird things to people. You never know how you’ll react in a situation.’

Again I shook my head. ‘But it doesn’t matter anyway, does it? It still happened and I was part of it. I did nothing to stop it.’

He stood up. ‘Look, let’s not think about that now. Someone’s clearly trying to hurt you and who knows what they’ll do next? We have to go to the police.’

At least now I could explain why I could never do that. I told him I couldn’t. That I’d had my share of police interrogations and that it nearly broke me. Surely now he would understand?

‘So what happened?’ he said. ‘Did they arrest you?’

‘That’s the worst part of it. Nothing happened. We were questioned for days, kept away from our parents and each other, but then suddenly they dropped the charges.’

‘See. They wouldn’t have done that if they’d thought you were responsible in any way.’

‘You don’t get it. They didn’t charge any of us.’

Ben frowned. ‘Oh…I…why?’

‘That’s just it, nobody ever told us. Maybe there was just no evidence.’

Ben reached forward to pull me up from the stairs. ‘Look, we at least need to get you out of here. Why don’t you come back to my place and try to get a bit of sleep?’

‘But won’t Pippa mind? How will you explain it?’

‘She’ll be fine. And I’ll think of something.’

I couldn’t go back to Ben’s. It was bad enough that he now knew about me, but I couldn’t have his girlfriend being dragged into it too. ‘I can’t, I’m sorry. And I don’t want to cause you any problems.’

He thought about this for a moment, seeming to weigh up options. ‘Okay then, I’ll book you into a hotel. We might not be able to check in for a few hours but at least you’ll be safe while we work out what to do. How does that sound?’

I wanted to hug him then. Despite everything falling down around me, he was there for me. I didn’t deserve his kindness. He should have been walking away from me instead of helping me. I checked my watch; it was only three a.m. That meant we would have to hang around here for a few hours.

‘Okay, thanks.’

Ben made us both some coffee and while I headed to the bedroom to pack some things, I heard him on the phone booking me a room for the night. Would I need more than that? How could I ever come back here? I couldn’t worry about that now, I just had to find out who was doing this, and now that I had Ben with me, and he knew everything, there was more chance of success.

After he’d made the call, he joined me in the bedroom while I finished shoving things I didn’t even need in the biggest bag I could find. He told me he’d booked the Premier Inn in Putney, adding that it was far enough away from the flat, but close enough to him and the library. I hadn’t even told him about Maria knowing or my resignation email to Sam. But that could wait.

The hotel had told Ben that the usual check-in time was two p.m., but when he explained my flat had been flooded and I had nowhere else to go they said they would make an exception. There was an empty room and they just needed to get it ready, so we could check in at seven a.m.

We went downstairs to the hallway to study the damage to the front door.

‘We’ll find out who’s doing this,’ Ben said, as he taped a bin liner to the empty space the smashed glass had left.

And then we both sat on the stairs once more, staring at my wrecked front door, neither of us suggesting the sofa might be more comfortable.

Finally, at half past six, Ben suggested we should leave. Neither of us had slept and black shadows circled his eyes. I didn’t even want to know what I might look like. But what did it matter anyway? I had more important things to worry about. I thought about Imogen then, and how vain she had become once she’d got together with Corey.

It felt strange being in an RSPCA van with my large travel bag tucked in between my feet, but my anxiety began to fade the further we got from the flat.

As Ben negotiated the fairly quiet streets, his windscreen wipers scraping against the glass because rain was pelting down around us, I told him what had happened with Julian. And then, recounting the details, but sparing him descriptions of the night we had slept together, I suddenly felt empty. I shouldn’t have cared so quickly about him, but it had happened, and just like my feelings for Adam, I’d had no control over them. I’d fought against them but the battle had been futile. What was it Dad had said once? The heart wants what it wants.

‘You really liked him,’ Ben said, briefly turning to me before focusing on the road again.

And I couldn’t answer.

It was just after seven a.m. when we got to the hotel. Ben parked up and insisted on accompanying me inside. ‘I want to make sure you’re settled in the room,’ he said, offering me his arm to cling to. With any other man I would have wondered at his motives for doing this, but I felt safe with Ben.

As we walked, my phone beeped in my pocket. Another email. It had to be him. I still hadn’t charged it so I would have to read it quickly before the screen went black.

This is far from over.

I should have known it wouldn’t stop. Just because Ben was with me, this person was not going to give up. Without a word, I showed the email to Ben, my phone dying just as he handed it back.

‘Don’t worry, we’ll sort this,’ he said, walking faster to the entrance.

At the front desk, I handed my debit card to the receptionist but Ben grabbed it from me, replacing it with his own. I hugged him, right there in the hotel lobby, clinging to him as if he could evaporate all my sadness. And it was only then I realised that’s what I was feeling. That’s what I’d felt all these years. I had so cleverly masked it with my determination to be cold and distant, to protect myself, but now that had been scraped away, the pain was exposed like a raw wound.

I don’t know what Ben was thinking, but he let me hold him and made no move to extract himself until the receptionist handed back his card.

‘Thanks,’ I said, and we headed towards the lift. Every limb in my body felt heavy, and I was grateful to have Ben with me.

Inside the room, I sat on the bed while Ben called his work to tell them he’d be late. He wasn’t due in until nine but said he didn’t want to rush off and leave me. ‘Plus the traffic will be bad by now,’ he added, before I had a chance to object.