The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio (13 page)

And as owners of these highly sensitive and tactile sensory organs, we do love to put things in our mouths.
Orally fixated
is a term you’ve no doubt heard in polite company in reference to smoking cigarettes, though inevitably everyone within earshot gets a little twinkle in their eyes mulling over the implications. It is true that as a culture we’re orally fixated, constantly on the move to the next thing going into our mouth, and it’s equally true that the right kind of oral stimulation can really turn us on. So maybe we’re just a bunch of orally obsessed hedonists—so what? Soak up all the pleasure your lips, tongue, and entire mouth can afford you—use it to its erotic maximum every chance you get, and see how your sex life expands. Kiss, lick, and suck your lover’s fingers, toes, mouth, penis, or vulva, or put on an erotic show using toys in your mouth and savor every minute.

Recognize your mouth for the sex organ it is: treat it accordingly, and learn the many delightful things you can do with it to your lover’s entire genital area. Take good care of it and make it appear even sexier with some extra attention the next time you brush your teeth. Use your toothbrush to gently exfoliate your lips, and brush your tongue to make it look smoother and sexily pink. A healthy-looking mouth sends signals to potential partners on subtle levels. Use a good lip balm, and smile a lot—smiling when flirting is like waving a red flag before a restless bull. Smiling when you’re going down on him will drive him wild.

Going down on your lover involves more than just putting a penis in your mouth. Giving a memorable blow job includes kissing, nibbling, licking, sucking, and caressing his entire genital area throughout the whole encounter, especially at the beginning.

Practice, Practice, Practice

It stands to reason that if you’re going to be putting your sweetie’s most sensitive organ in your mouth, you will want to do a little practicing and experimentation on your own first. The mouth is capable of delivering a wide variety of sensations, but you can’t know how your own mouth feels unless you try out some techniques on yourself.

An organ of speech, digestion, and recreation, the tongue is a cleverly encased little package of muscle tissue, glands, fatty cells, and sensitive nerves. A mucous membrane, or
mucosa,
covers it, while the top surface, or
dorsum,
contains taste buds sensitive to touch and flavors, and serous glands that secrete some of the fluids in saliva. According to Paul Joannides in
The Guide to Getting It On!
we create and swallow saliva at the amazing rate of ten thousand gallons in a lifetime. Nerves leading from the tongue are stimulated by taste buds that react with chemicals in anything moist. The brain interprets these nervous impulses as sensations of feeling and taste. The total flavor of anything we put in our mouth comes from the combination of taste, smell, touch, texture or consistency, and temperature sensations. The tongue, with its thousands of nerve endings, talks of sweet chocolate pleasures, shouts pain when we bite it, and quietly whispers messages of erotic impulse to our big brain, all on its own.

Our lips and mouth are controlled by hundreds of muscles, always in motion, seemingly never at rest as we laugh, smile, frown, unconsciously clench our jaw, or suck on our tongue. This busy network of muscular filigree allows us to slacken our jaw, wiggle or undulate our tongue, or make the insides of the mouth into a means of suction that can draw a milkshake through a straw or give a penis pleasure. The strokes, licks, and combinations of suction that you’ll want to incorporate into your oral arsenal are best first tried on you—or rather, your fingers.

First, wash your hands. Then, using the sensitive hollow of your palm, see how your lips feel grazing, nuzzling, and kissing your hand. Don’t worry about how you look; just concentrate on how it feels, because it is similar to how your lover will feel when you do the same to him. Press your flattened tongue against your palm, and vary the pressure. Give your hand a long, slow lick, and repeat with several licks in different combinations: flat tongue, pointy tongue, soft tongue, flickers, caresses, firm strokes, writing your name. These strokes and licks can be repeated on the shaft of his cock, his testicles, and his anus and perineum. You’ll notice your tongue dry out, then magically rewet itself, and you may find yourself making a lot of spit. This is what will happen when you go down on him, and the extra saliva serves as a helpful and desirable lubricant during head.

Hold your index and middle finger together, and holding them stiffly, caress the opening of your lips with your fingertips, as if your fingertips were the tip of your lover’s penis. Slip them in slowly, feeling the wetness and heat of your own mouth. Next, try holding your mouth open with your tongue flattened inside, and gently thrust your fingers along the top of your tongue. It feels amazingly smooth and warm, and this is what he’s going to feel. Squeeze your lips shut around your fingers, and experiment with suction. Move your fingers in and out, and feel your tongue move around on them, testing the way the tip, middle, and edges of your tongue feel. Increase and decrease the suction. Contract your throat muscles, and see how that feels. Hum, and see how it vibrates your fingers. Men like to have their penises licked and sucked to varying degrees, so it’s good for you to know the difference between a little and a lot of suction. If you have a willing partner, you can find out how much he likes by having him suck your fingers the way he might want his penis sucked, and you can reproduce the suction to his satisfaction on his fingers to get it at the level he likes—and to make him really aroused in the process.

The head of my cock was
so sensitive that I gasped as
her tongue ring and lip ring
ran over it.

Do you have a pierced tongue?
If so, you’ll want to use your
piercing to perform sensation
experiments in the hollow of your
hand. Moisten the most sensitive
part of your palm, and see how it
feels when you use your piercing
to rub, massage, press, or tickle
your hand. Familiarize yourself
with pressure and sensation varia-
tions to get an idea of what your
partner might feel when you run
the piercing over the head or
along the underside of his cock.
When with a new partner, experi-
ment slowly and gently at first, and
plot your actions by his responses.
If he doesn’t seem to like it,
stop—but I encourage you to ask
him what he thinks whenever pos-
sible, because there’s guessing...
and then there’s knowing.

Experimenting with the way your mouth feels is important, but equally important in learning to give great head is setting aside some time to practice on your own. Practice oral sex on your own? Why, of course! You can get two of your own fingers in your mouth with ease, but penises are a whole different size and shape, and you don’t have control over their firmness. Practice wrapping your mouth around a dildo, a penis-shaped sex toy, or a vegetable such as a peeled carrot, cucumber, or zucchini—do not attempt to “deep throat” any of these items, however, as a vegetable or slender sex toy could get lodged in your throat. (A dildo with a wide base would be fine, of course, since the base would prevent the entire toy from slipping into your mouth.) When you shop for the lucky nonhuman subject for your experimentations, be sure to select something as close as possible to the size of the penis belonging to your intended human subject. It’s fine to practice on bigger ones later, but if you’re just starting out, you’ll want to begin with a comfortable size, or at least something close to the size of the penis you’ll be going down on.

When you find a “stunt cock” you feel comfortable with, practice on it the way you would on a penis. If you’re going to be giving head to a strap-on dildo, getting a copy of the one your lover will be wearing will help you practice your technique. Either way, experimenting with the feel of a penis-shaped object in your mouth will help you get used to having something of that size and girth filling your oral cavity. And if gagging is a major concern of yours, you can see what your comfort threshold is, or play around by pushing it and learning to tame your gag reflex. Read more on the gag reflex in chapter 7, “Giving Head.” The more orally adventurous might want to try masturbating while practicing giving head—for a number of reasons. Becoming aroused when you practice will eroticize the act of fellatio, which can facilitate the incorporation of a new erotic behavior into your routine, especially if you feel reluctant. Also, as we become aroused and more turned on, our gag reflex lessens, and that can be interesting to experiment with. And finally, if you plan on masturbating or having an orgasm while going down, you can play around with your levels of concentration, varying your focus between yourself and your (potential) partner. But honestly, good luck staying focused on the dildo in your mouth when you come—though it can be fun trying .

Relaxation and Arousal

My boyfriend never liked getting head before, but now he does. He loves how I look at him when I do it, and he goes crazy when I act like I can’t get enough of sucking his cock—which is true.

Whether you’re about to give a hot and nasty, on-the-fly blow job or are going to slowly and sweetly make love to his cock, you’ll really heat things up if you get him into as heightened a state of arousal as you can. Simply taking his penis and stuffing it in your mouth is fine if you know your partner likes this, but in most cases this approach will make the fellatio session a forgettable one and will leave your partner disappointed—or it may make him feel like you just wanted to get it over with, which hurts. You may feel like you’re erotically torturing him by prolonging his pleasure with some delicious foreplay, but the more thought, effort, and attention you put into arousing him, the more he’ll love how you give head.

Spend time kissing and nibbling all over his body, avoiding his genital area at first, tracing from head to toe with your mouth and your hands. Get him used to the way your hands, mouth, and body touch him, while you become accustomed to the way he feels and responds to you. Gently discover which parts he likes having licked, and which to leave out. He might really love it when you lick his neck but dislike it when you lick his thighs. Lick everywhere: hands, the hollow of his elbows, the nape of his neck. Caress his chest and kiss his nipples. Try licking them as you might lick the sensitive underside of his cock head.

Using Your Hands

She did the one thing I enjoy the most when a woman gives me head. She grabbed the base with one hand, grabbed the middle with the other, and then sucked the head while stroking the rest of it with both hands...

Throughout the entire blow job, use your hands as much as you can to increase his arousal and comfort, and to prolong the sexual tension. Touching other parts of his body such as his chest, squeezing his nipples, grasping his hips, holding his buttocks, and stroking his thighs and stomach are highly recommended for building arousal—and may help a nervous lover relax. Many men enjoy the following techniques:

• Insert a finger in his mouth for him to suck and lick.

• Run your fingers through his pubic hair.

• Gently pull his pubic hair.

• Try lightly tugging on his testicles—some men like having them pulled or squeezed, though you should never tap or spank them (unless you have agreed to this type of sensation play beforehand).

• Push or pull up the mons (the fleshy mound over the pubic bone) to heighten erotic intensity; try rubbing it in a circular motion.

• When he is aroused, squeeze or pinch his nipples; as arousal increases, he may ask for stronger stimulation.

• Caress his buttocks, the cleft between his cheeks, or his anus. This is an oft-neglected part of his body, and he might really cherish your attention to the area.

Male Genital Massage

Now, this is the part that drove me crazy: she would put her ring finger and thumb together to make a ring and lightly stroke from the top of the head down to the midway point while caressing my balls with the other hand. I almost went ballistic.

Giving his entire genital area a sensual massage, or even employing just a few erotic massage techniques, can heighten any oral encounter. Whether you’re looking to add to a lengthy lovemaking session or want to knead and rub him into a frenzy before you go down on him, male genital massage will help you meet your desired goal. Genital massage, like a regular massage, is a very sensual form of contact and is very relaxing for the recipient. You can use erotic massage techniques during a full-body massage, to give him an appetizer before the main course of oral sex, or simply employ the strokes and combinations to give him a mind-blowing hand job.

You can give a dry massage, but using a lubricant is highly recommended. Oils are fine to use if you’re just giving him a hand job, but they aren’t recommended if you’re going to be putting him in your mouth or vagina, or are going to be using latex barriers such as condoms later. Oil will coat your mouth and will take a long time to clear, it wreaks havoc on the delicate pH in the vagina (and is difficult to flush out), and nothing breaks a condom like a little oil. If you do use oil, stay away from heavily scented products that might irritate his urethral opening or cause an allergic reaction: use sweet almond or olive. Water-based lubricants sold specifically for sex are best to use, especially if you want to keep your options open. If you know you’re going to transition from a genital massage to a blow job, select a lubricant that tastes okay—but know that you won’t find one that tastes great. For information on flavored lubricants, see chapter 4, “Know the Hard Facts: Health Considerations.”