Always and Forever (19 page)

Jake: Bethany, I swear to you that I will never let that
man hurt you again. I will always protect you and I want you to know that
you’re not alone in this. I appreciate and understand the lengths you go to
just to see me every week and I have to be honest, I live with the guilt of
that every single day. I should be the one who’s taking all of the risks, not
you. I promise that I’ll never let you down or walk away; I need you to trust
me and believe that one day all of this will be ok. I’ll make sure of it. Xxx

My eyes fill with tears as I
read Jake’s message. I was so worried and anxious about our situation before I
spoke to him. I couldn’t see a solution or a way out of our complicated set of
circumstances, it all seemed so hopeless… but now that I’ve spoken with Jake I
instantly feel better. The burden I was carrying has been lifted and the end
result is exhilarating.

I send Jake one final message, thanking him for being there
for me and for putting my mind at rest. I really need to start being careful
with the amount of text messages I send, I’m not sure how much credit I have
left on my phone and I really don’t want to ask Jake to put some more on so
soon.

I’ve only just switched my phone off when I’m startled by
the sound of a timid knock on my bedroom door. It has to be mum, my father’s
not home and he certainly wouldn’t bother to knock.

“Bethany, I just got a phone call from the charity store where
I volunteer and they asked me if I can go in for an hour to help them out
because they’re short staffed and really busy. Will you be ok by yourself?” She
asks me uncertainly.

“Of course I will. Don’t worry about me, just go.” I urge
her.

Mum loves the time she spends volunteering, it provides her
with an escape from this house and it also allows her to have some sort of
social life. I can see that she’s nervous about going in today because she
never has done on a Saturday before.

“Maybe I shouldn’t… if your father found out he would be
furious.”

“He’s not due home from work for hours, he’ll never know.”
I assure her.

After some more convincing mum finally leaves and I find
myself alone in the house. I’ve lived in this house for twenty years and I
don’t think I’ve ever been home alone. It’s surreal and I’m not sure if I like
it or not.

In the end I decide to make my way downstairs and watch
some TV. I’m just leaving my bedroom when I hear the front door opening
downstairs. I wonder what’s made mum come back so soon, she’s only been gone
half an hour.

“Mum, how come you’re back so early?” I ask, making my way
down the stairs.

There’s no answer so I figure she’s already in the kitchen
and can’t hear me. I open the door to the living room and freeze as soon as I
see him.

For one horrible moment I think I’m hallucinating, that my
anxiety and subconscious has somehow conjured up the terrifying image of my
father but as we both stand there staring at one another I realise that this is
no figment of my imagination.

He’s standing in the middle of the sitting room with a
glacial expression on his face. At first glance he appears to be devoid of any human
emotion but it’s only when I force myself to meet his steady gaze that I notice
the wild and psychotic rage that’s building up behind them.

“Where is she?” He asks his voice low and threatening. It’s
enough to make me tremble with fear.

“Dad, it’s not what you think...” My mind races with a
number of excuses I could come up with to turn this around, I’ll do anything to
stop my mum from getting into trouble. I have to protect her, I just have to.
If I beg him he might just listen. I’ll plead with him and pray that his love
for me will somehow be enough to soften his rage. I’ll be more than happy to
take her punishment for this.

“Where is she?” He repeats his question and I’m close to
despair when I realise that it’s useless. No matter what I say or do he won’t
listen. The best thing I can do for mum now is to be honest. He’ll
instinctively know that I’m lying to protect her and it will only make things
worse for her in the long run.

“She’s at the charity shop. They called her and asked her
if she could help them out for an hour this afternoon.” I hold my breath and
wait for his reaction.

“Is that right?” His voice is dripping with sarcasm. He
speaks softly but his words sound menacing and they’re consumed by an
underlying threat. It’s enough to make me fear him and what he might choose to
do in this very moment. I haven’t seen him like this since the night he caught
me getting ready to go to the cinema when I was fourteen years old.

I open my mouth to say something, anything that will make
this better. I’m desperately trying to think of how I can salvage something
from this and make a promise to myself that I won’t let him hurt her.

Before I manage to speak, he lunges forward and violently
shoves me to the side and out of the way. He slams the front door behind him
and the vibrations reverberate throughout the house leaving a morbid silence in
its wake. I’m left standing there, praying to God that mum will be ok. I’ve no
idea what he plans on doing but whatever it is I know it will be awful.

Feeling helpless and utterly alone, I lower myself onto the
sofa and curl up into a ball. It’s pointless because I know I’ll have to deal
with the consequences of this sooner or later. My father is the type of man who
believes his wife’s betrayal is also his daughter’s and vice versa. That’s why
he made my mum suffer so terribly the night he caught us out all those years
ago. That night was so terrible, I can’t even begin to imagine what he would do
if he ever found out about me and Jake.

I almost stop breathing when I consider the horrendous
possibility that my mum might misunderstand his fury when he confronts her.
What if she crumbles and reveals everything? It would be so easy for her panic
and confess everything to him about our recent arrangement. If she were to tell
him about all of the evenings I’ve not been home lately it wouldn’t take my
father long to figure out the truth. He’s not as gullible as my mum and it
would certainly be enough to make him suspicious.

The thought of never seeing Jake again is incomprehensible
to me. The idea causes me to be devoured by an abundance of dismay and terror,
so much so that I can scarcely breathe.

 Trying to control my anxiety and fear, I jump up and
race upstairs to retrieve my phone. Every single instinct I have is yelling at
me to call Jake and ask him for help but I already know how protective Jake is.
If he thinks that I’m worried or in any danger then he’ll demand that I leave
or he’ll insist on coming to get me and how can I do that to mum? I can’t leave
her with him. He’ll kill her and I’ll be the one to blame.

Deciding to wait this out and
see what happens next, I place my phone back inside the drawer. I’m
overreacting, all of this might not be as bad as I’m expecting. My father and I
have been on good terms for a great deal of years now (at least that’s what he
thinks) and he may be lenient with us both if I play this the right way. What
mum did wasn’t so terrible, she only went into the charity store to help them
out and it was a one off so surely he won’t be too angry with her…

The hours tick by so slowly.
He still isn’t home and neither is my mum. It’s dark outside and the wind is
howling in the trees outside of my bedroom window. I haven’t moved from the
spot I’ve been sitting in on my bed for the last three hours. For some reason I
can’t find the courage to leave my room. My fear doesn’t even make any sense
because I’m no safer in here than I am anywhere else in the house.

Another hour goes by.

And another.

And another.

And another.

When it finally reaches midnight I decide enough is enough.
I consider making my way over to gran’s so I can stay with her for the night
but I really don’t want to have to walk there at this time of night. I suppose
I could phone a taxi and get gran to pay the fare once I arrive. The
possibilities race through my mind but I know that one thing is for certain, I
am not spending the night here in this house by myself.

What about Jake? My subconscious speaks to me and I freeze.
Should I call him? Would it be selfish of me to burden him with all of this? At
this point I’m not sure I have any other option. I’m so desperate and afraid; I
need Jake’s warmth and reassurances more than ever. He’s probably at work, he
might not even be able to hear his phone or he might have left it at home. All
of these unwelcome thoughts spring to mind as I weigh up the pros and cons of
phoning him but in the end I realise that there’s nothing else I can do. I
don’t want to wake gran at this time of night and Jake has told me so many
times to call him if I ever need any help.

Jake’s the only contact I have in my phonebook which I’m
thankful for, it means I don’t have to scroll through an endless list of names
to reach him. I’m just about to press the call button when I hear the sound of
the front door opening downstairs. As quick as lightening I switch off my phone
and bury it beneath some clothes in my drawer.

 I try to be silent as I turn my bedroom light off and
climb underneath the covers. I don’t doubt for one second that my father will
check up on me and my safest bet is to pretend that I’m fast asleep.

I’m shaking and absolutely petrified but try to remain calm
and will my body to relax. If I so much as move he’ll know that I’m trying to
avoid talking to him and he’ll have every reason to be suspicious.

His heavy footsteps on the stairs are my cue. I turn my
face away from the door so that I’m facing the wall and hope to God he will
leave me alone.

The noise my bedroom door makes as it opens will always
remain with me. I wish I could erase it from my memory but I don’t think I ever
will. He stands by the side of my bed for the longest time; I can hear him
breathing heavily and the anticipation of what he’s going to do next is
unbearable.

“Bethany, I know you’re awake.” His announcement fills me
with dread and I realise that I never should have underestimated him. There’s
no way he would believe I’d just go straight to bed, all these years I’ve
thought I could manipulate him when the truth is, he’s probably been able to
read me all along.

“Where’s Mum?” I ask him, sitting up in bed. The bedroom
light is still off so all I can see is his silhouette in the darkness.

“Your mother disobeyed me today and she knows how
disappointed I am in her but I have to admit, I’m not too happy with you
either, Bethany.”

I close my eyes against the darkness; this is what I feared
the most. His punishment for me will be beyond anything I’ve endured before.

“Did I do something wrong?” My voice betrays me and wobbles,
revealing the true extent of my fear for him.

“As far as I’m concerned you did. I’m just curious… were
you going to tell me that your mother left the house this afternoon or were you
going to keep it from me?” He lowers himself onto my bed and my hands clench
underneath the covers. I don’t want him anywhere near me, it’s made even worse
by the fact that I can hardly see him.

“I wouldn’t keep anything from you, Dad.” I lie.

“The problem is, Bethany. I don’t believe you.” He’s so
cold and detached, all of the devotion he once felt for me has vanished and in
its place is a cruel and merciless thirst for revenge.

I’m about to reply when he suddenly grabs on to both of my
arms, gripping them firmly between his fingers. I cry out in pain and
discomfort as I try to free myself from him. My struggle only encourages him to
use more force and the torturous hold he has on me is insufferable.

“Dad, you’re hurting me. Please let me go.” I plead with
him.

“You’re pathetic! You’re no match for me, girl. You never
were! I thought you were different, I thought you and I understood one another,
all of this time I thought we were the same… but now I know. I know all about
your treachery and your deceit.”

The fury in his eyes resembles a crazy inferno. He’s never
directed so much hatred upon me before and I’m horrified to learn that he knows
everything. Mum must have panicked and confessed everything to him about me
spending the last few Friday nights away from home.

The angry tears start to flow when his strong hands clench
around me, causing even more pain. Its agony, I feel like my skin will tear at
any moment. I whimper and I beg him to let go but realise that all hopes of
reasoning with him have gone. He
knows
. As far as he’s concerned I’m
guilty of the ultimate betrayal, I’ve deceived him. In the end it was so easy
for him to uncover the truth.