Truth Meets Love (24 page)

My left hand is holding my head of my dick in position just below her entrance as she posts above me. I withdraw my two fingers of my right hand, at the same time replacing them with a swift, hard thrust as my wet fingers curl into her hip and bring her down on my impatient cock, and I buck my hips up into her. I try to focus on the play I am running from the coach's seat. This is definitely a game changer!

She starts to blow out, "AWE Tralen" about five times before she clinches her legs against the outside of my thighs as she rides me with quickening pace, and those pussy walls paved with gold follow suit as she cums hard with my dick still moving inside her.

It sends me straight over and I hold her hip and pull her shoulder down as I thrust up and deep one last time before the warmth of her coaxes my cock into release. I try to get her name past the huffs of breath and "UH" sounds I keep making against her ear as I empty my soldiers in the "training field", considering they will not be needed for any "active duty assignments" for at least another 9-12 months.

We sit there intertwined in our blissful state, still sitting in my coach's chair and just as we are about to pull apart to speak and maybe discuss the game plan for the next half, we hear, "Hey Tralen are you guys decent? I really need to talk to you" from the living room down the stairs from the loft.

Cody sounds upset so I guess we will have to forfeit this one. I am just thankful there a lot of games left in the season… like a lifetime's worth.

Chapter TWENTY FIVE

Time To Face The Music

Hadley-

Tralen is talking with Cody downstairs. There was something going on with Cody, so I left them to discuss it in private. I am in the guest room to survey its attributes. It will be the future nursery.

I know that before I accept the challenge of raising a child, I need to unload all unnecessary baggage. It is important we have a clean slate--a sound foundation to build on. I need to clear out unoccupied space in my heart and focus on being a mother–a fucking good one.

Therefore I have started therapy sessions with Mom and Dad. It is true it took a minute to sink in, though. I can be a bit hardheaded at times. No one had to tell me that. Not only are my standards upheld by my own judge and jury, I am also my worst critic. I know my perceived faults, all of which made me who I am today--the good the bad and the fugly.

Dr. Kasay, a radiant woman of East Indian descent in her early 30s, I estimated, was my new therapist. I made this summation upon our first visual encounter in her office. Tyler knows her from coursework he has done with her around the hospital. He said she was someone he felt I would be comfortable talking to.

The first time I visited it was just the two of us. Many of her questions were geared toward coaxing the feelings I might have buried up to the surface. Some of those areas touched on provided me proof that she had already had some conversation with Ally and Dean. I am still stuck on Mom and Mr. Greyson and how exactly that came to be, but I know that will come out along the way. I was also extremely confused to see Duke, the bouncer from Petals that used to guard my shift. I liked him when he started working there not long after I started, because no one fucked with me when he was on duty. His real name was Jeff, apparently, and he was now married to my mom?!?!

My mom and dad wrote me letters to try to explain the high level sequence of events and provide me a better breakdown on some of their thoughts as decisions and actions were taken that gravely impacted my life. Dr. Kasay felt that me reading them and just worrying about absorbing them without having to worry about my reaction to being told something shocking and getting angry and distracted might be what I would prefer--a safer approach. Tyler must have told her a lot about me. Apparently she is counseling him on his grief over Dez. He said he needed to find a way to talk to Macey about her without feeling sad or refusing to talk about her at all with Macey just because it was too painful for him. It was important for Macey.

The next session will be our happy threesome reunion face-to-face. According to Dr. Kasay, I just need to ask whatever questions are most important for me to understand and then hear them out. Apparently Ally doesn't have any issues finding her words. Her letter to me was over 25 pages. I don't know how to put my feelings for her into words. We haven't spoken face to face since the wedding. Prior to that that, I had not spoken to her in about 15 years. When she was at the wedding she was very quiet, polite and complimentary about how well I had done for myself. However, there was a sadness in all of her words. I wasn't sure if she was referring to my career or the hot, educated, successful man I was able to snag. I laugh that he was more like my "trophy"--consolation prize for putting up with that worthless piece of shit she chose over me all those years ago.

I get the other unopened letter from the dresser drawer in the soon-to-be nursery. I am going to make myself read the one from my dad tonight. I need to get it out of the way and have Tralen help me think it through before my next appointment, in about a month. My therapist had me call my mother to arrange to have Ally and Jeff come here and visit for a few days and attend an extended afternoon session with me and Mr. Greyson. It will be the first time I ever really spoke to my parents together as my parents. I am not sure how that will feel but I have a feeling it will be just as uncomfortable and cleansing for them as it will indeed be for me. It is a step in the right direction, I feel like.

I need a snack. I am going to the kitchen. The boys downstairs have had enough time to sort their shit out. I am on the road again… 200 isn't far off away; I can feel it.

Tralen-

Cody is pacing and cracking his knuckles repeatedly. I can tell he is working out how to tell me what he has to say. Finally I say, "Cody, what the fuck? Talk to me, dude. What's up with you?"

He looks at me with a hopeless look of defeat across his face. He then states with resignation, "When she told me she was pregnant and she had been with someone that night in the hallway and the baby she was carrying may not be yours, my biggest nightmare came to life. I am sorry I told her to wait to tell you until after she was sure. I should have known she couldn't do that to you; she loves you and she is hurting so much."

I am not sure what to say. I am touched that Cody would feel compassion for me and Hadley, given the circumstances. He doesn't normally show too much real emotion. Bill used to tell him crying and playing music would "just turn him into more of a faggot." I think he hides a lot of his feelings but he is having a hard time coming to terms with this one.

In a way I should think it is funny and let him feel bad for me a while longer. He is the one that slipped the Viagra in my drink and potentially contributed to my conception of a child during my visit to The Hotel California. However, he looks terrified so I need to put him out of his misery. I need to tell him not worry about the baby belonging to someone else. I never told Cody about Hadley and what happened in the hallway that night because I didn't want him to know his stunt had succeeded.

He continues, "Tralen, man, I had no idea, I swear. I didn't know it was her. Then I saw the purse last night when she picked me up. I would never want to hurt you or Hadley. I would make a terrible father. No matter how this plays out, please know that I would prefer you raise this baby as your own, either way."

What in the fuck is he talking about? I think he is trying to tell me he thinks the baby Hadley is carrying is his. Although I would have preferred it remained my little secret, I ask the only question I know will clear this up after I clarify what I think he is trying to say.

"Cody, did you have sex with someone the night of the reception and you can't remember who she was, but you think it might have been Hadley?"

He starts to sob and puts his hand over his eyes as he says, "Yes, kind of, I think. I was so screwed up. I am so sorry. I don't know what else I can do or say. There is no way to fix what I may have done. It's too late."

I don't want to open the vault wide open and risk hurting Hadley or betraying her trust by giving away too much "Cody, do you know if the woman you were with had a tattoo or any piercings?"

He sniffs a few times and looks up at me. "What? It was dark, I guess. I am not sure if she had a tattoo or not. I didn't feel or see any piercings that I can remember. You made me take mine out so she wouldn't have felt any on me. Except the one in my dick! You are a fucking genius! Ask Hadley if the dude she was with in the hallway had a barbell under the head of his dick?!?!?!?"

I chuckle thinking,
What is with these two?
Their similarities are starting to freak me out a bit.

"Well, that won't be necessary. I already know you weren't with Hadley that night, little brother. There are two reasons I know that. The first is because I was the one with Hadley that night in the hallway. All I will say regarding the other is that you are probably right about her remembering if it had been you. However, just believe me when I tell you if it had been her, you would have remembered it too."

I grab him and put him in bear hug. He is still shaking when I slap his back. I am bothered most that he thinks he would be a terrible father. That is not true; any kid would be blessed to have Cody as a father.

Maybe now would be a good time to tell him that and ask him to be the baby's godfather? I better talk to Hadley first.

"Are you sure, Tralen? She had the same purse. I just need to be sure. It is weirding me the fuck out! I was trying to block that night out because I thought it was Hadley. I am having a hard time getting that girl out of my head. She stopped me in the moment and then left when I made some stupid comment. When I thought it was her it just made me sick to be having these kinds of thoughts about my brother's pregnant wife! God, he was right. I am just a sick little bastard. I am so fucked up!"

I have got to get him some help. Obviously just getting him away from that stupid fucker didn't repair the fucking damage he had already caused. If I lead, he will follow. I can face the dark if it will save Cody and he can find some peace. He deserves it, but he can't hide behind me and his music and let the self-loathing that fucker instilled him keep him from finding the love of a family. I realize now what a sacrifice he could be making, because I can't imagine a better dream come true for me than Hadley and this baby.

Cody deserves that too, and if I am going to ever get that through to him I need to set an example and face my fears so he will have to face his and put it behind him. It is like Jenna told me once before in one of the three times Nicole and I had broken up and I beat up the guy she was flirting with in the parking lot of Kum-n-Go. "People will hurt you if you give them the power. If you give them your love you risk the most hurt of all. Therefore, if you choose to give someone, your heart they better be worth it." The irony of the location of finding Nicole rubbing her shit on some other guy and then acting like she was innocent is not lost on me. I think my mom was trying to tell me something that I didn't understand and had to find out myself the hard way. Jenna always guided me and made me think about my decisions but never made them for me or told me which one to make. She wanted to teach me to be responsible and accountable for my actions. "In the end the conviction of character and the actions that reflect them are the true measure of a Man," she said.

"Cody, she said the guy was hung like a horse. I think that is a valid proof point in my favor. We also didn't "kind of" have sex. We fucked really hard, really sweet, and real quick-like."

I don't let him think on that too long. I also know from personal experience the best distraction technique is to hear my wife ask me to fuck her and since that will not work here, I realign my strategy and come up with what else might work. I know from another personal experience that a straight man getting kissed on the mouth by another man is fucking distracting. I have a feeling this holds true even if it is coming from your brother. I am taking that one to the grave and I still almost gag on my own tongue just thinking about it.

However I execute the distraction technique like a champ. I hug him again and give him a kiss on the lips, hard and quick. He looks shocked and perplexed but he isn't grinning. Knowing Cody, that says to me that he hasn't made the connection with Hadley and her piercing and isn't thinking about me fucking her at all. He also doesn't look fucking sad anymore. To be honest, he looks like he is not sure what to think. My plan is working already!

I could see how all of his erratic emotions are a sign Cody could be spiraling into his own downfall. He seeks physical connections to fill the void and never looks beyond a one-night stand. He is convinced he is not good enough to be loved and he is too scared to give his love. I can imagine the girls and the attention and being surrounded by all the praise reminds him constantly that he is undeserving and that it is coming from people who want something from him or are just trying to use him.

When I begin to process how Cody is reacting and how much he has done for me and given me in my life, I am also struck by the way Hadley is so similar and what they have overcome and how they cope and survive from strength drawn from within. It comes out in such a precious way. I think they are both proof that people that have the most love to give when they get broken funnel all that love into other things. Hadley and her dancing. Cody and his music. They had to find something to pull their fear, emotions and doubt in themselves into or it would have eaten them alive. It was their survival skills in full force. It is kind of like instead of letting the hurt take them over, they found an escape.

Chapter TWENTY SIX

Died With The Angel

Tralen-

Cody had only been 12 when we found out Mom was sick. She died when he was 15. He was really close to Jenna because they shared a bond and passion for music. There was a light in Cody's eyes that disappeared when Mom died. I haven't seen it there since.